A little heavy on the exposistion and light on the action (a lot of telling, not showing, try to do more with it) and McGonigal's letter seems a little OOC, but it's not entirely horrible. you have a decent style carved out, just gotta work on polishing it up a little bit more. Just keep writing and you'll get there, the more you write the better it gets. Honest. Author's Response: ok then thanks! i havent been on much and need to update... maybe ill edit it sometime. thanks for the advice! Report Review
hey, I'd be happy to make you a banner, just email me at Padfoots_Number_1@hotmail.com and give me the following info: Title: Penname: Characters: If OC's discription/who to use for them: Colors: Genre: Quotes: Anything Else?: and I'll have it to you asapAuthor's Response: yay! thank u! sorry but i wont have nxt chapter up till after hols.... Report Review
Hiya tori. yr story is so gr8. make another chapter!Author's Response: ive started to write it n will post it as soon as ive finished it (prob v.l8 2nite!) Report Review
update soon Author's Response: yep i will it was only just validated so ill try to post chapter by wednesday. mite not get validated yet soz! Report Review
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