You're going to leave it like that?
I know it's been two years since you wrote this piece but seriously, It feels so unfinished somehow.
Poor Cedric.Author's Response: I'm not really sure what was unfinished about it. The purpose of the story was not necessarily to conclude with a happy ending. In fact, the point of the story wasn't supposed to really be about a relationship at all. This is a story about coping with devastation and death. There's not much room for happy endings when it comes to death.
I do apologize for the fact that you feel unsatisfied with the ending, but I feel very much the opposite. I wouldn't change it. Thanks for your opinion, though. Report Review
Hi, Chelsea. I enjoyed your story, and checked out your info, so I had a little bit of an idea who you were. If you don't mind, I thought I'd offer a couple of thoughts. You mentioned on your LJ info that you're still young, and learning, so hopefully this will be helpful. (Btw, I also have an LJ of the name above, so if you want to check *me* out and who's talking to you, feel free. :-) ) Anyway, I enjoyed the story enough that I want to comment, and I've also noticed that you've got a longer story planned. So, with that in mind, the main suggestion I'd make is to get on the LJ community "hp_britglish". While you avoid most of the really BIG Americanisms in your story, there are still quite a few, and that community has a whole HOST of entries memoried to help with non-Brits writing British English. It includes not just advice on terminology (petrol, not gas; pavement, not sidewalk; cupboard, not closet; and never, never GOTTEN (g)), but also on many cultural matters. For instance, you mention Cedric "graduating," but Brits don't graduate from secondary school. They simple "leave" school. :-)
So finding a "Brit-picker" would help avoid some of the classic sorts of errors that keeps from accidentally throwing readers out of the world of the story.
The other thing to keep in mind is to work on maintaining POV (point-of-view). There was some "POV drift" here. Sometimes we'd be in Harry's head ... then suddenly be in Cedric's. That can get confusing if you're not writing omniscient (and in omniscient, you're in the narrator's head, not a character's). A good rule-of-thumb is "one POV per scene." If you want to shift POV character, add a scene break.
Hope that both these help for future HP writing endeavors. I did enjoy the story and look forward to reading the longer work.
--MinAuthor's Response: I'm so excited! I already know who you are - I've read some of your fanfiction! I'm only halfway through Finding Himself, and I adore your version of Cedric! So to get advice from you is just awesome. I appreciate it so much. I'm going to check out the LJ community, and at some point I'd like to get an authentic Brit to look over my stuff. Thanks for the suggestion! As for the POV issue... I think I've gotten a bit better at that. I've read over my new fic and I think I've only found a couple little issues out of what I've written so far and I can fix them up. I wrote this fic just over a year ago, so it could probably use some revision. Anyway... thank you so much for taking the time to write this! I am such a fan and I can't wait to see what you think of my new fic. =))) Report Review
Wow dear. Wow. What to say... wow. This is the first "slash" story I've read, if it's properly labeled that. It's so much more really. I'm not sure what to say. You have a great way of delving into the depths of Death. Truthfully, I'm quite curious about what your personal views of death are. Maybe we should strike up a PM about it.. (o;
He was caught in some other world, lost in some non-existence behind a veil or in the sky or some other place. This line and the paragraph it was in, I really liked. It brought to mind, for course, The Veil in book 5, but also for some strange reason, the whole first half of this story brought to mind C. S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce." Have you read that? If not, I think you should. It's just interesting. Wow, anyway, I like how you keep delving into the topic of death.
You had more great lines about the space between Cedric and Harry. I think your style definitely paints in these spaces, seperations, and I really like it. (o:
Wow, the Cedric and Harry kiss thing. I dunno... So normally I can't do slash stuff, euh. This was so odd though. The whole death thing and meaning what you do there and... Well, I'm not sure if you're trying to say something, really, or if this was an interesting idea and nothing more, when you wrote it. But it's quite intriguing. Anyway, the kiss/moment was a nice one, and I didn't even get squimish like I thought I would. It had a weird purity/innocense about it, but at the same time, on Cedric's end there was something more. Strange eh... Wow..
Interesting one-shot, my love. The topic/summary/etc intrigued me, and since you wrote it, I knew it had to be good. And I was not disappointed. (o: Excellentwork, dear!Author's Response: Your first slash? That's a bit of a pity, because there are really some beautiful fics with slash that are tastefully done. I'm glad you took a look at this one anyway. And I'd be happy to talk about death with you. Although, pretty much the third chapter of Head Count says it all for me. =)I haven't read that book, but I'm definitely on my list of things to look for, now. =D I haven't even heard of it, so it'll be interesting to see if this reminds me of it as well. Thanks for the rec!The thing about the slash in this fic was that it wasn't supposed to be about the romance or whatever, it was supposed to be about a connection with a person, and intensions, and, as you mentioned, the meaning behind actions. Cedric meant it, right? But Harry only meant it in the sense that he was looking for something to hold onto. I'm not entire sure what I was trying to get at with the meanings, but it's the basis of the entire story. The death is more or less only there as a way to get Cedric and Harry in the same world, you know? And the slash, I'm glad you didn't find it too bad, because I tried to keep it mild. =) Thanks so much. I really appreciate this review! Report Review
No! That wasn't fair! Bad Harry, bad! When they were finally making progress and he just... just... aargghh!! Stupied Harry!!
Ok, so I love reading Harry/Cedric fics and this one was just great! I loved the way you didn't rush things, any things, and you really painted out this whole new world. It felt very realistic how Harry would have reacted too, he can be a bit stubborn, even thought Cedric might have been a bit too cheerful in the beginning. Sure, we don't know him all that well, but being that cheerful when you're about to tell someone that they've just died..? Doesn't really feel right... But other then that I really loved, even if Harry was a right ass with wasting his chance to be alone with Cedric that way! Poor Cedric...
So, great story and it's going straight to my favs list!Author's Response: Awww, thanks! =))) Cedric was just happy to see Harry at the beginning, and that was why he was so cheerful. Of course he should've been a bit more conscious of Harry's feelings, but at the point he was just glad to see him. I'm really happy you liked it, in your faves and everything! Awesome, thank you so much. =D Report Review
Wow that was very different but I enjoyed it immensely!! Well done!! Its very sad but has a kinda nice, happy twist at the end! This is the first Harry/Cedric I've read so I was very interested throughout! It was fantastically written and the plot was unique so I'm added it to my faves and you in my author faves! I rate it 10/10! Well done again!! Excellent! ~wired2damoon~Author's Response: Thank you very much, for everything! That's lovely. =) I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially for a first time Harry/Cedric reader. =))) They're fun. Report Review
Just kidding. I still should be sleeping but nonetheless... Nonetheless I decided to review the twenty new stories you seem to have written behind my back. Stories! What stories they are- fabulously amazing stories. Like this one! The ship... hot Ced... okay, I should stop there.
Annnyyway. Lovely. Night. I love night. I love this title too. Can you titlize for me? Yes? Just kidding. But Ginny? Where's Ginny?Author's Response: Haha! I didn't write them behind your back, lol, you just need to read my writing LJ more! =PPP I could titlize for you any day, if that's even a word. Lol!Ginny just isn't in the picture right now. She's still off living somewhere, not in this "heaven/place with dead people's spirits"/whatever you want to call it. =P Report Review
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I am not a huge fan of slash, and having not read the warnings, I wasn't prepared for it when it came, but it was thoroughly well-written with excellently portrayed emotions. I thought that everything was right in line the way it should be. Harry was in character, even his temper was just right. Enough to be realistic but not too much to be annoying.
I felt very bad for Cedric at the end, and even more so for Harry, since he let slip away something that could have been really good for him. You did a great job with this one, and I'll be taking a look at more of your work. Sorry for having taken so long to getting to your review request but thanks for asking me to read this great one-shot!Author's Response: No problem - I'd forgotten about the request, so this was a lovely surprise. =) Thanks very much, I'm pleased to hear you liked it, slash and all. I hope you enjoy anything else of mine you might look into. =) Thanks again for the great review Report Review
I don't normally reading slashy fanfics, but this was really good! I enjoyed reading it! It keep my on my toes. I was very eager to find out what was going to happen next.
I felt bad for Cedric when Harry left him for his mom, but I guess things happen for a reason.
This was a great story and you are such a wonderful writer. Your stories always seem to make me think, in a good way. I'm definitely planning on reading more of your work. Again, well done with this story! 10/10!Author's Response: I'm so so happy that I made the slash enjoyable for you. Some of my other reviewers said the same thing, so I'm glad to know that it wasn't too overbearing or anything. Thanks for the great compliments, dear. I would love for you to read more of my fics. =D Report Review
Great job! :] I really enjoyed reading this. You have both Harry's and Cedric in character. Harry being unaccepting at first - but then in the end accepting it was great and then Cedric being calm and understanding. Brilliant. The end was surprising, Harry leaving Cedric for his mum but you could also understand why he did what he did. Great job. I hope to see more Harry/Cedric from you! ^^Author's Response: Eee, thanks, dear! I'd really love to write more of this ship, but it's tricky since Cedric's passed on. I guess some AU is in order! =P Thanks again. Report Review
So, I've breathed a bit, reread and now I'm ready to do a proper review. Where do I start? WOW. You jam packed this one shot so full of emotion, that I was torn over my sadness for Harry's inability to accept his death and my happiness that Cedric was able to show him that everything was okay. And it hurts to know that Cedric was right, that Harry would be okay once there was someone else -- which really is a trademark of Harry, I think.
Your take on death is so different. Good, different. I love the way that Harry has to accept what has happened to him before he can see those around him. And, I like that it's different for everyone. It's sad that his mom couldn't be the one to come see him, but I see your reasoning behind it (and, of course, if that had happened, the little slashie wouldn't have popped up.) :)
So, 10/10 for brilliance, originality and 100% quality. :) *hug* ~JessiAuthor's Response: Oooh, Jessi! *hugs* I'm so, so happy you liked it! Haha, yeah, the entire fic would've been different if Harry had seen someone like Lily or James or Sirius first. But I think that if death is anything like the way I've depicted it here, than Harry would need to see someone else first. He's kind of explosive when he's confused and I would hate to see him take that out on one of his parents. Anyway, enough about that. Thanks so much for the great review! *hugs again* Report Review
I don't normally read slash, but this story didn't make me feel uncomfotable at all. It was very elegantly written. I do however feel bad for Cedric, becuase it seemed as if Harry was just using him. I really enjoyed your view of heaven. It reminded me a lot of The Lovely Bones. Anyhow, it was a touching story.Author's Response: Thanks very much - it kind of reminds me of the Lovely Bones too, now that you mention it. I didn't write Harry as necessarily using Cedric, I was trying more for him just being confused and the end of his life making everything a little harder to figure out for him. But I can see why you'd see it that way and I'm glad we can see it from different angles. Report Review
Jeez that was wonderful! This one-shot was so wonderfully written. It was very beautiful and I enjoyed reading it so much. Cedric's character seemed so perfect. He was so calm and wise about death. There were things that he said to Harry that just pinched my heart in awe. The descriptions of the scenary was really heart taking also. It was so brilliant the way you made such a simple place become so beautiful. The kiss between Cedric and Harry was intense and filled with emotion. Everything about this one-shot was great, but nothing can beat out the ending. The ending makes you feel so sorry for Cedric. Even though you know that Harry wants to see his mother, he just leaves Cedric there. After all the things that he did for Harry in the moment of his afterlife. Overall my rating for the one-shot is a nine, because it's just so great.
There was a misspelled word that I found. Just a simple common error. “You’ve wanted some piece and quiet your whole life, where no one would bother you and you could be normal and free? It should be peace, not piece. Again, wonderful one-shot! ~LisaAuthor's Response: *Gasps!* Wait until Sticky hears! =P I kid. Ooooh, Lisa, I can't tell you how much this review made me smile. It's kind of weird because I felt at first that the ending was a bit abrupt and hollow, actually. But I guess it turned out okay! *le relieved sigh* Thank you so, so much for the wonderful review, I don't know what else to say. *hugs + hearts* Report Review
This is a great story, but such a sad ending. I was looking for a Harry/Cedric story and I found this. Great job!Author's Response: Aww, thanks! Harry/Cedric is certainly an interesting pairing, isn't it? =) Report Review
I'm not a huge slash fan, but because it was written by you, I decided to check it out. This was really well done. I left it feeling very sad at the end. You wrote Harry's anger at feeling alone very well.Author's Response: =D Wow, thanks. I'm glad you decided to read anyway. I know slash isn't for everyone, but I tried to keep it mild. =) Thanks for reading and for the nice review! Report Review
Ooh, yay. I hardly ever see Cedric in character these days, which is weird in my opinion. I think you did a smashing job portraying him as the quiet yet guiding observer. The beginning chunk when Harry toys with all of the ideas of where he might be is very good, it seemed like one of those times where you contemplate a thousand possiblities in a second.
Both conversations with Harry and Cedric were funny and fitting. The first one with the slap was very fun, with the sort of humorous confusion with a sprinkle of angst at the end. The second one was really brilliant. The kiss fit in PERFECTLY with Harry's frustration and angst.
The sad ending (for Cedric, anyway) tied everything up nicely. It took me a second to realise exactly why it would be so sad for him, but then it clicked: Harry (tragically) has plently of friends and relatives in the afterlife (or whatever it is), while Cedric has none. It's tragic, really, because he left the living world way before his time with pretty much no one to meet there.Author's Response: Guuuh... my brain is so not working after this review. =D x 10000. Haha, I couldn't help it, I totally wanted a boy slap in there. Plus it just confused Harry even more, and so it worked out nicely. =P The end for Cedric is just because he realizes not that he has no one, but that once Harry's got someone else, he's not going to give Cedric any attention anymore. That was their moment and it's gone. Harry reached out to Cedric because he was the only one there, and Cedric really wanted it, but Harry was just being impulsive. He didn't consider that what he felt for Cedric might not last or be real. Like Cedric said, it might've just been a result to his confusion. It's kind of unrequited that way. But you also make a fair point about how he really has no one else - all his friends are still alive and stuff. I never thought about it that way. Cool beans. =D Thanks so much for the great review, I'm all smiles and giggles! Report Review
I must admit, Cedric and Harry's conversation was hilarious! I liked the whole couple confusion. Although it was slightly unclear at first where he was, I liked how Harry saw Cedric, of all dead people, first, and then him mum. CC: I wish there was more description of thought, setting, and details. It would help clear up some of the confusion I had in the beginning. Also, if you could show Harry's thoughts, tell why he decided to kiss Cedric at that moment, that would also help. This was a humorously romantic story and overall a great read. Thanks!Author's Response: Hey, thanks yourself! =P I know the beginning is a bit confusing, but it's supposed to be like that. Harry's really confused and so the reader is as well. Creates atmosphere, you know? Thanks for the CC, I'll keep it in mind when I do my next edit. Glad you enjoyed it! =) Report Review
Hello, lovely! After reading this fanfiction, I am insisting that you write more Harry/Cedric, even if it is as subtle as it is in this fic. Your characterisations are wonderful; Harry's unrestrained anger and Cedric as the quiet observer. The setting you chose was interesting, but works with this fic, especially if there was any chance for Harry/Cedric. The ending was heartbreaking for Cedric--while Harry said that "it felt right", you could tell that Cedric wanted it more--and when Harry left him for his mum...oh. Poor Cedric. The last line really wraps it all up and pulls the story together. *glomps* You did a really lovely job, Chellers. Really well done. :)Author's Response: Eeeee!! *glomps Misserloo back* You make me so happy, dear. Thank you so, so much. I will definitely try to get back to this ship. =P I love Cedric, can't lie, so it probably won't be hard, haha! Thank you so much, darling, for all your help and nice comments. *glomps some more* Missy = THE VERY BEST EVER. Report Review
This is really clever, and I enjoyed it more than I expected. Slash isn't really my thing, but this was really well-written and very mild, and, like Harry said, it seemed right. I like the little things that you threw in, like looking for Sirius' star. Intersting with good characterization. Understated and lovely. Good job.Author's Response: =D Wow, thank you very much! I'm really happy that you liked it. I definitely wanted to keep it mild, for people like you who aren't really into slash, but also to put more emphasis on Harry's messed up thoughts than the romance. =) Thanks so much for the great review! Report Review
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