Interesting. I like it. I have a desire to love it, but the story doesn't seem to allow me to do that. Very good. :)Author's Response: It's been forever since I was last on hpff, but I just logged on and was greeted with a ton of reviews on my story. Thanks so much for commenting! Report Review
ugh. Well written, certainly, but VERY depressing. Hmm...after that I'm now going to have to read something about rainbows and kittens. :DAuthor's Response: I agree that it's depressing. Every time I read it over I have to check out fml .com or something haha Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
this is was powerful piece of story. It amazed me.
So Harry turned evil after killing Voldemort?? and then took her child? poor poor woman! =[Author's Response: He changed after having to resort to whatever he did to kill Voldemort. It was awful and it changed him. He left Ginny while she was pregnant, and then the baby died. :( Report Review
OH MY GOD. Wow, that was depressing! I cried for that girl, sometimes I feel just the same way. No man ever left me for another, lol, but I definitely know of loss, and fate and life are just so effing cruel sometimes. *sigh* If only she had stayed alive... I'm good at mending souls! LOL. Anyway, if you ever get this, write more! You have a beautiful way of wording things. I'll add you to my faves in case you ever decide to show your face in the archive again. *sings* Baby come back!*stops singing, to everyone's delight*Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for the review, it made my day. I'll work on some more stories and see if I can get them posted. Report Review
thank you for reponding- it makes a lot more sense and i look forward to reading a revised edition and any future stries you write :]Author's Response: I hope I'm inspired to write more fanfics, but I've had a long bit of fanfic writer's block, so we'll see. Thanks for the reviews! Even if I am responding 4 years later. :) Report Review
your writing is beautiful. you convey so clearly the pain of loss. i hope you will write more in the future.Author's Response: Thank you, I appreciate your comments. Good news, I'm currently working on a fic. Report Review
Well, great job at getting your first story validated! I would spend a bit more time on it and make two changes:
1. Turn it into a poem instead of a monologue, 'cause that's what you've got here.
2. Take out, like, half of the pronouns. Author's Response: Thanks, I thought about making it a poem, like you said, but I really am terrible at making poems flow well. Report Review
it was good, but short...i get a feeling of unfinished business about the story...it went by so fast that i didnt have the time to really get into the feeling of the story
you have wonderful word choice and a flow of writing...i was albe to peice things together as i read it- i could figure out what was implyed very easily
but i think, that in the first paragraph, instead of using luxurious hair, lushcious hair would have been more appropriate.and this sentence 'Many years ago many things were different.' needs revising because the two many's dont sound rite-- maybe Mnay years ago, things were different' would work-- you dont need to add in that description- sometimes simplicity is all that is needed to convey a thought
one thing i didn't understand was why she 'once had a wand' that didnt make much sense...or the reason harry left... and what their relationship was.i think you should hae taken the time to indulge more into those factors
the ending is ... [**sigh**] ... [**thinking of correct word choice**] ...very... powerful...and...in your face...and... scary... and . god i luv it soo much i dont know what to say.
i hate it for not being happy and ending how i want it to end, but i am forced to love it because it sends out such a message: not everything ends with a 'happily ever after' and sometimes torn souls live eternally in agony over bad choices
i know thats probably not what you intented to incite [ if i was, i would reccommmend writing your own book] , but the messsage is still that same
over all, awesome, but you just need to tied up the loose ends of Harry and the child, polish and round off those smidges of smudges, and you have a work of art...i still love the beginng- inticing and make you wonder, and i adore the end, althogugh maybe a few touch ups, wher? i dont know.[sry]
about harry, maybe you could say something that she always felt it would never work cause it was too ?fast? or ?too good to be true?.somthing simple, not too lengthy cause it wouldnt fit in, but something like that.but your the author, so you decide
i know trhis is lengthy, and i apologize, but i hope you appreciate my criticism and insight ... much luv and farwell!!!
[ps, i dont have an author thing, i just like to read and reveiw stories, but if for some reason you want to ask me somehting or the other, ill check the reveiws here narly everyday- ill just post a reveiw as a response]
[ps2- im gonna go read your other stories now... :-] ]Author's Response: Thank you so much for the constructive criticism! I really do appreciate it. Sorry, but I don't have any other stories yet. (YET.) Yes, it is pretty angsty, but it's just that I read so many of these fics in which everything turns out perfect and everyone lives, etc etc. But what if it didn't turn out perfectly in the end? What if something catastrophic did happen? Anyway, those are the reasons for the darkness and angst.
Actually, that was one of the points, or themes, of this story. The idea that if you make the wrong choices, you may be internally tortured for the rest of your life. Maybe that's something from my past, but that's a prevalent theme in many of the short stories I've written.
It seems like Ginny should have thought "gee, this sure does seem too good to be true", but that's the idea here. That she didn't think that. She was so in love and so blinded by that love that she couldn't see what Harry was doing. And essentially that is, using her.
Yes, I do regret making this story a bit short. It's only a few words over the minimum. I may go back and write some more stuff into it. Elaborate more about Harry and her and all that. Why she doesn't have a wand/use magic anymore, etc.
I'm glad that you liked the ending so much. I tried to make it as heart-wrenching and shocking as possible. I wanted readers to think about the consequences. Consequences of not only your own choices, but the decisions of others as well, not to mention Fate. Report Review
Interesting story, although it doesn't seem like a Harry-type of thing to do to leave Ginny. Especially for another woman? Well written.Author's Response: Thank you for the compliments, I appreciate them! You're right, it doesn't seem like a very "Harry thing to do" does it? The point here is that Harry isn't "Harry" anymore. He's man, a killer. His last exchange with Voldemort changed him in some way. Perhaps he was in love with Ginny at one time, but she just isn't enough anymore. I'm planning to write another story to go with this one, elaborating on how Voldemort's end came about.
I wrote this fic pretty quickly, I didn't spend a whole lot of time on it, so perhaps this plot element may have had to do that I'd been reading a lot of Harry/Hermione shipper stories at the time. :) Report Review
very sad... and well written.
shouldn't it be a one-shot, though?Author's Response: Thanks, and yes, it should be a one-shot. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure what a one-shot was until after I wrote this story and submitted it. Report Review
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