Reading Reviews for Lost and Found
  
80 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ginnyrulz Falling in Love

20th February 2012:
Holy nuggets!!! This is nOt good! But it's a really good story!!!

Author's Response: Thanks...I think. :)

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Review #2, by lilyluna2014 Falling in Love

24th January 2009:
NOT GOOD but i do really like this story

Author's Response: I know it's not good, but we all know it doesn't last long! Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #3, by marauder lady Hell Breaks Loose

13th June 2008:
Aw poor james. Bless him for being all concerned over Lily>
Great chappie, again

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!

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Review #4, by Evans_Potter_Perfection Hell Breaks Loose

13th June 2008:
*sniff* it was soo good! rather confusing tho when Sirius and Gina's stories got jumbled in when James was yelling but all the same gr8 job! poor lils tho... I LUVV ABBY! She's soo cute omg i luv her!

Author's Response: My friend helps me write Abby's part. Sorry about the confusing part. I'll try to make it less so. :)

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Review #5, by marauder lady Moony

6th June 2008:
Poor Abby. lovely Sirius- that was so cute!!!
Naughty Lily!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!!!

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Review #6, by Pickled Pixie Moony

6th June 2008:
Hey great story so far. ive been glued to the screen! keep it up! I love Abby and im starting to get bit scared about lily. Im hanging out for the next chapter. PLease review quickly! The chapters have gotten really good. I'm not sure if I really like Sirius in this story, he seems just a bit arrogant, he wasny very nice when james told him of lily's family dying. Anyway, Love it but concerned about lily

keep writing!

Author's Response: Lily's going to get worse before she gets better. I feel bad in saying this, but the worst has yet to come. Abby's going to have fun in the next few chapters... Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #7, by Evans_Potter_Perfection In The Trunk

1st June 2008:
lmfao i lurve abby she's hilarious!!

poor lils...i hope they get 2gether soon {james n lils}

Author's Response: Not too soon, but they do eventually get together. I love Abby too! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #8, by marauder lady In The Trunk

1st June 2008:
LMAO- Sirius certainly has met his match.

And poor poor Lily- I hope she lets James help her soon!

Author's Response: I love Abby... Thanks for the review!

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Review #9, by xxbelliexx Five

27th May 2008:
hehe! this is so funny, why dont they just tell everyone it was alice! off to the next chapter...

Author's Response: Glad you think it's funny! Thanks for the review.

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Review #10, by kat potter Everyone You Touch Will Die

8th May 2008:
great story so far, i love it and u have made it so real. 10/10. please add another chapter soon.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!! Umm, the next chapter will be up in a week or two. I'm waiting for another story that's in queue right now and the queue's 9 days long. Thank you!!!

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Review #11, by marauder lady Everyone You Touch Will Die

26th April 2008:
Loving the Abby winding Sirius up thing- absolutely hilarious. Love this story!

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you still like it!

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Review #12, by Spazzy MaGee Worries and Pink Hair

6th April 2008:
Twinks should be the house elf. Or, even better, Sas Gee, just for laughs.
I love your story, by the way. Continue teh writing!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! And I like Twinks a lot. Not too sure about Sas Gee though... Thanks!!

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Review #13, by phoenixfire46 Worries and Pink Hair

31st March 2008:
Heh heh...Sirius with pink hair...
Okay, about the house elf...yeah, I agree Kart is a very weird name for a house elf. How about Tibbles? Or maybe Morty. How about Toga? (That was a joke...) :-) I actually think Twirly would be a sweet name. That's my favorite one, I think...But definitely not Kart.

Author's Response: Yeah, I know. It amused me too.

About the huse elf. I hate Morty. It makes me think of death. I may have heard Tibbles before, so I'll think about Toga and Twirly. And yes, I am taking Toga seriously. Next chapter will be up in a week or two. Thanks for the review!


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Review #14, by marauder lady Worries and Pink Hair

30th March 2008:
Sirius with pink hair is an image I won't forget in a hurry!!
Poor Poor Lily!

Author's Response: Don't think many people would be able to forget that quickly. :) Thanks for the review!

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Review #15, by M. Worries and Pink Hair

28th March 2008:
I like it, but I don't think it deserves a whole chapter title.

Author's Response: I thought it was funny, but maybe not. Thanks for the review!

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Review #16, by Ginerva_Potter Seven

24th March 2008:
Ok, this is going to be the last chapter I review because I find that I'm repeating the same things over and over again. I'll review the chapter first, then the story overall.

Chapter: I enjoyed this chapter. It was interesting and finally got to the part where Lily and James are falling for each other! I've been waiting for that! As much as I liked it, it was a little confusing. There was very little description, so it made it hard to follow in some parts (ex. when Alice, Amelia, and Lily are getting ready and going down to the ball). I think part of the reason it was so confusing was that some parts were almost all dialogue. The dialogue is interesting, but there needs to be a balance between dialogue and description.

Story: Overall, it's definitely interesting. I like the way there are so many obstacles between Lily and James, but they know (and we know!) that they are in love with each other. I think, overall, you just need to work on being more descriptive. Descriptions can be hard to write (and sometimes boring to write), but they add a lot to the story. One other thing I just thought of: Lily is so upset about her muggle friends dying and her sister's letter, but neither is mentioned again outside of that chapter. That was such a heavy loss, I'm sure she'll continue thinking about it. Again, this can be fit into descriptions of her thoughts throughout the chapters.

Ok, I hope these reviews were helpful. If you want me to read and review more, I will. I just didn't want to repeat the same things over and over again for 5 more chapters. Great job! Good luck with the rest of your story!

Author's Response: Yes, Lily and James are falling for each other. But they still have more obstacles! I'll try to add in more description. Several people have told me that they got confused. I'll try to make it less confusing.

Ok, more descriptions! I forgot about the letter. Now I have to go add in a lot about it. Thanks so much for reminding me about that. I give it more of an impact.

Thanks for reviewing up until this chapter! Your reviews are simply brilliant! Thanks!!


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Review #17, by Ginerva_Potter Six

24th March 2008:
I liked this chapter. It was interesting, funny, and surprising. I wish Lily had talked to James and they made up and started snogging. However, the story wouldn't be half as interesting if things happened like that! I'll just have to wait until the time is right, I guess.

The pacing was better than last chapter, but could still be improved. I was angry when the Marauder's were berating Peter, but I was really glad you had him wake up and get angry. I'm interested in how it will all turn out. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Yeah, it's takes them a long time because they're both really thick! I'm still working on the pacing.

Peter will be mentioned a lot more after Winter Break. I will definately focus on him being vengeful of the marauders evilness and all of that.


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Review #18, by Ginerva_Potter Five

24th March 2008:
This was an interesting plot line. I like the way you showed how the conversation between Lily and her friends was overheard and how James came to his conclusion. However, this chapter seemed really rushed. More so than the other ones. It made the flow feel jumpy, like a bumpy scene transition in a movie. Again, exploring thoughts and feelings might help this. I understand that you would want the pace to pick up after James started spreading the rumor, and that would be fine. But the rest should still go slower.

Nothing else seemed wrong though. Good job!

Author's Response: I speed up. That is my main problem in writing. I am perfecting this chapter still, but I will slow down everything in it. I don't think I did any thoughts or feelings in this chapters at all. I'll fix that up! Thanks so much for reviewing!!

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Review #19, by Ginerva_Potter Four

24th March 2008:
This chapter seemed a little rushed. There was a lot going on and it happened quickly. As with my comments on the last chapter, I think if you slowed down the scenes and went into descriptions (of surroundings, thoughts, feelings, etc.) the pace would be better. The reader would also be able to identify with the characters and what they are going through better.

I enjoyed Lily's reaction to finding out about James and Eloise. I also enjoyed James's reaction to Lily and Amos. They both seemed to fit.

I don't have too much else to comment on for this chapter. I'm pretty sure Sirius is Lia's date. If so, I think you need to make the hints a little more discrete if you want it to be a surprise. Then, later, you need to explain why Lia changed her mind about Sirius and why Sirius's friends wouldn't approve. However, if it is not Sirius, you did a good job tricking me.

Overall, nice chapter, just a little rushed.

Author's Response: This is probably one of my worst chapters, pace wise. I'll try to re write it so that I slow down and make every scene more descriptive.

I love tricking people! And thanks for the review. It was absolutely wonderful!


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Review #20, by Ginerva_Potter Three

24th March 2008:
I thought this chapter was much better. The way James comforted Lily and how the kiss happened was awesome and believable!

Both Lily's and James's later thoughts were interesting and funny. I was a little surprised when I read that James's pattern of dates was 3 days kissing, then 3 days shagging! Somehow, idk if I believe there are that many girls in Hogwarts that would be like that. Also, I was wondering how early/young he started dating! I loved James's "What the hell!" and Remus's comments about a conscience.

I like the way you are characterizing Peter. Most writers (esp. newer ones) characterize him as pathetic and just unbelievably odd. Here, Peter is a little pathetic, but believable. He just wants to fit in, so he agrees with everything Sirius (the coolest person he knows) says or does. The interaction with him sleeping in the chair was very amusing!

I also like James's stupid scheme to try to win Lily back. It's dumb and completely wrong, but that's why I like it. I was a little confused though, because you put a break in that scene that seemed unnecessary. You could have gone straight from talking about ultra-x miniskirts to James asking Eloise to Hogsmeade.

Ok, so it's chapter 3 now, so I should probably comment on the flow and pace, as you requested. I think the flow is pretty good. I don't feel like it's jumping all over the place or anything.

Also, I think the pace is ok. You could slow it down a little bit. By that, I don't mean that you have to have other things happen in between, just that you could take more time to be descriptive. Maybe you could explore Lily's feelings about her friends dying more, or have her get angry at Petunia and Petunia's letter. Maybe James could think more critically about his feelings towards Lily (although I don't think he has the mental capacity at the moment!). Also, you could also describe the surroundings more. For example, when James walks up to the astronomy tower and finds Lily, you could go into more description of what he sees. (Ex. Lily was curled up, arms wrapped around her knees, with her head occupying the crevice. She was shaking slightly, and looked very pale. Even her hair seemed a few shades lighter.)

Ok, overall, I really liked this chapter. You got into more information and I can tell your writing has improved. Great job!

Author's Response: I wrote this chapter 3 months after the others, so that might be why. The 3 days of kissing and 3 days of shagging is just Lily's exaggeration of what James does.

Thanks so muuch for the comments about the pace. I have so much trouble with it and I didn't know how to slow it down, but now I do. Thanks for the third amazing review!


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Review #21, by Ginerva_Potter Two

24th March 2008:
I really enjoyed the beginning of this chapter with Remus and Sirius waking up James. It was a good way to start the chapter and it was amusing. I also liked that James came down and immediately tried to get Lily to go out with him. However, the way you wrote it, it seems as if James noticed her crying and still teased her. This doesn't seem believable. Here's a couple ways you could write this to make it more believable:'

-Original: "My dear Lilykins, have you come to your senses and decided to go out with me yet?"

Lily looked up. Her eyes were red from crying. "Shove it up your fat ass, Potter."

"Are you sure Lilykins? You know you are in love with me."

- Option 1 (a little more sexual):
"My dear Lilykins, have you come to your senses and decided to go out with me yet?"

Lily looked up. Her eyes were red from crying, but James wasn't staring at her eyes. "Shove it up your fat ass, Potter."

“Are you sure Lilykins? You know you are in love with me."

- Option 2:"My dear Lilykins, have you come to your senses and decided to go out with me yet?"

Lily looked up. James didn't notice that her eyes were red from crying. "Shove it up your fat ass, Potter."

"Are you sure Lilykins? You know you are in love with me."

That was just a small thing I noticed. Next thing, I assume that you have made a definitive decision to stray from canon because you gave Lily other sisters and brothers (again, not necessarily a bad thing). However, I thought it was really odd that there are so many of them, and none of them were at their own house while other people were. There needs to be an explanation for this (ex. they were having a party with all their friends, the parents were outside barbequing and the children were setting up the tables and getting ready for dinner while the other guests kept mingling).

Ok, on to Petunia's letter. I think it could have been written better. I like the idea that she's pissed and taking it out on Lily even though it's not her fault, but I think the wording she be stronger and there should be less usage of the word 'freak'. You can still use that word more often than a normal person would in a letter, but I think this was a little over the top. (Maybe replacing it with a different f-word would be more appropriate in some places.)

The last bit between Lily, Amelia, and Alice was nice and it was cute. Overall, you have a good basic structure for the story, it just needs to be fine-tuned to make it even better. Good job!

Author's Response: I'll change the breakfast scene because both of yours are way better than mine. Thanks for that.

Yes, I know there are a lot of siblings, and there was a reason that they weren't in the neighborhood at the time, but I think I cut that out. I'll add it back in.

Yes her letter was kind of bad. I was planning on rewriting it, but never got around to it. I meant to over use the word freak, but maybe I did go over the top. I'll fix it.

Thanks so much for the amazing review!


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Review #22, by Ginerva_Potter One

24th March 2008:
This was a nice introductory scene to set up the characters for the rest of the story. There's a couple of grammar errors I noticed:

- In the first paragraph, two different people talk. Whenever a new person talks, it should be a new paragraph.
- "Lily! OMG! That is so cool who's Head Boy?"
- Should be: "Lily! Oh my God! That is so cool! Who's Head Boy?"

The other problem I noticed may not be a problem depending on what you are trying to do. It is the characterization. I think Lily, James, and Sirius are a bit off.

- Lily: We can see from Snape's Worst Memory in HBP that Lily doesn't hate James. She dislikes his big-headedness, but still smirks at one point. Also, I don't think she's friends with Severus at this point (he called her a Mudblood after OWLs in 5th year). If you agree, then it wasn't made clear in the story.
- James: James seems demeaning, which he never was. He got pissed when Lily was insulted, he would never demean her. Also, I think according to JKR, he lost his big-headedness before 7th year, but I could be wrong about that
- Sirius: Sirius supposedly lost his big-headedness too. However, I imagine he is still quite cocky, like you describe him. My problem is with him begging for a date. I don't see that happening. It only would make sense in my mind if he was begging a girl he had fallen in love with and was only begging (in a joking way, of course), because he didn't know how to do it otherwise.

As for the other characters, I thought you did Remus really well. He sounds just like I had always imagined him. Ok, so you can do what you will with those comments on characterization. You may have already decided to go against the grain and have them act differently, and that's fine. I just wanted to show you where you were off if you were trying to stay true to JKR's version (at least, my perceptualization of that).

The only other thing that kind of bothered me was that it seemed like you tried to use so many other JKR characters that we heard of. I've seen Alice and Frank Longbottom used in a lot of stories as being in the same year as James and Lily. It's not a bad idea, but there is no canon evidence that happened. That wouldn't be a problem, but you are also trying to put Amos Diggory in that year too. It seems unlikely to me that all of these characters are in the same year at Hogwarts when there is no evidence of that. Again, it is your decision though, and not a bad idea (it is a minor pet peeve of mine, which is the only reason I mention it).

Whooo, that was quite a long-winded review! I hope you find my comments helpful and not discouraging. I thought this was a good chapter and I do like the story so far. Keep it up!

Author's Response: I'm fixing all of the grammar errors with my new beta. Yay!

Lily: She had to hate James for this story. Sorry.
James: I know he's wrong. He doesn't mean to demean Lily though, he just does.
Sirius: The only reason he was begging was because he wasnted to annoy Lia, but now that you mention that I think I'll change it.
Thanks for the comment about Remus!
Yes, I used lots of JKR's characters. I find that it makes the story easier to keep track of if readers don't have to remember so many names.

Your review rocked! The comments were really helpful.


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Review #23, by fire_and_rain Winter Break from Hell

9th March 2008:
Well, this is definitely one of the better stories I've read on this site. You write really well for an eighth grader! (I went on your page and saw that you were in eighth grade, sorry if I freaked you out by saying that)
What was the mistake? If she wasn't thinking about the kiss being it (and in my opinion, no kiss with James would be considered a mistake), what was it? Please put the next chapter up and I'll review it.
Anxiously awaiting update,
fire_and_rain

Author's Response: The mistake was pulling away from the kiss and leaving James. The next chapter hasn't been written yet because I've... uh, been.... procrastinating. The next couple of chapters will be a little on the dark side, focusing on what happens to Lily.

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Review #24, by phoenixfire46 Winter Break from Hell

9th March 2008:
thanks for such a great chapter and for naming a character after me! Everything did kinda happen a bit too quickly, but i guess since you were writing it from Lily's perspective it had to happen fast and it will catch up with her later and leave her in shock...:(
great chapter.
*gives fudge and brownies to luvinpadfoot for writing such an awesome story*

Author's Response: it will catch up in the next chapter, trust me. The next couple of chapters will be really slow. Just her coming to terms with what happened. And I didn't name someone after you! I wasn't thinking of you when I wrote it! I swear!!

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Review #25, by phoenixfire46 Seven

4th March 2008:
Sighhh...i wish someone fancied me as much as James fancies Lily...this chapter was so great what with all the preparations for the ball. I thought it was pretty funny how Lia was saying the same thing to Lily that Sirius was saying to James ('Oh, yeah, set you up on a blind date..thought it might help you get over james/lily..') because i mean, obviously they're both still in love with each other at this stage anyway. Definitely one of your better chapters. Can't wait to read the next updated one. :-)
Hugs,
phoenixfire46

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much! I completely agree with everything you said. I think. And thanks!!

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