"Hatred never looked this good." Even after all these years that line, this story, gives me shivers! :) Report Review
WOW. that was effing INTENSE. i feel so bad for Ron... hatred is such a horrible emotion. so ur definately one of my favorite authors on here, ur writing skills are way too superb. basically i've just been going through your stories, reading as much as i can :) but i defff love this story! kep writing, its what you were born to do.Author's Response: Aw, you're too nice. *blushes* Thanks for reviewing!! Report Review
Oh...my favorite part had to be the ending! What a different twist on Malfoy. Sometimes you see him as not choosing the Death Eater life, but he seemed to embrace it in this one. It was quite original and I thought you did a fablous job keeping everyone in character. Fantastic job!
Lindsey xoxAuthor's Response: Thank you, once again!! :) I do enjoy writing dark stuff, and this was mainly a focus on conflict, as the person I wrote it for does love that particular area inside stories.
Anyway, once again, I must thank you for yet another lovely review, Lindsey. Report Review
Whoa! That was awesome! Oh I love a good grisly tale of blood and violence! Fantastically written -you only told what needed to be said. Excellent. I love this story, although it may haunt me later tonight when i try to sleep...seriously though, this is an amazing piece!Author's Response: Wow, only just stumbled across this because Snitchsista informed me that I hadn't responded!! Sorry!!
What a review. :-) I'm really pleased you liked this so much. Hope you don't get scared!! lol!! Thanks so much. :-) Report Review
awesome! U should make a whole story out of this, like how they got there and all, poor ron, i wish he hadn't died, prolly the best oneshot i've read! good job, still think u should make it a novel.Author's Response: Hmmmm, thanks for that compliment, but I really can't be bothered to write a whole version of this. Maybe one day . . . I hate Ron, lol, I killed him on purpose. Thanks so much for reviewing and for your kindness!! Report Review
OH! This was beautiful!!! Yet another triumph in your belt of great stories. This is going in my favorites as well. God every peice of work I read of yours goes into my favorites.
There was HEAPS of lines and peices of description I loved in this. The dialogue in it was amazing, gripping and well thought out. I loved reading this. The description was great as well. It was just as great as Improbable angel or Shards of Glass. It was painted perfect pictures in my mind so I could see the whole thing. Draco's emotions, Haryy and Ron's rage. It was excellent.
well done Helen. Well done.
10/10 and into the favsAuthor's Response: A belt of stories? Wow, I love that expression!! Lol, yey!! In your favs? That's great!! I LOVED writing this.
Description keeps leaking back. Can you actually imagine me writing without it? Lol.
Thanks so much again Jess. Did you notice the song lyrics in there? It's Lostprophets all the way!! Report Review
Well I said i'd check out your stories and here I am. I thought i'd read this first since it caught my attention. I really enjoyed this story, it really keeps the readers attention. I liked the paragraph where Malfoy explains his 'seating plan' lol Wouldn't he have put Hermione on the floor though because (In his eyes) she's nothing but scum and dirt, that she
doesn't even have the right to stand up?
“You’re going nowhere,” Draco informed him smoothly. “You’re going to die in this room.”
I found that line by Malfoy so chilling, it's really good. Also Malfoy's reason for his whole revenge, been that Harry rejected him on the Hogwarts train, and also that the three (especially Harry) put Lucious Malfoy in Azkaban, is while typical and a good reason in malfoy's eyes, seems so humorous to me, I don't really know why.
It's sad how Ron died, and so unfair too! Made me kind of sad.
Harry smiled. He remembered his earlier theory – if you have no weapon, use words. “Well, I mean, you’re a complete failure, aren’t you? Look at you . . .standing here, a murderer. Do you really think your parents would be proud? I mean, really? You betrayed your friends, ambushed us, tied us up and then attempted to kill us off one by one. That’s the mark of a coward.”
While what harry said is true about what Malfoy is doing is been cowardly, I do have to agree that Malfoy's parents probably wouldn't care if Malfoy killed Harry, Ron and Hermione, in fact i think they'd be proud! Gosh Malfoy's death is horrible! Although sad in a way. I can't blame Hermione and Harry for killing him, espcially Hermione, what Malfoy had Crabbe and Goyle do to Hermione was terribble!
All in all I really enjoyed this story, well done. Now i've got to read some of your other stories ;) And just so you know i've updated :)Author's Response: Ooooh, thanks for checking this out!! It's a bit cold and sinister, isn't it? Lol, just my kind of thing.
Ah, wasn't Hermione pinned up or something though, cause she doesn't have the right to do anything at all, as she's a Mudblood - well, according to Draco?
Yeah, his idea is of revenge is kind of pathetic, you know, the whole - "you're dead for what you've done to my father" thing. Really, he needs to get a life - like as if Harry's worth his time!! Ron dying? Lol, you'll soon come to see that I hate Ron - killing him off is no problem to me. For a laugh, me and my friend belong to a "I Hate Ron" club - we're the top two members!!
Yes, you're right - or at least, I think so. I mean, I wouldn't expect his parents to care either; they would probably applaud him for killing off the trio. Yeah, I like writing grusome stuff - you should check out my other account, Starri Nite, where I co-write with a friend, "Lost and Stranded, Life as a Muggle." I mean, actually, you probably shouldn't; it's REALLY grusesome, lol. Draco's my fav character to write in fanfics, other than Cedric and my original characters, so it was a difficult thing to do, killing him off.
Glad you enjoyed it. Yes, I will certainly come and check your stuff out, but I have SO many essays to do at the moment, I'll have to put it off for now. Thanks so much, and I'll be around to your account soon. Report Review
I hate bad luck. :) xxAuthor's Response: Please stop . . . Report Review
Extremely violent; fantastic imagery. Well done. Your talent continues to amaze. Author's Response: Ew, thirteen, unlucky number!! Thanks Tamekella for ANOTHER review on this one-shot, lol. Report Review
Extremely violent; fantastic imagery. Well done. Your talent continues to amaze. Author's Response: Thanks, but er, too many reviews Tamekella!! Please stop. Report Review
EXCELLENT STUFF!Author's Response: *grins*. Thank you, Tamekella, loving the name. Report Review
I really like it, it gave me chills. I loved your descriptions, even though some where a tad nasty, but it ties in well and you did rate it mature ( so I was prewarned). Your grasp of the English language is remarkable.
There was no regret in his words, only cheerful apology, like a Muggle weatherman informing the public there would be torrential rain the next day. I absolutely loved that sentence, awesome similie!Author's Response: Ha, you got scared. That's good, my intention was to creep people out. I love writing description, and can cut a little graphic when it comes to them, but I'm glad you liked it. Thanks so much, and for picking out that simile. Now I'm smiling!! xx Report Review
Heya Helen! It's Snitchsista here, with a friend from work. She's new to the site, and I recommended her to read your fics. So, lol, we're both here, sat in front of the ol' comp, and wallah!! Let the fun begin!
Laura: Wow. It's, you go really really deeply into the description, but the action's so fast-paced, it doesn't get boring at all.
Snitchsista: Yep! I agree (But I have reviewed already, lol)
Laura: You really get into the characterisation, and I liked the moral bit at the end. Very J.K. Rowling.
'Her legs bore bruises more colourful than Harry had ever seen: mustered yellow, faded brown, deep vibrant purple, jaded blue . . . '
Laura: Very intense emotions as well.
Laura: Anyway, keep going. You're a brilliant read!
10/10Author's Response: Wow, that's cool. A friend from work, huh? Anyways . . .
Hey Laura. Thanks. I love description, it's the part I enjoy most in my writing.
Er, oh yeah, I LOVE writing stories with morals. It makes them so much more valuable to me, like Shards Of Glass, I loved writing that, because it was a topic I was really fervent to discover and explore. I love my fics to mean something instead of all this pointless romance dribble.
Lol, I like that "Wicked" in mutual, the sort of thing Fred and George would say . . .
Thanks so much!! Glad it was intense. I wanted to creep my readers out. Once again thanks so much for reviewing. Love the penname. Report Review
wow! you're talking about my amazing writing skills?! There're nothing compared to yours. They're just amazing. I simply loved this one-shot. It was wow....I can't even find my words. The ending the beginning, every single part of it was amazingly written. I wish you would take up my challenge up in the forums...I'd love to read what will such a great angst writer come up with. :D
10/10Author's Response: What challenge is that, I wonder? Sorry, I never really check out the forums. Having a bit of a crisis right now with one of my angst works, Shards of Glass, which I absoluetly love but it keeps getting rejected for graphic and glorified self-harm. You cannot possibly imagine how irritating that is for me!!
Anyway, thanks for the lovely review, its really nice of you to come and look over here at my account. I feel really pirvaleged, as you have so many stories, all of which are very much enjoyable to read. Thanks!! Report Review
Rachel's who reccomended you to me..hehe, funny that it went the other way too. Saw your response to one of those. Okay, *settles down to read...*
The descriptions, oh! The descriptions! That is definitely your strong suit. I suck at them, bad. *laughs* I actually wrote 'September Moon' just to prove to myself I could do them well at all. I'd love you to read that one, just to prove to the Description Queen that I CAN infact write them, but it's so far from your style, alllll fluff, you know. :)
Wow, this is...a bit like a scene if mine in WTHW (chptr. title 'Mayhem at Malfoy manor'...if you were wondering). Some of the lines are so close, it's so weird. :) I love it though, wait, does that make me vain? LOL Great minds just think alike. This is darker though, much darker. Of course. And yeah, you trump me easy in the descriptive department. I liked so many lines from this, I can't copy 'em all down here. You wrote it though. You already know how brilliant you are I bet.
Oh man, so yeah, unbelievable action there. Ron! Oh, my poor baby Ron! I liked protective!Harry in this, that was lovely to read (that's the rampant H/Hr shipper in me rearing it's ugly head...er, I mean it's pretty head...) and oh, God, how disturbing and heartbreaking- what Crabbe and Goyle did to her. Yes, very similar to TWO chapters of mine actually. You should read them and see, it's got me smiling over here. 'Mayhem at Malfoy Manor' and 'Under a Full Moon'...only the second because...well...no, I suppose you'll get to them eventually, I won't spoil it here.
I loved this. For one-shots, you really do such an amazing job. Capturing that one moment in time, so detailed and so vivdly. Going under my favorite authors now, and I'll be starting on the chaptered fic of yours (that I see was just completed, yay!) by tomorrow I'd say. I can't wait! I love your work, it IS very inspiring.
*sighs* I started the outline for my first Draco/Hermione fic a moment ago. That's your fault. Your stories transcend ships, you can write both love and hate in equal skill. Which is a talent. And your vocabulary, your style, it's so wonderful. Puts you in that rank of authors here who should really BE authors, in my opinion. :)
So yeah, another ridiculously great fic. 10/10.
What? You're surprised?? LOL ;P
Author's Response: Ha, Rach is great, isn't she?
So . . . You seriously do NOT suck at descriptions, I wouldn't have said I loved the power of them in your latest story if I didn't mean it. You are truely brilliant at them, its just that everyone has a different style. If they didn't, then fanfiction would be very boring. I will certainly review "September Moon", in fact, I was planning on reviewing all of your stories, it's just it may take me some time. My educational life is so frantically busy right now!!
No, that doesn't make you vain. Mutual writers, wow, I most definately HAVE to check out all your works now. Ha, me, brilliant? I look around on this sight and I don't compare to half the people here. Some stories are so amazing I feel ashamed to admit that I wrote mine!!
Oh, thanks so much. You have no idea how much I love you right now!! I think I remember Rachel going on about a chapter involving the trio captured and attacked by Draco, and that's why I wrote this one-shot for her, because she loves conflict so much. I just knew she'd review it, lol.
Wow, favourite authors? Me, one of them? I'm so flattered, but I bet there's a whole list of others out there who are better than I'll ever be. Have you tried Jessi_Rose for example, or even Queen_Sabreen, even though she is mean and never answers her reviews, which is damn lazy and infuriating, especially as so many people compliement her works! God, people like that frustrate me!!
Anyway . . . Wow, you've actually started on a Dr/Hr fic? Can't wait to read it!! Email it to me first? Go on, lol, you know you want to . . .
I do write a lot of my own original work, always fantasy, because you can squeeze so many genres into it - action, horror, romance, crime . . . I'd love to be an author, its my second ambition from wanting to be an actress, and oh . . . wait, marrying Ryan Ross from P!ATD, now he's gorgeous!!
Thanks Jessamina. You rock!! xx
r/r-ing cause snitchsista loves this one and cause it sounds pretty interesting! man, draco's such a voldemort wannabe, didnt voldemort even say that line? and how can he kick harry in the head? must have very long legs....=) (what is harry doing under his leadership anyway, i have to read on to know what is going on) ok! i was wrong, he hasn't recruited people like deatheaters and all that. gosh, you just made me think that mafloy was voldemort and harry was his deatheater... you're good. and im confused slightly. lol, nah im right. wow this is pretty grim but oh so powerful. malfoy is a coward, he doesnt play fiar, voldemort at least gave harry bck his wand but malfoy faced ron without a wand while he killed him with his. (does that make sense?) and i just love your descriptions, so powerful and so describing that im totally cringing with all this blood and awfulness in that one room. it is now a stained room and a tainted one, should be burned to the ground for all the terrible things that have happened there. things wont be the same now between harry and hermione now that they've lived with that. they're scarred, and the scar is a worse curse than the one on harry's forehead. this story is so fresh and raw. (i nearly typed flesh) its so dramatic and intense. its so great, and snithsista's right; it does need more reviews, so here's mine (hopefully long one) and great story dracana! xoxo ollieAuthor's Response: Lol, yeah, Draco wants to be in control. Snitchsista bloody should like this one cos I wrote it for her and no else seems to like it much!!
Yeah, I thought about that - how the hell is he meant to kick Harry in the head? But hey, it was better than punching, and would hurt more, so I was like what the hell, let him do it, it'll be fun . . . Let's just say he has long legs!!
Lol, Scarhead would NEVER submit to Draco's will, and Draco wouldn't want him. I didn't even think about that, so thanks for pointing it out.
Facing Ron without a wand just made it funny. Ron's a useless bastard and deserved to die defenceless. Besides, Draco's cunning, he's a Slytherin after all.
Thanks so much for reviewing Ollie and all your depth in analysis. I;m really grateful!! xx Report Review
Soz, only me! Lol. This so should have more reviews, so I'm reviewing again for you! ;-) Author's Response: lol, aren't you sweet, and funny!! It's your fic, or at least, written for you, so do what you like, lol - review, review, review. I mean no, seriously, I'm joking!! :-) xx Report Review
Heya! :) You're online, too! (Soz- thought it be quite funny to do that.) I'll shut up now! xxAuthor's Response: lol, yeah. Just about to come off though. Did you send that email? Damn, I'm looking for someone to make me a new banner for another one-shot and just can't find someone anywhere! One girl moaned at me cos I left a review asking for one, she said it was spam, or somthing like that. Whoops!! Report Review
You are an undoubtedly fantastic writer! The detail in that was just...well, to be frank, amazing :D I loved the way you characterized Malfoy as evil and heartless as he was and well...what else can I say other than I loved this whole fic, you writing style is like "Wow!" ... just absolutely mindblowing. The things that stood out the most as impressive was the excellent description, the interesting plot, events and theme of the story and not forgetting your great ability to keep the characters as cannon as possible. Well, I hope this review sums up how much I loved your piece :P hehe, and gives you enough feedback. 10/10 for that! xXx TanyaAuthor's Response: I can't thank you enough for such a positive review. I was a little daring with this one-shot, knowing that not many people are into Draco as totally malicious, but it's always interesting to explore different sides of his character.
I cannot describe how apprechiative I am of your review. Seriously, you are too kind! It sends a positive glow shooting right through me!
I really enjoy writing but there is still a lot of room for improvement. I'm glad you find my description good because that is one of my favourite parts of writing. You can do anything with description, and it can never sound stupid. I just love it! There are so many ways to go about the description of the sky, the sun, a character, without making it sound too boring.
This certainly has given me enough feedback!! Thanks so much, Tanya. You're brilliant, you would not understand how much so . . .
Anyway, yeah, so - thanks!! I blushed when I read your review, lol. For more of my stuff check out Starri Nite (if you have time), where I co-write with a friend of mine. It's called "Lost and Stranded . . . Life as a Muggle", and is just SO much fun to write. Guessing by your user name, you are (fantastically) a Draco fan, and there is a lot of hot savage Draco in that story, lol.
Thanks so much!! Helen. xx Report Review
wow that was seriously intense! Very good too!!! :D 10/10 for you!!!
and as to your comment... To do italics you use < *i* > (without the space and *s) and then to close you use < */i* >
I had to do the spaces/*s to make the tags show on the page... but if you use them they italize things see :)Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I'm really grateful that you actually took the time to read, review AND respond to my enquiries. Thanks so much. I can now officially say I've got a review from one of the best authors on this site!! xx Report Review
Well, this story was amazing! Ten out of ten, twenty out of twenty, thirty out of . . . you get what I mean! Lol!
What wonderful description, and yes- soooo much conflict!!!! Wow!!! :) I love how smooth Draco is. He talks about killing them as though it's nothing!! As you said, something along the lines of 'He sounded very much like a Muggle weathermam . . .' It is so cool, and extremely effective when a baddie goes all soft, and speaking in really calming tones, when in reality . . . he is just about to murder you brutelessly! Did I spell that right? Lol! :) Anywhoosily poodly . . . Um, the tension in this is perfectly structured, and I love how you build the terror! Ace work, Dracana!
I absolutely adored the whole bit with Harry and Draco. I would!! Lol! The bit when Harry insulted Lucius, and then the long description with the blood that poured from his . . . nose, was it? Lol- In the legendary words of one Oliver Wood- 'Er, I don't really remember!'
Oh, and I love, love, loved the bit with Ron's death. I know- sounds really nasty, and deluded- but I did. Draco's cunning trickery . . . the sudden, horrific realisation . . . and then . . . he's dead. Cool stuff!!!
I thought that the parts where Harry tried to decieve Draco by talking about the Slytherin's weaknesses were expertise, and really excellent. :) The fact that it confused him, and questioned his beliefs about death- opened up Draco's complexity as a character, that you write so fascinatingly well. You go, Dracana!!!
Yes, going back to the parts with Harry . . . this line was 'da bomb!' - 'Do you ever hate yourself, Malfoy?' Ingenious stuff. I do commend you further. Please, please if you can give me any tips on how to write characters in perfect canon, say!! I get so stuck, and as you will, (regrettably) see on our Starri Nite page in the reviews, one person said- 'Too much OOC.' Perfect, I sneer sarcastically. That was all my chapter, and I knew somebody wouldn't like it. Darn it!! However, they did give it nine out of ten, so I'm confused . . . Anyway, back to the story . . .
I loved the line- 'Do you want to re-think that declaritive, Potter?' But, call me stupid, lol, I aint got a clue what it means!
Ok, well I kinda do . . . Is its definition something along the lines of . . . 'idea', or 'notion?'
Oh well. For Merlin's sake, Rachel- do concentrate, dear!!! Lol. :)
Oh, and I loved the aliteration- of the 'fs' in the sentence- ' . . . his eyes flinty, face firece!'
Fab stuff. Ooook. I think that's all I can say for this one-shot, but 'don't fret'- hee hee, Lockhart- I shall return later for my longggggg review for 'A Lust For Revenge.'
Happy writing, and 1000/1000 once again!!! ;-)
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this story as much as I hoped you would, hun, because it WAS written for you, and i'd be a little disappointed if you didn't.
Thanks for the super long review! I'll try and make my response as long!!
Building the tension is always fun. I wasn't even aware I was doing it though, I was just taking things slowly, a little conversation, and then wham!!
His nose? I can't remember, probably! It seems like ages ago that I wrote this fic even though it was probably barely a week since I finished it. All in one night to!! That shows how little work I spent on it - whoops! Sorry. It was just so much fun to write I was like blah de blah and firing away, and before I knew it, two hours later and it was done! He he. I like conflict too.
That was funny with Ron. Everybody hates Ron so I figured they wouldn't mind. Draco was just warming up, showing Potter and Granger what he\\\'s made of. Killing Ron was great.
Draco's conflicting emotions and complexeties hold such a great interest for me. It's great to explore all his different sides, to acknowledge that some of it is just his parents influence on him, some his own will. In this particular one-shot he was a raving psychopath, with a burning hunger for revenge. I didn't want to make it too much like "Lust for Revenge" and I think I succeeded in making it as contrasting as possible, whilst still on the same topic of hate, blood-lust and vengeance.
cannon? I don't know what that means. Is it in character or what? Anyway, all you need to do is think - would e.g. Harry do this, or how would he react to this? Don't think of your reaction, put yourself inside that character and think as he does. You're doing a good job on our story under Starri Nite, so don't worry about it. If you ever think it's out of character, just go back and change it, or ponder for a while and think as your character thinks. Just have faith in yourself and have fun, whilst considering what the audience wants and - you'll hate me for this bit - not TOO much conflict. To make conflict effective in a novel you must space it out, have it occasionally. If it is too stuffed up with it then it loses its thrill.
Lol, when I came to stay yesterday you were muttering on about 'declaratives\' all day. Declarative means a statement, so basically what Harry's saying is - "Do you want to rethink that statement, Malfoy?" It comes with studying English Language at AS, which i'm SO going to fail in when my results come tomorrow, agh!
Ha, I didn't even realise I used aliteration. I'm glad you picked that out, I didn't have a clue - I just wrote it without thinking!!
Once again, thank you for your LONG review, and I hope mine is lengthy enough to satisfy you. I immensely look forward to your next one.
Thank you!! xx
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection