My first ever founders, didn't really like the idea before, you have changed my mind.Author's Response: This was for the Out Of Your Realm challenge and it definitely was! I don't even read Founders-era. Thanks so much for reviewing and I'm glad I changed your mind! Report Review
What an ending! I was beginning to think that he'd gone too soft, but I really do like the way you've pulled this all together. I don't think the last line would've worked nearly so well in any other point of view, and I don't think the story would've pulled together as neatly if it was all in first person - I don't know, I think that would just be too disjointed. I loved the line: “I know,” you tell him. But you don’t know, you don’t know. Like I've said before, your italic usage is sparing but well-placed, and I think in the case of that line, again, the point of view really added to it. I guess the short lines are just better in second person. =)
I'm sort of confused about the heir; he's leaving the decision up to his heir as to use the basilisk to kill Muggle-borns? Or what? I just wasn't sure on his intention. I thought it was really interesting that he expected his heir to come back so soon - but of course, who would have the foresight to guess it would be 1000 years? I love the devotion he has to his students, whether he wanted to admit it or not, and this chapter really helped explain why he'd want to teach in the first place (though it didn't touch on the subject of actually teaching and passing down magical knowledge, which I would've liked to see).Author's Response: I'm absolutely ecstatic beyond words that you liked Salazar in the end!! I just don't know what to say. I couldn't write him any other way, I just couldn't. I had him fixed in my mind as someone totally different to how he is usually portrayed and I really thought the result came out exactly as I wanted. But, of course, that just made me more worried about the reaction of readers! There's nothing worse than people disliking something that you feel you did just as you'd planned.
Second person is different and sometimes awkward, but there's a lot of lines that are far more hard-hitting in this POV and you picked out a couple of my favourites. I'm just glad I managed to create something that you think actually worked better in second person. That, to me, is far greater praise than saying I did it well or something.
Salazar recognises that his views on Muggleborns are skewed. I think I even use those exact words somewhere. He knows his past has corrupted what he thinks of them and he's so conflicted - mainly because the other Founders don't share his views, particularly Helga - and he doesn't trust himself any more to make the decision of what to do with the Basilisk, especially considering the mess he makes with Rowena and their relationship. So yes, he decides to leave the decision up to someone who he thinks will be less confused or affected by other factors. Of course, it doesn't work that way. The Slytherins are brought up believing that Salazar wanted all Muggleborns out for good and there's a certain expectation of them to agree with his supposed views.
As to his heir, I think Salazar naturally just thinks that they will return in a generation or too. And, of course, who is to say an heir of his didn't come back and just not find the Basilisk or make the decision he wished them to make?
I'm tempted to try and fit in some stuff about teaching magic now...Often it's very difficult for me to go back to something and add more than a few words in, but maybe I'll give it a go.
Anyway, thanks a million for such lovely, long reviews and you've helped me think about this fic a lot! As always, I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
This chapter didn't seem to go anywhere, but I like the gentle prodding and nonchalance of Helga's interference. I was going to comment that I didn't really like how this chapter wasn't nearly as focused on her as it was with the previous ones, but looking back on it I can see that it was a good choice, since she isn't a very egocentric character and is more defined by her interactions with others than by her own past and thoughts.
There were a few times when you used me/my instead of you/your, which I don't think was intentional ... The letters sounded almost like fillers, sort of fluffy and flourishy, but I suppose that's just part of Salazar and his esteem for appearances. I thought that he would've been a little bit - I don't know, different with Helga. He'd known her longest and been through so much with her, that I would've thought that he'd talk more about her than about Rowena ... maybe it was because he knew she wasn't all about herself and would be looking for ways to help Rowena? I don't know. Also, wasn't there a mention of her husband in the previous chapter? He was suspiciously absent.
You're right that I didn't like Salazar's characterization (but we'll see, we'll see), but looking at Rowena from yet another point of view helped build her into a three-dimensional person rather than a name. Her dramatic tendencies are definitely familiar in certain friends, so I liked how Helga knew to just accept it as a part of her.Author's Response: I feel slightly guilty over this chapter. I started out promising myself that I'd give Helga a chapter all about her, but look what it morphed into. But it was right for this story and I think you really understood why I did that, so thank you. I love it when people truly 'get' my fics.
I fixed those darn me/my errors, or at least the ones I found!
The letters...Salazar is very much one for appearances and the letters were 'flourishy' for that very reason. His letter to Helga was like that simply because he knows her so well, and she him. He knows that Helga understands him and why he is leaving, and she can read between the lines to everything else he doesn't say. Don't tell Rowena, but I really think Salazar intends to stay in touch with Helga and perhaps that's why his letter ended up more about Rowena.
Helga's husband...the official reason I've come up with is that Salazar's leaving is something the Founders have to deal with in their little group, with no outsiders who don't really understand their friendship. The unofficial reason is that I forgot him. :P
I'll get on to Salazar's characterisation in the next review response! But I'm glad you liked Rowena. This fic is sort of all about her and Salazar, unfortunately, so I really tried to get them both exactly how I wanted.
Once again, thank you!! I'm having great fun talking about all the intricacies of this fic and your reviews, as always, put a huge smile on my face. Report Review
I wrote you a nice long review, and my computer decided to crash when I submitted it. So, apologies if this seems like it's a little scattered.
The vocabulary in this chapter is great and, in a way, it feels more suited to a more upper-class character. The usage of italics is just fantastic, and really adds a lot to the story; I almost forgot I was reading a 'you-fic.' There were two instances of verbs that didn't quite agree with the subjects, which I think can be attributed to the trickiness of writing in second person - It just seems like he doesn’t love anyone because he can’t find anyone to suit him, rather than being like you, who just doesn’t have it in you to love anyone. (the second 'doesn't' should be 'don't,' because even if it sounds a little bit weird, it's more fitting); There are no deeper feelings in it, but you often wish there was. (was should be were, because she's saying that she wishes there were deeper feelings - plural and all that).
Rowena's character was really well-portrayed in this piece, and I love how she wants to love Salazar but can't. Her uneasiness around Godric seems more acceptable from her point of view, but I like how she's still sort of vulnerable. I've aways seen her as a sort of bitter character, which you showed well. Even better than that, though, is that you showed her as a sympathetic character, so we still want her to find a good guy who doesn't judge her or fawn over her even after what she's put these to men through. She was a good mix of conflicting feelings.
As for the mature scene, I think you pulled it off really well; however, I don't generally read a lot of them so my opinion probably isn't the best to go on. Some parts of it were awkward ... like the multiple mentions of 'in you' which just creep me out... but I liked how you emphasized the emotions (or lack thereof) and made them more important than the actual descriptions.Author's Response: If I improved my vocabulary, it must have been self-consciously, much as I'd love to claim I did that purposely! By the way, I adore italics and I really think about where to use them, so I'm extremely pleased to hear you liked my usage of them.
That first mistake I never would have noticed in a million years, so thanks a lot for that! The second I cringed over. I must have had a brain freeze when I wrote that. But yes, both are fixed and thank you again!
Rowena was such a complex character for me. I had all these conflicting emotions I wanted her to feel, all these things I wanted her to feel confused about...but at the same time, it felt natural to me to write her like that. I'm not a fan of relationships between the Founders, but hers with Salazar seemed necessary to convey her how I wanted to.
The mature scene...ick...I haven't even dared to read over it again. I will brave it tonight or tomorrow and see if I can fix it up a bit. I'm ecstatic to hear you say you liked the emphasis on emotion - or lack of, as you so aptly said - because that really was the whole idea of that scene for me.
Once again, Elfy, you have my sincere gratitude for another awesome review! I'm very pleased you liked this too! Report Review
So I was looking for a founders short story to read, and pretty much all of them were just romances or time-turner expeditions or the like, so I was happy to stumble across this - and imagine my surprise when I found it was you who wrote it! This doesn't feel out of your realm at all because it flows so well, but I can see how it would be. The second person point of view worked well at some points, but at others I was way too aware of it and it took a while to settle into the feeling of the story. The tenses transitioned pretty naturally, though there were about two places where I think they got switched up (You were all so different now; people with different values and opinions, and you no longer mesh together as well as you used to. is the only one I can find now).
I love the dynamics of the relationships that you've established, and I think it's way cool what you did with Hufflepuff's gift. Sometimes she seems so overlooked in these sorts of stories. Their backgrounds seem well thought-out, and I think it's interesting how we can see how that affected Slytherin so much, but maybe not so much the others. It's an interesting thought that Gryffindor wouldn't know his ancestry, but I think it adds to his acceptance and casualness about the subject.
I love how the song starts out addressing the second person, but it didn't really add a lot to me after that. The way you came back around to the laying down at the end really appealed to me (repetition and coming full-circle at the end are two of my favorite writing devices), and the last line is just right for setting up the next chapters, because it doesn't have a note of finality at all. The idea of the school being "attuned to the moods of its makers" (I like that line) is particularly interesting, since I hit on that in my founders era story too. =)Author's Response: *hugs* Reviews from you always make me feel ridiculously happy! I've saved these reviews until today so I can give them the response they deserve.
I think second person fics just tend to be difficult sometimes. I've honestly thought about trying to smooth it out, but I don't think I could. I fixed that mistake and another - I didn't find anymore, but I'll look again another day.
Can I be honest? Their backgrounds weren't particularly thought out. Sometimes things just seem right to me, and their stories were just a few things like that. Salazar and Helga were thought about a bit, though. I wanted a death in Salazar's family (that always goes a long way towards explaining prejudice to a certain group of people!) but I wanted another of them to have experienced the same as a sort of contrast. Helga seemed like the right choice.
I love to repeat and come back to things I mentioned at the start, too. It just seems so...right, sometimes. And I firmly believe the school was affected by their moods.
That's about all I have to say to this one, so thank you so so much for such a lovely review and I'm very glad you liked so many things about it!
beautiful story...Author's Response: I've really become attached to this story, so I'm pleased you thought it was beautiful. Thanks a lot for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Well done. I think it's hard to read in second person. It would be best in third person I thinkAuthor's Response: The reason I did it in second person was because I was trying to do a fic completely different to what I usually write. Unfortunately, second person fics are just plain difficult to read no matter how good they might be. Thanks a lot for reviewing! Report Review
sorry,acidentally sent you a 5
Author's Response: Lol, that's okay. Only staffers can see the ratings anyway. :) Report Review
very good romance, though it could have been better
keep it upAuthor's Response: This was my first sex scene, so I'm glad you liked it even if it could be improved. I'll hopefully write any more scenes like that better in future. Thanks for reviewing again and I'm pleased you liked it! Report Review
wonderful, kept me reading.
write more.Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I will definitely be finishing off soon, but I want to get the last few chapters of another fic written first. Thanks for reviewing and I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
(Sorry I'm not logged in). Wow you write really well. You can actully feel the emotion between them as you read and that's fantastic, somthing I have never been able to do, so I envy you for it. Hope to see more of your work.
-K1ttycatAuthor's Response: Wow, you've made my day; I was so nervous about this fic! I'm so glad you felt the emotions between them - I didn't want to lose that during the sexual scenes. Anyway, thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you liked it! I should update in a week or two. Report Review
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