I KNOW THIS SONG. IT PWN'S.

*ahem*

i think hermione would be a bit hesitant to leave her parent's bodies, y'know? and harry was a bit ooc... oh, i'm ever so picky ^_^

anyway, it was a bit fast paced but it was enjoyable ^^



xoxox

Author's Response: Yes. Song does pwn. I hate this fic. You find it enjoyable?! OMG. :dies:

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Aw, that was a sweet story! I loved it :) Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks!

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I found it cute...but quite OOC

Author's Response: Thank you. This was one of my first stories (when I was a mere 12 years old! GAH!!!) but I just can not bear to part with it. I know that she's OOC. Thanks for the review! (though cute wasn't exactly the reaction I was looking for....)

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Aw! Great fluff! I

Author's Response: Thank you!

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mushy is good :), its a good fic :)

♥

Author's Response: Thank you!

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OMG I love that song and was singing as I read this one lol Excellent job, it was just a tad rushed but still wonderfully written.
love ~K

Author's Response: Thanks so so much!

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I thought this fic sounded familiar! I've already read it. Haha, I looked and it was in my favorites so I must have read it before. Oh well.... Hope you review my story soon. TTYLZZZZ

Author's Response: lol. Thanks so much!

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I like this fic. I just stopped by to tell you that chapter six was just validated for my story and I figured I would read another one of your fics....

Author's Response: Thanks! I've tried going to your author's page, but I don't get anything....

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I absolutely love fluff and this definately meets the requirements. It was a little rushed at points and i personally don't think Harry would be mad at Ron and Hermione for even one second, but it's your story and you did a good job of writing it!

Author's Response: lol. I wasn't sure about this part either, but then I thought back to OotP Harry. He definatly has it in him to be that way!!!!! Thanks; and yes, it is fluff to the highest degree!

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I llllllllllllllooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddd it. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks.

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You're doing great. The stories I've read from you are beautifully written. Are you ever going to add to this story or was it a one-shot?

Author's Response: This was a one-shot. I am glad that you like my work so much! thanks!!!

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I loved it! Thanks for writting this as a happy story!


Author's Response: ha ha, I don't write too many of these, so be happy I wrote it! :P Happy is not my choice genre; I'm more of an angsty writer!

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A decent one shot - but not really a lot of plot. A bit bitty in places, but some nice moments thrown in. However, your dreams of writing stardom may be illfounded. But, who knows, a little guidance and practical advice from someone who knows what they're talking about and you never know - the sky's the limit I guess. I don't really know how the song fits in. I'm sorry that I've been a bit evil

Author's Response: I see that you did not like this. This was my little attempt at fluffy (which I wrote during a science lecture, which may not have helped it at all.... :P), which pretty much failed. I write sad, horror-y stories better (A Handful of Play Sand, What I Lost..., Horrible Horcrux). The only scene I am happy with is the weding, really, to be honest. Thanks for the review.

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Awww! So sweet! This is so going in my faves!

Author's Response: Thanks!

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Nice ending. Good job! =) --RP

Author's Response: Thank you.

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Good story, I'm not a R/Hr shipper but it was good. My only question was why was Harry so upset about it? In the books I thought he was okay with Hermione and Ron. Good story though, you finally did something happy!

Author's Response: Yes, I know, it's a break-through for me, really, it is. :P I have trouble writing "And they all live happily ever after. The end." endings. And did you notice two ppl had to even die in my fluffy story??? It's pathetic, really. :P I stink at just fluff, but I can do humor well, so I'm going to run far, FAR away from fluff as the main genre and go for humor. :)

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Warning! You say you are serious about being a writer so this contains a LOT of constructive critism: I cannot say that this was horrible, as it was not. It was just. . well. . . like every other fic out there involving Ron and Hermione and their relationship so. . .

There were about too many cliches to count. Firstly, you named their children after people from the series. Harry defeated Voldemort, there was a confession, and then a kiss. They kept their relationship secret, Harry was angry over it. . . those are some. now, Cliches aren't all that bad, for one, the whole confession thing is probably canon, but so many use it it's so very worn out. As long as it's done nicely, it can be WONDERFUL. . . I think I've done it in every one of my Ronmione stories, and will continue to until the dawn of a new era. That's just what interests me, and what I like about R/Hr.

However, this was an example of a very rushed confession/relationship. After all, her parents had just died, I do not think that was what would happen. I mean, of course someone can fall in love right after someone has just died. Heck, their body could still be in the room! You just have to capture the feelings accurately, and just think the way your characters would think. I don't think they would simply leave the bodies there, and I think Hermione would be a but more scarred than that. I think she would be shocked the whole time they were kissing and all that. It wouldn't work that way. Imagine it yourself. Your parents just died, then your crush/best friend shows up literally out of nowhere. What would YOU do?

I also think the fight between Harry and Ron was. . . weird. It really didn't make any sense, and it ended very awkwardly and. . . abruptly. It was like, "OMG I HATE YOU!" "Don't hate him, you have no reason to" "okay, my bad, let's be friends again"

Does that seem even the teensiest bit for a conversation? Then you never mentioned Harry's jealousy again. It was odd. It went by, at the end, really quite fast and the whole plot was rather confusing. I was confused as to what you were focusing on. Was it her parents' death? Ron's confession? Harry's jealousy? Ron and Hermione's life together? It's hard to fit all that into a single one-shot.

And then there was the song that just. .. really didn't need to be there. I mean, it was a great song and everything, but it just didn't make sense with the fic. It may have seemed like it, but really, it didn't. I think that this could be better, all you need really is experience-- just go and read as many fics as you can. Practive by reviewing. Challenge yourself not to write those one-liners everyone always does. Think about exactly what you liked about the fic-- what the person could've done better, what could've made it more satisfactoy to you. . . And I assure you, it will help your analyzing skills, and help with your OWN fics. Just. . . read, read, read. . . write, write, write. That's all I can say! If you are really determined to be a writer, and if it's really your dream, then there's nothing that I can say to hold you back! Then you WILL improve, and I hold great faith in you! Just a couple more years and you will have it! I promise!

So good luck with everything and I hope that you succeed with what you want to do!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Lairyfights.

This is NOT my favorite fic, by any means. It was a thing I did on a boring day (actually during a lecture my teacher was giving) and well.... Not my best work. Now, What I Lost... and Horrible Horcrux; those are a completely different story!!! I don't like how this turned out, not really. It was my attempt at 'happy' and I DO NOT write happy well. (It wasn't even happy!!!!!!!) :P lol.

The parents thing.... I didn't like that scene either. The parents died thing actually was made to accomodate the song.... The Harry-is-all-mad scene turned out...yuck as well. (Though I did like the wedding scene a lot.)

I have grown ten-fold as a writer since I wrote this, and I am off to try to improve this wilting story!!!!!!

~*~KeNzIe~*~

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I think that your writing style is ok, but I was a little disappointed by the fact that Harry is not in character: in HBP, he is quite happy to think that Ron and Hermione could end up together. And, even if he didn't agree with that, he wouldn't react this way. Of course, this is my opinion...

Also, as you said, the story is too fluffy... A little action, or something sad happening would be nice. Byt the way, I didn't understand the part about Hermione's parents dying at the beginning: how could anyone feel happiness on such a day? Moreover, when Ron kisses her right after the murder, it seems very tactless from him...

This is of course my opinion, I don't mean to be mean, I really think you have a potential as a writer, but I personally think that if you slightly changed those few things, it could really benefit your stories :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the thoughtful review. I am not proud of this story...at all. It bugs me. Harry is OOC, and it IS too fluffy. I'm glad that you took the time to review this, and thanks for bringing up the good points!

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Hey, great story, i love happy stories. Just so you know you've got competition, i am twelve and i also want to be an author when i grow up.

Author's Response: Thanks, dreamseeker! i am glad that you enjoyed it! Good luck to you with your stories and your pursuit of your writing dreams!!!

~*~KeNzIe~*~

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Great story so far. Take no offense to this, but it seemed like it was almost like an epilogue. I would say if you would like to make future stories a little bit better, (not saying its horrible, but everyone can improve, right?) I would say add a little bit more detail and try not to add everything in at once. Give things time to develope and don't be afraid to add emotion to your stories. Say what you think people would feel. So that's about it, but great job! Just keep in mind what I have said for future stories!
-Poppeyseed

Author's Response: No offense taken! I am trying to improve, and I think that I have gotten loads better! Thanks!

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That was.. interesting.... I didn't really like it.. and no offense but i think you could've thought about how the names matched with the last names :-P but over all, it was... ok...

Author's Response: Alright, I get it. You didn't like.... :P That's alright; not everybody can enjoy my stuff.... Thanks for taking the time to read it anyways.... Apparently it wasn't your cup of tea.

~*~KeNzIe~*~

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wow, i really liked it. Don't worry, I love all that slushy stuff!

Author's Response: I am glad that you enjoyed it!!! Thanks for the review!!!

~*~KeNzIe~*~

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Lol, very fluffy, but hey! You need a little fluff every once in awhile right? Good story. I'm not really a Hermione/Ron fan but oh well :) The song went good with the story, by the way.

Author's Response: Yes, fluffy! Thanks so much; I'm glad that you like it!

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This is really good! I like it! I see no reason to change anything and spelling is good!

P.S. this is future_lily

Author's Response: Oooo, thanks bunches!!! I am glad that you enjoyed this!!!

~*~KeNzIe~*~

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I love it, much happier than the one I just read. You are a very talented writer that puts all the events in order very well. I love how you got the two lovers together, that took a talented person. Congrats, I will keep an eye out for any other stories you come up with.

Author's Response: Thanks!!!! I am glad that you think I am talented; that's so encouraging!!! Yes, I am sure it is much more happy.... I usually write sad stories. I am glad that you are keeping an eye out; many more stories will be coming out soon!!!

~*~KeNzIe~*~

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