Great story, but huge problems with spelling, grammer and character names. You need to have someone edit this 'cause it's a pretty good plot. Report Review
The plot has thickened!! lol Please be very careful of your use of homophones...knew/new, know/no, there/their/they're, your/you're, to/too...there were a lot of these words used incorrectly. Also, I've noticed this in other chapters besides this one--it should be realize, not release. I'm sure you didn't realize this, but the line where Harry is talking to Sam/Ryan/(whatever his name is) he refers to him as 'Juliette's sister' instead of brother. Lots of run-on sentences, kinda makes it difficult to understand some parts, along with some missing letters. A lot of these kinds of things a computer spell-checker won't catch, so you'll need to find a good proof-reader. I'm glad Harry & Ginny are getting back together, but I'm still having a hard time with Harry having two girls by different women, because he's the faithful type and not the kind of guy to sleep around. There was also no explanation about the times when Ginny was there but wasn't, was talking but no one could hear her, saw something but it really wasn't there. I assume in the hospital she was not able to be heard by her mum because she was still in a coma or something similar, but the story never really addressed why she was having these issues either--why she just passed out at home then ended up being in a coma?? It mentioned some kind of curse by the death eaters, but nothing further was explained about this either. Report Review
Did Ginny leave Lily with her friend Sam? How could she do that and not even tell her own mum about her grandchild? This is not clear at all, and I really can't see Mrs. Weasley calmly taking the news that she has a 5 yr old grandchild she doesn't know about. Also, the 2nd paragraph, 2nd to last line seems to be missing some words because it reads awkwardly. Also, the paragraph that starts with "Ginny and Mrs. Weasley went over every detail..." needs some commas between 'Lily, Sam, her new apartment...' and should probably be broken into 2 sentences. (I'd start a new sentence with "Before Ginny knew it...", then you could probably combine this with the next sentence, since it's not really correct to begin a sentence with "So". That line had a wrong word also--it should say "Mrs. Weasley had to leave... ." I hope this helps! Report Review
I like your story ideas so far, but I have to point out there are still MANY mistakes (spelling, grammar, you name it). A few that I've noticed repeatedly are no/know, new/knew, your/you're, and series/serious. Also, in several places words are transposed, or just missing. Please don't take this to mean that I hate your story, because I really don't--just offering some constructive criticism. Report Review
It's a really good story,but you need to read through it.There's a lot of mistakes,like words missed out or the wrong way round.LaurenAuthor's Response: Oh really. Sorry about that. I didn't know. Thanks. Iwill fix it up now. Actually.
thanks for the review. Report Review
hah ron sucha retard lolAuthor's Response: haha i know. thanks for the review. Report Review
i liked the story but i cant get past all the mistakes in grammer and spellingAuthor's Response: Yea as i asaid in my last reply i am going to work on that. but im definatly going to get it re-written. Report Review
Well, I liked the story line and I think that you have a good imagination.
I think you would benefit from a proofreader (a beta I think is what it's called). Also, some of the grammatical issues (such as run-on sentences and punctuation issues) could well be identified by using the checkers included with most word processing programs.
I think someone else mentioned that the reconciliation between Harry and Ginny seemed to have taken no time at all and I agree. I think you could have added a lot of conflict and discussion as they are both passionate people -- then it could all climax in that KISS.
In any case, I think you should definitely keep writing - just use the resources available. Even the greatest writers in the world have editors, right? I think being able to come up with a solid and entertaining plot is the big hurdle, and you have that ability.
Good luck on your work!Author's Response: Thank you. You made me cry with that response. I will take your advise into consideration but i had already decided to get it beta-ed i've just been a bit lazy. Yea im not to good on the grammer and puntuation. Because my spelling isn't great and the words in my mind go faster then my fingers can keep up.
Thanks You for reviewing and reading. Report Review
i lovee it Author's Response: thanks. Report Review
loove it :)
really good plot...
and ive been with you since the begining :PAuthor's Response: first time you've reviewed though lol. but its still nice to know and i appricate it. lol. see if you told me you were reading my story i would have gone and read urs earlier (if u have any lol).
-kirstie Report Review
I absoultly loved this story.
-constanceAuthor's Response: oh thanks. im in the iddle of writting the last chapter .(tears) Report Review
OK, as I am now finished reading all 10 chapters...here comes the whole review.
You need a little more detail in your writing. Harry and Ginny made up too quickly after she found out about the other kid. Other parts were a little too fast too. Put in how he/she felt, what they were thinking, some more reactions, stuff like that.
It was a nicely written piece, it just need a little more in it to make a well done piece.Author's Response: thank you. you know what this is the best review ive ever gotten. i will re-edit some things and make them longer once i get afew more chapters done.
this is the most informative review ive eve gotten and i thank y u(agian) because it really tells me what is wrong lol. i also like the not bad, getting better and i haveto say i would be rather dissapointed if my story wasnt getting better, writting wise chapter by chapter.
luv kirstie Report Review
also not bad... Report Review
interesting cliffhanger Report Review
improving with each chapter Report Review
not bad Report Review
nicely written Report Review
Nicely written Report Review
getting better Report Review
also not bad
not too bad Report Review
great chappie!!! update soon!!! =)
xoxo Love From xoxo, Britt Report Review
Great chapter, glad they are back together... I don't recall that Ginny has told Lily yet who Harry is, hope that will be soon. Report Review
Good chapter! Wonderful detail!
-NattieAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
well, this could be a good story if you used a beta or even just didn't use netspeak. It really throws the reader out of the story.Author's Response: ok thanks im working on getting a beta
thanks for reviewing
luv kirstie Report Review
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