15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kat potter Chaprter 2: Of Power

18th December 2008:
this is a great beginning of a story. please update soon.

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Review #2, by justadude Chaprter 2: Of Power

11th June 2007:
cool!!! this is gr8 plz update soon!

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Review #3, by Kiera Jedi Master Chaprter 2: Of Power

3rd June 2007:
Keep it coming

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Review #4, by Potter n Mione Chaprter 2: Of Power

30th May 2007:
What's taking you so long, Gryffindor? Oh, and you really ought to read and review my latest chapters.

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Review #5, by dave Chaprter 2: Of Power

28th May 2007:
i like it so far but where is the rest?

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Review #6, by Potter n Mione Chaprter 2: Of Power

17th May 2007:
True Son is updated!

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Review #7, by Potter n Mione Chaprter 2: Of Power

13th May 2007:
Hey, True Son is updated, check it out!

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Review #8, by Potter n Mione Chaprter 2: Of Power

3rd May 2007:
Well done, check out my own story, The True Son.

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Review #9, by becsy Chaprter 2: Of Power

3rd May 2007:

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Review #10, by Potter n Mione Chapter One: Breakdowns and Inheritance

27th April 2007:
This is very interesting. I like it, and I think I'll put it on my fav list. Please continue.

Author's Response: Thanks! I submitted Chapter 2, sorry it took so long!! I just have been busy combined with writer's block...meh...anyways, it's in validation because 'it wasn't formatted correctly' and so i had to fix that even though it was with all the formatting guidelines and such...o well, it should be up soon!

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Review #11, by harry fan Chapter One: Breakdowns and Inheritance

9th February 2007:
update soon 10/10

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Review #12, by I_Love_Daniel Chapter One: Breakdowns and Inheritance

9th December 2006:
excellent work- I really enjoyed reading it. I do hope you will be updating soon.

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Review #13, by circinusphoenix Chapter One: Breakdowns and Inheritance

22nd September 2006:
It's not a bad start. You are right, it's a little short, but it's ok.

The beginning is alright, but it start off right away into your story. Sometimes it's alright, but with this, I'm not exactly sure when the scene is happening. I know it's after Dumbledore's funeral, but is it the night after it, or a few days? Plus at the end, McGonagall says she'll see everyone on the train "in a few days", so that kind of has me wondering when it's taking place (the train was supposed to leave Hogsmede right after the funeral).

Anyways, things seem to be going alright here. Nothing really massive happens, so you may consider adding onto the ending, making it both longer, and grab more attention to the reader. The scene with Harry and Hermione, is nice to see. It's abrupt, so it would have been nice to hear more about how things were in Harry's head, or just draw out the scene more to allow the characters to show their thoughts more, but it does show how Harry is feeling, along with Hermione.

The scene with McGonagall was alright as well. I understand the stuff about the wills, but I don't know, the thought of Harry getting a massive fortune is just a little . . . I don't know, maybe hollow is the word. I mean, how much money he has makes no difference, and seems like excess really. I mean a castle, a mansion, a fortune, and council seats (the Wizengamot I think wouldn't be a seat you could pass down either, but rather one that's appointed (remember Dumbledore was removed from his seat in fifth year)).

But you have an alright beginning, don't get me wrong. I just think that if you went deeper into the first scene, and maybe lengthen the chapter, it'll help make your first chapter a little fuller in a sense. It's a good beginning though. Keep it up!

ps - I saw one of my fics on your favs. yay! I haven't heard a review from you, but I hope you like it. Good luck with your writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review!!!! I'll look into your suggestions and see if i can make it better. As for the wills......the castle and mansion are important to the storyline...extremely important. And the money....it would be odd to get a castle and mansion and not have SOME small fortune atached. And the Wizengomat...we never hear about it's structure, but i see it as a law-making body that is made up of old-wizarding families and elected officials, and that anyone can be voted out if the vote is over 50%....or something like that. Again, thanks for the review!!

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Review #14, by n1nj4_m3 Chapter One: Breakdowns and Inheritance

13th July 2006:
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore!!!!!! PLEASE?!?!?!?!? i really like this one!

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Review #15, by helf Chapter One: Breakdowns and Inheritance

12th July 2006:
Interesting...Keep up the posting and soon. And maybe a bit longer on the posts.

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