didnt like it

Author's Response: wow i will go back to this review alot to see what i need to improve upon thank you for the amazing insightfulness

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Five words: YOU NEED A BETA!

The grammar errors kind of take away from the story. It's a very nice plot so far, but the mistakes here and there really throw a reader off. I think EVER always needs another person to read through their stories. I love my betas, and I feel better posting a story once they've read it and fixed it. You should really look for one on the forums. It could help you a lot!

Nice job, and good luck with the rest of this story! I really hope you follow my advice. :)

Author's Response: yupp i'm getting a beta fret not!
Gina

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Oh boy.
Well, I am really not a fan of OCs. They kind of make me hate the entire story. But, I stuck it out since I promised to review. :P
The listing thing you do in the beginning is not my favorite thing. It made me wonder if you really knew how to write! But then I saw the other paragraphs and was like, “Whew!”
Masquerade ball. Ick – very overdone. However, maybe you can pull it off. I have faith! Lol.
The” ~*~*~*~” (times a billion) thing can be a bit tiresome. Try a simple, “***.” We’ll get the point. And the giant spaces between paragraphs tends to become annoying. Just a simple space will do it.
Why would witches and wizard be dancing to muggle music? You could try to invent some cool titles, or take them from the book. Remember the Weasley’s radio and the Yule Ball?
The dresses sound beautiful! This little section got me a bit pumped for the story. Just be sure you don’t overdo descriptions. They can really be a plot killer.
“a Phantom of the Opera masks” This part really through me off. Maybe if she’s muggle born she’d describe it like that, but it really does suck you out of the HP universe. (Oh, and “masks” wouldn’t be plural.)
The lyrics of the song would look much better if you put them in italics or something. They look out of place and random with the “!!!.” But, omg, I love that song! Lol. The description of dance is really good, but the lyrics kind of chop up what should be a softer scene. If I were you I would take them out. Also, the kiss seems a little weird. Not many people I know would kiss after one dance. (Except if they’re very drunk…lol.)
And, that’s it! Yeah, that was horribly harsh, so please forgive me. It’s probably me just being evil to your OC since I hate them all so much. LOL.
Woah – too long! I think I’ll go read your second chapter and see what direction you take this in. Nice work!


Author's Response: haha thanks its fine
OCs are a bit weird for this book but yea
i wrote this story for a friend she wanted a ball so she got it haha
i see your point about muggle music
your probably right about the mask
when i posted this i was very unsure about the italic thing so
again the kiss is kind of part of the ball thing on HPFF so its there also cause it made sense for where i was going,
thank you!
i will also look for a beta
Gina

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It was Friday, November 22, 1963 when the streets were crowded with people waving and cheering to an open top limo. But as the limo neared the intersection of Elm and Huston*shots rang out killing one of the most important men in the Untied States at that time. Moments later Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested for the murder, though facts today show doubt. Who killed President John F. Kennedy? This question still rings in our minds to this day. There are many suspects, many motives, and many more secrets. From the mysterious Lee Harvey Oswald to the mobs of the Mafia, even to the intelligence agencies of the United States, we may never find out who truly did the crime. I believe that the assassination was a very well developed conspiracy; there are so many facts to prove it. Though Lee Harvey Oswald is connected to it all, it is obvious that there was no sole assassin.


there now my teacher doesnt have to email me
please ignore this everyone i gotta get my research paper done and i left my flash drive at home whoops
Gina

Author's Response: sorry about that guys
that was the only way i could get my first paragraph
and its due tomaro
this is all i have
yea i gotta go..........
Gina

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very very well written and carried through. i did think however that the last chapter was a bit long and could possibly have been broken into two or more shorter ones. but on the whole i enjoyed this.

Author's Response: thats really funny cause i WAS going to split them up but you see i got impatient so yea
my friend in real life tay pretty much rules
Gina

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this is soo gripping its not even true... seriously though, its good stuff

Author's Response: thanks that makes my day
:]
Gina

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you wrote the song into the story really well. i'm not much of a one for song fics but this was really good. if you have a mo, would you please read something of mine and tell me what you think? thanks so much.

Author's Response: i'll take a look now thanks for the review!
Gina

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That was a really good story. I really liked it!

Author's Response: omg thanks!
Gina

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Poor Taylor, she's so dissapointed! :(
He may be evil, and arrogant but My God that man is GORGEOUS! :P Don't you think?

Author's Response: i very much agree if you havent seen last chappie is up so take a look!
Gina

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It's a bit confusing, to tell you the truth. The story line seems great, but only the next chapter can tell the truth! Onwards!!

Author's Response: the first chapter is a bit confusing i guess but hopefully the second chapter cleared it up the last chapter is in the mods right now so stay on the look out
Gina

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