Hmmm...well I liked the idea...one brief moment to think about all the loss going on because of the war. Now, some of your grammar was faulty. I do believe you should proofread this and/or have a beta reader. It will make the entire thing flow better. Your tenses were off as well making it seem awkward. For an example, ' It's been getting worse and worse lately. There have been more who have to see the names of their parents'. It would be better off,'Lately, it has been getting worse. There are more who have to see the names of the deceased in order to know thier parents' fate' or something like that. The writing was a bit awkward. I know it may seem like I am ripping away at your story, but I am not. I am only giving you some advice. Anyway, nice try for the first time.
Liadan LightflowerAuthor's Response: Thanks very much!
I'm very glad that you pointed that out to me. I'll make sure to go through and reread it again and edit it.
Don't worry, you're not ripping, just helping! Report Review
wow, that was really good! so real and sad. It's refreshing to read something not about Harry or the Trio. makes the place seem more real. this was really good! 10/10Author's Response: Oh thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!
That was what i wanted to do: show that the Order and the people mentioned in the books aren't the only ones who were affected by the war. I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Report Review
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