This chapter is enjoyable, though I wasn't very convinced by some parts. I think that the Hogwarts uniform code would require them to always wear their robes. And in the books the wizarding world doesn't seem very familiar with Muggle clothing. At the end of the chapter, Sirius is too briefly mentioned. I think he and the Marauders needed more of an introduction for when they first appeared. The asking out moment is so short. Sirius is not expecting this girl to ask him out and he just says yes and she doesn't say anything more.
But at the same time, I like the characters Maria, Lauren, and Erika. Their characters are human and convincing. I like this story about Ravenclaws who are OC's. I think the story has a good formula so far.Author's Response: Thank you for the constructive critism. I'll take it into consideration. Report Review
I like this chapter a lot, too. I espeically like how they compare the Sirius and Remus. I should have mentioned this in chapter one (I hadn't thought of it then, only now), but I think that more of an introduction is needed for the main character. I think that in chapter one she should be introduced, maybe something like "My name is Maria and I...". Part of the reason why I say this is as I read the first two chapters I kept forgetting the name of the main character, as her name is only mentioned in the summary and and title of the story. Basically, after reading the first two chapters I think that she needs to be a bit more fleshed out. Anyways, I like this story so far. If I have time I'll try to read the rest of the story and review (sorry, I have many things occupying my life). Author's Response: Yes. Her name is not said a ton. I'll try and fix that. Report Review
I'm sorry it's taken me a while to get this review. I can't think of much critism for the writing. I like this writing, I like the descriptions of the characters and very vivid details of their actions, and it has a nice style and structure. The only thing I would change would be how they call the Marauders the Marauders because I don't think (unless I'm wrong) that James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were known as the Marauders to anyone but themselves.Author's Response: Well, I noticed that Lily knew them as the Marauders, but then again, she probobly would. I'll definatly look into that. Thank you! Report Review
This story also needs a lot of work. I found that you jumped into the story once again to quickly what had happened to the Oc's before all of this? What are their families like. The Dare was predictable, and it boarded me to read it. I think you could have came up with something a little better. Rethink this chapter, change the beginning the dare, and the Oc's information, and you would have a great fic. I would also advise a beta for the grammar mistakes that you made, they could really help you as well. Author's Response: Thank you for a more indepth reveiw this time. For the families thing, you learn about Lauren's family in the second or third chapter (I forget). I do have a beta but she is taking exams at the moment so, thank you for mentioning that. Thanks for reading! Report Review
I love this. Sirius is such a funny guy, and romantic. Who knew that pocket knives could be so thoughtful. Author's Response: Lol. Yup! Next time you see a pocket knife, think of Sirius! Report Review
Oh, there are so many errors in that! You really should get a beta.
^_-. Sorry, had to do that. Thanks for the little author's.that way, people understand it's all my fault for not fixing those mistakes, not your carelessness! hehe.
I just sent the revised off though.
Anyways, this is quite a good chapter. Funny what her punishment is, and Sirius's little stunt there. What about Janey though? What did she do? Did she just turn them in? I guess that makes sense. Just wondering!
No, it was good. She has a big test like me too! I hope she does well! ^_- *fingers crossed*
I'll stop taking up your review page now! Wonderful story my dear! Hurry hurry with more!
xx*hugs* LilsAuthor's Response: Thankies love. I did consider maybe writing that part where Janey turned them in, but I thought it might be a little repetative. I'll put the revised edition that you sent back to be up in the queue right now! Report Review
i liked it, please update soon!Author's Response: I'm planning on updating very soon! Report Review
This is a really good story i cant wait to find out what happens nextAuthor's Response: Thanks alot! Report Review
Well, I promised I would leave a real review for this when it was posted, so here you go!
It's an awesome story hun! I really love it..and I cannot wait for the next chapter! Send it to me whenever 'kay?
Ha, thanks for the cred! *hugs back* ^_^
Hope to see more soon,
xxLils Author's Response: Kk. I'm having a little trouble ending chapter 5 but I should finish soon. I've got some of it typed so I'll probobly send it to you tomorrow!
-Dedikated- Report Review
Ooh, me likey. I said it before, but I'll say it again: Maria is awesome. Oh, and Sirius is cool too. :DAuthor's Response: Thank so much! Report Review
Oo! NOT GOOD! Go Maria Go Maria Go Go Go! Haha! Update soon...can't wait for some Remus action. *winks*Author's Response: lol. I know! I can't wait for you all to get to read about him! I'm so glad you liked it! Report Review
oooh! love it, Janey is...well she's something not +12.
cant wait for next chappie!Author's Response: Yes, she is, isn't she?. Lol. I'm so glad you like it! Report Review
I definitely like the game between Erika and Lauren. It was really funny. And I forgot to mention it earlier, but I liked the fact that Maria is in Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor, since everyone puts their OC in Gryffindor (including me *bows head guiltily*). I totally liked how you had her ask Sirius out. Your OCs are really nice, I like all 3 of them. The story is good so far, it's kept me interesting. I'll check it out when the next chapter is up. Much love, CJAuthor's Response: As long as it's a good story line, it doesn't really matter where they are *comforts CJ*. Thank you so much for your reveiws! *hugs again*. It should be updated within the next week or so. I've sent it to the beta, and I should be back tonight, and then I'll put it in the queue. Report Review
Nice chapter again. First thing I have to point out that I really really like was the fact that the choice wasn't obvious until she actually made it. I did wonder whether she'll choose Remus or not, so that's really good. Second, I like the pros and cons lists, those were very funny. Maria is still nice and original, not Mary Sue-ish so far. So, I'm off to read the next chapter then. Hugs, CJAuthor's Response: Thankyou for telling me she isn't a Mary-sue. I couldn't submit this story to Mugglenet because they said she was a Mary-sue. I didn't quite get that but I hope you like the next chapter. Report Review
This is actually a very good start. It's interesting, simple and pretty original, good enough to keep people hooked. I like your OC so far. Ironically, nobody uses the name Maria because they consider it too common, which makes your OC one of the very few with that name. And I like the name, by the way. Also, the banner was nice, I like the girl. The setting was nice in this chapter, and I'm going to read the next and tell you what I think. So far, I don't see anything that needs improvement or further comment, except one small grammatical mistake - "Both Erika and Lauren had a strict rule with themselves that they never went to be before 11:00 PM." - I think you meant bed here. Nice chapter anyway! Much love, CJ [Black Kitty] Author's Response: Eeeh! *hugs* Thank you for actually giving a thourough(sp?) reveiw. I can't wait for you to read more and I like that you like them! Report Review
i like her oufit, i have one just like it, except the shirt is green, lol.
her first what? real date? kiss? what? your killing me here.Author's Response: Lol. Hmmmm, when to tell you? I guess I could tell you now....But that would ruin it! I'm sending the 5th chapter to the beta tonight, so check back very soon! Report Review
Oh that was funny! I think I like Lauren much more then Erika though! I'll be sure to check back for more, and their date!
Oh I'm excited now! ...But again, just watch some of your grammer and spelling and such.
xxVLAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you like it! *does happy dance* Again, I can't seem to find a beta. Would you like to if you are open? if you'd like that, please PM me on the forums. My username is Dedikated. We can talk there!
Hope to get another chapter up soon,
Dedikated Report Review
Oh nice chapter! She chose Sirius did she? Hmm. What about Remus? I think he would have been my choice. But what does that matter?
Anyways, your story is very good so far, I quite like it. But I find it can be a little scattered at times, and you need to watch your grammer and punctuation. Other then that, I really liked it!
xxVLAuthor's Response: Yes, I'm really trying to get a good beta, but every time I find one who says they'll do it, I never hear back. So, I'm doing the best I can with grammer and spelling. I hope to get better!
Dedikated Report Review
oh nice beginning! you've captured my interest! I'll be back for more later!
xxVLAuthor's Response: Thank you. I'm trying to get the 4th chapter up by next weekend. Hopefully my mother will let me have my laptop back *crosses fingers* Report Review
I like your story so far. Erika annoys me just a little bit, but I love Maria. Her nervousness in this chapter was perfect.Author's Response: Thanks a ton! I really try to make my characters believeable. It's just so easy to make Mary Sues and so hard to create real characters! But, I think I've succeded. Do you? Report Review
Yay! She asked him! lol I liked Sirius' reaction. It wasn't a big deal but it seemed like something he would do. Update soon!Author's Response: Yes, I really really try and keep the characters canon and I thought that he wouldn't think it was that big a deal if he got asked out all the time. Report Review
lol, luvd it! please hurry up and update!Author's Response: Updating ASAP! Report Review
lovd it please hurry up and update!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
oh, i've read this! ha! i get sneak previews of all the chapters! oh yeah! awesome banner, btw. Author's Response: Lauren, don't brag! lol. Love ya! Report Review
This is great! Please update soon! I can't wait to see what happens...Author's Response: Thanks! I love it when people can't wait for more! Report Review
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