I... Love it! I really do. It's very nice.Author's Response: Hey there Empty Words!
Thanks, glad you like this story! It's a little small one I have going, sorta off to the side to be honest, but it's great to hear you liked it so far!
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I like Brice. I like how she doesn't like Evan. And I like Rowan. So yes - you're doing a good job on the character so far! The plot is moving along nicely, and you bringing in the World Cup gives the readers a good timeframe. We know where we are in canon. I like that!
I do have some comments on a few things, though...:
wrecked a Nimbus 2001 prototype by “accidentally” running into a muggle plane at 220 miles per hour wouldn't this kill him for sure?
Evan was never one to be nervous about things, - it's funny, the fact that he was the nervous type was the main expression i sat with after chapter one...
incase - in this context the word should be split. 'in case'
I still notice misplaced comma's and such as well. I'm guilty of not having my writing beta-read as well, but perhaps it would be an idea to consider?
Anyway, I do like your story. It's original - which is somewhat rare when it comes to plots in this fandom - and you narrate nicely!
Hope me reviewing was of any help to you! Report Review
Now, this is a good plot idea! I don't usually like stories focusing entirely on OC's, but in this case, when they're a plausible part of canon, I think I might just like it : D I never actually gave the thought of the spiders being transfigured humans much time (none at all actually), and I think it's really clever!
We don't see to much of Evan, I think - not of his personaliy at least - but what we do see is enough to give us some impression of him, and he seems well thought out.
My main problem with this is the mistakes you're making. They're scattered through the text, and even if it doesn't impair our reading, it takes something away from your story. Some of the cases that popped out would be:
The man kept his deep blue eyes set however on the door at the end - the structure is off, and it makes it awkward. 'However' is the main word that's messing it up.
Evan heard of him before. missing 'had'
Watch Mad-Eye, keep an eye for him - missing the word 'out', I'd guess
he’s become worst than ever - should be 'worse'
Also, you have some misplaced commas.
All in all though, this is a good story that I'm curious to see where goes! Report Review
Quite good so far, but PLEASE use a different picture of David Tennant for the banner! Report Review
i love the plot in this story! i love how we're seeing what happened at the cup from another perspective! this whole story is just so unique and original and i love it!
aw, Evan is so cute with his jitteriness! and Brice is seriously becoming my favorite character! "Yeah, well, I loved seeing you squirm"...hehe that made me laugh!
This chapter was again sprinkled with humor which i found hilarious! again i would like to say that i simply adore your writing style! and i cant wait to see what the next chapter holds!
the new characters were likable and i loved the interaction between them all!
now i understand why you need to get the other story finished and that it has a higher priority at the moment but please update as soon as you can cause i would really like to see what happens next! Author's Response: Hello there again bubbly!
Glad you like this story so far! I am having an interesting time with the point of view, because yeah, we're seeing the Cup and other things from this different perspective.
It's good to hear you are enjoying my characters so far. Brice is a heated one she is.
Glad you liked the humour and my style.
The longer story is almost completed, only 2 more chapters left, then it's done. I will be returning to this and the other stories soon, I promise. I actually planned on taking the summer off to write original fiction, but that's sort of gone down the drain with all these extra stories.
Anyways, thanks again bubbly for reviewing! Hope to see you back soon! Report Review
seriously this story just keeps getting better and better! i'm getting so into it and that makes me sad because there is only one chapter left to read...unless you update soon which would make me and a few other people really happy!
your characters are very relatable (is that even a word and did i even spell it right?) Its so cute how Evan is so akaward and shaky around her and i dont know why but i loved how you mentioned that Brice had dyed blonde hair! i also love the banter between the two of them! its cute! Brice is turning out to be one of my favorite characters (though Evan and Rowan follow very close behind!)
this chapter also had a couple of those little places that made me chuckle! for example:
how you started the chapter! "Evan had a hard time putting his socks on the next morning."
and how you ended it. "It was the bill for the drinks."
those are two of the parts that made me laugh the most but there were more!
i love this story! Author's Response: Hello again bubbly! :)
Great to hear you liked this follow up chapter! As to updates, this story has taken a back seat to my Book 7, since I want to get it done before HPDH.
Great to hear how you like the characters (and yes, relatable is a word I believe :)). Evan and Brice have an interesting history of course. I wanted Brice to be smart, but not to be related to Hermione, 'cause she's much more headstrong and independant, even though she knows deep down she relies on others.
Great to hear you liked some of the humour in here too! :)
Thanks again bubbly for reviewing, and reading on! Can't wait to hear your comments on the last chapter posted! :) Report Review
i love your writing syle! its so clean and discriptive. this is only the second story of yours that i've read but i'm beginning to see that i should read more!
anyway...your story is so original! i like it! its an idea i've never seen done before and im alway looking out for stories that are different than what everyone writes about (i suppose im included in that everyone as much as i try not to be...). you know, when i saw the movie the first time i also wondered about the spiders! but thats kinda who i am i like thinking about those really kinda random small details. i'm glad i'm not the only one and that you are going to make it into a whole story! your feeding my curiosity!! thanks!
your portrayal of fudge was like right on...he made me mad in your story too! and the rest of your characters i'm really excited to find out more about. they seem to be really well developed.
there were a couple parts that made me laugh out loud!
"He could feel his picturesque idea of his first time meeting the Minister going down the drain."
"Evan looked at the Minister for a moment, but nodded and put a showy smile on his face to hide his overwhelming misconceptions of Fudge."
and the whole section with Ludo, to name a few! i dont know why but i liked them! and i just thought i'd let you know!
anyway, now that i've written the longest review that i think i've ever written, i'm going to go. im excited to read the rest! Good job!
Author's Response: Hello there bubblyblonde! I just made you a signature! :)
Glad you're enjoying the story! But yes, I did notice that about the spiders, and wanted to make a story about it, 'cause I wondered if anyone else noticed it. :) Cool you did.
Glad you liked Fudge, and my other characters!
And I'm glad you liked those two parts and the part with Ludo. I had a good time with those parts. :)
Thanks for the long review, loved it! Report Review
Hmm, I love the whole idea and plot.
There really isn't much more I can say.
ElvengirlAuthor's Response: Hey there elvengirl! Thanks for coming by and reviewing!
Yeah, the plot I thought was interesting for sure. It's sort of a background story on something that could have very well happened. I mean, Barty Crouch Jr. was good at transfiguration, the spiders could have very well been people.
Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Oh wow, how are you so patient in writing chapters this long? I am in awe!! My chapters only last no longer than three thousand words. You've mastered this all very well, with a careful hand and a careful mind, and wonderful characterisation.
There's a nice strong sense of reality about this to, with the dialogue. There's nothing over-dramatic, its down-to-earth and very well reflective of casual conversations. I like Evan too - he's pretty cool!! :-)
I thought wizards didn't have to use a wand to apparate . . . whoops!! Well, at least in all my stories they don't, so I'm glad you're thinking along the same lines here, lol.
Very good, and I hope the next update comes more quickly!! :-DAuthor's Response: Hello there Dracana! :)
You can't write long chapters? I don't know, I just find sometimes things that I'm writing have to be written in one chapter. Separating them would just mess up the continuity of the story I find.
Of course if you wanted to see long chapters, I'd say check out HPOL. I have 4 chapters in that story, over 10000 words. Those are long chapters. :)
I'm glad you like this story with the dialogue and everything. I want it to be sort of easy to read, and yes, not too in-your-face crazy. It's great to hear conversations are casual, and yes, that you're liking Evan. :)
Wizards I think don't need their wands, but for this to work, I made it that they do. I mean, I didn't want her to get splinched in a really bad way (ie. loosing her leg, or an entire arm). Just her hand was small enough not to sound too gross, but at the same time, make it impossible for her to Apparate back (again, if they needed a wand). A bit of a dodge there, but I hope it's not that bad. :)
Thanks again Helen for reviewing! As to the next chapter, I have exams coming up soon, so it might take a while, but I'm hoping not too long. Report Review
Another round of that special humor of yours! You are such a funny person! “Watching you two together is better than seeing dragons having at it” – that was a really cool line. And then the entire crash between Brice and Albert – man, that gave me a really good laugh. I love the new characters, Albert and Jazmine. I simply adored that story of the spring – I finally found out what happened – and it was hilarious! She splinched! lol. That was awesome! Very original as well – I bet no one ever thought of THAT kind of a first date! Again, wonderful development of characters, both Evan and Brice, as well as Albert and Jazmine. I liked the softer side of Brice. And she finally gives in and admits it – ah, the miracles Quidditch can do (I’m a sucker for anything Quidditch)! I love your romance – it’s so light and funny! Like, when the two of them actually have that intimate moment, her hair is dyed green. Just some awesome little details that make it so much better! “Yeah, well, I loved seeing you squirm” – she is so funny! I love her, she’s an amazing OC. And once again, I can perfectly understand how Evan feels. It’s nice to have a character you can actually connect to. It makes him much more real and much more human. And then Albert and Jazmine interrupt – I almost saw that coming, considering your style. I simply loved it. All of it. I liked the ending, or the beginning of action, put it anyway you like. I know this was shorter than my other reviews, but I figured giving endless compliments again and again is pretty pointless. You already know my high opinion of your story. It’s really amazing, definitely one of my favs. Can’t wait to read chapter 4, and meanwhile, I’ll have a go at your stories. I still have many other requests waiting, so it might be a bit slow, but I’m definitely not letting any of your stories escape me or my reviews. So thank you for writing this brilliant story. Definitely 10/10! Hugs, CJ.Author's Response: (catches breath) Oh man, these are LONG! :) I don't mind though, really, I love long reviews. So much feedback, it's awesome!
Like my humour eh? :) Well that nice to hear. With hp stuff, it's interesting some of the jokes you can make.
The crash with Albert and Brice, I just had to do. I mean, Albert had to just do the worse possible thing, and then do something even worse afterwards. :) Could you imagine a coffee pot zooming across a crowded room? There's no way anyone wasn't look at them after that.
And yes, it's sad, but sort of funny what happened to Brice and Evan. Evan, the oaf, ended up making Brice splinch her hand AND wand. Stupid guy!
Glad you like Albert and Jazmine too, though we don't hear that much about them. More will pop up about them though.
Yes, in this chapter, Brice is a bit more relaxed with Evan. The Quidditch match and everything just relaxed her, and made her feel a lot younger and more energetic.
Of course her hair had to be green! GO IRISH! :)
And a headstrong girl like Brice would love to see a guy like Evan, all up with himself and such, squirming.
It's of course wonderful to hear you're relating to the OCs and such, 'cause that's a thing authors always like to hear.
As to the interruption, oh com'on, it HAD to happen! lol. :) And yes, then some fast bit of action there at the end with the craziness of the Death Eaters and such.
But again CJ, it's great to hear you're enjoying this story and yes, the bits of humour sprinkled about. :) I really do look forward to your thoughts on some of my other stories, since you'll be able to read some of my other styles. All my one-shots are fluff-romance types, so that might give you some warm-fuzzies. Two short stories are really descriptive and emotionally driven. My other novella is a cross-over, and sort of futuristic and dark. Then I have my 2 novels, one that's nearly finished, and that I've put mounds of work into it (HPOL), and the other which I just started, and will be very, very dark.
Again CJ, thank you very much for the wonderful reviews, and again, I really look forward to hearing from you again! Report Review
Again, an astonishingly good chapter. The beginning had bit of that subtle sarcastic humor again. And once again, I can definitely connect t Evan and his feelings - especially when it comes to snatching his father's brooms - something I would've definitely done, if brooms could actually fly. More in-depth of Brice, I see. Wonderful portrayal of her. She's one of my favorite OCs, along with Evan and Rowan. Great descriptions again, and different from the usual "she was so beautiful, and so sexy and so..." kind of rants. I love her stubbornness and boldness. And I loved the small fact that you had her dye her hair blonde – dunno why I liked it, I hate blond dye. But it just seemed to say something really personal about her. Sorry if I’m confusing you, I’m sort of confusing myself as well at times. It's actually interesting and professionally written - yes, I simply adore your style. Poor Evan - I can only imagine what he felt like when he heard Brice's comment. But I love the interaction between them, Evan's failed approach attempts contrasting with her coldness. Awesome development of chapters and situation. Also, I like the feedback on Moody, I've always liked stories containing a bit of canon information. Evan is really sweet, I can't imagine what he must've done to upset her so much. But I loved the ending and his invitation to the Cup. She couldn't resist that, hehe. The plot and characters are very realistic and believable. You’re really good with feelings and descriptions and well…everything. This story rocks! Sincerely. And I’m very curious as to what happened to Brice and Evan. You pointed out very subtly and discreetly, but made sure everyone would notice. Also, I really want to know who the 3rd spider is. I mean, it could be Rowan, but I’m not sure. Things are going smoothly, not slow, and I really love that. This stuff is wonderful! Plz write more, update ASAP (yes, this is the part where I actually become annoying), I can’t believe there’s only ONE chapter left. ARGH :( I did enjoy this though. A lot. I can’t wait to read the last chapter and your other stories as well (ALL OF THEM, since I absolutely love your work). Much love (and hope to see chapter 4 coming up), CJ.Author's Response: Alrighty! Another big review from CJ the cat lover! :) Here's a question: what's your favourite kind of cat? Any particular colour or bread? My cat at home is a Calico, which isn't really a bread ('cause all Calicos (black, white, and orange) are girls. There aren't any males with that colour), but I love a bread called "Norweigan Forest Cat". They are beautiful cats!
Anyways, back to the story! It's great you liked the joke at the beginning with Evan, and that you're finding it easy to relate to him. Yeah, I'm sure if any of our father's worked with broom sticks like that, we'd snatch them every once in a while.
Glad you like Brice as well. I kinda wondered how to portray her at first, but felt she'd be a pretty headstrong girl, going through Auror training and such. Her hair dyed blonde, you'll find out, was only done in the past year. There's a reason why she dyed it, but that'll come out as the story moves ahead. It does say something about her personality though for sure.
Yes, I had a bit of fun with the banter between Evan and Brice here. The influx of canon info will come into play more and more as the story moves ahead. It'll be interesting walking that rope between canon and my own imagination for sure.
Yeah, Brice has a bit of a knack for Quidditch too. I was worried I was making her out to be too much like Hermione, which isn't the case. She is a smart girl, but as I said, terribly strong-willed, especially with Evan.
What happened between Brice and Evan comes out in the next chapter. I debated keeping it a mystery longer and hinting here and there at it, but felt with the intro of new characters, it should just come out like it would normally.
About the only thing I dislike about this story, is the lack of mystery. I mean, you're already pretty sure who the spiders are, so there's no real guessing. Of course Evan's going to be one, and Brice more than likely, because they'll be guarding Moody's house. The third one is questionable, but you know already the outcome in a sense.
This story doesn't get updated that often, I will admit. I have 4 stories on the go right now, 2 novels, and 2 novellas (including this one). I am trying to work on them, but I have exams soon, so stories will be lagged for a little bit.
In either case, thanks again CJ! Report Review
First, I just have to say this is definitely the most original fic I have ever encountered. The first chapter is very promising and energic, it caught my attention and I enjoyed it a lot. It was a bit "bureaucratic", if you get my meaning, but I certainly love chapters and fics that show the inside of the Ministry of Magic. It also had a bit of a subtle sarcastic humor on the part before the meeting, and I perfectly understand Evan's feelings concerning his meeting with the Minister, I know how scary these things really are. But Fudge is such an idiot. He always was. Even thought the details are scarce, your portraits are very well-done. Evan and Fudge are very good examples of that, and also Ludo Bagman. "Evan turned and laughed, realizing meeting an outdated Quidditch Beater was more exciting than meeting the Minister for Magic." - I absolutely loved that, very interesting. Can't really give a reason for it, but I liked it. It's hard for me to understand myself at times. Evan is very interesting, I’m eager to know more about him, he’s very well grounded. His project - to watch upon Mad-Eye - very original idea, as the entire fic. I loved the fact that you gave out the name meanings in the end. Your descriptions are really good, enough to keep things interesting and colorful, but never too much. Your style is very professional and very neat – no spelling mistakes, no confusion, everything was carefully written and planned. Very nice and extremely creative. Well, this chapter was perfect, I honestly can't find anything bad about it. I can’t believe there were actually people out there who didn’t like it. I mean, this stuff is brilliant. They don’t know what they’re missing and their story taste sucks (am I allowed to say that here? :-S). Absolutely wonderful, and my complimenting vocabulary finally meets an end, which is sad. But yeah, just think of all the great compliments you could give to someone and imagine I just gave them to you. I’m not the greatest person when it comes to vocabulary. Anyway, I not only like your stories, but also think you’re a really cool person – at least your posts always made me smile or laugh. I definitely give this story a 10, and I’m putting it into favorites. Sorry for this horribly long review *smiles guiltily*. Much love, CJ. Oh and btw - I simply adore cats! :))Author's Response: WOW! Now THAT'S a review! Just one massive paragraph! :) Alrighty, let's get cracking!
Most original? I guess within the HP fanfic genre it's a pretty interesting concept.
I'm glad you liked the beginning. Yes, Evan was a bit nervous with meeting the Minister, but yes, Fudge is a tool, as always. Not a very sharp man.
Sorry that detail may have been missing in some parts. I wanted to focus more on the information on Evan and his purpose there and such. Glad you liked that line too with Evan comparing his meeting with Fudge to Bagman. :)
I'm glad you liked Evan too, and his role to be played in this story. The name meanings, if you decide to read my other stories, are always at the bottom, whenever I introduce a new spell, place or person. All the names, spells, and places have meanings in some way or another, so I put them at the bottom to show people. :)
Glad you like the descriptions, and the style. I tried different kinds of writing with different stories, and this one is more like my one for my novel fic HPOL. A bit more formal, but informative.
I don't think people necessarily "didnt' like" my story, it's just an obscure one, so it doesn't get seen much. I mean, there is no Harry, no Ron, etc. About the only character you'll see is Dumbledore in while, and of course, Barty Crouch Jr. All the main characters are OC's.
Of course I'm glad you're enjoying it though, and leaving such an awesome review too! :)
And thank you for the compliments on the posts. Your penname just made me say something about my cats. :) Besides, it's much more interesting to mention stuff that makes people realize you're not just a random hp fanfic author. I like to joke and such with other authors and reviewers. I just replied to a review for another story, The Emerald Phoenix, and I had fun with the reviewers penname name 'cause it was something like "ihaveprettysocks" and it instantly made me think of Dobby. :)
And oh, don't fret about the long review, I love them! :) So many nice things to say, and comment on! :) Oh, and this is in your favs? That's awesome, thanks CJ!
Adore cats eh? I like them . . . probably not adore, but they're awesome pets. There's something about coming home tired, and seeing your cat--furry and everything--just sprawlled across a chair or bed. You can't help but hate the cat for having such a simple and yet wonderful life. :) And then you pet it! :) Lucky cats! Report Review
Yay! They kiss!! I'm so pleased - for both of them. I can't wait to find out what happens next - the Death Eaters!! I love this story, update soon, please?Author's Response: Ah, you're at the end of the posted chapters! :)
Yep, they kiss! I didn't think to draw it out, considering this is a novella. Plus, I mean, it's not like they haven't seen each other in ages, only a few months. Plus I know sometimes people can easily slip into their old feelings, and with Evan, he really never left them.
Glad you liked the ending too with the Death Eaters and all. :)
As to updating, I'm just about to enter exam period, so updates won't come very much. I'm actually focusing on my novel fic now, 'cause there's only 6 chapters left in it, but I will be coming back to this story for sure. Hopes are to have it done by June. :)
Thanks again for all the reviews JamesNdLily! Report Review
Yay, we finally get to meet Brice! She's just like I imagined - bold, outspoken and slightly stubborn, but in a good way! I'm really enjoying this fic, you've done a great job describing the characters, I love it and it's only the second chapter =)Author's Response: Hello again! :)
Yep, we get to see Brice. :) I know, she's definately an assertive girl. I am kinda worried she might come off as too Hermione-like, but I'm hoping I steer clear of that a bit. She's not so much of an egg head as Hermione.
I'm glad you're liking the description and the story, that's wonderful!
Thanks again JamesNdLily! Report Review
Very interesting. I never thought of the spiders being people, I just assumed that they are what they seemed - spiders. I'm especially fascinated in Evan, Rowan and Brice now that you have intorduced them - I'm guessing that they are the ones that are the spiders? Can't wait to read on...Author's Response: Hello there JamesNdLily! It's great to see you here!
I'm glad you like the premise of the story. It was while watching the movie I thought about it, 'cause Barty Crouch Jr. turns Draco into a ferret, and his dead father into a bone. The idea that the spiders were actually people I thought would be an interesting story.
I'm glad you like Evan and Rowan. Brice we don't meet here, but we do hear about her.
Will they be the spiders? Hmm, I don't know? :) Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
i liked how you brought the World Cup in it and how you made such a long chapter keep your attention as this one did.
~U No Who~Author's Response: Hello again U No Who!
I'm glad you liked this chapter, with the Cup and all. Of course so many people went there, I expected that they would go. I think I may go back and add a little about Evan seeing some of the Weasleys there, and Harry Potter (though he might just say some red-headed kids, and a black haired boy who he thought for a second was Harry Potter).
But again, thank you very much for reviewing! I am looking forward to your thoughts on perhaps some of my other stories, so I'll be keeping an eye out! :) Report Review
the charaters are good.
i'm liking this story more and more,
ill be reading some of your other fics
~U No Who~Author's Response: Hey there U No Who! It's great to see you back!
Glad you're enjoying the characters, and the story so far! This one has all OC's in it for the most part, so it's great to hear you're enjoying it. :)
Of course I look forward to hearing from you on my other fics, for sure! Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
good start to the story,
this looks like it could be a good story,
i shall read on,
but not now, tomorrow
~U No Who~Author's Response: Hello again U No Who! Reading again, wonderful!
Of course this story is a bit of a surprise as to your choice, but it is the next one in the list.
This one is a bit of an experiment of sorts, with the story focusing on OC's, rather than Harry and the crew. Glad of course you are enjoying this beginning.
Thank you again U No Who! I do hope you continue, and I hope you decide to read some of my other more trio orientated fics.
Thanks again! Report Review
Hello there, Chris!
Long time no see, hu? Well, i didn't knew you had this story updated... otherwise i would have came sooner.
Anyway, it's really good. This is actually the first time i'm reading an OC story, so i'm kind of new in this area. I can tell it's reallly good though.
I liked the way this story kind fo followed GOF's. It makes sense and it was easier for me to keep up with the story. This last chapter was really nice though, i love big chapters, especially the ones which have a lot in them.
I think Brice was too soft on him though... :)
Anyway, i really, really liked it! See you soon (hopefully on a HPOL review :) )
SummerAuthor's Response: Hey Summer! It's wonderful to hear from you!
I know, I haven't updated in a while, 'cause of school and other things, but luckily things are relaxing, if but a bit, but enough for me to write a little.
I'm glad you liked this update. I really neglected this story, and felt it was time to come back to it. Believe me, writing an OC based story is new for me too! :)
Glad you like how it integrates with GoF and everything.
Thought Brice let him off too easily? Hmm, well, she had a thing for him too, and in her heart, she didn't want to stay upset with him.
Glad you liked it though, thank you Summer! I have my new story started, which I know you read already. As to HPOL, I'll be trying to write more of that this week, and hopefully get the next chapter posted sometime this week (if things go right). Cross your fingers! :)
Thanks again Summer! Report Review
Long time no talk! I have to email after this week is over, about the new chap for LOTDL it's killing me. And the amount of school work I'm getting is drowning me!
It's alright about the wait, I always knew that you would finish it, you never leave a story do you? Coz that would be bad , but seeing as you'll be finishing all stories before going on 'break' I have nothing to worry about!
But onto the story! I really liked this chapter, it was very detailed and perfect length. I do like the date, the poor guy, splinching his date *sigh* I reckon you've made Brice quite nice, (ha that rhymes), I personally would have killed him =D
I really like the way that you've made everything flow and connect to the actual story GOF. Everything just fits and fits well.
You were right about this chap being a back ground chap, and I quite liked it like that, learn more about the two and their history together. I did like that Brice warmed to him after telling the story of his date, I do like Evan and really did feel sorry for the guy.
But overall excellent chapter and I am looking forward to the next installment impatiently! 10/10
Vithiya - Look out for an email from me, hopefully I'll survive this week and then we'll talk about chap 3 if you dont mind that is =D
Oh and how many chaps did you say this would be? If indeed you did tell me? Talk soon.Author's Response: Hi there Vithiya! Oh my, it has been a few days since we've talked last, for sure. I'm in the same boat as you with homework attacking me on all sides. I have 2 major essay due next week, and a horribly difficult midterm at the end of this week. Oh man, I'll be insane by Friday.
No, I won't be leaving any story as "abandoned". No no, that won't happen. Every story will be finished, it's just after The Emerald Phoenix, there won't be any new stories.
I'm glad you liked the chapter of course. I know, you gotta feel bad for Evan. He was so jittery about finally getting a date with Brice, he splinched her when they Apparated. He should have opted for a nice walk around the Academy. :)
Brice is trying to get over it though. She was of course furious with the whole thing (remember back to chapter 2 and her reaction to Evan, and being paired with him). But, she heard his explanation to Albert and Jazmine about how it happened, and how he was all upset at himself over it. Of course you can't tell that exactly from the story, but I'll tell you that Brice heard the conversation. It made her calm down a bit towards Evan after that. But even before then, she realized he made a mistake, and though it was a rather large one, it's in the past.
This chapter is more of a background and filling in some gaps chapter though, yes. I wanted Brice here to relax a little more around Evan, and just have a good time. Evan was already walking on coals with her being there, and it being the Quidditch World Cup.
This story, as you can tell, is moving much slower than any of the others. I've been caught up in all the HPOL, this one just sort of got worked on here and there during the last few months, and that's the reason for the excuse. HPOL and most of my other ones, I just sit down and write immense amounts of story in one sitting. With this one, I wanted to try to space out the writing times a bit more. I'm doing the same thing with V for the time being, posting about one chapter a month.
Either way, thanks Vithiya for coming over and reviewing. This story is my one story that has a lull in reviews, but it's not read that much to begin with.
Of course, feel free to email me about your chapter 3. Everyone's been impatiently waiting for it, but being tied up with school is all but understandable. I barely started chapter 29 of HPOL, and I know people want it be online already. :)
Thanks again Vithiya! This story, I'm not sure how many chapters. We're only about a week and a half until the Fake Moody performs the Unforgiveable Curses on the spiders, so we still need to get from where we are now, to there, and then find out what happens to the remaining "spiders" afterwards. :) I'd imagine perhaps 8 - 10 chapters, give or take. :) Report Review
wow. this is really good!!! Fabulas story well done and looking forward to an update! Love the name things you have at the bottom as well- you obviously have put a lot and time and effort into this, 10/10Author's Response: Hi ther k2! It's great to see you!
I'm glad you like the story so far! Of course, the name/spell meanings go on the bottom of all my stories. They're just to show that new names or spells I introduce have meanings. It's one part of canon (aside from all of it) that I like (that names and spells having background meanings). If you ever feel like reading my novel-fic, there's lots of new spells and names I introduce. I have a bit of fun with the names, and yeah, it shows I put more into picking a name than just random selection. :)
Thanks again k2_vet, and what an awesome score! Thank you! Report Review
Eh, a bit Gary Stu-ish in the beginning in my opinion. Unless his Quidditch skills come in really, really necessary you shouldn't elaborate about his amazing, unprecedented skills. It also seems as if you use a lot of commas as well. On to the praise (you know, save the best for last and whatnot :)) I liked the beginning of the chapter humor with the sock and broomstick fiascos. Oh! Do you have beta? In the fourth to last chapter you forgot to capitalized the first word, 'um'. Author's Response: Hello again Sophia!
Gary-Stu-ish? Oh my, that's no good. Believe me, he's not a super-star Quidditch player, oh no, I hope you didn't get that idea. His father worked in the Broom Regulation Control, so he always had some fun with the Brooms. He is a good flyer, and a fair Quidditch Player, but he isn't like an all-star, Hogwarts super-player. No no, he just likes the game, and he's a good player. The Quidditch skills will come in handy when he goes to the World Cup, since he'll know some of the things the players are doing and such. Plus it helps explain his liking of the game (it seems, as JKR puts it, those who play the sport are generally the most avid fans of it).
Ha, now I'm using too many commas. I have a weird way of using those things don't I?
Sorry about the problem with the 'um' there, it'll be fixed. This story hasn't been beta'd, no. It's my lowest priority story to be honest (as you can see, it hasn't been updated since October), but I'm hoping to get all my stories beta'd with time.
Thanks again Sophia for reviewing! I know it took a few days, but it was worth the wait! Thanks again! Report Review
Lo and behold. Some-odd chapters later, I'll find Brice and Evan hooking up or something of that sort. Or 'tension'. You know, you write very dramatically. What with the ending being 'Welcome to the Auror Department', I'd think there would be some more meaning, or at least a reason why Rowan would be so dramatic about it... 'Evan heard of him before.' Evan had heard of him before, you mean? BTW, why is it that you don't use commas during speech? Now, from my being cynical I'll have to compliment you. :) Although your dramatic writing is a bit overly dramatic at times it made for an interesting beginning. Just use it in moderation, as with all good things. I like how you have everything set up... I feel as if I can tell a bit about Evan's personality from this very first chapter.Author's Response: Hi there Sophia! It's great to see you here!
Evan and Brice may hook up later, perhaps. That's of course if one of them isn't killed or something.
I'm glad you liked the way I write. As to commas during speech, I do use them, but perhaps the way I have them talking I didn't feel them necessary. Plus, you don't need every piece of dialogue to have "he said" after each line. Sometimes you can just end it with a period.
Overly dramatic? Hmm, well, Evan was building up meeting the Minister, so I was meaning for it to be a bit overly-dramatic in some places. I know I could probably relax at some points though. Perhaps I might go and change some spots to not stress so much on certain things.
Thanks though Sophia for coming and reviewing! On to your next review! Report Review
Not bad. I did notice a few spelling and gramar mistakes, but that was it. Your characters are great. Very believeable. I don't think I spelled that right, but oh well. :) Yeah, I liked it. Good luck with the rest of it!
Cara Nicole LuvitzAuthor's Response: Hi there Cara! Thank you for coming over and reviewing from the forums!
I'm glad you liked the characters so far. Sorry about the spelling and grammar errors, but I hope they aren't litering the story.
Thanks again Cara! Report Review
I'm very excited about where this story could go. I really hope you haven't abandoned it, and plan on continuing!
These first chapters are a little slow, but that's because we don't know the characters and need some background, like you said.
I like the subtle references to whatever happened in the Spring. It sounds like the two were really good friends, and then something happened (obviously) and now she's barely civil to Evan. My curiosity is caught.
In the previous chapter, I loved the meeting with Fudge. I'm sure he would be just like that. Have a meeting with someone while doing something else entirely. That would be disappointing, and I think you wrote Evan's emotions - the expectation and disappointment really well.
I can't wait to see what else happens - please continue! :)
10/10Author's Response: MysticalE! Oh my, you read/reviewed this story too! Oh man, I definately need to go and read/review some more of your stories! :)
I haven't abandoned it, no. I was actually writing some of Chapter 3 a few days ago. It's just slow coming because I've been putting all my effot in my novel-fic.
I am sorry for the slow pace, but it's meant to remind people that you're just meeting Evan, and also that there isn't a war going on. The Ministry is a slow moving place, so not a fast moving couple of chapters. The third one will be a little quicker, and as we go they'll get much more interesting.
I'm glad you liked the hints at the spring trip with Evan and Brice. They did get along before then, in their own way, but that trip . . . yeah, it changed it a bit. :)
I'm glad you liked the meeting with Fudge. I just felt he'd be horribly condescending to Evan, being just a newby Auror. Not much importance really.
But again, thank you so very much MysticalE for coming here and reviewing again! Your thoughts and comments have been wonderful to read, and I hope you'll come back again! Report Review
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