I personally loved it, and thought you're concept was fantastic. 10/10.Author's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
WHAT!!! di Harry die?!?!?!?!?!
how could you make him die!
i am crying!
please dont make him die.
great story by the wayAuthor's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
This was a neat concept. There were a few plot differences between the book and this before they came out of the mirror (Harry found the mirror during Christmas, so no classes). 8/10Author's Response: Lol. Thanks :) Report Review
:o That was... sudden. Good story, but I'm still shocked by the ending. o.OAuthor's Response: Lol, it was meant to be shocking so thank you! :) Report Review
wow 10/10Author's Response: Thanks :) Report Review
That was so sad! I liked it so much, you really got the point across about being careful of what you wish for. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks :) Report Review
That was horrible! Not the story, just the way you ended it. It was really bad! How could you end it like that?! I'm completely and utterly depressed now!Author's Response: Well it wasn't meant to be a happy ending... Report Review
wow.that was really unexpected.no offence but i didnt like this story that much...but the way you wrote the story was great!Author's Response: No worries Report Review
Wow! I saw your challenge on the forums and had to read your entry. It was great, you captured Lily and James perfectly even though they weren't in it long; and the climax was shocking and scary. "Avada Kedavra!" and the blinding green light swept over him and he was nothing more than a memory. Simple but dramatic. I loved it. 10/10! :)Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
aw!!! that was so sad.the last line was amazing Author's Response: Thanks :) Report Review
okay.this is a crazy story though the idea is pretty unique...u cud have put it in better words and cud have clarified many things.
1)how did james and lily come out?
2)how did the philosopher's stone come in voldemort's possesion?
stuff like that u know.it cud have been written much better though i dont fancy the idea of harry dying because of his selfishness!!Author's Response: I'll amend it a little Report Review
oy that was scary and sudden.i thought there would be a build-up but it was like BAM! harry's dead. geez.im kinda freaked out.Author's Response: Lol. Sorry, one-shot, lots of material to get through... Report Review
A very good story! It just shows how unselfish Harry is and how things could have been. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
omg...ok that was mad. that is like exactly what would probably have happened =]...its a brillaint idea i must say...but i think it could have been alot better. Like yu could have made it longer and stuff, but the idea was perfect!
Alex xxAuthor's Response: Lol, thank you. I didn't really want to turn it into more than a one shot but I'll have a look at maybe extending it this weekend! :) Report Review
Definitely a great idea. You can improve on the way things come out, though. I'm fairly certain that everyone would have more of a reaction to Lily and James's return; maybe even suspicion. It wouldn't have been accepted that easily.
But this was an excellent try! It was interesting. I feel really bad for Harry and his family. Really nicely done! Author's Response: I think they'd be too happy to be suspicious but differences of opinion...
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
This is a really good idea for a story. I was wondering how you would make the fact that James and Lily came back a bad thing, but this does make sense. If they weren't dead, then he wouldn't have the same incentive to defeat Voldemort. In fact, there is a good chance, he wouldn't really bother at all, just as you have written.
The only thing I don't understand is how Voldemort got his hands on the Philosopher's Stone. In the book, Harry wasn't the one to protect it. It was he who endangered it. If he had left well enough alone and hadn't gone in search of it, it would never have been in danger, as Voldemort couldn't get it, because his desire was to use it and not to find it. So if Harry hadn't looked for it, it should have been even safer than it was. Did Voldemort use somebody else to get it for him in this story? Somebody who was equally noble and unconcerned with using it, but not as well able to prevent Voldemort from taking the stone from them. Perhaps you could give more detail on this point; how Voldemort actually got the stone out of the mirror.
I actually think you could make this story a bit longer and give more details in general. I would like to actually read about James and Lily's visit to the Dursleys, rather than just a summing up of it. What you have written is really amusing and I would like to read the rest of it.
I agree with James that giving Dudley a cockroach cluster doesn't count as doing magic.
My favourite part of this story was the part where Harry is blissfully happy spending time with his mum and dad and knowing that they will be there for him when he gets his holidays from school. You wrote that part so well that it brought a smile to my lips. Somehow, you managed to really portray the happiness so well that I could feel it. I could also feel the "bubble" Harry was living in, where nothing mattered but his parents and I should have realised that that would lead to trouble sooner or later, even if it was just trouble like his grades dropping, as a result of his inattention in school.
Oh, I came across one grammatical error in this story. You said that his parents "were sat with him at the Gryffindor table." "Were sat" is never correct. If you use "was" or "were" in the sentence, the verb should be "sitting".
This is a very original idea for a story. I don't think I've ever read anything like it before, and it fits very well with canon, as Dumbledore mentioned the dangers of the Mirror of Erised and what it seemed to promise. I really like the way you show the truth of that.Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the massive review. Grammar error is now corrected. I don't know how Voldemort got the Philosopher's stone, I don't think it's too important to the story but thanks for pointing it out and maybe I'll have a look at extending it soon.
It was just an idea I got. Have a look on the forums, I've challenged people to write the same for other characters. For example what would happen if Ron got his heart's desire - maybe you could have a go?
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection