Hey you!! This was brillaint. It was humorous and sweet and I really, really enjoyed it. Going on to my favourites, and thanks for entering it in the challenge. It was brilliant.Author's Response: wow! Thank you! I was expecting loads of criticism from you because you have so much more experience with slash. I'm very flattered. Report Review
cool i suppose i bit odd but cool and detailed none the less...though i still have to say i \t creeped me out...ill go add it to my favs right now..cioa!!
-DesAuthor's Response: yeah, I'm not much of a slash fan myself either, but my friend was insisting on one and this plot bunny finally came to me. Glad I made it onto your favs! Thanks for the review! Report Review
It feels...rushed. Maybe because it's one of your first fics, but it feels very rushed through, like you were just so excited to spit all this plot out that you, well, rushed through it rather than took your time with it. It's a great premise behind it, but, well, a little spoiled by the execution. The other thing that got me were the colloquialisms/slang used-remember, these were teenagers in the seventies, they were teenagers in england in the seventies, they don't use the same slang we use today. It's also extremely dialogue heavy-there is a balance between dialogue, action, and description, and as of this fic you haven't hit upon it yet (haven't read your new stuff, so won't speak for that)
but other than the mechanics, which can be worked out with time and practice, this is a good fic, it has the one thing that practice does not help, and that's a decent plot behind it. You can refine your writing to the level of the greats, but if you can't plot like them, you're useless-you have a good command of plot, and that's the most important thing. The way you tell the story can be improved upon, but all that is is time and practice. Author's Response: Thank you. Criticism! I'm a bit less pleased with this one over all compared to some of my others and I know it has plenty of room for improvement. I know it's a bit rushed because I only half wanted to do this. I plan to go back and improve everything for all my fics when I get the chance but as of right now I'm too busy and I've got loads more that needs to be sent in. This is not my best example of balance and that is still something I struggle with more than other things.
I'm glad you enjoyed the plot though. My friend from school had been begging me for ages to write a James/Sirius and I had a plot forming in the back of my head. Finally I forced myself to try slash and came up with what you just read.
I thank you dearly for the wonderful review and I hope you will come review more for me because your type of feedback is the type I really enjoy. I can learn and grow in my abilities from this type of thing. Report Review
That is awesome. I love slash! Its very well written. =)
I like the idea of Sirius/James. There aren't many of them around.Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I know it probably doesn't even begin to compare to most slash you've read but I tried. I wrote this for the exact reason that you mention, there are so few of them and my friend loves James/Sirius. Glad I seemed to have done a good enough job even though I was a bit out of my element. Thanks for the review Report Review
Please please please please please write another chapter. If you don't...I'll hug you at school a bunch!Author's Response: Ha ha very funny. I'm not writing any more and you're not hugging me. End of story. Report Review
I love you! I love you! I love you!! You really should write another chapter to this. It would be very sexy. Author's Response: sorry, this is all you get. I already wrote this for you and I'm not letting you twist my arm into writing any more slash. Glad you liked it, but keep the loving of my down to a minimum. You can love my story as much as you want though. Report Review
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