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Reading Reviews for Babble
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hfjd Without Voice

31st May 2007:
this is such a cool fic!!
i can't wait to read more!
please update soon!!!

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Review #2, by Cheeky Monkey Without Voice

6th September 2006:
ooooo more please

Author's Response: Will do! Thank you!

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Review #3, by BitterEpiphany Without Voice

26th August 2006:
It’s very difficult to get a sense for a character in a single chapter unless the chapter is to be presented as a one shot so, in the end, I can’t say that I’ve come to a lot of very clear ideas on what to say about Antoinette.

The first thing to be noted about your character is that I think it’s interesting she prefers to have someone around to witness and mediate her argument rather than being concerned with keeping “her business” private. It’s not an impossible reaction but it’s rather different to the one that most people choose and I think it adds something to your character that makes her different without making her seem sue-ish, something even easier to do when you’re working with the first person. Is there a reason she feels this way? Was she predicting Tony’s violence and, thus, fearing him, wanted to remain within the safety of the school? Is she, due to the nature of her father’s position, simply accustom to having her private affairs thrust into the public light? Is she one of those ineffectual people who would sooner avoid a confrontation that needs to take place that endure the discomfort? If she is, how else will that manifest with her?

I mention all of this because I think it carries relevance to the way that she will deal with the next tenuious situation she is brought forth to deal with – that in which her timeturner shatters, leaving her thrust into an unfamiliar and uncomfortable position. Would she be ready to simply give over control to Lupin – allow the boys to care for her because she assumed that they would do so properly? Would she be a strong person, struggling with her own inability to handle the situation like she wanted to but eventually giving in to the exhaustion?

There are, of course, a few things that I have to caution. People with “raven” hair and “coal” colored eyes do exist – but those are the kind of descriptors men use in the sorts of love songs they blare on boomboxes outside of their ex-girlfriends window screaming “Marry me!’ and that’s great, but in the context of a story, it can seem a little over the top to readers. With that having been said, you can still use terms like that, I just recommend using them with a little more space between them. Sprinkling character details into a story, rather than presenting them in one great big block can make people more comfortable with character details and, in my opinion, it’s also a lot more fun to read.

Again, it can be difficult to see where you plan to take Antoinette in the future but you’re not off to a bad start. Be careful, timeturner plots can seemed canned to many readers as we haven’t seen a lot of timeturner catastrophe’s in canon that result in the permanent transfer to another era.

The last thing I would suggest is taking a look at is the excerpt near Tony and Antoinette’s argument about the vandalism. You’ve explained what happened at the school and you’ve explained that he did it and that he wants her to lie for him but you left out the very key why he did it and why he is so keen on not being caught. What is he fighting for? Or is he simply a rebellious, angry teen who gets about to breaking things in his spare time? The scene made sense, but without the ever important “why” it simply seemed more like a reason for him to treat her violently.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I appreciate the advice, and shall do everything within my power to make the story come around to an understanding point as soon as possible, although I do enjoy the wonder beforehand. I hope that every point you wrote to me about will be used, and that I will eventually make a good story out of this muse.

I fear the Mary Sue status, but Antoinette (in my opinion) is very far from it, and hopefully that will be shown when I submit the next chapter.

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Review #4, by thewaywelivenow Without Voice

21st August 2006:
A really good start.
This is my first time reading a marauder fic like this.
I really love the idea for the story and it looks very promising.

Author's Response: And that is my first attempt at such a fic.... glad it caught your attention.

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Review #5, by slytheringinny Without Voice

14th August 2006:
Hmmm...the name Antionette sounds vaguely familiar, eh? *giggles*
Brilliant Kaye, I really do hope you continue this, I already love it. *faves!* I can't wait to see how she ends up with Remus and what all happens!!!

Author's Response: Yay gin! Thanks!

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Review #6, by DirtyLittleSecrets Without Voice

12th August 2006:
Very nice chapter. This story looks like it is going to be very interesting. I love the character of Antoinetee so far, and truthfully I've never really read a Remus/OC story before so I'm excited to see where this goes. The timeturner would explain how she went back in time, but I'm really curious to know how she ended up at Hogwarts. :) I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out! I'll be looking for updates!

Author's Response: I've been a bad author, but I promise to write this weekend! Thanks.

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Review #7, by fallenstarr Without Voice

11th August 2006:
nice. I'm not usually a big fan of the time turner incident taking them all the way back to maurauder time, but that's just me personally. Either way, this seems promising.

Author's Response: [i]Thanks![/i]

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Review #8, by lupinlove Without Voice

10th August 2006:
i love that you've made remus the leader, for once! it doesn't seem completely unfeasible, what with him being more responsible and most likely mroe mature, and, yet, few people ever do it. so i'm very glad! i love the way you made him pick up antoinette ... it was so sweet! it made me excited to get back to writing my own fic, which will involve a lot of remus. :D also, i liked the fight at the beginning, and the mystery there still is as to why antoinette is suddenly at hogwarts. great start and i'll be looking forward to reviews!

Author's Response: Thanks for the support! :]
Yes...I'm going to attempt to be different with my fiction. I don't want a typical story, with a bunch of typical characters.

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Review #9, by t0mf3lt0nl0ver Without Voice

9th August 2006:
Ooooooh. I like it. At first, it wasn't that interesting, but once she went back in time it got so much better. You really have something there, so keep it up.

Author's Response: Thanks for being honest.
Yes, the beginning is a bit... dull, but it had to start somewhere.

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