I hated the ending!!!HATED IT!!! Report Review
wow, arent you a jolly old fellow. :P I like it though, no sappy, cheesy happy ending where people come back from the dead. good job! :DAuthor's Response: :P Yeah, I am :)
That's the ending I wanted to do since the idea came and I'm glad I've finally finished the story. Thanks a lot, for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Wow, quite a twist at the end! Sorry I didn't review any other chapters but I couldn't stop reading! So, was everything (Harry's death) just a dream? Or was Neville having a vision of a true event?
Seriously, when I saw the chapter title was "Some things just don't go as planned" I didn't expect them to go that wrong! I loved it though! It's better when things aren't predictable. Author's Response: No, it's not a dream. It's like how Harry was able to go into Voldemort's mind/soul and see his memories, as can Voldemort look into Harry and plant memories. This actually was a memory planted by Volders and it will be explained in the sequel, if I get around to writing it. True event though. [and that means Neville is the Boy Who Lived]
:P I was going to title it The Flaw In The Plan as did Rowling but that'd be plagiarism.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
*sniff* that was mean... that was realy mean. you hurt my feelings! *bursts into tears*10/10Author's Response: SORRY!
Just not everything works out so wonderful.
My story, not Rowlings, so I can kill off anyone.
Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
okay sounds interesting cant wait 4 the nxt chapyAuthor's Response: ...
that actually was the ending.
I may use it to write a sequel to it but that was suppposed to be it. Not everything ends up all happy where the hero wins. -coughrowlingcough-
I will try to write another story after this but I have more stories in progress to so I will be taking a break from this.
[for a look at my other stories, go to www.bythequill-moe.livejournal.com 15+] Report Review
it says completed but its notAuthor's Response: Yeah, sorry about that. It is completed but the last chapter has not been validated. It should be up tomorrow or in two days according the to queue wait time. Sorry. But will be up soon. Just a little longer. Report Review
omgsh! good chapter! loved it! i cannot wait to know what happens next! ah! update ASAP!
*NOELLE* Report Review
at that point they already took their exams though didnt they?
i love this story i always wondered what if he did go back in time, well now i will see
Author's Response: :) You caught that, eh? I know exams are over but I needed something Hermione-ish to say there so I just wrote it. I hope it doesn't bother you too much. Report Review
Great so far! Very suspenseful... Report Review
Please update soon! I need to know what happens!!! Great first six chapters-love it!
o no! poor harry. traveled back to the exact day that his parents died! i would just burst out in tears if i were him! this is a great story! i love it!
*NOELLE* Report Review
wonderful story. Great chapter. Report Review
Hey great story up date real soon pls! Report Review
WOW. Loving the Harry and Draco part. Amazing!! It's great when they're enemies, but I'm ready to accept anything that J.K. does. Anyway, fab writing!!
x :) x Report Review
Ahh, okay, now I see why Harry wanted an excuse to buy him some time – so he could get into Hogsmeade. Wow, I still can’t believe he’s doing it. Hermione should have kept that thing attached to herself. Well, guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens next, eh? Nice work. Report Review
Wow. Okay, first of all… Harry is an IDIOT! LoL. He absolutely can not go back and save his parents. Does he even have a thought in his brain? You shouldn’t mess with time and the past! Just think of all the consequences! The whole world could change, if he does this. Ahhh! I want to grab him (in your story) and shake him until I shake some sense into him! Second of all, when using a Time Turner, regardless of how long you’re gone in the past, you’re not gone at all in the future/present. That’s the good thing about it. You disappear and reappear in the same moment (as long as you do it correctly.)
Next – I can not believe Harry would ditch his friends so easily. He would choose to mess with time, and attempt to have a life that he has no idea will be good or better or worth having, when right now he has the best friends in the world, friends he may never see again. Sure it’s a gamble, but there’s a reason we weren’t all born with Time Turners. You get what you’re dealt and you deal with it. Ah! Anyway, I like this story because it brings up a lot of good questions to ponder. I like stories that make me think. (o: Report Review
Cute second chapter, liked the little moment with the girls laughing at Harry and Hermione’s awkwardness. I wonder, are you saying they have some interest in one another, or, that they *don’t* but everyone likes to gossip and assume? Hmm. Well, I’m glad you had an explanation at the beginning for Harry being able to go into the girls’ room. Perhaps it could happen, though I like to think that boys are absolutely not allowed in the girls’ room. Heh. Harry stole from his best friend?!! Bad Harry, bad! That’s a terrible thing to do. He’s certainly focused and driven on this going-into-the-past-and-seeing-his-parents thing. Poor kid. Report Review
Nice opening chapter, enough to get a reader interested. I’m curious what Harry will do, going back in the past. It certainly is tempting, but again I think Harry probably has enough sense not to go messing with something like time. I can only imagine… sheesh! Heh, you mentioned in there, ‘going back to he future,’ and it made me think of the movies… But Harry would be going back, to the past…. Only when he returned to the present, would he be going back to the future. LoL. Well, I’m interested to see where you take us…. (o: Report Review
Very good start to the story, I'm interested to see where you take it from here. Report Review
This is really unlike Harry. I don't think he would risk EVERYTHING. His plan is very full proof and it's very obvious. Don't you think he would think of the fact that they would check the Hospital Wing and with Madam Pomfrey? I just find it very unbelievable at this point. I really like the story though. Obviously he wouldn't have went to Hogsmeade..I mean, it would be obvious, someone would see him. I just think this is really out of character. Okay...enough, now for some compliments. I really love the fact that your making Harry choose and use emotion, having his family back would change everything. I can't wait to read the next chapter. Report Review
write mor pleeze! Report Review
Umm...good story. I'm not sure I like where its' going, but I'll read it none the less. I love this story a lot, but I don't think Harry's plan will work, if anything, he'll get himself killed in the process and not be able to return to the future. I guess we'll find out. Is he going alone? Can't wait to read the next chapter. 10/10 Report Review
You can't replace skirt with kilt.
Good job, but please be more descriptive.
love the humor and the descriptive text as well as well thought out dialogue--just needs a little polishing. keep up the good work/ Report Review
Hi there bythequill_moe,
It's not a bad beginning. The first part is pretty much well from PoA right?
There's some grammatical things here and there that might do with some fine tuning, but other than that your language here is alright.
As to the plot and the story, you change points of view quite a bit, which is sometimes disorientating. It's alright if you change PoV perhaps once or twice, as long as you give a good block of story to each, but you have a small scene here, and we jump from Harry to Neville, then Harry, then Ron, then Hermione, then Harry again. I mean, ok, it might not be that many jumps, but there's just too many as it is. Plus, if you are changing points of view, it's best to have a transitional paragraph, where you back up and give an objective view first, and transition to the next character. When you just suddenly jump into someone elses thoughts, the reader can get lost trying to figure who's mind their listening through now.
But otherwise, it's alright. There isn't a whole lot of fibre here in the beginning, but perhaps more will come in the next chapter. It would have been nice I think if you moved farther ahead just a little, and had Harry read the book, and Hermione berate Harry with questions about why he wants to know about Time-Turning, then he tells them his idea, and that's the ending (don't show Hermione or Ron's reaction). It's a cliffhanger, but a good one I think. We don't hear what Hermione and Ron think, and it leads to a good beginning to the next chapter. Plus it lets us know what his plans are, and I think it would intro the story a little better. From this chapter, we sort of get an idea about what Harry's planning, but he doesn't come out and say it, so there isn't a huge amount of interest created.
But, again, next chapter. I can imagine I'll come back and read more, so keep a look out!
8 / 10 Report Review
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