Really bad decisions here, the end of this chapter has no logic. Two Slytherins, ( the house of the cunning, clever, and ambitious) walked up in broad daylight and used unforgivable curses on victims with witness all around, witnesses that could assault them while they were performing said curses? Slytherins would be much to clever for that, also, what is there to gain, and what is the logical motive. It's all very foolish and stupid, and to have one of them attempt a killing curse? They'd both be sent ot azkaban without a dissent. Really bad decisions and it doesn't make sense, along with toying with your readers just to keep them reading. A brutal attack that left them injured seriously yes, even using onforgivables where they could not be caught might work, but this is illogical in the extreme.

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Effing brilliant decision there, I sat and thought about it for several seconds, just processing that end of the chapter, (which is where it needed to go by the way, just so the reader could spend the time to processit without interrupting the flow.) Amazing ending, brilliant idea. Also, Lily giving James the key after deciding she couldn't face it all was also a fantastic choice. Quite possilbl your best chapter yet. Hope you're still perfecting your craft somewhere, Ran.

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Exceptionally fluffly cute, and completely adorable. I loved it. The only issues is the light way you treat love here. Love's something serious you don't just toss out without a real attachment to someone. It's twice now you've just tossed it out, with Rose and Sirius and now James and Lily. It's a bit out of place on a first date, and will have a much greater and more believable effect after the characters have grown closer in their relationship, exploring each other. It's something that ought ot come on with uncertainty. Still, thats not to say that this chapter wasn't awesome, I love its candor and the interaction of all your characters here, great fluffly job, Ran.

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Hmmm, maybe a bit more emotion here about her mum. It's not really given enough attention I don't think. Anyway cute moments with LIly and James. Ran

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I liked the way this twist was orchestrated. I can see your plot and character judgement improving slowly throughout the story. Although it feels a little fast it also feels as if several weeks have passed over the last few chapters, so its not entirely out of place. Great work, and I hope you come back one day. Ran

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i liked a lot of the dialogue in this chapter, but the interactions of the characters are confusing. Do they feel believe think one thing or another? Keep writting please, Ran.

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Very clever line there, it shows the quality of James and Sirius' relationship. I liked the note that line ended the chapter on. The only critique here is the way you created and told the circumstances of Lily's intoxication. But upon cursory reflection I dunno exactly what ought ot have been changed, so perhaps I'm being overly picky, although I do feel there ought to be something to both applaud and critique in every review. Keep writting, (although this is like 2 years old,) and thanks, Ran.

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Horrible plot twist there, there was no reason for them to tell Clover, no reason for them to let Lily see the map at all in fact. It really didn't make sense and hurts the credibility of the story. Also, for her to run around shouting freak just makes her out to be a Petunia clone, a charater that already lacks dynamism. All around the decisions made in this chapter were very poor, I fear you've damaged your story severly. And while we're on the topic of credibility if Lily didn't trust her friend enough to let her hear the secret without putting some spell on her why let Remus tell her at all? Not logical.

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Cute start for sure! I like it so far. Course as it hasn't been updated in several years you prolly won't get this, but great writting and keep at it, Ran

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haha this was interesting!!

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aw ... so cute!!

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*sigh* thats so sweet!!

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I HATE REGULUS BLACK! How dare he! hmmmph!

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hahaha!! its so CUTE!! im going to reead th entire thing!!
10/10

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thats cool, after i started reading this story u updated I ROCK! good story like it but make remus get a job and have mandy like him as a werwolf or ill be really mad!

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Like the reviewer before me I just started reading this story when it was updated. It's really good, please update as soon as you can!
~Chandio

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i only started reading after your last update, but i love it already!!! update soon!!! =)

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Interesting. This story has been on my favorite's list for a long time and I finally got around to reading it. Heh.

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I looked, and if you haven't updated since '05... I don't know if you still care for your own story. Which is rather sad, ie tragic, because it is, genuinely, a good story. Except, right above, it says that you had five months between your last two updates. And so, I am not giving up hope, but it would be nice if you would write more.

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have u forgotten about ur story?!! what happened to updating? i love ur story and i rlly want an update!!!

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dude, James totally isn't a bad boyfriend! He's James!!! update, por favor

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hey, small correction, sry to do this to you. i love the story, but you say Lily Potter when they're searching the map, but its still Evans as of now. I love this story by the way!

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its a good story, but LIGHTEN UP. people take time to review and you just lash out @ us in the A/N. stop complaining, seriously

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its rlly good!!!! so u have to update!! i rlly like the whole story with everyone hating lily and rose because they have the two hottest guys. its rlly good so.... UPDATE SOON!!!!!

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Awww. james is so cute. ur fanfic ir rlly good. i rlly like how u include peter and don't leave him out cause hes evil, like some other ppl do. UPDATE SOON!!!

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