248 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Abhishek Epilogue: The ritual

21st January 2013:
The way this particular chapter was written is fabulous... you will go a long way into writing :)
All the best...

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Review #2, by Bubbles OOOOO Epilogue: The ritual

22nd April 2012:
Great ending! So excited for the sequel! XD What is it called coz i want to find out what happens! :D I also love the quotes at the top they make me laugh. hee hee. You are a great writer and you could probably do well in the writing industry! :D

Love it. Well done.

Sincerely, Bubbles O

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Review #3, by Bubbles OOOOO The Battle for the Rock.

22nd April 2012:
HA! At first i thought the rock looked sort of like a huge easter egg painted white with colourful patterns at the top! HAHA! I guess my imagination ran wild there :D Love the story and i'm sorry i haven't reviewed on any of the other chapters but i'm the type of reader who finishes the whole story first and then writes what they think about it :) So i'll just go ahead and finish it now. It's good to have a break from tradition :D

Love the story great work!

Sincerely, Bubbles O

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Review #4, by Markus Returning to Hogwarts

13th March 2012:
If you're still reading the reviews... You should have a story where Voldemort calls Harry and says: "Harry Potter... I've seen your face on top of a muffin...Prepare to die"

And great story by the way :)

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Review #5, by H Training continues and confrontations

7th August 2011:
How did the order apparate into DA but harry couldn't?

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Review #6, by Hippothestrowl Epilogue: The ritual

12th July 2011:
This review is for the whole story.
Outstanding - especially the 16th chapter in which I was riveted from start to finish. How an endless stream of curses and counter-curses can be so immersive I don't know but it worked brilliantly. Excellent work. To put my rating in perspective: I'd only give 10 to say, a Shakespeare, and Jo Ro would get 9 and I deducted one point for grammar and confusing thought streams jumping back and forth and thin character presentations and deviating from Harry's character too far. Personally I had no problem with Bella's death which saved many future lives; what troubled me was justifying slashing a helpless Vernon which for me made Harry a nasty low life. ;) I liked that he partly matured and took control but being rude to Dumbledore is not being mature. But now all is forgiven. :)

Thanks for this. :)

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Review #7, by Miles Greenway Training continues and confrontations

27th March 2011:
Covered a lot of ground very quickly but what did the owl, that distracted Harry, bring?

Author's Response: To be honest Miles, I really can't remember what the owl brought but I'll look to rectify any mistakes when I get chance to edit this story. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #8, by Jsez444 The Battle of Hogsmeade

12th March 2011:
To be homes t I have no idea how old this story is or if you are even still checking comments but I wanted to give my opinion. First of all o am really enjoying the story so far, although there have been minor inconsistencies with "reality", (meaning the actual books,) the plot is captivating and I've enjoyed reading it.

My biggest complaint however is your editing, or lack thereof. Is English your first language? There are sentences in the story that don't even make sense. It would be my suggestion to have someone else read over your future entries before submitting them. It is not so much a problem of grammatical knowledge but more commonly extra words left in presumably from a sentence you decided to omit. It goes to ease of reading. I have had to stop a few time to figure out what you meantto say when I could have just Ben enjoying the plot.

Otherwise, excellent story. I'd love to read any newer work you have out there and am available if youd like help in editing. Thanks for your time.

Author's Response: English is my first and, in fact only language Jsez but you're quite right that my editing leaves much to be desired. I think I've gotten a lot better in the almost five years I've been doing this and I now have someone proof-reading my work but thank you very much for the offer. I'm glad you're enjoying the plot and hopefully you'll stick with my stories as they improve. Thanks a lot for the review.

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Review #9, by massieblockrox Training continues and confrontations

1st January 2011:
I wonder who the man is!

Harry is really powerful. Wow.

A friend. Hmm. Interesting!

Author's Response: Ah, my only significant original character, you will find out more about him soon enough. Harry is indeed powerful, I thought it stood to reason that he should be as the would-be defeater of the most powerful Dark Lord who ever lived. One of my few criticisms of JK is that she made Harry quite a magically weak character. I know why she did it but I don't agree. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #10, by massieblockrox Training and the battle of Diagon Alley

31st December 2010:
The idea with the dummies is really creative.

Oh dear, Harry got hit with his own Sectumsempra. Poor guy.

Author's Response: I have to confess that the dummies idea isn't mine but is in a few very good stories that I had previously read. I highjacked it for my own nefarious ends and I'm glad you approve. Harry has never been the lucky sort so being hit by his own spell is pretty in character. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #11, by massieblockrox Diagon Alley

31st December 2010:
Ugh, a cliffhanger! Excellent chapter. I'm glad Borgin never realized that it was Harry he was helping.

10/10!

Author's Response: Thanks massieblockrox, I quite like this chapter for an early Birth edition and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review.

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Review #12, by massieblockrox Realisation of destiny

31st December 2010:
Dumbledore's letter was so like him. Harry wants information, and Dumbledore just doesn't give the answers!

Good chapter.

Author's Response: Glad you liked it. I like Dumbledore but there's no doubt that he's manipulative and struggles to see Harry for the adult he has been forced to become.

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Review #13, by massieblockrox The Dark Object.

31st December 2010:
Wow, what a great start! I wonder what the object is that Voldemort wants. Possibly something that will let him just kill everyone and take over the world.

The end of the chapter was good -- kind of like Goblet of Fire.

Author's Response: Thanks, I re-wrote this chapter fairly recently so it's probably a good deal better than the next few in terms of quality. I hope you stick with it and more about the object will soon be revealed. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #14, by higgins Epilogue: The ritual

15th November 2010:
saving the best chapter till last. i like how well you switched between past and present. not giving away too much but keeping me interested all the way through. cant wait to move on to the next one. check out my new story. x

Author's Response: Thanks higgins, I'm quite pleased with the flashback technique and this is probably my favourite chapter in Birth so I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the review.

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Review #15, by Nakor The Battle for the Rock.

25th February 2010:
beautiful battle ... let's see who's still alive!

Author's Response: Thanks. To be honest, I'm quite anxious to see who's alive myself. I've decided on some obviously, but the fate of others will be decided by how evil I'm feeling when I come to write that bit. Thanks for the review.

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Review #16, by Susan Smite Diagon Alley

3rd January 2010:
It's a nice twist to the story... The one thing wrong with this chapter (well, actually two) was that you didn't use the wizard currency much, just, "Gold, Silver and Bronze". It would be more realistic if you had put "gold Galleon, silver Sickles, and bronze Knuts". And the other thing was that Harry's attitude was different from the books, but I understand that it would be difficult to get him exactly right...

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and for your comments, when the sequel is complete, I'm going to go back and edit some of the chapters and when I do I'll take your suggestions into consideration. I wanted to alter Harry's attitude in response to what had just happened to him; losing Sirius, learning the prophecy but you're right in that I think I may have done it a bit too quickly.

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Review #17, by hp fan Diagon Alley

23rd November 2009:
great chapter, I love that Harry is trying to do something on his own

Author's Response: Thanks hp fan, hope you like the rest of the story. There is a sequel posted that is nearly complete and the next chapter of that should be up soon. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #18, by huskers Diagon Alley

25th June 2009:
Why would Harry wait 2 hours in one spot for his uncle to leave the house? Surely he knows the man's schedule.

The familly vault that Dumbledore failed to inform Harry of. Cliche. The trunk also is cliche to fanfics.

Fred and George would never tattle tale on Harry for beaking out of the Dursleys and going shopping. And they would likely join him on his jaunt to Knockturn Alley.

Author's Response: You're right, there are a few chliches, especially early on, in this fic and I put that down to my inexperience in writing at the time; it was a few years ago and I just took some of what I liked and added it to the story. I think I can just about get away with the waiting for Vernon thing, by saying that perhaps he doesn't have a fixed morning routine and Harry didn't want to miss his opportunity. As for Fred and George, you're quite right that they would never tattle, but Harry was just playing on the safe side. Thanks for the review.

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Review #19, by huskers Realisation of destiny

25th June 2009:
A fair job with this installment. We get a sense of Harry's pain from lossing Sirius and his lingering anger towards Dumbledore. We also get to see the beginings of what Harry plans to do about things.

From the first chapter to this one the spelling and in some cases the wrong word all together made it in. I see your note regarding this and my own thoughts are, if you are going to do something, then you should do it to the best of your abilities.

Also things like the following can drive a reader crazy.

"Knowing that any sleep he might get would undoubtedly be disturbed by horrific dreams of his Godfather, Harry settled in for yet another long and sleepless night."

Harry's going to get sleep, but it's going to be a long sleepless night?... It just doesn't make sense. Perhaps this,

Fearing the dreams he was sure would come, but knowing he had to at least try and sleep, Harry settled in for what he fully expected would be another long, and ultimately, restless night.

I agree with you completely on the whole, "Harry wasn't a normal 15 year old boy." deal. It drives me nuts when authors spend 5,10, or even 15 thousand words giving a synopsis of what's gone on to this point. JKR doesn't do it in her books. She correctly assumes you've read the previous ones. FanFic authors should do the same. Unless they are makeing big changes to past cannon.

Author's Response: I went back not long ago and heavily edited the first chapter of this story, so this is the earliest example of my work and I wrote it a while ago, so it is not the best. You make some good points regarding both the spelling and the actual content and I will take everything into consideration if I ever get round to editing this and the other early chapters of Birth of a Legend. I do now go over my chapters after I've written them and get them checked by my brother so please don't let these mistakes put you off reading further. Thanks for the review.

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Review #20, by huskers The Dark Object.

25th June 2009:
Over all, an interesting start. I felt the two instances of Voldemort cursing Bella and Snape came a little out of no where. I felt there needed be more build up of the tension between the characters, and that both Bella and Snape recovered much two quickly from the curse. Snape would hardly be able to "stalk" from the room. I also felt the shift from us thinking we were in Voldemort's lair to actually viewing this through Harry's dreams was a bit too weak. JKR always made it clear when Harry was dreaming. I kind of feel if you are going to go that route, then you should do the same yourself. Those thoughts aside, this is written well. there is good structure and the grammar is decent. There is intrigue built and it draws the reader in well. I kind of have to believe that Voldemort was unaware of Harry viewing things this time. That is curious and makes me wonder why? What's changed that Harry is seeing without Voldemort's knowledge and where is the pain Harry normally has from his scar after he's had a trip through his nemesis' mind? Things for me to think about.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, you may notice the quality of writing decline slightly over the next couple of chapters as I recently edited this one, but I think it's still readable and hopefully you'll stay with it. You raise some good points in regard to Harry's dream and I think if I was to rewrite this chapter entirely I would do it differently, I may well go back and change a few things.

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Review #21, by Cara The Dark Object.

20th June 2009:
I think the object that Voldemort is looking for reminds me of the weapon that he wanted at the start of OOTP. It also reminds me of the Elder Wand in the Deathly Hallows. If you have something better I can't wait to read on ;D

Author's Response: Don't forget the philosopher's stone! Yes old Voldy always seem to be searching for some object or an other so I thought I'd continue the trend, hopefully you'll like what I've got in store. Thanks for the review.

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Review #22, by BrannPhoenix Returning to Hogwarts

11th June 2009:
Just saying, it is imposible to become an animaus that quick, even in u r the 'chosen one'

Author's Response: You can't possibly know that. I know it took a while for the Marauders to achieve it but they were very young and didn't have Harry's power (in my version) so they were at a disadvantage. The books never say how people become animagi so for the sake of my stories I will say that the complexity of the potion and the power required and complexity of the spell were what held the marauders back. Are you enjoying the story? Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #23, by BrannPhoenix Diagon Alley

11th June 2009:
During the day, the knight bus has chairs on it, not beds.

Author's Response: I didn't know that, thanks for bringing it to my attention. I'll make the appropriate changes immediately.

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Review #24, by designateddan Epilogue: The ritual

31st May 2009:
hurry up and post the sequel! lol

Author's Response: Harry Potter and the Elixir a Lumina is up with sixteen chapters written.

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Review #25, by Yasminee :) Epilogue: The ritual

27th May 2009:
im likingg what i see!!! ;)
ehehe, its prettyy goodd! usually i real pointless romance and chick flick crap but this is a thrillerr and i found myselff totallyy captivatedd by it! its great!! i really think that there should be a sequel. think about it.
thankxx.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. There is an almost complete sequel called Harry Potter and the Elixir a Lumina, just click on my author's page. Thanks for the review.

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