I hope you don't mind a little constructive criticism. . . .first. . . .you could really benefit from a great beta reader. . . .second. . . .the reason you need a beta is, this story is just too jumbled, and switches scenes without notice. . . .third. . . .you obviously know about paragraphs helping reading, but you need to realize that you start a new paragraph anytime a new character speaks. Otherwise it is just too hard to keep track of who is speaking. . . .This could be a really good story, but it is just too hard to read in its present format. Report Review
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