I thought the point of view was a good choice. This was put together really well. even though I wouldn't nessiccarily call it "Mature" just for reference to a curse. good job though.Author's Response: It was more for the reference to child abuse, as I wanted to be on the "safe side" rather than go agaisnt the TOS, as child abuse is a very big NO. But thanks for your review! :-) Report Review
it was beautifully written! I like the way you ended it. It was ambiguous but it worked.Author's Response: :-) yeah, this story has grown on me. Thank you for the review Report Review
SOO SWEET! I really like your sty;e of writting! It is really GREAT!Author's Response: Thank you :-) I've sort of descided I like first person :-P Report Review
OK, reading through the other comments i realised i missed the citique or whatever it is so...in my opinion the thing thats missing is probably what happened next, with draco's dad and what he'd do to him. in a way i think you made the ending too abrupt, because of what draco said about what might happen tomorow with his dad, the next big event would come far too early for the story to end there so in a way, or to me, it seems unfinished. you should write a sequel. hint hint.
i also noticed that you've write comments back to everyone, well i won't be back to see them, no offense, so i'm here www.indiewikkan.deviantart.com. if you want to reply.
wait, that just sounded so rude. i mean, who write this story me or u?
ingnore this if it sound's like i'm being rude ^^;
love d/g btw.Author's Response: I may write to you there as well, I am inlove with that sight. :-) We shall see. About the ending, yes, I do believe you may be right! Thank you for the review! Report Review
I love this story :D
and i especially love the eight stone thing, but just to let you know its said as eight stone odd not eight stones odd. she probably would be that weight an all come to think of it. hee.
i love you for using british terms, you don't know how annoying it gets when someone say's (in conversation) pants instead of trousers in a fic or says some other thing that only americans use and the brits don't . :D
OH! an by the way, LLLOOOVVVEEE panic!at the disco. hee. now i love you more.
Author's Response: I had a really great beta who clued me into the Brit ism :-) I owe that to her. Report Review
would've preferred an ending with more finality. but good storyAuthor's Response: See that might be what's missing. I'm tempted to tie it in with Scream and To Wish Impossible things. I'm not sure yet Report Review
So cute. And sad. I truthfully don't really like Draco, but this is very believable. I think I'm even starting to like him... Author's Response: That's my life's mission ^_^ to get people to accept my favorite ferrit, at least in fannon Report Review
that was really awesome! unlike any other stories with a similar plot. there are others out there that talk about one of the characters ending up in the hospital and their lover coming for them. but those seem very dramatic and unrealistic to me. this one seemed very real. like i could really see a scene go down like this. it seems like it would really happen this way. nice job! keep writing! i'm about to check the rest of your stories, so this question might be answered. is there a sequel to this? there should be! i bet it would be awesome! then again, maybe there is. i'll have to look and find out!Author's Response: no, no sequal, but I'm very glad you liked it :-) Report Review
This is great. I'm not really one for Draco/Ginny fics, but this was so believeable. The only criticism I have is that sometimes you may have some spelling/grammar mistakes. Apart from that, good story.
I'm sorry I couldn't help you with what was wrong. I think it may of been one of those subjective things, because I couldn't see any really major problems with the story.Author's Response: Thank you for your review, and your help. This story is currently being re betaed Report Review
This is a pretty good story, and I think you have a pretty great narrative going. The only critique I'd offer is to look out for spelling and grammar mistakes, as there we some scattered throughout the story. Otherwise, nicely done! :)Author's Response: Thank you, and I am re working the story to help remove those errors! Report Review
this was really good, but you are right...something is missing, i can't quite put my finger on it either, but oh well maybe it will come to me later!Author's Response: Yeah, I have no idea, I just kno that's something isn't right. I'm talking with a beta reader right now to try and get some idea of what's wrong with it. I'll let youknow when i've fixed it Report Review
I think this story was wonderful considering I'm not one to like Draco/Ginny very much at all. Have you thought of converting it into a Novel? I think that you may be able to do a wonderful job if you did. Author's Response: No, I have not thought about converting this story into a novel, I don have a few ideas for a D/G novel floting around in my head but I have not had the time to get too far into them. For now one shots will have to tide me over Report Review
Well I decided I was going to pick this story because you asked to find out what you need to find to make it that little bit more perfect. I'll get all the silly things aside before I move on, shall I?
3rd Para: 'They hadn’t been pleased.' could be 'They weren't (at all?) pleased.'
4th para: (There's something here that I just wanted to fix.. I don't know... I'm being picky.) 'I have a sickening feeling he’ll be back, this time to end his embarrassment, his shame, to end my life.' maybe it could be... 'I have a sickening feeling he’ll be back, this time to end his embarrassment and his shame to end my life' or ' embarrassment, his shame... to end my life.'
:'If I sleep now, I’ll be open;' maybe 'If I sleep now I’ll be so vunrable;'
There are small spelling mistakes like 'to' should be 'two' in the first para, and 'latter' is acually spelt 'later'
Now, I too am trying to find that little thing that I just quite can't put my finger on. I suggest maybe... making it easier to read? Some parts are confussing on wether you are talking about the past or future.
You do have talent, I can see that clearly, because you manage to write paragraphs on discriptions, were as alot of people would use things like flashbacks or really not write that many paragraphs at all.
I suggest maybe bringing more... talking into the start, it's almost like there is too many blocks of paragraphs I think it needs to be broken up a little.
Maybe even describe Ginny and Draco's relationship a little more. How did it start? What brought them together? Why should they be together? Why, after all the years of Weasleys and Malfoys hating each other, why should they become a couple? Bring in that sort of perspective.
I also got a little confussed, I think one of the Weasley boys were the ones beating Malfoy. Clear it up a little
You do have talent and I can see this story being great. I hope I wasnt too harsh, but I want to see this story completed from your eyes.
Also thank you for understanding how stressful life can be. My life is very much so. :)
Cheers.Author's Response: Thank you for such a comprehensive review. I am currently orking with a Beat reader to see how to make this better. I will deffentally be using some of your suggestions! Report Review
this is really cuteAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Aww the ending was cute. Well, somewhat. =] I liked it a lot!
-angelx33Author's Response: :-) Thank you! Report Review
Okay, that was pretty interesting. I like the fact that you wrote this in Draco's P.O.V...one of my favorite charcters, so it made the whole story more enjoyable. Now to your story.
The present tense really worked well and I can see that you didn't have a problem with it. Poor Draco...for him to be abused. I have a one-shot like that. Your writing was emotionally descriptive another plus. Now my biggest problem is why you don't have more reviews. This story is really good! One word of advice is to describe how Draco and Ginny got together. Other than that no problem here! Great job!
Liadan LightflowerAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to review. I didn't touch on "how" so much becuase I wanted to keep this short. But yes, I see your point. Thanks again Report Review
Brilliant, I was so going to write a song-fic for this too, I LOVE the song Camisado, and Panic! are amazing. Well done, it lived up to expectations. This was no accident, it was a theraputic chain of events Lol, I would sing the whole song to you but then you'd probably get really mad.Author's Response: I would deffentally not get mad if you sang the song. I love that song. I didn't stick very tre to it i'm afrraid, but oh well. :-) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Quite lovely. I usually have some reservations with Draco/Ginny and Draco/Hermione pairings, but I always come across those few that are convincing enough to make me a temporary shipper. And you, my dear, (again with the pet names, haha) have done an extraordinary job. Beautiful work. Author's Response: :-) I'm so very happy I could make you believe, fi only for a little while ;-) Report Review
goodAuthor's Response: Thanks ^_^ Report Review
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