LOL! This is gonna be good!

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SEPARATE YOUR DIALOGUE PARAGRAPHS.

Okay, had to get that out. If you separate the dialogue according to the speaker, it helps the story flower faster and is easier to read. For example, here's your next-to-last paragraph -

“Then I walked in here and looked under the bed for the first year then I sat on the bed because I thought that she had left. Then you walked in and I learned that this was all a trap.” “I am going to get back at them so badly.” James said through clenched teeth. “Can we focus on getting out of here please. Then you and I can get revenge on them.” Lily said her temper rising. “Fine.” James said surprised that Lily wanted to help him get revenge on his mates and that Lily seemed to have realized that Sirius and Remus had set them up.

Here's your next-to-last paragraph indented by speaker -

“Then I walked in here and looked under the bed for the first year then I sat on the bed because I thought that she had left. Then you walked in and I learned that this was all a trap.”

“I am going to get back at them so badly.” James said through clenched teeth.

“Can we focus on getting out of here please. Then you and I can get revenge on them.” Lily said her temper rising.

“Fine.” James said surprised that Lily wanted to help him get revenge on his mates and that Lily seemed to have realized that Sirius and Remus had set them up.

Adds 'length' and makes it look nicer.

There were other things, but this review is already too long.

~ Caroline



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PLEASE WRITE MORE!!! I really like this story!

Author's Response: thank you

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More plz! It sounds really good. And just for my happiness, and other readers, could you perhaps make it a tad longer. (just a little PLZ!) 10/10
~Ginny~

Author's Response: Thank you. I'll try and make it longer.

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I like this story. Its basic but still amazing

Author's Response: Thank you

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Love it!


Update soon

Author's Response: Thank you

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Well, this story definitely has potential. =) It's a really cute idea.

A few tips:
1] Watch using the words "two," "to," and "too." You sometimes mix them up.
2] Watch using "well" where you mean "while."
3] Start a new paragraph everytime a new person speaks. Lily's and James' dialogue should not be in the same paragraph.

My favourite lines of this chapter:
"Sarah (No nickname available)"
"Sirius thought that this was a necessary part of the letter."
"'When’s the wedding?'"

Good start, and I look forward to an update! =)

RP/Kate

Author's Response: Thanks for the tips. I didn't do a good job of editing b/c I just wanted to get the chapter up. I'll watch out for that next time.

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this is interesting!! continue. lol =)

Author's Response: Thanks

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hahaha i love it!! seriously its so cute!!
10/10 =)

Author's Response: Thank you

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"well" is not an excuse for the word "while" Just letting you know.
I really really like your story and I hope that you update more soon.
10/10
~Hannah~

Author's Response: Thank you. Sorry for the long update. I had writer's block and I just kept putting writing the chapter off.

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haha this story is hysterical! siri and remus are so blunt its funny lol
Keep writing!!!
love ~K
ps- in favs with a 10

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oh!
good chapter!
please update soon!
this is a GREAT plot!
10/10

Author's Response: Thank you

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Funny. i think you should slow down a little though.But its really good!!!!!

Author's Response: Thanks. I'll try to slow down.

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Interesting. I never know the marauders were that evil. Please update soon. 10/10

Author's Response: The marauders can be very evil in this story.

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I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: thanks

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Really cute story! Update soon!!!

Author's Response: thanks

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i love your story its really funny! keep going i cant wait to find out what happens next

Author's Response: thank you

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Hehe, that gave me a chuckle :)

Author's Response: thanks

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wow. not bad. this is slightly interesting. its promising, so please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you

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I loveit!! ohhhhhhh what happens next?? UPDATE!!:):P

Author's Response: Thanks. i should have the next chapter up soon

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What? Snowed in? Is the room outside all of a sudden? I'd like to see where this is going...nice idea..Update quick to sooth my impatience and curousidy! But sadly you updating won't help my poor spelling. =( LoL

Author's Response: Thank you.

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