So here goes, prepare yourself.
So far, I don't like it. My friend from Virtual Hogwarts or whatever it's called recommended me to read this, for I don't know what reason. But back to the point. You could do with a lot more work. Also, since the story does seem cliche in a sense and the characters seem very ooc. Aunt Petunia's reasons are very shallow (yes, she is a shallow person) but still she is not supposed to be stupid. "She got her own wand.." I'm sorry, but that part made me laugh. Not that it was funny, but how ooc it was even for someone like her.
This leads me to a theory on why you only have a few reviews. You should spice up your story and make it more interesting. But on the lighter side, I like the words you use. You use them well and are very good at putting them together. Sadly, that is all I liked about this story.
CLICHE. But good work trying, and hopefully your next chapters will be more appealing.Author's Response: Oh dear! Was that really necessary? I am glad for constructive criticism, absolutely! On the other hand, do I really appreciate having my writing directly insulted? Uh...no.
VH, hmm? Well, I don't know who you or your friend is, but I can honestly say that I don't care. If you didn't like it, why did you bother reviewing? Actually, a more prevalent question would be, if you hated it that much, why did you bother to read both chapters in their entirety? Or at least, why did you bother to just throw a bunch of bad comments at me. Most of us are amateur writers here, no reason to be nasty. If you have something to say to improve their writing- which is what the reviews are for- you might as well be pleasant in doing so.
Actually, I meant to show Petunia in a different light. Although my description of her might be a bit exaggerated and very emotional- maybe that is why I am good at playwriting, because of my ability to write like that- that is the way I feel she is. Jealous. Pity how you don't agree with me. Did you ever even let it cross your mind that my opinion might be different than yours? Apparently not.
I'm terribly sorry that you HATED my story. My first story here on fanfiction as a matter of fact. But, you know, this review taught me something. Want to know what it is?
Some people just don't have any tact.
As to why I only have a few reviews, I'll decide that, and I really don't appreciate your rubbing that in my face. To put it simply, that is not at all polite. Or kind. Do you know what YOU could work on?
Manners. Good work trying. Hopefully future reviews you make for other stories will be more...what is that word you used?
Lily's wand...that is so sweet. I feel so sorry for Aunt Petunia, she was so jealous that she never got to be a witch. Maybe Harry will be able to do great things with it x] Maybe it'll be the wand in which Harry finishes Voldemort off...who knows. You have a nice imagination though, and it shows through your writing. You just have to feel sorry for Deidre (Sp)? and especially Petunia, even though we hated her before. Keep up the good work. Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! ^.^ Thank you very much. I'm glad you recognize what I did with Petunia. I always thought that she was a bit jealous of Lily, and that's why she was so angry and filled with hatred and all that jazz. XD
Thank you again! Report Review
Hi, I read through your story and I think it's rather interesting although it is somewhat cliche in the sense that Snape is always the villain. (Rather, antagonized as the previous Reviewer mentioned.)
So, keep up the good work! You've got a lot of room for improvement and I can't wait to read more of your stories.Author's Response: Eek! *Does little dance that makes the rest of the people in the room look at her like she has gone mental*
You can't know how happy your review has made me! I have not had one for sooooooo (to infinity) long! I'm glad you liked it!
As for Snape being the villain... *grins mysteriously* you shall see what happens. How do you know that he'll turn out as the villain? As of right now, I have not been able to develop much of his character yet. So give me a chance!!! I promise not to disappoint you.
Keep reading!!! *coughs* And reviewing! *cough*
*Chokes from coughing*
*Rises from dead* Oh, and a new chapter shall be coming somewhat soon...
So CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Teehee! Boy, do I love Mad Eye...but I suppose that was Barty Crouch Jr...Erm...whatever.
AKA. Your humble HPFF author who *cough* would like some more reviews. *hacking cough* Report Review
Hey again! Sorry, I responded to your review and for some reason the way to put the bar into your story got erased. Ooops! So anyways, here's how you do it: Just put hr in between the little brackets < > (the less then, greater then looking ones) where you want your bar to go. Like I said, it should be above the box where you put your text when you submit your chapter.
And I dont want to spam, so I'm going to tell you that you need to update, like, now! =) lol. I'm serious, I really cant wait to see what happens. I was just rereading over your story and I got excited again =). It's very poetic, your style of writing, and I love poetry so that's a compliment in case you were wondering :). So yeah, keep on keepin' on with your wonderful self! lol. Wow, I'm a dork. Okay, see ya!Author's Response: Hey there! Its always great to hear from you. By the way, that last chapter of your story was ah-mazing! Keep it up!
Thanks for the info on putting in that bar thingmabob. It is much appreciated. ^u^
Thank you for not spamming!!! LOL! And I know I have to update. I am so slow! Curse this wretched homework that is taking over my life!!! YIKES! The next chapter is almost ready to be validated. Sorries! I have been SO busy these days. I hope the validation process will go fast! Keep checking and CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!
-Lightningstruck Report Review
Wow, I'm having a really hard time believing that this story only has two reviews so far. It's incredible! You're a brilliant writer. Your descriptions are beautiful and so well-written. I got teary eyed when Petunia gave Harry Lily's wand. Absolutely stunning job. Keep up the fantastic work, would you? I'll definitely be chacking for updates :). Great job once again.Author's Response: You don't know how happy your review made me! Finally I got another one. Yipee! Thank you so much for the support. I'm glad you liked it so much. An update will be soon but I've been very busy so please bear with me. I like to get the ideas down on paper first. Please keep reading and reviewing! It is very much appreciated. :)
-lightningstruck Report Review
Mmmm...That was a well thought out and well written piece. The flow and the vocabulary choice is pleasant but perhaps Snape is antagonized too much... That is my opinion but otherwise; well done; I enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you reviewed!!! I'm grateful for the support. An update will be soon...so keep reading please! Report Review
Good chapter. Can't wait to read more. Update soon.Author's Response: Thank you for your review!!! This is my first fanfiction so I'm so happy that only a little while after I had my first chapter validated, somebody has already read and reviewed it. I thank you for the support. My next chapter will come soon...so "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" I'm just trying to get the idea down on paper first...so it takes a little while. Bear with me please!
P.S. Again, I thank you. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection