when is the next chapter coming? i cant wait to see what happens and if she is going to actually kill one of her ex friends. Report Review
PLEASE, write more! Its such an amazing story. I love it! Report Review
Gosh, this whole chapter was so sweet! You know. Aside from the whole Aurora-being-a-ranting-brat part. But still, I love that Draco hasn't deviated from his typical personality, just found himself a softer side and a reason to show it. He's still the same `bum-jerk when he wants to be XD Report Review
Just when things seem to have settled -- mostly -- and our questions answered -- mostly -- and Hermione's world gaining some type of peace... More pops up. Training, and Bellatrix's book. I'm curious as to what might come up in Hermione Rosier's jounral, and wonder who *cough* might end up with the Ankh of the Dead locket? Report Review
I do think that you have done a good job revealing the information logically. Some explanations were a bit roundabout, but generally, the point got across and I could understand what it was that you were telling us. My curiosity now is what the duties of "the Chosen One" are and what happens when she meets her "better half"? Is the Chosen One normally a female?
The one thing that does not seem quite realistic however, is that Voldemort is divulging all of this in front of his entire congregation I guess I could call it. I mean Hermione had to go directly to the Dark Lord to receive answers for her questions. Only a select few had pieces of information, so obviously this is a pretty well-guarded secret. I don't understand why ALL of the Death Eaters are present for the tell-all. Report Review
Quick question that I thought about randomly before even starting to read the chapter: which books does this novel coincide with? Obviously at least some information from OotP is used since the Order is brought up, but it it totally compliant, or just semi-compliant?
It's interesting that Hermione and Harry are like two sides of the same coin. Or maybe the same side of two different coins? I mean, the Dark killed Harry's family, the Light destroyed Hermione's; he grew up abused by unloving Muggles, she was raised carefully by very loving Muggles; Harry is the Chosen One for his side, Hermione is the Chosen one for her's. Report Review
Bring on the darkness. I do think that is my favorite part of the story so far. You know. Aside from the mystery and the Dramione-ness and delicious drama.
I know that you are in the process of revising and have a few other fics going on, but if you still have those other thirteen chapters left (you did say seventeen were planned, and I believe I have four more chapters to read), please, PLEASE continue the story. I've checked you page every few weeks for the last few years, just in the hope that you've decided to return and finish the story. As one of the first and my favorite fic on this site, I would be completely ECCSTATIC if you did *luffles* Report Review
When did Draco use Talontega to heal Hermione? I could have sworn he used a different spell back in Chapter Five?
Once again, a character looses respect from me. I mean, picking petty fights over something so trivial is one thing; physically attacking her? Given, Hermione was the first one to strike, but it wasn't as if it was unprovoked. Not only that, but Harry should one, have more sense than to bully since he LIVES with a bully and two, not hit a girl! I know that the Dursleys didn't do much raising when it came to Harry, but I would have thought he had SOME type of common sense? *sigh* Report Review
Honestly, if you don't like or enjoy what you're writing, what's the point? Especially when it comes to fanfiction, you should write for yourself first, and post because you want other people to enjoy the story as well. Simple as that.
I understand Hermione's frustration. It's her life that's being played with. I can't stand it when people make decisions regarding what I will/won't do, what I do/don't like, and what my opinions are. It's a huge pile of poppycock, rude, and lightweight disrespectful, not to mention annoying a'f. Draco and Blaise really are darlings though. I wish Hermione would understand that they're tied up in all of this just as much as she is.
One final note that is really a pet peeve of mine: to = going TO a place or TO do something. Too = also, as well, a lot. Report Review
I really kind of want to just chop Pansy Parkinson in the throat. Am I allowed to do that? Chop her in the throat? Please say yes.
Aurora Rosier is such a deliciously vile, sadistic, evil female that it's awesome. Reminds me of a much more sane version of Bellatrix LeStrange. I can't wait to see more of the real Aurora, as opposed to Aurora Hermione. Report Review
Oooh, that was delicious though. I'd have thought that Harry'd have enough sense not to go picking a fight, but apparently he let Ron and Ginny influence him too much. It's a shame, really, because I really do think that without the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione could still be friends right now. Oh well.
I sort of wish that Blaise could have been involved with more of the last few chapters. It would have been nice to watch that relationship develop as well, you know? Report Review
Um... Wouldn't Draco be considered the escort? Properly?
I remember that some serious drama goes down, but I totally forget what it is, so I'm looking forward to it. Again, I really enjoy watching the progression of the Dramione relationship. Especially since now Hermione has a greater understanding of what causes her transformations, has accepted it, and now enjoys it ^_^ Report Review
I like how we really get into Hermione and Draco's heads, and get a better understanding to how they thing and feel about certain things. Hermione's confusion and inner turmoil come across really well, as well as her uncertainty about accepting her heritage and friendship with Draco.
Again, I think that sometimes you get really caught up in the way that you word things, making it more complicated than it really needs to be. Sentences like, "Hermione and Draco looked to one another in suspicion for McGonagall's tone failed to match her words, and prodding both to wonder when they would be free from the interrogation of which they had been made to suffer through for the last quarter hour," can be simplified by breaking it into shorter sentences and using fewer words:
"Hermione and Draco looked to one another in suspicion. McGonagall's tone failed to match her words and both students wondered when they would be free from the interrogation, having suffered for the last quarter hour."
The readability it much better, and the point still gets across.
But, wow. I had more respect for McG than that, to be completely honest. I mean, she seems like one of the fairest of all the Hogwarts professors, except for when it came to the Quidditch cup. Oooh, you should definitely include a Quidditch game somewhere! Report Review
I imagine that I'd feel sort of lonely too, if everything I thought I was suddenly shifted in the space of a month. I'd have to journal or something, I couldn't keep all of that to myself, in my head. Draco's a bit of a git for keeping his distance like that, but I guess I understand his point too. He was already doing well, becoming friends with Hermione and everything, until Voldemort told him to be friends. I don't know about you, but when someone tells me I'm doing well at something and to keep it up, I become self-conscious about the activity.
I'm guessing that Ron and Ginny ran and tattled to McGonagall then? Report Review
Voldemort was entertaining. I mean. He held some sort of personality here, not simply evil with a desire to rule the world for no reason at all. I also liked that Voldemort chose his followers for a reason, for the potential they possess. Because only that person can provide a particular service. Report Review
I might have mentioned it before, but this is my first ever Dark-Hermione fic. I think it's actually the only one I have ever read, actually. I can really understand Hermione's frustrations with not only Draco, but with herself and her past as well. She's really coming to know the phrase, "curiosity killed the cat." Her desire to find the truth has started to kill her sense of moral balance and previous self-image, not to mention the way she sees her friends, enemies, and classmates. It's really interesting, and I can imagine how disorienting it would be to experience. Report Review
Oooh, what caused Hermione's scars to open in the first place, I wonder? Is it something to do with her tranformations and that tingling ring? And what did that spell mean? I like that you research/write your own spells for this story, I don't have the patience nor the creativity for Latin-root spells. I'm better with the longer poetry-type ritual spells XD
I had a really strong problem with a sentence in this paragraph:
The scars were massive, and without a doubt made by some sort of vicious creature. Since her shirt was already crimson by way of plasma and red blood cells, he dabbed the mysterious injuries softly with it attempting to cleanse. All the while he wondered why this gruesome event was happening. It was giving him a powerful deja vu feeling of the first day they had settled in this common room.
It's a creative phrasing, but "by way of plasma and red blood cells" is too technical and just... unless Draco is a doctor or scientist or something, and just thinks in such technical terms, it's an unnecessary fancy description that could just be simplified to "since her shirt was already saturated with blood, he used it to dab at her injuries" or some such.
Draco can be seriously sweet and intelligent when he wants to be. Other times, he comes across more along the lines of a self-entitled, brainless ignoramus. Report Review
Harry and Ron are just... ugh. Rather, Ron is. I feel like, if Ron weren't in the picture, Harry might have attempted to continue building his relationship with Hermione. Ron does have his moments and his uses, but even in the series, Weasley bothered me some.
I know that you said that you have revised your chapters in the last month, but honestly, I am still seeing a lot of technical mistakes. Especially in the last few paragraphs, from she was getting weaker until soon deplete. Maybe you can get a beta through the forums? There are some really good ones there. My current WIP has really improved with the help of a beta.
I like that we can see watch Draco and Hermione get closer, even if they don't realize that it's happening. And the bit at the end, where she calls him something like a "Guardian Angel" is really cute. Not that Hermione would ever admit that she said anything like that... XD Report Review
I like your cliffhanger-y type thing. Very dramatic.
That was an interesting heart-to-heart between Hermione and Draco as well. Report Review
Heh... So... I'm sort of like Pansy Parkinson. My mind is very dirty, and Draco's explanations just seem really far-fetched to me, because of that XD That was some very quick thinking on his part though, so yeah. I wonder just how much damage Pansy can put into Draco's reputation anyway, with her being mental and all.
I forgot to comment on it last chapter, but the fight was really kind of exciting.
By the way, the word that you want is "stalking" not "stocking." Stocking would be to gather supplies, or those sheer things women wear similar to tights. Stalking is to follow/track someone in secret, etc. Report Review
Wow. Draco had to be thoroughly pissed off to use physical force against Hermione. I mean... he's a pureblood. Muggle dueling? His father would be so ashamed. smh Report Review
Hermione and Draco's fights were entertaining ^_^ Report Review
I've really enjoyed how, I guess 'nonchalant' could be the word, McGonogall is about the whole Malfoy/Granger rivalry thing. She's basically rolling her eyes and telling them to grow up. The reaction is very in her character.
I think that you might want to review this chapter again. There were several really wordy places that confused me, and places where I think you dropped words on accident, like:
She glanced at her counterpart quickly to gage his reaction, noting he now was almost laying in his seat, one hand flopped over the armrest with the list held lazily, while the other had come to cover his eyes as is her was expecting a headache.
That sentence could probably become two instead, and you might have meant to say "as if he were experiencing a headache?
Another thing I've enjoyed is how even though Draco and Hermione are constantly hurling insults at one another, they also sort of treat it like an almost friendly game. I caught a few moments where Draco seems to be thinking, if Granger were in Slytherin we might can be friends. Report Review
I lied. I always forget that I was Wizardress before I quit that account and switched to PRQ. ANYWAY...
I still really like this story, and it's been so long since I've read it that I'm getting certain surprises all over again. I like some of your figurative language, like "Hermione's fingers tiptoed to the alarm clock." It's more descriptive than "her hand slapped blindly to shut off the alarm."
I just also feel like I'm getting lost in the narration sometimes. Some of your sentences get a bit wordy and unfocused, like they are too hung-up on the word choice and descriptions but not enough on the action. That makes the story less appealing and more challenging to read; I have to read around some fancy word choices to get to the heart of it.
On the other hand, if I'm looking at it from Hermione's perspective, she is the type of person to speak or think in slightly complicated terms, so in some places it works. Just try to stay a little conscious of that maybe? Report Review
You're back! I am really excited and can't wait to reread DI's revisions and the new chapters. It's amazing that after three years, you've come back to finish what you've started!
I reviewed most of your chapters previously, under the penname PhoenixRoseQueen. I think you're the one who inspired my love for Blaise Zabini and a Slytherin trio ^_^ Report Review
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