I loved the last line - the whole last part was quite good. I like how she reasoned through her decision to name him after her father, as I always sort of wondered why on earth she'd choose to honor him. The image of her father and brother insulting - almost tormenting - her was haunting and what I'd expect her to think about in some of her last moments, but you slipped from conscious to unconscious so fluidly that it was almost hard to get my mind around. There's an incredible vagueness about this piece that's really beautiful, but as I mentioned at the last chapter, sometimes hard to follow. I like the look you gave to Merope's last moments, and I think you've characterized her well, but it still left some questions and it's still missing that magical spark - the last line comes close, though.Author's Response: I wondered the same thing, why she would name him after such an abusive figure, so I thought I would try to explain it. I hope I have done it justice. I can understand that it is hard to follow. Sometimes I imagine things so vividly in my mind that no matter how much I describe it, it never really seems to capture the feeling and atmosphere I was going for.
I know the actual story was not very exciting, but I meant it to sort of be an analyzation of Merope. This piece was more to adjust my writing technique and style, to make that transition from an undeveloped... sort of "n00b" writer to a point where I could be proud of my work. As you can see, it clearly did not have a plot, I focused a lot more on the details and backstory.
I can see what you mean when you say that it is missing that spark, because it truly is a bland piece. It does not really encompass the magic and wonder of the Wizarding World like many fics do, but I think it does accomplish what I meant it to.
Merope was a very depressing, bland, sort of hopeless and desperate character, and that is what I was trying to capture, essentially.
All of that being said, thank you so much for your reviews. They were very accurate and helpful, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write them. I really appreciate it.
=] Report Review
You must be aware that you have good grammar and the required vocabulary to take this at least a step above most fanfiction, so I won't lavish praise on you for that (though I will thank you for taking the time and effort to write this well). Your descriptions, tone, varying sentence structures and pacing remind me of writing from an earlier time, as they're mature and seem to encompass the full picture, as well as little details.
I got a little bit lost in the descriptions of, say, the first six paragraphs, but it's in much the similar way that I sometimes get lost in Tolkien, so that's not necessarily bad. I like the idea that Merope is foreign to Diagon Alley, but still sort of knows her way around - it goes along with her naivety. There seems to be a little spark missing that sets this story apart, that gives it a purpose - but hopefully that will come in the next part. Author's Response: Thank you so much for your... very deep review, ha. It means a lot, I really do appreciate it. I did take a lot of time to perfect the grammar and introduce a wide range of vocabulary, because I wanted to set it apart and show that it was something I really worked on, so I am very glad you recognized that.
Thank you. Report Review
This was written beautifully. It was truly beautiful.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I worked very hard on it, it's nice to know it's appreciated. =] Report Review
OMG, I have never read a story as well written as this one! Congratulations and WOW! :)
~Sweetfrenchy24Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I really wouldn't go as far as to say that, it isn't as great as you make it seem, but wow. What a compliment! Thank you very much, I really appreciate that. It's so nice to know that all of that hard work actually paid off.
Thank you =] Report Review
WOW. you write beautifully. i love your portrayal of merope's last moments. amazing job!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it :] Report Review
Omg. This story gave me the chills!! I love it! Good job.
;)Author's Response: Thank you very much! :] Report Review
I can't even think of the right words to say about this chapter.
Fantastic...not good enough
Superb...not good enough
hmm...Author's Response: Thank you! You're too kind, I'm so happy you liked it :] Report Review
Wow! Talk about a brilliant, but sad character sketch! Of course, the Guant family was a very sad, decrepit family from the moment Harry first viewed the memory of the Ministry official who had to go arrest Morfin, and then later, this story is told via Dumbledore to Harry in the latter half of 'Half-Blood Prince'
But no one, until you, has ever bothered to ponder what Merope was going through at the time she sold her heirloom for thousands and thousands less than it was worth, and this is a spectacular peice of very moving writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I always thought Merope was very interesting and I loved writing from her point of view. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :] Report Review
WOW! That was so beautiful!
And Riddle...after the man i loved
That was beautiful.Author's Response: Thank you :]
I'm quite fond of that line as well. Report Review
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