Hi, er cute comes to mind reading this, even if it is baddly written. Now did you by anychance read the bit about the fics being at least 1000 words, you should add a little to this make it better

Author's Response: I completely agree. It was horribly written, but you may want to note that it was written by an eleven year old girl, and that was three almost four years ago. I think i'm going to take this back into the workshop and redo it. Perhaps with my new knowledge as a high schooler it will be better.

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aww I love it it is so sweet.

Author's Response: thank you!!! I dont get much reviews so its nice that I get so many nice ones!!!

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AW CUTE =]
SOME PROBLEMS WITH DIALOG BUT STILL ADORKABLE =]

Author's Response: Adorkable? Hahaha I like your little word thing =D I know there is a lot of mistakes in there but I'm not going to change it just because it was my first fiction and I want it to portray that.

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that is cute,sweet,and romantic!

Author's Response: Thank you!!!!

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this is the cutest thing i have ever read!
keep up the writing!!!

Author's Response: thank you!!! like i said in the story im not going to make any changes to this story but i am really tempted to but i'll leave this way

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It's great! It could use some work though.

Author's Response: I realize that but i want it to stay like this so that it kinda symbolizes my beginning and how inexpericenced i am in writing

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cool

Author's Response: thanks.....

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try telling this one in 3rd person. use names instead of i, my, me, etc. i think its good now. that would make it better though

Author's Response: thanks I'll consider it on my next storys


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yayaya I LIKE IT SOO SWEET!! please wright more!!! try it would be good!!!

nattie

Author's Response: thank you!! i plan on writing more storys =D

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I like this one please write more.

Author's Response: thanks i am starting to write more =D

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It was really, really good and funny. I'm not very good at giving reviews or anything...but if you need any help you can look me up and I'll show you some of my stories.

(Harmonyandpumpkinpie@yahoo.com)

Author's Response: thanks if i need any help on my story that im working on right now i'll try to contact you =D

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awwww i luv the ending it's so cute. well done

Author's Response: thanks!! im working on adding a chap to my next story (its taking so long!!) so its a nice boost to get good feedback on my lil one shot


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i love the ending

Author's Response: why thank you!!

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hey you should make it into a longer story. I like your writing!!

Author's Response: thanks! i was thinking about it but then i decided not to. But if you would like to come back and check out my new one (Its gonna be long!) then you are entirly welcome i actually already have 7 chapters but not posted i have to send them to my beta but i will be posting the first chap soon!

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Very good! A great one shot. There was some spelling mistakes like forgeting to put apostrophys in words and stuff but that do n't bother me it was good!

Author's Response: thanxz!!! i actually just got a betta so that kinda stuff wont be a problem later

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ummm its called "the beach" why isn't any scenes on the beach?... maybe have a flashback where you actually tell the reader what happened,which gives the sotry more sense. so this is it? no more?

Author's Response: well when i first was gonna write it and i made the name it was gonna be on a beach but that idea kinda washed out lol sorry about that

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whaaaaaaaatttt. you wrote that and nothing alse. your crazy. you have to write more.

Author's Response: lol im sorry!! i just did this on random and as soon as i was done i kinda didnt want to continue with it at all lol

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This is a great story.

Author's Response: thanxs!!!

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Hey Gabby.
I like your story and it's good considering it is your first but you should really try to edit some of your spelling errors. I am sure you could easily find a beta (if not, I would be more than happy to check over your work in the future). I love the plot though. E-Mail me at hermionebabe1@yahoo.co.uk if you would like me to beta your work or if you just wanna chat =).
-HermioneBabe1

Author's Response: thanks! i would really like that i'll be emailing you soon then!

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I Love it!

Author's Response: thanxs!!!

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i like this little one shot, BUT it does need some work.

now i know it was only a one shot but there are still your work which shows how good you can write in any time of story you do. one shot or novel etc.

spelling and grammar need some serious work. the dialogue is really good but could use some tweaking here and there. describe the scene around the characters. if you do that, you will give the reader a more stable envirionment for there to visualise.

describe the feelings of the charcters, there emotions. make the reader actually feel what the character is feeling. give it a more background information.

on the whole it was not that bad for a first fan fic! so be proud of yourself. if you want, leave a review on my other story, and i can go through it for you. im not a proper beta or anything, but if you have seen some of my work, i think you have... anyway just leave a review and email address and i will contact you. i think i could really put more into this story! well think about you dont have to or anything, its just that, i liked this story, it was ALOT different to the others and has alot of potential to become quite a emotional piece of work!

contact me in a review, think about! =D

luv, smile2006 **

Author's Response: thanxs!! lol i now have two offers for beta's!! lol im actually doing another story right now im just barely begining it

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aw this is so sweet! i luv it. its gonna go onto me favs!

Author's Response: thank you soo much!! if you like this than you might like my new fic when it comes out =)

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I don't mean to sound rude, but I think you need someone to help you edit your fanfiction. This story, however short it was, was full of spelling and grammar errors. Really. Get help with this. I think you need to put more effort into it. Not only that, but there was really no sense here. Randomly Hermione decides to write to Harry, and he comes and confesses his love for her? All a bit out of sorts, don't you think? Well, there was little imagery in this, and I don't like it to be brutally honest. I think if you try, though, you can write something much better. Or improve this, if you want. I also wanted to point out that Hermione and Ron were slightly out of character. Hermione wouldn't be wasting away on a bed, she'd most likely be surrounded by books. I don't think Ginny wants to bake, (why was Ginny there again?) and Harry...well, he's not always so forthright. In fact, I don't think he'd confess his attraction to Hermione out of the blue, much less attack her face in a kiss.
Sorry if I'm being a nag, but hey, it's what I do. And it's not quite...interesting. There's no details, really...nothing to explain whats going on. Not even any sililoquies to show us whats going on. Not that much happened. And *EXPLODES* okay, I'm going to stop now, but just take what I said under consideration. I'm not trying to bite your head off with all of this, but I'm trying to be as honest and helpful as I can.
~Echo

Author's Response: thank you so much for pointing that out for me and i guess for the out of character thing well i guess i just wanted a different outlook on it i just recently got a beta so hopefully the grammar and stuff will shape up in my next fic

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gabby
this rocks
peace love and mashed potatoes
katie

Author's Response: thanks!!!! =D

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