ok so wait Hermione named her daughter Harry? or did they have 2 children?

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If it was longer I think it would have been better. I love the way waited till the end to tell which Weasley. Write more.

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I LOVED IT!! WELL DONE!!

Author's Response: aw thank you very much!

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cute story!
shudv made it longer tho!

Author's Response: thanks
maybe ill do a re write


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Um.. you're English is correct, at least. Keep working on it!

Author's Response: aww thanks
yes i might do a re write

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It was ok...but it was short! Keep up the good work...

Author's Response: thanks
yea ill no
re write maybe
lkk i will

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I enjoyed parts of this fic.

I think you started this fic brilliantly and I really enjoed it to begin with, you can tell it was well thought out. But towards the middle and end it seemed rushed and didn't flow well. This fic would have been prefect if it was wrote novel length with more feeling and detail added. It seems too good a fic to waste, If I were you I'd rewrite it as a novel.

Madi

Author's Response: Im glad, you enjoyed some parts.
The begining was brilliant yea!
The middle and end were rushed :( Ill try and fix it. This fic a novel length. I dont think so.
Well thanks for RandRIng

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Aww that was real sweet. ^_^ I didn't know if anyone did any Hermionie-Fred/George Weasley stories lol. First one that I've read lol. Very good hun.

xxMaraudersChick

Author's Response: Aww..thanks for saying its sweet. Actually theres a few stories - only about 4 or 5 pages about Hermine-FoG but. Not many. Im glad you liked it. And i hope you read more Hermione/FredorGeorge.

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that is quite short.....it was good but next time can you give us details?

Author's Response: Okay, ill try. Thanks for reviewing!

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It's really short, I think you could expand on it, describe the wedding, ad dialogue something. It doesn't flow that well either. one part it syas she is pregnant with their first child a son, then it talks about a daughter. you could do so much more with this plot, I don't think it is up to it's potential. I sugest a beta and then try to expand it.
keep writing though, constructive criticism is the best way to improve,

Author's Response: Okay i might just do that... Thanks for the review and constructive criticism its appreciated

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Well that was rather short and it made a good opening for what could have been a novel length. I liked the way it was written in first person, good choice. I would have liked to see a bit more emotion from Hermione as she talks about loosing Harry. -Valhalla Adonis-Snape

Author's Response: Hmmmmmmmm.. you gave me something to think about. Making this novel length...... Well thanks for the review. It means alot that you took the time

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That was... Short. Very Short. Make it longer! I liked the whole mystery thing but it was very very very rushed. VERY! Please redo and make it at leased 1000 words. Check your spelling and grammar as well and maybe even get a beta. Good luck with future fics.

CarrotStix

Author's Response: WOW! I know it is short. My first fic didnt turn out the way i wanted it to. I do plan on trying to rewrite this. Thank you very much for your review
Katy


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okay, this was good nothing to big which is what I was looking for cus this the my first hermion/fred george story but i liked it I've taken a step out of my Harry/Ginny Ron/Hermione box, I'm not bothering Harry/Ginny, part of the reason i decided Hermione/George, Fred was they're still weasly's and I don't want Harry with a not weasley and there's no other girls. Sorry, i'm rambling. it was good for my first step out of my box. SAMMIE WILL BE SO PROUD!!!

Author's Response: Um... okay yea dont worry about rambling i do so my self. Hahah im glad your first H/forg fic was mine. Okay thanks for reviewing

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First things first; that was very short! I think if you expanded this into a multi-chaptered fiction the story would progress easier and you’d get more reviews (lol).
Apart from some grammar mistakes, this was a nice little story. As I’m mainly a Ron/Hermione shipper I find reading Hermione/Any-other-character-that-isn’t-Ron weird but I thought this was sweet and to the point.
Good job on your first fiction!
:)

Author's Response: Hmm... maybe i will expand it. I no it was very short and there were mistakes but it will be betad eventually. Anyway thanks for the review.

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Wow, that's a very short fiction (:
If the plot were longer and there were a few more chapters, it would have been a GREAT story, Hermione/OneOfTheTwins stories are in minority. I like it though, :D
Aviaja, Farligst.

Author's Response: Hey, Yea i realize it was short and im thinking of doing a novella rewrite so yea. Thanks for the review! Katy


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CHARACTERISATION: It doesn't sound like Hermione. Hermione would not be the type to dwell on how her wedding would be. Hermione would be thinking about homework. Okay, she's a girl, but in some aspects she's more of a boy than a girl. If you'd made the main character Ginny with someone else other than George Weasley and not Hermione, it would've been pretty believable.

PLOT: you know how sometimes at funerals people read out the story of the deceased person's life to the attendee? This is kind of how this feels like. More detail, more substance, and some dialouge would've been the prepper-up for this one.

GRAMMAR.SPELLING.PUNCTUATION: grammar...some mistakes here and there, like at the very beginnning of the story (When I looked at him a year ago at his graduation ceremony, I wonder if he loves me the way I love him, which should be When I looked at him a year ago at his graduation ceremony, I wondered if he lo...you get it.) Spelling....some here and there, but not very many and they're easily correctible with a good spell check. Punctuation....ditto. A little tip: instead of writing two sentences, connect them into one (I want my wedding to be outside the burrow. With my Maid of Honor being Ginny.) I know it sounds more individual if you don't, but it makes the writing flow better and more readable in general. (I want my wedding to be outside the burrow, with my maid of honor being Ginny.)

THE BEST PART: the last sentence, or couple of sentences. It ties the story together beautifully and ends it on a satisfactory note.

THE WORST PART: the bit where Hermione envisions her wedding; again with the characterisation thing.

For a first fic it's actually very good, I've read tons worse than this. Just brush up on what I hinted up there and you'll probably be fine :)

Author's Response: Hi, I really dont know how to respond to this because its so long and its my first really long review so ill try my best lmao.

Characterization: Ok.... Hermione is out of school in this fic so... I dont know. But its my first and im improving.

Plot: It sounds like a funeral? EEkk that wasnt the idea... Rewrite defintely lmao.

Gramer. Spelling and puncutation: I realize i have a lot of mistakes and i plan on having it betad asap when i first wrote this it was a spur of the moment thing so i didnt think aboutt having it betad

The best part: Thank you

the worst part: okay i know (lmao)

Now thanks for saying its pretty good for my first fic... Its appreciated. :)

Wow so thanks again for your nice long and helpful(seriously) review. Its appreciated and i can use your advice to help me. Thanks again ~katy~

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This is a very cute story and I really enjoyed reading it. It's a great idea! Well done!

As far as what you need to work on, you tend to be a bit repetitive and from time to time, you switch from present tense to past tense and it can get a tad confusing. Try finding a good beta on the forums. Believe me, it will make a huge difference in the overall flow of this fic.

Author's Response: Hello! Hey, hi whats up lmao. So thanks for your review and praise. I realize its a bit confussing and ill get it beta'd soon. When i first wrote this i didnt even know what a beta was.... But now i do so ill get it betad. Thanks again!
~~~~~~~Katy~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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K, now that I'm done spazzing out to you, I can review! (And beta.) Nice story, but you know you need grammar and spelling stuff check, and that's what I'm going to do, so bye!

Author's Response: Hahah thanks heather : ) your awsome

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I loved how the story went. One thing however was that the characters could be more developed. Because it was so short we never saw that. Another thing is that the sentence flow could be worked on.

All in all, Good Job!

Author's Response: HI, thank you for your review and advice... its appreciated as i am a new writer so im taking it into thought/heart w/e haha thanks again


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Congratulations on submitting your first fanfic! I saw a few spelling and punctuation errors, but not too many. If I were you, I would have put in a lot more details and more character development. It would have been nice if it was longer and was more descriptive, but for your first fic, it is fairly good. I really like the beginning!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review
your advice is appreciated
thanks again


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Interesting story.
I wish it was a little longer, showing how Mermione fell in love with George and their budding relationship.
Some spelling and other grammer mistakes, but truly a charming story.
juls

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review
it is truly appreciated
yea i know i had a few mistakes but it wasnt betad so
thanks again


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aww... i love it it was such a cute story
8.5/10

Author's Response: Awww....Thanks for the review and keep your eye out for my new story Lessons which is still in waiting but should hopefully be up soon thanks again
kat


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Good story. I don't mind a little bit of Hermione/Fred or George, considering that it can be quite humorous sometimes. I like that you cast it into a more serious light, though. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank You so much your review made me quite happy
thanks again kat

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That was good, but so sad. It was matter-of-fact in a way, sort of blunt, but it gave out that feeling of descriptiveness and you really understand what's going on. I like how you didn't tell who the Weasley man was until the end, very good. I loved your story, and write more!

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for your review it made my day after this long hard second day of school and hours hours hours of homework, i am actually considering of doing a rewrite for this fiction and have a story called lessons up for validation.
thanks again :)
kat

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well a cant tell a lot a will like to learn more like how did he ask her tobe his wife and a little more os love betwem the two characters i think that yuo can do it better really you can put like a flashback to explain the story .
im sorry if my english is not good iam french and sorry because i think tahat i have been a little bad with you.

see you in the next life

le chat noi

Author's Response: Hi, Thank you so much for reviewing, it made my day after a long day of school. Dont worry about english who cares. I was actually thinking of doing a rewrite and know i suppose i will. Thanks so much
kat

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