Well done, I really enjoyed it, good story.Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Well done, very well written.Author's Response: Glad you are liking it, thanks for review. Report Review
good chapter.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Good start, I'm going to keep reading!Author's Response: Hope you enjoy the rest. Report Review
i loved that story it was like poetry!dumbledore was grait.how olds the girl?she's like a child dumbledore wich is odd because she can't do magic.
i'm glad i decided to do a teampotter review today,otherwise i might not have got this story!Author's Response: Even with the spelling mistakes i loved your review, it put a big smile on my face. The girls around 15/16 she's not that young. And thats an interesting thought like a child Dumbledore :D
I'm glad you liked it and thanks alot for reviewing it meant alot :D Report Review
Couple of grammar things: "As there eyes slowly met"--- should be 'their' not 'there.' There's more too, but I know you're looking for a beta. [Saw it in the author's response in some reviews...] But, like I said before, very good descriptions! I really like your writing style a lot. This was a great chapter. Both of these were a little short, though; but that doesn't really matter. Nice work!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing again, and yes this will be Beta'd one day :D
Glad you liked it. :) Report Review
VERY nice! This was a great first chapter - nice descriptions. I cannot really comment on the characters or plot since I don't know them well yet. Jenny seems cool, but you never know! :P Anyway, very nice work - couple of grammar errors, but nothing major. Nice job!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you liking it so far. I am going to be getting my Beta to go over it for me, so the grammer mistakes will be gone.
Thanks again :D Report Review
I like the ending of the chapter. Good Finish! As I said in the previous chapter, you want to place ending punctuations in the quotes.
"Jenny Nayor." and as well as a few others. Be careful with that. And great fic, I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work, Angel
Tink ;)Author's Response: There is a sequel coming soon, if you are interested. Thank you so much for reviewing each chapter and the comments you made gave me so much good advice and praise.
I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
Your characterization of Dumbledore was good. Seeing, as I have a hard time writing Dumbledore, I say you did a good job with him. lol. The only thing I spotted was your missing puntuations after one of them said something. for example "Ok, you got a deal" you forgot your period after deal. As well as a few others. Be careful with that. Author's Response: Yeh Dumbledore is a very hard character to write, but it was fun to write him all the same. He is such a wise man that its hard to portray him right. But i think his character in the HP books is one of the more interesting characters and thats why i wrote this fic, i wanted to see what it was like to write Dumbledore's character. I'm glad you think I've done a good job with him.
Thanks for the advice and I'll go try correct them now until my Beta gets round to it. :) Report Review
You have a way with description. I felt like I was there myself.
One spelling error was some where. That is supposed to be one word. And in the beginning where it says 'the clock strikes 12'...is she near a clock tower of sorts? If not I would suggest you change it to 'her watch beeped signaling that it was 12 midnight.' or something like that. But, good job so far! I'm getting interested on what happens next.Author's Response: I love you for saying that, i have always admired authors who can actually make the reader feel like they are there, and if i belong in that category i am over the moon. :D
About the clock it was suppsoed but a small town with a clock tower that can be heard, should i make it more obvious? Report Review
You got my attention. I like how the story is going so far. You went well into Jenny's emotions and I like that. I found a few grammar errors and at one point you mispelled where as were and it would be 'mother's friends' not 'mothers friends'. You need that punctuation between the s and r to clarify. Author's Response: Hey there thanks alot for reviewing and glad you liked it. Thanks for the advice about the errors, my Beta is currently going over some of my other fics, but i'll sure get her to do this one too. *Goes off to change the errors* :)
Thanks again. Report Review
Oh ... he's just gone? Like that? Will he come back to her life and give her a helping hand?
Now this leaves me hanging . :p
One small thing ... I don't think Dumbledore would use the word "messed up", it's a bit too modern...
I like the bit about her thinking about "magic" and him smiling at it.
If you do end up continuing this story and Dumbledore does come back to visit Jenny again, let me know!
Nice story, Angel ...
Author's Response: I will leave you hanging... :P but i will let you know if they meet again.
Thanks for your comment, Appo really appreciate all your lovely comments. Report Review
I like the way you are portraying Dumbledore!! It is so much like him, to be so kind and thoughtful to a young girl, and gently putting her in her place at the same time.
And loving all of your detailed descriptions e.g. how he walked up to sit down next to her...
AppoAuthor's Response: Thanks for the comment and it's really hard to keep Dumbledore in canon i tried my best :D Report Review
Great use of suspense!
I think here it would be great to know more about why Jenny feels an instant affinity to this figure. Is it because he reminds her or something? Or a sense of calmness emanating from him ... etc?
Just another small point -- just for the sake of other Potter freaks like me, the spell is "Lumos"! :)
AppoAuthor's Response: Hehe can't believe i got it wrong...(thinks up an excuse) i must have pressed an extra key :P
I like that...a sense of calmness emanating from him, can i use it in my fanfic? :D Thanks for your comment. Report Review
Hi Angel! That introduction was great, and the way you write is beautiful.
I have a few little suggestions that may make your writing easier to read. You have many rich thoughts scattered among your long paragraphs and it may be easier for the reader to take in if you break them up into shorter paragraphs.
Also, you may want to consider getting a beta to look over and correct some tiny grammatical mistakes which can put some readers off. I was fortunate enough to get a very good quality beta who helped me improve my writing a lot!
AppoAuthor's Response: Thank you for your comment, i will definitely take your advice about looking for a beta...i think i'll go and ask for one now :D I have always had a problem with my grammer and now i am heading for uni next yr, it is abit bad of me, hehe. Thanks again. Report Review
I loved it! Are you going to make a sequel? I hope you do, coz I would certainly read it. Keep Writing!!! ;~DAuthor's Response: Hmmm...havent thought about a sequel but if anything comes up i will :D Glad you liked it, thanks for the comment. Report Review
This was an intresting fic, I must say. The plot is very different, which is why it intrigued me. I like the way you describe things in the first chapter (I read all three and I'll say something about each of them), and how you described Jenny's feelings - her anger and her sorrow.
In the second chapter, I really liked the way how you described Dumbledore, capturing his features very well. And the last sentence was very effective indeed - He smiled. I really liked it, I thought it was kind of mystical, if you know what I mean..
The third chapter was the longest one, and their conversation was fun to read. Although I think I found some small errors here and there, you might want to check. But apart from that, it was very good.
Otherwise, I think you did a good job with Dumbledore and your descriptions were great!
Romina StephanieAuthor's Response: Hey thanks alot, Its the first review i got for this story so i didnt know how good it was before this :) I corrected the errors in the third chapter, thanks for pointing them out. Theres somemore to this story, if your interested. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
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