Reading Reviews for The Pipsqueak Warrior
  
42 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Hopeless Get My Eagles Home

8th September 2011:
whoa, what?? I guess that is what I get for picking a random story... this is captivating but really confusing so I must read on!

Author's Response: Thanks! This is the first whoa I've ever received, I think. Which is appropriate for a story of woo and whoa's (I hope)!

Anyway, it is very different and written the second person an as experiment, which I suppose could make it confusing. At heart, it's a story about a seige of Hogwarts/Hogsmeade and its defense, plus romance,written in the second person.

The characters are struggling not to become hopeless.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #2, by liz Vane Glorious

8th September 2011:
please keep writing and update again soon!

Author's Response: I promise to update reasonably soon. I'll likely edit chapter 7 for brevity and punch a bit more first though.

Thank you for your reviews, liz.


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Review #3, by liz Get My Eagles Home

8th September 2011:
this is so different! i love it!

Author's Response: Thank You!

I strove to make it different and I promise even on this date in 2013 7-27-2013 that I'm still working on this fic. I have a few extra chapters written, that I'm still editing.

I'm sorry I missed this review for so long!


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Review #4, by datbenik513 Get My Eagles Home

31st January 2011:
Oh my god, Jonesy! Upon reading the title of this story, I never thought I would find such an perfectly apocalyptic setting inside.

Still haven't made up my mind whether to strangle you for having killed Hermione. Ron, Ginny, the Patils - I don't really care, but hands off my Hermione :D:D:D

So many victims, so many young fallen heroes. And yet, they stand their ground, and - altough decimated - Voldemort's horde is decimated as well.

Brilliantly, very tightly written all over. Second-person POV combined by your broken, stream-of consciousness-like storytelling.. what should I say? I don't think there's a better way of describing Neville, the unwanted hero's battered state of mind.

I can't really imagine what possibly made Harry leave the battle; he's not one to disengage from fight and leave his friends behind, unless he had something in mind that could end this war forever.

Talking about cliffies, dammit! :D I hope you meant it not literally! Oh my effing goodness!

Full marks, of course. A well-deserved 10/10. Onwards!

Author's Response: Thank you for your reveiw Datbenik! This is a very hard fic to wriite do to its somewhat experimental nature. That and the fact that at the momen I don't have a working word processor.

Yes, Harry did have big plans in mind. Neville (in my plan) will be important to the story, but he is not the POV character.

Again, thanks for your review! ~ DA Jones


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Review #5, by pinks Spears

30th September 2009:
Poor Colin. And yet, at the same time, it seemed inevitable that she'd lose him too in this near-hopeless fight. Great chapter, I hope you update soon! Your stories are so different from what most people write--gritty and full of emotional upheaval. Keep up the fantastic work!

Author's Response: Thank You! Yes, a new chapter should be posted soon.




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Review #6, by pinks The Molten Queen Burns Everything

26th September 2009:
Wonderful story! Keep up the great writing!

Author's Response: Thank you. Hopefully once I finish all the rewrites of six, it'll be as good as the first 5.

BTW I forgot to mention, Natalie as you may know is the only character mentioned in the books that was based on a real HP fan, a little girl who died of cancer after a long bout and JKR honored in HBP I think or OOP (I forget which). The character may not be done yet. I just used her mainly because I was running out of character names. But I may not have the heart to kill her, we'll see.


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Review #7, by pinks Natalie And The Napoleons

26th September 2009:
Poor Natalie! Another fantastic chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you, sincerely. It is nice to have a new fan.

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Review #8, by pinks 'Strike Me Down...'

26th September 2009:
Another great chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you Pink. You might like chapter 4, but I don't think you'll like chapter 5, I think it was both beyond my conscious, the site restrictions and my ability to write it correctly. 2nd person mature scenes are hard. Also, thank you for leaving me my 300th ever review two back! Chapter 6 is still a work in progress since I haven't had it beta read yet.

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Review #9, by pinks Fire In The Forbidden Forest

26th September 2009:
Great story telling! I love how gritty your stories are!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #10, by pinks Get My Eagles Home

26th September 2009:
Awesome first chapter! Given the Hindi-like font the title is in, I thought this might be from Padma's perspective, so I was surprised to see it's Lavender.

Author's Response: Thank You! The banner is from the Dark Arts and was done before DH. I like it somewhat, but might have it redone, because now there are pictures of Lavender available from the movie. The pictures here are from Lost.

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Review #11, by Graywand Spears

29th August 2009:
Excellent chapter, Sandy. You adequately displayed the consequences of Lavender's actions in the last chapter. I just hope Colin isn't actually dead.

Hurry up and post the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you. The next chapter will be written and posted sooner than this, that I guarantee you...although it'll take some time to pass the validation.

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Review #12, by Liam R 'Strike Me Down...'

28th February 2009:
Well, that was interesting. It seems like you know exactly what you want to do and know where you want to go with this, which is always excellent.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but has Harry gotten with Luna? Or was Colin just be a complete idiot? Because I really couldn't see that happening, but it's called fanfiction for a reason, after all ^_^

Another brilliant chapter, keep it up :)

Author's Response: Liam,

Hmn, a couple of reviewers have pointed out to me that they were thrown by that scene...but my thinking was that I needed to make Colin look less perfect...even though he is in Lav's eyes -- so yes he is a bit crass.

Maybe next time I re-write this chapter I need to tone done Colin's description. But yeah H & L happen and its supposed to be a bit shocking and will get more explanation later.

In time of war and emotional scars, people sometimes do strange things.

Thank You!


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Review #13, by Liam R Fire In The Forbidden Forest

28th February 2009:
I have one word for this chapter: wow.

That's the only thing I can say, really. This is just so well written. It's so morbid and dark, and so gritty. You can tell there's no light at the end of the tunnel for any of them.

Something I forgot to comment on before, your characterisation is fantastic. I'm loving the second person, aswell. I think it's very hard in second person to get all of the characterisation in without it sounding boring, but you've managed it really well.

Well done :)

Author's Response: Thank You!

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Review #14, by Liam R Get My Eagles Home

28th February 2009:
Hi there, I'm finally here to review. I know it's been several weeks, and I'm really sorry, but I've had so much to do, it's been unreal, sorry about that.

Wow, I'm really not into second person, first of all. I'd just like to say that. Most people cannot write second person to save their lives, and it's always one of those things that people really tend to stay away from in a fic. Would I have read this if I came across it randomly? Probably not, but I'm glad I have.

You've taken second person on really well, and this chapter almost makes me want to read other second person stories. Sorry, I'm focusing on that alot, so I'll leave it there.

This is also very morbid. You can see how dark things have really gotten. There's alot of implied death and darkness and you can sense the fear in the characters, even if they are trying to be strong and to keep it together. Nobody's perfect, so it's brilliant that you've written them as such.

Great chapter, very well written :)

Author's Response: Thanks, Liam

You should try second person. The only reason this was written in second person is in response to a challenge, but I think it is one of the best decisions I ever made. As trying to write in it forces you to only write what the character can actually 'see.'

Thanks for the review. And don't worry about it taking three weeks. I've sometimes taken even longer to respond to review requests, as I write this I've owed two people some reviews for two weeks.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #15, by BobCheese The Molten Queen Burns Everything

3rd February 2009:
This is a very excellent story. I love your method of story telling, it's dramatic and entertaining. I have to say this is one of my favorite stories. I see you have updated it and i hope that you finish it or add at least one more chapter, i'm dying to know what happens.

Author's Response: Yes, I will finish it, Bob. I actually made the situation so dire, that I stumped myself on how to solve it. I didn't know, how to make the story proceed towards the ending I had mapped out. So I had to think about it.

I've promised myself that I will finish at least One Harry Potter novel and I think this is probably the better of my two main fics, so I plan to focus on this more in the immediate future.

I had to actually make a few minor changes to the chapters in order to proceed. The ending to chapter 5 is different then it used to be.

So at least one new chapter will come by the end of this month, but unfortunately new updates even normally with me are sometimes slow because my new job doesn't allow me much time to write as I'd like.

I'm glad you think the dramatics were ok. I was thinking that maybe this was too melodramatic. Thanks for the review!


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Review #16, by georgie_greenie Get My Eagles Home

31st January 2008:
wow! i'm loving it!

great emotion!!! there aren't enough fic's about Lavender, and I love them all.

please r&r Concrete Angel, and/or Blinded By The Darkness.

Author's Response: Thank You. I'm glad you liked it. I'll try to review those fics.

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Review #17, by meggy_knows The Molten Queen Burns Everything

5th October 2007:
Wow. I've never read a story like this on HPFF before, and I have to say that I absolutely loved this story. It's so exhilarating and my heart is now actualy beating faster and I want more. Heh. What I'm curious about, though, is more about what happened before. Like in the Forest, Attenborough and so on. I now love this story so much! ^^

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, mrggy! I'm glad you like this and find it exhilarating.

You'll have to read more to find out what happened in the forest. I'm hoping to have this novella finished by a bit after Christmas. It should be about 8-10 chapters long.

Thank You so much!


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Review #18, by holly bergman The Molten Queen Burns Everything

21st August 2007:
This is like Harry Potter cross some brilliant war movie like...umm...can't think of any right now...

Anyway, you took JKR's work and made it your own dark, gritty and angsty tale. You captured the horror of war and the atmosphere. The characters were a little OOC but it fit in really well with your story and was still believable so nobody really cares. (or at least I don't)

I can't wait for an update! Great stuff!

Author's Response: Actually, I thought about calling this: Saving Lt. Longbottom.

No, not really. LOL! There's no way to write this idea really and keep the two main characters totally in character. You have to suspend disbelief a bit and imagine that the war has changed them.

But at her core, the 'girl' in this fic is still that girl. That is who she longs to be again.

Next update won't be for a while. One to three months I think, as I have a couple of one-shots I want to produce first and I also need to push the main novel a bit more. And I write slow sometimes.

This is sort of my secondary project, but when I write it I spend much more time on the actually writing of it as this is my main 'serious fan-writing endeavor', as the main novel is more flippant and just for fun.

Thanks for the review!



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Review #19, by White_Dragon The Molten Queen Burns Everything

9th July 2007:
It's as if we are all experiencing the anxiety of the characters, what with the Movie out in less than 48 hrs and the Book in less than two weeks.

Much better pacing, without all those pesky military salutes and courtesies getting in the way (smile)

Author's Response: Jim,

Thanks for the review. For all three reviews. I forgot to answer your blood and guts question in four. It doesn't bother me to write the blood and guts part in fact I like it to some extent, but it is really the angst that can come from it that I like to write.

I suddenly realized that when I set down to write chapter three that I was going to so something a bit taboo, which was injure and kill fairly young children, which bothered me of course a bit. I don't think it had occured to me how young some of the DA members would have to be before then; so I decided to incorporate that anxiety into the 'you character', with her fear that she is doing nothing but getting young children killed for a hopeless cause.

Normally I'm a bit of a pacifist, although I've been in one or two fun fights in my life, so I'm hoping JKR touches on the horrors of war a bit because she has a bit of a platform there, but I don't think she'd do it because she'd have to write a truly horrific Death scene, something like the normally serene and comic Luna screaming and crying for her mother,and thrashing all over while she dies a horrible Death, and there's nothing her friends can do to help her. Something like that if done well would leave an impact. And remind and teach the readers about the cost of war.

But she won't do that. It is a childrens book after all.

Sandy



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Review #20, by White_Dragon Natalie And The Napoleons

9th July 2007:
Nice title!

I'm wondering how you felt about writing the blood and gore parts?



Author's Response: Nice title? I've never been complimented on a title before. It was just a conicidence that the theme allowed easy use of two 'NA' words.

I rewrote this a bit too, as you mentioned in chapter 5 and Graywand mentioned in yesterdays posted draft there were entirely to much 'siring.' I was trying to make Natalie seem nervous, but I found a simple solution for that, I wrote Natalie seemed Nervous. LOL!

So much easier, but I don't tend to like to use attributes in my dialogue, or adverbs or adjectives much, but that comes from the resume profession were adverbs, adjectives and other 'Pansy words' are the enemy of the action orientated resume.

Exactly the opposite of JKR's style, she's the adverb Queen, no wonder she had such a hard time finding or holding work, she was probably a horrible resume writer.

I won't often say, she said fiercely or serenly unless I'm intentionally making a oarallel to JKR.


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Review #21, by White_Dragon 'Strike Me Down...'

8th July 2007:
Regarding your concerns about the tone of the story. I feel you are correct when you say it would be easier to maintain the tone with just exposition, however, that wouldn't make it more readable. Just the opposite, your story becomes a pseudo-history article/story, with rather dry facts and figures that I feel would be an injustice to your work.

Unless you are deliberately setting out, as an exercise in writing, to create a history text of the Battle at Hogwarts, I would not hesitate to jump into dialog. Remember your story title... you are writing about a character, not an event.

One point you may wish to consider, and this has appeared throughout many Fantasy stories in publication, that when dealing with large armies of soldiers of mixed species, there may be internal conflict, as everyone tends to have their own agenda (as evidenced by your comment about the Goblins wanting to possess Hogwarts for financial reasons). Language barriers can also cause schisms internally. These can generate some mini side plots for you, Sandy.

On to the next chapter! --Jim

Author's Response: JIM,

The begining of this chapter was bothering me and I spend a huge amount of time on the first few sentences of my writing, just as I do with summaries or objectives on resumes. And then during a slow time at work today, when I needed to get away from the accountants resume (the only creativity the comes in writing an accountants resume is in trying to make it as uncreative and regimental as possible) when it came to me; the problem was the other two chapters opened with the 'you characters' emotional state, so that's what I needed to go back to. So when I got home I spent an hour to two fixing it up instead of watching TV (my family thinks I write a lot more resumes at home then I really do..a lot of it is HP or other fiction). I like the result much better know. I learned a leason from that, always stick to theme.

The Goblin comment was supposed to just be a throw-away joke, but maybe I can do somethng with that, hmn. It was an interesting observation.

There was a lot of exposition in this chapter about unit positions and strength etc...and I thought of maybe a briefing scene instead, but it would be hard to pull off from the 'you are the commander' perspective, because the commander knows all that stuff. This way from now on I've got it out of the way and I can just refer to say Fluer's brigade and the reader should know what I'm talking about...etc...

I try to avoid long technical exposition t, because I remember how annoying Michael Crichton can be in say Congo.

As an aside, can you imagine Harry Potter Michael Crichton style, there'd be pages and pages of explanations about various models of wands. LOL!


But yeah, it's not supposed to be so much a battle fic as a psych drama fic so I have to be careful, thanks for the review, this one was very helpful.

Sandy


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Review #22, by Graywand The Molten Queen Burns Everything

8th July 2007:
Great chapter, a little short though. Oh, and next chapter of my fic, you should see combat again. And dragons, combat and lots of dragons. As a matter of fact in that story, I was thinking of having Rebbecca's sister Layla command an elite military unit under the authority of Army Intelligence, what do you think? (Though I may reconsider that because that's what I came up when I stayed up late for the past six days playing Rainbow Six)

And I like the Colin romance, and I think she does love him.

Author's Response: Yeah, actually all three chapters were one chapter, but I realized there were naturally 'cliffhangers' were I could divide it into three. Some of my pure combat chapters end up short, because I tend to like to leave them at cliffes.

Dragon combat, that sounds exciting. There another reviewer of mine called White Dragon, who is obsessed with Dragons and I have a Dragon scene planned for this fic.

Your parents must be yelling at you to go outside and get some summer air, they used to do that to me when I was a video game nut at your age, and I still fire up the playstation 2 sometimes. I used to have when I was about 12 and Atari 2600 and the first NES was such an improvement on that.

Anyway, thanks for the review.


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Review #23, by Graywand Natalie And The Napoleons

8th July 2007:
Another good chapter. Though could you cut down on the sirs, I don't use them that much and it's inappropriate to use them that much. Yet and still good job, and don't worry, I'm not leaving this because of a PM because there isn't one.

Author's Response: Thanks! I probably have overdone the sirs. PM? I'm confused I actually did send you one.

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Review #24, by Graywand 'Strike Me Down...'

8th July 2007:
Cool chapter, though you spelled reconnaissance wrong. On to the next one. And why did you have Harry have a fling with Luna?

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'll fix that, I figured that was wrong when I was drafting it and forgot to go back and fix it. I really am an atrocious speller.

Colin's comment about Luna and Harry's relationship is exactly that, part of his character development, if you remember he also says a rather nasty comment about Marietta in chapter 2; in some ways Colin is not a gentlemen. Also his comment about Luna is a way for him to voice a concern he has about his relationship with Lavender.

In other words his comment may not be true. There's no way he could really know could he?


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Review #25, by HarryGinnyFan18 'Strike Me Down...'

8th July 2007:
ok

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm still working on it a bit.

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