Whoah... That's definitely interesting. I see you haven't updated this in a while, but I certainly hope you do, because I'm really curious as to what is going to happen. You write Luna very well, she seems almost exactly the way she is in the books. And Victor Krum is also very funny. Crumpet. That cracked me up.
Oh, Trelawney as headmistress, sheesh. Of all the people they could have chosen... I suppose she was the only one who couldn't fight... Well, I do hope you update, and I can't wait to find out what happens. Report Review
Rushed in the bottome with your quotations marks. Though alot better, I can actually feel the flow of it. I finally finished reading it.
”Wha?” He began to ask before the blank pages began to leak black ink onto it’s self. Neville made a face as he read the text, “ ‘You could have asked me anything and you greet me, simple minded human. How Polite. I like you, more then the rude blonde.’ ”
“ I am not rude, I’m honest.”
“ ‘Honesty is a virtue, child….but you are bold…?’ This book is weird. Let me ask it something then…” He began to think as Luna shrugged, returning to her book, muttering about cursed values. “Hmm… Well here is an obvious… do you know about the illness spreading around Hogwarts?”
“ Ahh...it’s answering…”
“Read it to me then.”
“Fine, alright…’ Tristis Aegrus. That is the Illness that haunts these walls. Provoke emotion not.’ “ Neville looked to Luna and felt as if he were looking in a mirror, sure that he shared the same expression he saw on her face. Utter confusion.
Luna took the book from Neville’s hands and looked into it, “ What?”
The pages of the book fluttered and the book began to close, slipping out of Luna’s hands. Before it’s cover’s slammed shut, a torn shred of paper flew out of it’s back. Neville and Luna watched it as it drifted like a feather to the table top, black ink dripping from it.
‘ Provoke emotion.’
This is the area you have to check over. Peace. Better right a next chapter soon! Report Review
Hello, just change these simple mistakes. Don’t hate just helping you out mmkay.
“ What are you think about, Neville?”-thinking
Shadow to shadowed.
Tail to Tale.
Take the s of Divantion.
Change one of the be’s to me in Trelawney’s giant speech.
Quiddich to Quidditch
Lonny to Loony, I presume.
Change all the Russian to Bulgarian.
I have no idea who Pocrates is too.
In the first part but other than that everything seemed really good. Try rechecking your work one more time. I thought the humor between them was well done and Trelawney is still a trip. The humor is good but somewhat dry. Also you confused me when someone was speaking. For you did not add Neville/Luna said to some of the short dialogues. Such as “You must be really wimpy then. Even Argus Filch is still fighting and he’s a squib.” then the next paragraph mention Viktor laughed at Luna though the content of the sentence can clearly point out it was obviously Luna it was still pretty confusing.
Though mid way’s through I can sense epic battle here. Which is cool because it’s like seeing it through these secondary character’s point of view. Like all the Crumpets, I think that’s cute nickname actually. Woah, Gabrille and Charlie? Word? Hehe I haven’t read anything about that just yet. Good Job. Keep on writing… can’t wait for a battle scene or some strange hit of violence.
Just Recheck it. Report Review
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