Awwe. This idea is sooo cute. Your biggest problem I must say is using run-on sentences. It makes the story hard to follow. For example, 'Sirius wandered around the fields, he was feeling hungrier than he had ever before, at least in his jail he could find rats that shivered, out here everything was so vibrant and alive that nothing quivered and begged for death.' It may go better like this' Sirius wandered around the fields feeling hungrier than before. In his jail cell he could find rats that shivered in fear of him(idk). Everything was so vibrant and alive here that nothing quivered or begged to die." It sounds a lot better. Seperate your very long sentences into individual sentences.
Other than I that I thought it was adorable, especially the great dane. ; ) I replied to your responses. Thanks for the reviews hun!
Liadan LightflowerAuthor's Response: Thanks, I know unfortunately that runon's are my biggest problem, the worst part is I don't even notice, its like while I'm writing I'm reading the story for the first time, I just want to read it, skip everything else.
Thank you again! Report Review
Very good. I look forward to the next. There are very few 'Mopsy' stories.Author's Response: It was a challenge that I'd been given, but I just ran away with it, Crazy dog ladies should do a lot of crazy dog things. Report Review
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