Hrm, doesn't feel like you finished it. It's like you just went, "Oh, bugger it!" and threw this up here with a crap ending. This is like taking the last page of the epilogue and tacking it on right before Harry faces off with Moldy-Butt in Goblet of Fire. Makes no sense and you feel like you got jipped.
Sorry, but I think you could go back and revise this and see if you could add a bit more story before your ending.
I don't want to sound mean and hateful and I know I do, but I have a feeling you can do better. Read around HPFF, watch the fifth Harry Potter movie, read the books Luna's in. Do something so you can find her character and finish this. You started out pretty good. But now you need to finish the job.
Aside from the weak "ending", your writing is pretty darn inventive. I like your ideas and I think you have some real potential.
Well, I suppose this is where I say happy writings, but I think you hate me now, huh?
Happy Writings!! ^.^;; Eheh... Report Review
Nice nothing griping you could of made something of that gone into more detail but i do like the basis of the idea Report Review
not much i can say about this one. it's way to short to even get a good feel for the writing. my advice is start from scratch using this to point u in the right direction but make this into a novella or a short story at least around 10 000+ words. and really show a build up to where Luna starts to confide in Neville and show a start to a relationship. you might have some talent for writing but if you keep writing things like this you will never grow as a writer. push yourself and your boundaries and make this into something worth more then just a passing glimpse. Report Review
Too Short, It was waay to short to actually be a good story. Sorry Report Review
I L.O.V.E.D. it friend (lol).
Someone your friends with Author's Response: thanks friend who is not to be named on the internet Report Review
Great and very interesting!!! I loved it!!Author's Response: thanks we're glad you enjoyed it Report Review
awwwwwww!!!! thats sooo cute!!!! love it!!!!Author's Response: Thanks! We're so happy that you like it. Report Review
I really liked your story because it isn't outrageous it acutally makes sense and could go into one of the books. HEr mother death was kind of short tho.
ThanxAuthor's Response: thank you soo much! for the death thing, we had the most trouble writing it cuz it was so depressing. Report Review
aww, its so sad, but i like it none the less. and if the stupid site would keep me logged in for longer than five minutes id add it to my favorite.
Ciao Author's Response: thank you! we're glad you liked it!! Report Review
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