Hey there, Magic Marker. Finally, I have gotten to the review you requested.
I quite like this story. It's written so well! Your descriptions are wonderful, i was entranced with how you would describe the next part.
I like your character, Barabelle, and her name. The way you've portrayed EVERYTHING in the story is amazing. It's written incredibly well, and I look forward to reading more when I have the chance!
XxLils Report Review
This was a nice little break from your main characters! Although I do like Barabelle, this was a nice little break. Again, your descriptions are spot on - really well done. I like how you've written Lucius here; he's so disgusting. Well, not disgusting, but you know what I mean. Just so ... I can't even find the words. But you have done it WONDERFULLY in this chapter.Not much else to say except that I'm really looking forward to an update! I like where your story is going. And bring in Peter! =P Report Review
I liked that you had Barabelle feeling so sad at the end. Throughout the story, even though she has been constantly running from her family, she still remembers fine details (the violets her mother cared for, for example) and family anecdotes. It's a realistic way for her to feel - disconnecting oneself from family at such a young age has to be difficult. So, good emotional story in this chapter.Again, where is Peter? I'm trying to be patient for his introduction. ;)So, Bellatrix is only slightly disturbing, isn't she? Oh my, her characterization was pretty intense in this chapter. Her mannerisms, Sirius' story about her and the rabbit... It was very interesting. Really liked it.My favourite part of this chapter though, is, of course, the very beginning when Remus saves little Barabelle! I thought it was really adorable, and it was nice that Remus did it instead of James or Sirius, who are usually written (that I've read) in fanfiction as more of the Harry-saving-people type when at this young age. I'm totally sailing the Remus/Barabelle ship, though. That was just so conciderate of him. =D Report Review
Firstly - the description of Lily was simply beautiful. Elegant. Very simple, but very affective. Loved it. In fact, the descriptions of each of the characters was really well done. I especially liked your version of Remus. He's probably my favourite Marauder, and you wrote him wonderfully in this chapter. The image of him in my mind was so strong, that haunted look so immense. Wonderful descriptions.I do have to admit, I was so disappointed that Peter isn't in this chapter. I've read your responses to other reviews and know he's included later, but I was really hoping to see him here. I do hope he shows up very soon. Otherwise, a very enjoyable chapter! Report Review
Lovely chapter! Bit of a fast read, but still very enjoyable.Your choice of words, I've noticed, is very... the word isn't intentional, but sometimes the way things are worded are revealing, you know? And I like that. The way the men talked about Barabelle as a possesion, the way you described the boy in the shop - it was all very purposeful, but natural as well. I really enjoyed reading it.Not much else to say about this chapter, except you have a great way of progressing through suspence so far. =) Report Review
Okay, I'm finally back to read some more! I apologize for the wait, life got in the way a bit. ;)So, from the top! The scene with Conan was fun to read. You kept the pace fast enough for the reader to feel the rush, yet it also had some lovely details. The build up before Barabelle's magical explosion was perfectly done, full of anticipation. Your descriptions are superb - so natural and flowing. They read without effort, without any sign of intention. I love that in a story. It really adds something extra.Also, I loved these sort of "in between" scenes - the scenes that are transitional, yet hold a lot of purpose. When Barabelle is looking back on the mansion, that is a detail that happens in a lot of running away stories, but the way you wrote it and elaborated on it was very nice. And the same tone - the tone of change and looking ahead - carried on through the end of the chapter, and it was a satisfying read. =) Well done. Report Review
You have a very good style of writing. It captures my attention and makes me want to read more.Author's Response: Awesome. =) Report Review
Eh bien! I did enjoy this first chapter. It was very easy reading - not in that it was simple, it was just written in such a way that the words flowed together nicely. I really enjoyed your descriptions, they were smooth and didn't seem really intentional. I like that in writing, when the descriptions (and similies and metaphors - you had some great ones) are worked into the story in such a way that you almost don't realize it's in there, except the image in your head is a lot sharper. Really nice.Arranged marriage? Oh dear. That does make me nervy. I like Barabelle's character, though, and I'm excited to see what she makes of it. I love mischievous characters like hers - kind of sneaky and very aware of her behaviour. It makes it really easy for her to manipulate other people, which might be interesting! ;) Anyway, overall a really good opening chapter. Definitely has me curious about the following ones.Author's Response: Thanks! Can't wait to hear your reviews on the following chapters. Chapter 7 coming soon! =) Report Review
Great chapter! but who wrote the letter? Dumbledore?Author's Response: I think it says McGonagall did. Well, maybe you didn't recognize her name as McFunnygal. Thanks! Report Review
Ooh! Spooky chapter! Well, not spooky. But interesting in a good way. It makes me want to read more! You have to update quickly!
This is a very lovely fanfiction so far. I look forward to reading more once you do update! Great job!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad I held your interest for an astounding six chapters. =) Report Review
Aww, the beginning was so cute! I adored it. It was so adorable, and... just so cute!
Oh, little Bellatrix! You know, the sad thing is, I could never picture a little Bellatrix. She's too evil.
I enjoyed this chapter! It was really cute!Author's Response: Little Bellatrix is nuts, too, don't worry. Thanks! Report Review
This was an excellent chapter! Remus seemed so mysterious. I loved him. I liked James too, when he offered to help look for Lily's cat. Young love. He he.
Um, one thing I noticed:
Out loud she said in a hushed tone, “Yes, it is. “Actually, it’s more appropriate than you know.”
I didn't know which parts you wanted in quotations or not. So, that was the only thing I really noticed. Other than that, great job!Author's Response: oh, thanks for bringing that to my attention. Yes, Remus is mysterious here. We love him that way. Report Review
Ooh, I do not like that Vladimir character. He reminds me, in a way, of Draco Malfoy. Only I hate Vladimir more. I just... do not like him at all. Blech.
But, excluding Vladimir, the chapter was great! Well, he was great too. I loved how evil he sounds and stuff. But I still hate him. Great job!Author's Response: Good! Hate is good. He is despicable in a very genteel way. Report Review
I am sorry that I did not review this chapter right away. My favorite television show was on, and I could not miss it! And afterward, I was tired. I'm reviewing now, though!
Very nice chapter. I believe it was shorter than the last, was it not? It seemed shorter. But that's not a bad thing! This was another excellent chapter! I love the last sentence, although I am not quite sure why I do. I just like it.
Great job!Author's Response: Why, thank you. Last sentences are always great parting shots. Was the show 'House MD', I wonder? Love that show. Report Review
Ooh, very nice. I enjoyed this first chapter. First chapters are normally one of the hardest to write because they have to draw the reader in, and you pulled that off exceptionally well. You draw the reader in with new characters, and I like that. I want to know more about these new characters, and I want to know what will happen next.
Excellent job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm always so worried about suspense and keeping the reader's interest. Report Review
You're right when you say "better than ever." (: I didn't read the first version, but I do really love this one! You have such a flair for adjectives and even alliteration! I am quite jealous [= I also love how you've taken your symbol, a raven, and applied it directly to the stories, chapter titles, everywhere! It's genius. I enjoyed this very much, and will continue with this story (:Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yes, editing needed to be done. My last-summer-writing self wasn't nearly as dedicated as my present writing self, I suppose. Thanks again. =) Report Review
loved the story! update soon plz!Author's Response: Thanks! I promise, after I get all the chapter images up, there will be an update. Report Review
Hm So I'm guessing this means that the story will be fast-forwarded to their 4th year? I'm pretty sure that's what I got out of Snivellus being in his 4th year too.
Well no corrections for this one, but praise is most definitely needed.
I have never been able to really write a Slytherin chapter or story, but this one was excellent! Very well thought out and Bella arriving on the scene made it just that more magnetic.
Love ~K (10/10 in favs)Author's Response: A million thank yous for all of your wonderful, thoughtful reviews! Report Review
I'm glad you made sure to add the insecurities the Barabelle would be having after leaving the only family she had known. It makes the story more realistic and easier to associate with. Also the addition of the memory at the train station was a wonderful subtly.
A correction I wanted to bring to your attention was that you wrote "could felt" where it should either be "could feel" or "felt."
Love ~K (10/10) Report Review
And the seven years of love-longing begins for little James. That was an absolutely adorable way to make James like Lily. I can certainly see James becoming very awkward and nervous around Lily like that. Oh while I'm think about it; for first years (and all years) the train picks them up on September 1st. You had it as being the 31st of August as when the train ride began. Made it confusing. I wondered if it had switched to a later year.
On the postive note again, I like how you made the four of them comrades. I figured Barabelle would fit right, and I was correct.
Excellent chapter other than that one negative.
Love ~K (9/10) Report Review
Nice addition! I like how you snuck in the conversation between Karkaroff and the other man. It made for a great cliffie! And all great authors know how to add an effective cliffie, just like you showed.
Very pleasent way to reveal your inner talent. Great thus far! Keep it up!
Love ~K (10/10) Report Review
Very intruiging take on a pre-Hogwarts student's wandless-magic. It was an awesome scene. (maybe that could be -for me- because I do karate and like those kinds of scenes) Still this was a very thought-provoking chapter, and it was extremely well written. I hope your beta got a nice thank you.
What will Barabelle Smallwick do next is the question.
Keep up the great work!
Love ~K (10/10) Report Review
Sorry for your delayed reviews from me. This sounds like a really interesting story. I like the rebelious Parkinson; she sounds like a very nifty character. No way really to describe why I like this story so much, but I do. So onto the next chapter!!
Love ~K (10/10) Report Review
Please update soon!
EmmaAuthor's Response: Thanks again! I promise, I will soon. =) Report Review
Loved the chapter!
Emma Report Review
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