Hi! I stumbled upon your story through the random button and decided to give it a read. I guess that I should just start with what first got my attention. There are quite obviously a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. The majority of them are very noticeable and detract from what could be a good beginning to a story. I think that those mistakes are the biggest. Your story on the other hand, could actually be the start of something good. I suggest that you just slow things down, and explain them as they happen so that the reader has an idea of what is going on. Because everything seems to be happening at once. That said, I hope this might have helped a bit. This is a good idea for a story. -Bri Report Review
~*~*~There's alittle to much language in it in my opinion, you know? I't's not mine, but I think a little bit more of a word choice. I'm not quite sure about what was going on. If you don't have a beta, I'll do it.~*~*~ ~KeiraAuthor's Response: I`d love that thank you Report Review
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