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17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nina You

21st April 2010:
it wasn't half bad. but it could have been better. Probably less talk and more emotions? And draco gave the lamest excuses in the world for leaving her and she accepts them all? come on! Love isn't enough for life. Being able to trust is a very essential component. He broke it so easily. he could've atleast given better excuses. but for a one-shot it was cool.

Author's Response: true true. I've tried to incorporate more descriptions in my writing now but I do thank you for the review. --Carla

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Review #2, by laurenb4harryp You

12th May 2009:
Very, very, very, very, very good!

Author's Response: thank you very very very very much. --Carla

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Review #3, by Potterholic You

28th August 2007:
This was really sweet. I really enjoyed it. I like how you conveyed their emotions at the first part of the story and how you described things. The quote was played in nicely, though I felt the dialogue was a bit too stiff. Most of it sounded more like a narration than a dialogue, and it made them sound slightly OOC. But other than that, this was a sweet story. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: This definitely needs a rewrite. Thank you, though, for the review. you are a beauty. ---Carla

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Review #4, by FutureAggie09 You

16th August 2007:
It was very good, I think, until the end. It was crazy and random, and broke away from the rest of the story disjointedly. 8/10

Author's Response: I hate endings. Prolly why I rarely end anything.. But thank you. -- Carla

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Review #5, by _Emma_ You

15th August 2007:
Aww, sweet ending. I really enjoyed it, it was really good.

Author's Response: Thank you soo much! You're sweet. --Carla

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Review #6, by thegirllikeme You

27th July 2007:
The first section with Ginny was really, really good. Perfectly in character, and explaining her emotions eloquently with a few, well-chosen words. But the part with Draco, though with no compromise to the writing, felt OOC to me. I can understand the part of pulling away from his family, agree that a love between the two of them would have started in hatred, but he seemed too...mushy. Especially about admitting in needing her. Since Draco is first entering the picture we have no background of how he has changed, we can only assume that he is mostly the same Draco we know in canon, the one who would say this: “A Malfoy doesn't need anybody.”

There were a few typos, places where words were out of order and a word or two was missing. Not too many, mind. Just a few. The duologue at the end was too fast paced for my taste. Slow down and show some of their emotion, thoughts, and actions behind their talk. It also felt a bit...tacky. I don't mean any harm, but it seemed to be something straight from a soap opera. Nothing original – perhaps it was rational that way, but it's just no my taste. Especially when Draco tells her her loves her. The way he says it is so unlike him. I think of Draco as the kind to be possessive in love, to try to take all he can get, without real commitment. I think he'd admitting it, would make him weak, vulnerable, and he's the kind who'd do anything to keep someone from hurting him. And only when he's at the breaking point of losing everything he holds dear would he actually admit to it, and even then I think he would do it grudgingly. It doesn't mean it's not true, just hard for him to say. And then after it's said the first time, that's when the real change begins—er, sorry if that wasn't the least bit helpful. I know I was babbling a bit.

And fah-lah:
Draco shook his head then laughed a hollow, dead laugh. “You’re evading my question, dearest. I asked if you still love me. I know you do. You disappoint me. You’re not honest, you’re trying to fight the one thing I know you want,” he said in a brutal and harsh manner.
For a moment there, you touched his character. I was so happy with this paragraph. It was the one time I recognized the character. But in the next moment, he was all weepy again...

The change from: I can't be with you, to: yeah, I can, was way to quick, no transition. Something that could have been avoided by dueling with her thoughts and emotions a bit more. So here are my two snippets of advise.

#1: Work on Draco's character, go to the books and read him, pretend he's real and imagine talking to him. Figure out what makes him tick. And when he feels real to you, perfectly rounded with all his faults and insincerities and that stubborn rich kid attitude, then you can write him. And I'm not saying that Draco can't be good or fall in love (because I always knew Draco could), I'm just saying he won't show it the way others would.
#2: Work on duologue. Just because they're talking doesn't mean you can stop writing that beautiful way you should me in the first few scenes.

I hope some of this helped and nothing was discouraging. Good luck and keep writing (because you're good at it).

Author's Response: Thank youuu soo much! I suck at answering reviews but I do appreciate everything. I know I need to edit my stories. You're review is very helpful, indeed.

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Review #7, by spicyhc123 You

24th July 2007:
You're quite silly to say think it would waste our time. I found it cute, and I love stories like this, so i loved this story. =] yes the ending was a bit corny, but we all do it. i know I have =D

I didnt see anything wrong with it. I thought you did well like you usually do. So, good job and keep up the great work

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and sweet words. --Carla

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Review #8, by Zacharias_Smith You

18th July 2007:
Great one-shot. I did enjoy the ending actually, I think you built up to it fine and the whole story was well-written, with good characterization.

Author's Response: Thank you.. I had, uhh, fun with it... Is it right to say I had fun with a fic that was a bit depressing??:D Lol..

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Review #9, by hogwarts_witch You

8th July 2007:
Aw, I really liked this story, and I really liked the ending. I'm usually not a big fan of Draco/Ginny stories, but this one was really good. There were a few minor spelling a grammer mistakes, but besides that, nothing else was wrong with it.
Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you soo much for the review --- Carla

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Review #10, by Beautiful Insanity You

30th June 2007:
I really enjoyed reading this one-shot and it's quite a pity that you didn't decide to continue it.

Anyway, back to the review I've promised you.

The thing I liked the most about this story is the fact that you could feel, while reading it, the emotiones of the characters. In the beginning, I could feel Ginny's pain and despair and Draco's regret and sadness. It was nearly heart-breaking.

The end wasn't corny at all. In fact, I think it was the perfect ending.

You did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your stories. :)

-Beautiful Insanity

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm really glad you liked the ending as I was on the fence with it. -glomps-

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Review #11, by Might Have Ben Hur You

29th June 2007:
No, it didn't waste my time. It was very well written, though an excess of commas. You were right, the ending was a little corny, but it was still well written. The whole thing flowed nicely and there weren't any disconected parts. Good job.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing. You have very kind words and I could not help but be very thankful. haha

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Review #12, by ghostwriter1030 You

29th June 2007:
Hey ChellDaBelle with your review. I like the occassional Draco/Ginny and this was good. I loved your somewhat poetic descriptions. It was riveting though with a few errors. I enjoyed readng it :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, much appreciated.

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Review #13, by the nutty imp You

25th June 2007:
You started this out quite mysterious melancholy that had me wondering on who she was and what happened. The fact that you did not immediately revealed the names of both characters adds to the mysterious feel. The ending seemed too abrupt ... I was getting into their arguments and suddenly the tone changed ... then again couples sometimes does that in an argument. *lol* Although its still too abrupt. May I suggest that you add a bit of something to describe their conflicting emotions / thoughts - something that prompted them to change directions.

I'd also like to suggest that you italicize those lines you want emphasized instead of bold-face. Bold is just to glaring to the eyes ... but that might be just me.

Some other corrections

"You(.)

The sadness, the confusion;(,) and the yearning for a world that she had been part of(, or ...) but had fled. -

your spacing was slightly skewed ... must be from editing and re-editing the fic, but i can easily be remedied.


Author's Response: Thank you! Definitely, this story is in my long line of "need to edit and hopefully make better" thank you for the review!

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Review #14, by LovelyDays (not signed in) You

17th June 2007:
Cute story. Yes, I agree that it was a bit corny and not completely my style but I thought it was very good. It was written well and I only noticed a few mistakes here and there; mostly comma misplacements or no comma when one was needed. If you don't have a beta I suggest you get one to look over this story. Other than that, nice job! :]

Author's Response: This is on my "to-edit list" I was just so anxious to get it out there. Thank you for the review, you are awesome.

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Review #15, by Broken_Innocence You

22nd April 2007:
awww that is so cute...I don't mind corny, I spend most of my time reading romance when I am supposed to be studying. I love the one shot it is really nice and it makes you feel all warm and cozy inside!

Author's Response: I love corny. Thank you for reviewing.

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Review #16, by padme_alejandra You

7th October 2006:
The ending was perfect, I don't know what you mean! I loved every inch of this. Your dialogue was perfect, I always struggle with it :) And the chracters were mainly kept in canon so it's all good!

Author's Response: Thanks... I thought it wasn't good... I really didn't like it so much... But after reading it again, I did.. Thank you!!!!

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Review #17, by pens82 You

5th October 2006:
good

Author's Response: Thanks!!!

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