Good story, but Sirius's middle brother's name is arcturus.
SomeoneAuthor's Response: I know that, but I was writing this story before the book came out. I knew that Sirius' brother was the one with the locket, but I didn't know his middle name, so I made it up.
THanks for the review Report Review
Nice work here, dudette! Where's the goblet?? (the cup, actually...)
It was easier to read this time and I liked it. Kristie is my favorite character so far. -- Oh... try and make some things presice, less wordy, if you will. :)
You're doing a great job, dudette. Keep it up!
Your writer & reviewer,
P/s: 10/10 is the rating. Update please!Author's Response: Thanks I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad that Kristie is your favorite character. Anyway, the goblet was under the bed in Tom Riddle's old room. Thanks for the words of confidence, and I'll update soon!! Report Review
Wonderful work here, Laivine! Loved it! So Jacki was a Slytherin and she used to like Remus?
Very creative. You're still going to have to watch out for big paragraphs though.
P/s: My sequel's posted now. :D (These First some Dates) Update soon, okay? (10/10+ Keep up the great work!)Author's Response: They're relationship gets more complicated, but yeah that's pretty much it. And I'm sorry about the long paragraghs, I knew you were going to notice, but I couldn't cut them short, and risk losing some important information. Anyway, I'll update soon, ok? Report Review
Awesomely written! I can't wait for the next chapter! (I don't have any complaints here, you seem to have everything built up to here)
A Mary-Sue is a girl character (while the boy character is Gary-Sue) that has everything and is perfect (really really perfect - having the coolest powers, being two weird things at once or whatever). I'm starting to notice that Jaci is cool.
I'm hispanic, so reading the Spanish isn't such a big deal to me. ;] Keep up the great work anyways, Laivine!
P/s: I'm keeping an eye on this fic... over all my rating is: 10/10!Author's Response: OMG, ok, first of all, I'm flattered, a 10/10 is really great! Thanks! Second of all, so that's what a Mary Sue is, someone told my cousin that a character she'd written was a mary sue, but we didnt know what that was.
Finally:NO WAY YOU'RE HISPANIC! SO AM I!!! Ok, anyway, I'm working on the next chapter, just a warning, I'm skipping much of the summer. I"m going to try and get into the school year.
Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Nice. I like the idea that Harry has a godmother, a spanish one? And why is she hated at Hogwarts? Keep going, can't wait to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks, I figured that having a Spanish godmother was cool, because besides English, Spanish is the other language I know :P. No, actually, I needed a place where we didn't know wizarding culter from, hence Spain. I'll update soon, I promise. Report Review
Dude, come on! :D I liked it! The problem is that you make Jaci (or Jacky) very Mary-sue-ish. I like the idea of her being Harry's Godmother and Kristie being there as well. Nicely written! Keep up the great work!
P/s: Dude, here's my rating: 9/10. Add up the chapters, I'm here to review and rate! (I bet the rate will go up, so yeah...)Author's Response: Here's my problem. I have no earthly idea what Mary Sue is, I don't even know who she is. Her attitude is kinda rough around the edges because she's a hit wizard. I don't know if you remember, but in the first chapter I call her an auror. When I read POA again, I decided to make her a hit wizard. Oh, and I'm very glad that you enjoyed it. The next chapter is giong to be a little out there, but I think that Ron and Hermione would do it, just to make Harry comfortable again. Having Kristie at Hogwarts was one of the only ways I could think of to have Harry go back, you know the whole 'playing the hero' thing. BTW did you hear, just a rumor that I heard that the 7th book was coming out 21 of July? ten days before Harry's birthday Anyway, I'll update soon, k? Report Review
Awesomely written! (You still have to fix the clarity though...) I like the way in which this is going, but you have to try to make these chapters a little bit more longer!
P/s: So far, my rating is still a 9/10. :) I'm adding your fic to my faves, just try to update. I'll be there to review. :DAuthor's Response: Yay!! I'm glad that I improved, although I'll work on the clarity thing. This is the first time that I've written an HP fic like this, so be patient, plz! I'll update as soon as I can, but the validation kills me sometimes :P Report Review
Okay, I'm going to go backwards...
1. There was more than 1 Death Eater.
2. I like the thing about Ginny rescueing Harry, but how did Ginny get there? Wouldn't she be with her family back at home?
3. Your Avada Kedavra was misspelled. (If you're using word, spell check or go to a HP info site -- I suggest Hp-lexicon -- to check for the correct spelling of spells.)
4. I think that you should put the letter in italics, so it'll be less confusing to the rest of the writing. (It helps readers that are lost up in that huge paragraph)
5. Try to loosen un on the paragraphs. They are HUGE! (I think that mine are too, but it varies on the important parts.) There's nothing wrong with that, but there has to be clarity.
6. Double Spacing is needed! -- There has to be clarity!!
I liked this chapter though. It's an okay opening to the fic. :) I'm going to read on. :D
P/s: My rating so far (since you've caught some of my interest...) 9/10. Your idea is a very good one to start with. Keep on the great work! (I hope that you update this soon, because I'm a fast reader!)
P/s/s: "Finding out about a doubt" is coming up next week. ;) Be on the lookout for it!Author's Response: Hey, thanks, I'm glad that it caught your interest. I have to admit that I don't usually take constructive critisism *or however you spell it* very well, but I know that you're right. I also have to admit that, in my defense I was in a hurry to post it :) I usually reread and triple check anything that I write, and for some reason the first chapter of this story, and the other story I didn't. I know that I misspelled the Avada Kedavra *blushes* However, I'm happy for my rating!!
I'm currently writing the fourth chapter to this story, and the third chapter to Anything goes Report Review
Hey! I really don't understand why you have no reviews for this, this is a great start!
Lots of stuff happens here, and you move sort of fast through the scenes, but that's alright. I like that you had Harry getting a note from Dumbledore (although Fawkes was surprising to see, 'cause he flew off at the funeral, and I thought he flew really far away too).
Harry and Hermione on the train, it was a small scene, and it would have been nice to hear more of the train ride back I think. The train ride always sets up things for the summer generally; hearing what other students are doing, what their plans are, etc. Plus we generally see more of the students on the train, like Luna, Neville, etc.
As for the scene with the Dursley's, yes, that was very strange. I thought an Imperius Curse at first, but Polyjuice Potion still works. I do feel upset that Harry's relatives are dead (or at least appear dead). Of course having the curse bounce off Harry made sense 'cause of the protection, but really, what was Ginny doing there? How did she get there before Harry, and get in the house? It would have been locked right, and the fake Vernon opened up the house, so how did she end up at the other side of the hallway? Hmmm . . . there should be some interesting backstory there I think.
Oh, your Avada Kedavra is mispelt, just thought I'd let you know.
The ending I'd say is the only part I'd say you need to maybe fix up. Harry just realized his relatives are more than likely dead, and that Ginny was suddenly in Privet Drive, yet the only thing he says is "I'm going to bed"? I don't know about you, but that is a strange thing to say. It sounds like it doesn't bother him at all that Death Eaters killed his relatives, and almost killed Ginny (the exact opposite of what he wants). I'd expect he would have been both yelling at Ginny, and shouting at Order members to both go and check his family, and why they allowed his family to get killed.
But again, it's just the ending I think that falls out a little. I like your plot line so far. This DADA professor sounds like she should be interesting to meet. And only Harry can convince her? Oh, I wonder why?
Anyways, again, good start! You deserve more reviews, that's for sure! I hope I maybe made up for a few here (I told you in my reply, I write long reviews!). Good start!
8 / 10Author's Response: Wow, I didn't realize that I left so much out. I'll start with I know that the scenes went by sort of fast, but I was trying to write it as though Harry wasn't really paying attention, except for the things he really wanted to see. On the train, the reason that only Harry and Hermione are there, most of the students that come from wizarding families their paretns took them home, I should have said that, but it slipped my mind. As for Ginny being at Privet Drive, she wasn't there before Harry, and I was picturing the house in the movie. I should have said that she was in the hallway, next to the front door, sorry about that. I didn't know that the spell was misspelled, thanks *blushes*. Finally the ending, um, I made it that way, because Harry doesn't like to show his emotions, until he absolutely has to, or until they kind of blow up out of him. He's said he's going to bed, so that he doesn't have to show how upset he is, but I definitely could have written it better. I usually re-read my stuff, before posting it, but I didn't get a chance to this time, and you can tell. I'll work on it Thanks Report Review
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