I really like it so far! It has the potential to be something great! Keep writing! Report Review
this is really good! I cant wait to see where you take this! Report Review
First of all, this looks like a very promising story - I've just started on an Oliver/OC, too, and I like how you've skirted some of the "conventional" plotline's of Oliver/OC's. The banner is also gorgeous, so if you made it, i salute you.
Just a few things: after the breakfast scene, you should put a break in the page, because I got confused. It's hard to distinguish where exactly the setting changed. Same for all the other changes of setting.
Other than that, you have a very nice character here - pretty three-dimensional already, I would say. You've given us a lot of information about her, and actually about quite a lot of things (friends, hobbies, and the like), which is always good to do in the first chapter. yet obvsiously there's more to her that should be coming up and developing throughout the story, I should think.
I don't really have much to criticise. I could be nitpicky and say you use a lot of americanisms, but really it's not that important... the content and quality of this is great. I'm adding it to my faves and looking forward to an update in the not too distant future!
Good luck with this!
xAuthor's Response: Oh, wow! Thank you for taking the time to write such a long review. :) I will try to clarify the scene changes; I realize now that it wasn't as clear as I had assumed it to be. Thank you for pointing that out! And I'm glad that Nessa is three-demensional; I wanted her to seem like she was real. So sorry for all of my "Americanisms", lol. It's very hard to act English! Anyway -- thank you again, and I hope you keep reading! xo Report Review
I Really Like It!
It's An Awesome Story So Far And I Can't Wait For The Next Part! Update Soon!!
xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you! I will try to update as soon as I can! xo Report Review
FUN! I like this story, it seams like it's going to be really fun. Please continue as I want to know what happenes next:)
rubix_cubeAuthor's Response: Thank you! :) xo Report Review
Nice chapter - the depth to your main character is quite impressive, and I'm sure the story will get even more interesting as you get further into it. Excellent start!Author's Response: Thank you very much! xo Report Review
lov it i luv it i luv it!!!!!!!!!!!!
its definately goin on my favourites!!
plz update soon!!!!
=D =D =DAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you! I will update ASAP. :) xo Report Review
put down your vest - completely unnecessary. this is quite a good start i think - your writing could use a little clarification, but since this is your first story that's only to be expected, and a beta will definitely help with the editing process. all in all, an excellent first chapter! update soon!Author's Response: Thank you so very much! It's exciting to get a review from one of my favorite hpff authors! Thank you, again. :) xo Report Review
it's a really good start! and i'll be your beta unless you need to be like a member of some other site. you can email me with your reply : Kate_Chambers11@hotmail.com... update soonAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Psh, I don't know why you're wearing I bullet proof vest; this certainly wasn't horrible. I mean, sure, in some places there could be a little more, but other than that, I absolutely loved this! Please give us more soon :] astridAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
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