AWW! That was so amazingly awesome! I loved it and think you should so write like a hundred new LJ stories! CONGRATS! *claps and lots of cookies* -CharlyAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! :D LJ is definitely my favorite ship. I would love to write more stories about them someday! Report Review
I really like the way you describe the process of making Peter secret keeper. It's detailed and mysterious and very ... magical ... (that sounded corny). You are really good in your descriptions throughout the story. I really enjoyed the intensity of the final scene where Lily is running and trying to protect Harry. The only part that struck me as off was the fact that she said "NEVER" with hate coursing through her veins. Obviously, she probably would hate Voldemort, but it was her love that protected Harry, not hate. Anyway, that's just one small thing... This is a great one shot!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it and there is nothing wrong with corny ;) And yes, after people have brought it up I'd also like to change that! Anyway, thank you so much for the review. Report Review
Wow that was a good one shot. It really makes me wonder about the entire scene of their death and the Fidelius Charm and what they were thinking. Great job with it all. Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I appreciate that you took the time to leave a review. Report Review
Mmm, this gave me shivers. Although I know it's effective writing and all that, I actually think a more mundane thought would come up. I know, I know, mother's love, protection, so powerful, all that, but I think it would just be a dreadful end to not be able to think or say goodbye - to think something silly, like the milk will expire on Tuesday. Just a random thought for future death scenes. =)
I really loved where you filled in the blanks. The Fidelius charm was really well done, and I'm glad Lily did it instead of Dumbledore or whoever - we know she's good at charms. It was just really creative how you did it. And them waiting when the death eaters and dementors were coming through - that was actually pretty believable. I don't know why (maybe you just wrote it well =D), but it really felt like it should have happened that way, rather than us not knowing and assuming that LV just appeared out of the blue and surprised them.
The imagery and emotions were great - I could imagine the forest a little less frightening, as if it too wished to be apart of the magic. Not the magic of wands or wizards or witches, but the magic of nature and of the cosmos and of time and life. Where do you come up with that? It's just brilliant writing. Excellent.
The end was kind of blah for me, which was a letdown. I don't know, the way the beginning and middle were calm and slowly building up, I really don't know what would have fit best here - not something too big, not something too small. But this was just kind of like every other Lily dying fic I've read, though I did like that bit about her not knowing what was coursing through her (It finally sank in ... and when the realization hit me, my body surged with a strange exhilaration ...). You had so much creativity and buildup, and though the end wasn't bad, it just didn't really match up with the rest of the story. It shouldn't be sadder, and I think the emotions were right - maybe it's just that I've read that conversation so many times before, and there's only so much you can do with it.Author's Response: Hey Marisa! Haha, I think that'd be kind of funny - a character's last thought as they were dying: 'The milk's gone sour and I haven't gone grocery shopping yet...' Dreadful, yes but somewhat amusing. I'm glad you liked my take on the Fidelius charm, and that you found the waiting believable. And aww thank you. I'm also glad you liked the imagery and emotions ^_^
I'm sorry the ending wasn't as great for you, and I know what you mean. Now that I think about it (since I've only ever read one other Lily dying fic) there'd probably be a lot of similiar endings. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me your opinion! Report Review
oh gosh i think im gonna cry =( that was very well writenAuthor's Response: Thank you! ^_^ I'm glad it was able to bring out that sort of emotion in you. =) Report Review
Oh, my, terrific job! I actually pulled off my earphones to read it better and hardly noticed that I did. I love how descriptive you are, especially with the "long, looming shadows" and the "small flecks of gold". Very well done. One question, though: why did they have to run through the Forbidden Forest? Wouldn't it make sense to just go to Hogsmeade? I'm surprised they wouldn't perform this closer to home... although Sirius wasn't supposed to know where they were anymore, so I guess that wouldn't work after all... but anyway! Awesome job! ~GingerAuthor's Response: Thank you! ^_^ And wow thanks. I'm glad you liked the descriptions! And as for why they ran through the Forbidden Forest...I wrote it that way because it seemed to fit and make the story more eerie, but I guess I could justify that they didn't want to 'appear out of thin air' in a muggle village xD Thank you for the lovely review, it made my day! Report Review
Everytime I read a fic about James and Lily dying a part of my heart just strains because you knew they were in love, and that moment, were Lily runs upstairs with Harry and both her and James know it's the last time they'll see each other -alive- again it just pulls at my heart-strings. It's like, they've fought so long to get together and then they are torn away (and I know they are only fictional characters) but it still hurts all the same. This was a great fic, and I liked the detail in the beginning.
~LBAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review ^_^ lol and that's okay. I always have a lot of emotion for characters in stories also. lol, I'm in love with many fictional characters and I say it loud and proud ;) Anyway, I'm really glad that you liked the fic and the detail. Again, thanks for the review! Report Review
This deserves a much bigger review, but all I have to say is WOW! Great Job. You made a wonderful and convincing story. Everything flowed, the writing, plot, everything. A+. Be proud of it, you deserve it! PaMugglesAuthor's Response: Thanks so much PaMuggles! I'm so glad you liked everything. Sorry I ended up not being able to contribute to the Hogwarts a History project. Again, thank you so much for the awesome review. Report Review
That was so well written. I could feel what Lily was feeling and you portrayed both her and James so well. I loved it. I am putting it in my favorites. 10/10 ~CrystalAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked my portrayal of the characters and I'm happy that you liked the story so much! Also, thanks for rating a 10 and putting it in your favorites. Thanks for the lovely review ^_^ Report Review
Amazing. Dumbstruck. No flaws, not fast pace, wonderful. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it that much ^_^ Report Review
Wow. I usually steer as far as possible from 'serious' ff's but after seeing all the positive reviews on your Reviewing Circle page, I ahd to check it out.
I've never actually thought about the death of the Potter's but your description seems very appropriate.
Well done!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm pleased to hear that you thought my descriptions fit. Thank you for the review. Report Review
That was so beautifully written I almost cry. My eyes are misty right now. You did a great job capturing Lily’s emotion. The descriptions are great too, especially when they were in the forest. I love how you linked Firenze in there as well. Well done, Liv! Author's Response: Yay I'm so glad it was written well enough to bring out that emotion in you. I'm also glad that you liked my descriptions. Thanks so much for the review ^_^ Report Review
That was soo good. I'm all choked up. Amazing description and feeling. Just wonderful. Outstanding job.Author's Response: lol thanks, Elivania. I'm glad it was able to get you to feel for the characters that much ^_^ I'm also pleased that you liked the feeling and descriptions! Thank you for the awesome review. ♥ Report Review
Wow...that was brilliant. It was beautifully sad. It got me teary eyed, and fics rarely do that to me, but this one got me bad. Great job! The feeling of foreboding and despair carried throughout the whole thing and made it that much more touching to read. I liked your take on how that fateful night went, and how it was in Lily's point of view instead of in third person. Beautiful, just beautiful. Standing ovation for you! I really loved it. :)Author's Response: lol thanks! I'm so glad it was sad enough to bring tears to your eyes and especially when it doesn't usually happen! It's also great to hear that you liked how I percieved what happened on that night.
lol and thank you for the standing ovation! I'm glad you liked it and thank you for such a wonderful review! ^_^ Report Review
I would like to say that, that was the most powerful Lily And James fic I have yet to read. And I don't say that lightly. I was on the edge of my seat from the first paragraph to the last word. I was sitting here going DONT DO IT! Dont switch secret keepers! haha
It was definately sad enough. I had tears whelling up! It's hard to weave saddness in when a person just dies *snaps fingers* like that from a killing curse, but the part before, when she realizes James has dies, that was very, very sad.
The part where James and Lily were cuddling and she reminisces how she used to hate him, but now it was like falling in love all over again, THAT WAS ADORABLE. i loved that part very much, and made it even more sad when... it happend.
I like the hintings at Peter's betrayel (wild look in his eyes, twitching under his cloak, etc.) It added to the whole foreboding effect!
All in all, this fic was very, cery well written and quite a pleasure to read! Keep up the good work in your other fics! =]Author's Response: Thank you so much! ^_^ That's so sweet. I'm glad it made you feel so strongly about the whole story. And it's great to hear that it brought out emotion from you as well. lol I thought the reminiscing was adorable too ^_^ And I'm pleased to hear that you liked all of the foreshadowing I put into the story!
Thank you so much for your awesome review! ♥ Report Review
Hello, it's Chelle from AA. Anyway, it was deeply moving on how you portrayed Lily's point of view from all of this. Very descriptive, emotional as well. Pulled at my heartstrings, great job^^Author's Response: Chelle!!! Whoa I haven't talked to you in like forever! I'm going to go PM you now xD Anyway, I'm glad you liked my point of view and that it was emotional for you. ^_^ Thanks for the review ♥ Report Review
Let me just start my review by saying I rarely if ever, give people a 10 it's usually a 9 or an 8. But your story I see is almost perfect, which I don't sa very often either, so please don't try to convince me otherwise.
Your story was amazing in both context and conversation. I love the pictures you paint with your words for the scenery, they were beautifully done. I also like that you used italics to portray or signify what they were thinking. The only thing I think could use a little work is how to express their emotions better. Or to go into greater detail for lack of a better word.
Anyway, I love your story. I also thought you should know I cried when I read this part:
" 'I love you, James.' I said with the whole of my heart, as our eyes interlocked, knowing that we would never see each other again."
And like everything else, I don't know normally do that. That is the kind of deep emotion I think you could incorporate a little more into your story, but for other ones as well. Such as anger, happiness, sadness, jealousy and not just love.
I don't know. I hope I helped! Let me know.
BrieAuthor's Response: Hi =) lol wow...thank you for rating a 10, and it means extra if you don't do it often ^_^ And I'm so glad that you thought it was that good! (I'm not the best at dialogue ;) ) I'm also glad you thought I could paint pictures with my words ^_^
Yay lol! That seems to be the crying line for the people that have cried while reading this story. And once again, that means extra if you don't normally do that.
And yes it definitely helped! I've never thought of putting deep emotion for ones like jealousy or happiness before; I would totally disregard them while giving my attention to the emotions like love. So I'm so glad that you pointed that out. My writing will be deeper because of it.
Thank you so much for the review! ♥ Report Review
Wow . . . that was an amazing story. I loved it, it was very well written. The scene of the switching of the Secret Keeper seemed very authentic, sort of like it could be in the book. And at the end, you could really feel sympathetic for Lily. Overall, you did a fantastic job, I liked this little story quite a bit. Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ I'm so glad you liked it. And it's such a great compliment that you thought the Secret Keeper scene seemed real enough to have been in the books. I'm also happy to hear that you could feel for Lily =) Thank you so much for the wonderful review ♥ Report Review
Ok lets see.
To start with, I will tell you that I am absolutly enamored by your voice and use of description. Pictures were running through my mind while I read, and that is very hard to do! I also have to say that you were amazing in the sense that you kept JK's facts straight while spinning off abit and adding your own touches and ideas.
Lily is such a hard character to write becaseu her voiceisnt actually mentioned in the books. I'm pud to say you pulled it off nicely!
Goodjob, and write on!Author's Response: Wow! I'm so flattered that you liked my voice that much! I am always having a low self esteem about my voice and writing style, so thank you so much for commenting on it! And I'm so glad I could achieve that for you! Thank you so much for everything and for this absolutely fabulous review ^_^ ♥ Report Review
gosh that was so touching! despite knowing that lily had to die eventually i still felt my head urging her to just run! couldnt stop reading there, it was really amazing writing...
very touching...especially right at the end when she thinks that harry is a reason to live for but then sacrifices herself to save him...it was such a motherly thing to do on impulse and you captured it perfectly...
i also realy liked you including things like apollyon, and sirius' part in persuading james to change secret keepers, its little things like this which make a good story great :)
well done!! and i was almost in tears by the end :(
ps check out my fic!!! its a chaptered h/hr fic, and id love some concrit and advice too :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I am so flattered by all your compliments! ^_^ I'm glad you liked the little things I included and that the fic almost made you cry. And no problem! I will definitely read and review. Although to warn you, I might not read all of it, because I don't read much on HPFF ^_^
Thank you for the wonderful review. ♥ Report Review
So far I haven't read any of my competition (I also did this category for the Writer's Duel, but I renamed mine Five More Minutes). Yours was great, but I also happen to have a high opinion of my own ;) . Just a few things I noticed:
-"There, Apollyon, father of Firenze stood majestically, with little Harry in his strong arms. Although centaurs were usually untrusting of humans, he was deeply indebt of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter who had saved him when he was a young foal, on one of their many exploits long ago." There should be commas after Firenze and Peter.
-“You must go, now, for the forest can be full of his spies.” Apollyon spoke," You might consider capitalizing his, in correlation with the books, which always capitalize his, him, and he when refering to Voldemort.
-"The dawn was near approaching, and it tinted the sky a lovely pink hue. I watched as slowly, the sky took on different colors, and golden threads of light made its way across it." Since you're talking about more than one golden thread of light, it should be "made their way across it".
-"I could feel my blood boiling…all I could think about was that he had betrayed us, he betrayed us, he was going to betray us all along…" My computer tells me that it should be "and he was going to betray us all along." However, if you want this sentence to remain as it is, you don't have to listen to my computer. Frequently, I don't either.
-“I love you, James.” I said with the whole of my heart," The period after James should be a comma.
-"goodbye, Harry, …goodbye." Capitalize the first goodbye.
That's it. Our plots are very similar, it's funny. I enjoyed reading this, and I hope I helped a little bit, at least. 10/10! Author's Response: lol I'm glad you liked it. And thank you for taking the time to tell me about the errors I made ;) Anyway, so you were the one that wrote the story with a similiar plot (I also read one other story similiar to this)! And judging by the title I think it's the one where at the end Harry says 'I love you, mommy'? That one was pretty cool although I was kind of shocked that we had such similiar plots lol. Anyway, thank you for the review and the 10! =) Report Review
First off, I have to say, wow, that was prefect, no mistakes!!!! that was very sad and very moving. Your writing speaks, you can gat a vivid picture in your head while you read it! I really felt like I was there, and like that was really what happened! Im glad you asked me to read this, it was very powerful!
DG aka Kitty ♥Author's Response: Aw, thank you! ^_^ And yes, I pride myself on my grammar and spelling ;) lol and I'm so glad you thought it was moving. And it makes me so happy that you say my writing speaks! Thank you so much for the fantasically wonderful review ^__^ Report Review
Wow, that was very powerful, I definitely felt for Lily at the end.
I loved the tiny interactions between Lily and James, they were very sweet.
Your writing was great, because so many people have written about this there’s always that danger that the story could become tedious and obvious but yours definitely wasn’t - I loved it!
This is going in my favourites. Author's Response: That's so great! I'm glad you did =) And I'm pleased you commented on the interactions between Lily and James! I'm a sucker for sweet romances xD And wow I'm glad you didn't think it became obvious or anything ^_^
And a 10 AND going into your favorites? I love you lol =P Thank you for the lovely review. Report Review
That was really cool. I like how you had so much in this story. Oh, and thanks for helping me on the forums!Author's Response: Thank you! =) I'm glad you like how much was in my story. And no problem ^_^ Thank you for reviewing my fic! Report Review
That was outstanding. It was... wow. I'm speachless, or rather writeless. You were very discriptive and I can see everything that was happening placy through my head. Everything that Lily thought seemed as though it were something that J.K.'s character would really think. You are a great writter and this story was great. I give you a 10/10 for this story. It was beautifully done.Author's Response: Thank you ^_^ And lol! Anyway, I'm so pleased to hear I was that descriptive. And I am extremely flattered that you thought all the characters were that canon! Thanks again ^_^ And a 10?! You are awesome =P lol once again, thank you for the wonderful review! Report Review
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