I loved the ending! You're a fantastic writer, so keep it up!!Author's Response: Thank you! It's heart-warming to know that people are still reading my work after so long :) Report Review
Ah, I just finished reading this story for the 3rd time. This is one of the rare fics that you just want to read again and again and again because it's just so ENJOYABLE to read! There aren't many stories like that, so congratulations. :)Author's Response: Aw thanks! :) Much appreciated! Report Review
ok, I do love the story, but I have to point out that Arthur wasn't at Hogwarts when they were, he was a bit older.Author's Response: Yep, I actually found this out after I wrote about it. But by then I was too lazy to change his name, so I kept Arthur there. Hope it doesn't bother you too much! Report Review
Okay, I just finished this story and the first think I can think to say is: WOW. What a great story! I loved it!! Instead of being sad because I'm done with it I'm excited to be able to read it again, because I know I'll want to very soon. Thank you so much for writing this, it was really a pleasure to read!! :)Author's Response: Thanks!! :) Report Review
This was a really great story. Thanks for writing :)Author's Response: And thanks for reading! Report Review
That was intelligent, "Just don't be a stranger", please.
It was so tense, so riveting that I literally (and I don't mean "misuse of the word 'figuratively' literally) was leaning forward in my chair and biting my nails. The nail biting I haven't done in almost ten years.
You wrote this beautifully, wonderfully, incredibly. It was so intense, so eloquent.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Aw that was so sweet, thank you!! :) I'm glad you were able to enjoy it. Report Review
Oh, he always had a chance. He just didn't know how to use it yet.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Hahaha I'm glad you're able to see that :) Now if only the characters themselves wouldn't be so blind. Report Review
Yeah, you and Potter are getting closer Lily. C'mon.
And the plan was well though out, although I still wish Lily hadn't told Kathryn. It feels very un-Lily-ish to me.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Hmm I do know what you mean. Lily does seem more tight-lipped than that. I guess I was desperately trying to find a way to keep Kathryn involved that I decided to have Lily tell her everything. I'd like to think that if Kathryn and Sirius ever got closer, he would eventually tell her about everything that went down as well. Report Review
Did Lily really tell Kathryn? Augh!
Bravo to you.Author's Response: She did :( Report Review
That happens, sometimes. We think we know someone and KABAM. And it also happens the other way around, too.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Yeah, tell me about it. I'm glad you're able to relate! Report Review
I just hope Lily doesn't kill them all.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Nah, she's too nice for that :) Report Review
Of course Lily knows. Lily is Lily.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: And Lily is brilliant. BWAHAHHAA. Report Review
Sirius seriously makes me want to throw him off a five-story building.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: I've never seen him as a particularly easy guy to get along with, so I completely understand your sentiment. I think I would've thrown him off a five-story building a long time ago if it were up to me. Report Review
Of course he's growing on her. What else would be expected?
Twilight is so engulfed our culture that, even though I'm not fond of it myself, when it separated to Team James and Team Sirius, I tried to figure who was the vampire and who was the werewolf.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: HAHAHAHAHAHA REALLY?! That's hilarious. And I'm not gonna lie, but I got part of my inspiration from this whole Team Edward vs. Team Jacob thing going on. Although just out of curiosity, who did you decided was the werewolf and who was the vampire? :P Report Review
I can't wait for the Arthur chapter!
And she finally slapped Sirius!
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Yep! I also think it's about time! :) Report Review
You know, I was really looking forward to Lily punching Sirius square in the face for that.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: She'll get there :) Report Review
I adore that Remus just up and got her strawberries. None of my guy friends would do that for me.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: There's a reason why Remus is the nicest guy in the world. That, and I've always wanted a friend like him so I guess Lily gets my fantasy :) Report Review
I liked it from Peter's point of view. So few stories are told that way.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: I'm glad you're able to appreciate Peter. I do admit that I had some difficulties writing him because I couldn't get the stereotyped image of him out of my head. Report Review
Good God, man up, all of them!
Bravo to you.Author's Response: You tell 'em! :) Report Review
Seriously, wow. That was...that was incredible.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
This was so intense; I was swept up in it.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thanks!! :) Report Review
Congratulations. This has to be the first story with a OC Main Character that I've ever read in HPFF because for one, I HATE HATE HATE OCs. I love reading Marauder Stories and one of my habits on choosing whether to read the story or not is to glance down and see if there are any important OCs in it. For one, it's just I pay too much respect for the HP Series that I hate any major changes brought to it. That should be why I'm a bit prejudiced against Kathryn. Don't get me wrong, I like her. But I don't like the fact that she's an OC is all. But this story's summary kinda captured my interest so I decided to give it a try. I read the prologue, and just seemed to continue and finally I finished it all in a day. And to be honest, Kathryn wasn't bad because you made her story quite believable. I mean, who the hell thinks there wouldn't be some other student during the Marauder era? And the fact that she isn't a popular, glamorous, important girl but a really ordinary witch just made it more believable.
This story is actually very believable and if I didn't know any better I would've thought that it really took place in the Original Series. Something J.K. Rowling missed out on telling us. But unfortunately, nothing is perfect and the following states why it's a bit impossible.
Your portrayal of the Marauders was PERFECT. But I kinda really got annoyed with the girls though. I'm a girl so that's saying something. Lily and Kathryn for one are just too...I don't know, uhm nosy? And very naggy. And, well...insensitive. I mean, example, when Sirius clearly needed fresh air Kathryn and Lily comes around and starts bugging him, no wait, nagging him to do something and that's really annoying. Or when James or Sirius are very very exhausted and the gals just start yelling at them because they want to know something...not actually caring that the other seriously needs some sleep. I'm actually surprised neither has put their foot down yet because it was very frustrating to me.
I feel for Sirius because really, I'm pro-Sirius and very anti-James in this story...I mean, I totally feel for him when Sirius messed up, they were all mad at him but when James messed up they were like 'what's done is done' or something like that. I mean, it really does appear like James is sort of, the king of the Marauders or something.
And Lily's plan...the whole thing about the eavesdropping on the door thing was brilliant but the letter thingy was a bit too unfitting (since they're wizards and could've done better) and cliche. For one, that plot was too...muggle-ish? And James and especially Sirius were seriously (no pun intended) out of character during the last confrontation when Sirius was packing his things. But all the while, the story itself, although slightly frustrating, came out pretty much amusing enough, so...no harm done.
The end was ok...but, (this isn't really a general opinion but a bit personal) Sirius was humiliated (I'm feeling sooo SIRIUS right now so don't hold the prejudice against me)...imagine your proposal being rejected on front of the whole school after something that romantic and that sincere coming from Sirius.
But then again, I suppose nothing is perfect and you did manage to make me laugh so hard during the first chapters, squeal with delight at some point, but mostly squeal with frustration most times. I especially love the part when war broke out with Team Potter and Team Black. That would've been very amusing to watch with their uniforms (I mean that's just insane, imprinting Team Potter or Team Black on the back of your robes and all) and it really made me laugh so hard.
You do have a knack of giving us suspense with thoughts like 'what will his reaction be?' or 'what will he say/do?' or 'what is he talking about?' running through our heads and I am a bit not so satisfied with the answers but that's just probably because I wanted the whole story and every teeny detail. Like the time when Peter, Remus, and Sirius was inside the room to make up and they came out smiling and I was literally screaming in my head "WHAT THE HELL DID REMUS SAY THAT MADE THEM MAKE UP SO EASILY AND COMFORTABLY?". But then again, I guess it would be really hard trying to come up with things Sirius and Remus might say to make up while at the same time, trying to keep them in character.
And the last thing is that Snape wasn't mentioned much or his undying love for Lily which is a major important fact in the actual series so it made the story a bit less believable.
And that pretty much was all. I give compliments to your writing skills. Maybe a few more experience and a bit more correcting and creativeness (no offense) and then maybe you could actually write your own novel.
I Would Appreciate to Hear What You Think,
P.S. Did I mention Sirius is my favorite Marauder? Or was it just too obvious? I suspect the latter...Author's Response: Hi SeverusLove,
First of all, my sincerest apologies for not responding to this review sooner. As you can probably tell, I kind of left HPFF for a while due to a huge writer's block and largely because real life got the better of me. But now that I've finally decided to return to this site and to renew some of my stories, I think this is a perfect time to address some of the issues you laid out.
Thanks for being so upfront about your feelings regarding the story. I do agree that maybe Lily and Kathryn were a little too nosy during some parts of the story, but I largely attribute that to their personalities and the situation they were thrown into (particularly Lily). I've never seen Lily as a perfect person -- she's a bit too smart for her own good, and I've always thought of her as a little Type A. She likes things to be under her control, and if there's a potential mystery, I have no doubt that she'd work relentlessly to find the answer. Therefore, I would like to say that her nosiness is expected. As for Kathryn, maybe she didn't have to be so involved as Lily was in the Marauders' business. But because I wanted her to be included in the story and not just another side character, I made the choice to let her in on everything as well.
In regards to Sirius, I completely understand how you feel, and it's also part of the reason why I portrayed him in that light. I've always wondered if Sirius felt inferior to James. As listed in the story, James comes from a very well-known family with loving parents and caring friends. He literally is the Golden Boy. Sirius, on the other hand, came from a darker background, and as a result, I believe it also makes him more prone to do the unexpected (letting Snape know about the secret to the Whomping Willow). His feelings of inferiority and loneliness are primarily what shape his actions in this story, and can partially explain why the rift between the Marauders extended as far as it did.
And lastly, in regards to Snape, I left him out because he's not central to the story I was trying to tell. I do agree with you that his romance with Lily is very important, but this story was focused on the Marauders and their breakup and makeup. At the time, I didn't think I had enough time/room to include Snape (because he would've had like 5 chapters to himself), but in hindsight, your suggestion does make a lot of sense. And that is why this is only a first draft and nowhere near a perfect story :) I don't think I would ever rewrite this story, but if I were to, I would definitely incorporate more of your suggestions/solutions to the issues you see with the story.
Thanks so, so much for your detailed feedback! :) It is much appreciated, and it's because of feedback like this that I'll be able to improve as a writer.
PS. Yes, I know you are indeed very much in love with Sirius ;) Report Review
O lord i love this! It's really good and your writing is amazing!Author's Response: Aw thanks! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
O i luv the Lily thing goin on! hope 2 see more!Author's Response: Yep, you definitely will. The readers requested it and so I wrote it :) Report Review
By the way... Arthur and molly weasely are supposed to be about 15 years older than James and lily. If they were in the same year, then that means that bill should be harrys age.Author's Response: Oh yes, that makes sense. Thanks for letting me know :) I always have a bit of trouble trying to match all the dates and ages up. But for the sake of this story, let's just pretend they're in the same year ;) Report Review
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