I really enjoyed reading this. I always love reading about little, poor bitten Remus, and I think you have an interesting take on it! :) Report Review
I'd recommend this short story for anyone who ever wondered what happened after Remus Lupin was bitten. All we know from canon is that it happened when he was quite young. I very much enjoyed it, and the banner is great! Report Review
This was beautiful. I loved it very much (: The way you wrote young Remus was perfect! His intelligence, politeness.. everything really came together for a brilliant story. Great work! Report Review
I’m here with one very long overdue review!
Well, you get added bonus points just because this story is about Remus. He’s one of my favorite characters! Even putting that aside, I really enjoyed the concept of this story. I think the whole idea surrounding Lupin getting bitten is (while horrible!) a really fascinating concept that I don’t think gets enough attention around here. The fact that the attack wasn’t random is truly chilling. However, I liked that you focused in here on how this whole situation might be viewed from a child’s eyes. Of course he would want to believe that this wouldn’t really change him...that he could still play with his friends and not get left behind. His “naive” view (as you said) is almost sad. You feel sorry for the realities that you know await him. And, as others have already said, I liked how you connected him with Harry in the end. It made me think back to early on in the first Potter book, where Harry reveals that he likes his scar, not knowing yet of course what it symbolizes. You see that change as he grows...as he learns what that scar means for his future...so much like what happened to Remus. Great job with that!
I’ll through in some CC here, as I said I would in my thread. The only thing that I would really have liked to have seen was a little more development of Lupin’s parents. They felt a bit flat to me. Granted, Remus might not have really understood the gravity of the situation, but it seems likely that his parents did. I didn’t really understand his father’s anger. If it was a compensation for his fear or guilt, I didn’t really feel that come through. If I’m not mistaken, it was out of revenge against his father that Greyback attacked Remus in the first place. If I were his parent, I would have refused to leave his bedside—afraid someone might come back and finish the job. I don’t think I would care much about a scar. Kids can be so intuitive...It would have been interesting to hear more of Remus’s reflections on his parents’ behavior. I know he said the yelling was odd and that he hated it, but why did he think his father was so angry?
Other than that, I really enjoyed. Thanks for sharing your story with me :)
I love the connection you made between Remus and Harry! It is great how you draw things or ideas in that are not normally thought of and show how they relate.
Your spelling is great as well as your grammar. One of the best parts of the writing is how the characters are not flat in the slightest, if you know what I mean. They are very filled out and they feel very real. The flow of the fic is very good and not choppy at all.
I would have liked to see more of what Remus felt about his future and I would have been nice to learn more about his parents, but you covered almost everything perfectly. I also would have liked a bit more of Remus’ thoughts about his current situation at the end as well as some more details throughout the story.
I wish that I could give you more information on how you could improve, but it is hard when your writing is so good! I am going to make a note to myself to add it to my favorites!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the comments! And I'm really glad you liked. I'm glad you didn't think it was too choppy, because I usually have a problem with that.
Thanks for the great review! Report Review
loved it ! Lupin rocks! it was brill. hope there will be more. well done great story.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I really liked it. Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
very lovely :)Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
Excellent! That deserves a really big round of applause! Some spelling and grammar things I noticed:
-“They don’t heal as nicely as one would like no matter what we do to it." There should be a comma after like.
-"A single moment, a single misjudement, a single second where he had let his ‘nothing can hurt me’ attitude win, had changed his entire life." I think you mean misjudgement.
-"He could never have known that his lycanthopy would push him towards being the Remus that he was," Lycanthropy.
-"It throbbed painfully now but Remus was accustomed to pain," Comma after now.
That's it. I hope I helped, in some way at least. It's a very good story, and you have a talent for writing. A beta should pick up some of those misspellings and such. They really are helpful. Keep writing! 10/10!Author's Response: Ah, typos... I usually catch them if I re-read it, but I haven't re-read this one because... well, I'm lazy. Thanks for the review! Report Review
First of all I'm going to mention that the banner for this story is brillaint, well done for that one. Anyway onto the story...
I have tried to do this challenge but you have done it really well. There aren't many stories about Remus aroun dbut yours is definately brilliant. It's interesting and you kept Remus in character from a little boy which I'm sure is hard to do.
You showed the pain of it all andI like how it went into Remus's time at Hogwarts and why he was there I love this sentence - 'The only reason, really, that he had taken the job at Hogwarts – besides the fact that he needed the money, of course – was to see Harry.'
You worded it brilliantly so well done for that. And just like Harry's life everything would begin and end with a scar.
I can't find a thing worng with your story, it's got proper length, good length paragraphs, you write very well so well done I'm glad I was able to read it.
Almost_witchAuthor's Response: I love the banner too! (And all credits, of course, go to MySundayWarning of the Dark Arts. She's just brilliant)
Thanks for your comments. I definitely had fun writing this - as challenging as it was - and it's nice to know that I didn't completely ruin Remus's character. :) Thanks again for the great review! Report Review
i agree with the others! very good job! the ending was my favorite part!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
Very good story!Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
Wow, I loved this story! It was really well written. And I liked how you based it on Lupin instead of Harry. Considering the scar and everything. But I liked how you had Remus watching Harry taking the test at the end and all that. I also liked how you portrayed Lupin's father, and what had happened in the hospital. Great job!
-sarah-Author's Response: Thanks for the great comments! Report Review
I imagine this challenge might have been a little hard, starting and ending with scar, but I think you did a great job. I bet not many people did Lupin. It was pretty captivating and even though it wasn't that short, it seemed short and sweet. I liked how Remus compared himself with Harry at the end. Great job! 9/10!Author's Response: Thanks for your comments! Glad to know you liked it! Report Review
Wow, wonderful story Im so glad you asked me to read it. It really gave me a helpful background on Lupin. It was very discriptive and detailed. I could picture it well, wonderful job!!!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Ahhhhh! What a great response to my challenge BakTrax! (Like your name by the way) I really liked how you not only started and ended your story with "Scar" (without an article in front of it may I add) but you also slipped "Would begin and end with scar" in there, which wasn't the challenge, but worked incredibly well as you worked within the constraints of that phrase. (Do you know what I mean?)
I never would have thought Lupin on this one, honestly! When I started going through "Scars. . . who would be people with scars?" I immediately thought Harry, (as I thought many people were going to write) and here you are. . . writing Lupin. (I love Lupin btw, he's my FAVORITE character alive!) It all fit together extremely well, and when I was thinking of this challenge, I would have never thought that someone would answer it so nicely! So good job, and you just have a nice day!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and the compliments on my penname (I must say, I love yours as well). When I read the challenge, I actually never considered adding an article to scar and the beginning sort of popped into my head as I was reading your post. And then as I was writing it, the ending popped into my head and the middle sort of fell into place.
I didn't want to write about Harry, to be quite honest, as I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to do with him. At first, it wasn't even Lupin - just some random werewolf in the world. I wanted to try out an original character but it sort of evolved into Lupin as I saw him when he was bitten: wonderfully naive about the situation. And I absolutely love Lupin - he's such an amazing character to write.
Thanks again so much for the review and you have a wonderful day! Report Review
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