please update soon adn make this powerful harry/ginny story. And please make intelligent harry story aslo. Every bloody story I've read are dumb harry and weak harry

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This is great but poor Lupin! I can't believe Arthur won't try anything more. Hope he is released and doesn't have to die in Azkaban.

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Good job so far, i really like the story! especially the part about Dumbledore leaving Harry the Pensive, i have a feeling he will. One little thing though, Dumbledore's wand didn't go down with him. Draco had it last, if i remember right. Just something small, other then that, AWESOME JOB!

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ok

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Neat story, some spelling/grammar mistakes. Neat twists and turns, good story.

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A cliffhanger! Oh no! I give this chapter a nine! You more than made up for the last chapter with this one. Update soon, please!

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Okay, this was very good, but I have to point this out, it was bugging me.
"He had to find out who that was and make sure that the horcrux is destroyed. And the other items. Where could Voldemort have hidden them? He decided to go over Dumbledore’s memories once again in the pensieve. Maybe he would get a clue. He decided not to wait too long. He would go to Godric’s Hollow as soon as possible. Maybe he can take Lupin along without revealing his plans. After all, his parents’ graves were there."
That was just, no offense, horrible. The idea was good, but it should have been worded entirely different. You have some more like that too, but I won't copy them all onto here. Also, you should use more pronouns. The story would be a lot easier to follow with them.
However, I must say that I am deeply impressed with your accuracy. You picked up on many tiny details in J.K.R's novels (i.e. Kingsley working as the muggle Prime Minister's bodyguard, etc.) that a lot of readers may have missed before. That shows a lot of dedication.
One more thing. (sorry, I know it stinks when reviewers leave you with a critique!) How come Harry swiches back and forth as to what he calls Lupin AKA Remus? The changes there are kind of confusing.
Right, I'm afraid I'm going to have to rate this a seven. It's still very good, just not as great as the other chapters. Keep writing!


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Another good one! A few typos here and there, but it's still very good. I'd have to say this is my 2nd favorite chapter so far. The 1st was my favorite. Another 8 then!

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There are a few typos, but I won't waste your time by pointing every single one out. This is a very good story. It seems a bit rushed though, to be honest. Almost like you have so much that you want to say, and are trying to get it all down quickly. Keep up the good work though. I really love this! I'd say another 8.

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Wow. Okay, first I would like to say that that was amazing. It opened up-for me atleast-many new possibilities for J.K.R's seventh novel. However, I hope you don't mind me noting some of the things I noticed in here.
1. I'm only bringing this one up because I thought it was funny, I'm sure it was just a typo. The sentence, "The Dudley's were going to a newly opened amusement park, leaving Harry behind as usual." You meant the Dursleys, right? =:) While we're on the subject of typos, here are a few more that I picked up on. "Being sure, the Dursleys would have left by now, he took the paper, pocketed his wand and proceeded down glancing at the headlines as he walked down the stairs." That was kind of confusing at first, but it was obviously just a mistake. Also, the sentece, "But nothing seems to be enormously important though Ministry officials seem to differ. " As I said, nothing major, just as few typos.
2. Just a few quick questions. Weren't Ron and Hermione planning on going to Privet Drive with Harry? And since when did the trio call Lupin "Remus"?
Overall, this was very good. I'm actually going to add it to my favorites. I give you an....8. =:)


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very believable!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like how the characters would ask!! =D
What are your fav ships? Mine are: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Neville/Luna,Arthur/Molly,Lily/James,Seamus/Lavender,Remus/Tonks, and Sirius........I don't know. 10/10 =)

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Very nice!! 10/10 This is one of the stories i think is actually believable!
=) =D Please continue despite lack of reviews, because i've added your story to my favorites and will always review!! =) =D

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A bit longer chapter, good writing, not too fast.

Wishing there was more to read !


dave


Author's Response: can you tell please me what you mean by not too fast. Do you want me to make the story go faster? Ya, and sorry the chapters turned out short. I'll make them longer next time onwards.

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Another solid chapter, a bit short but still good

Dave

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Good first chapter, I like how this is starting !

Of to read more !

Dumbeldave

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i like your story but the chapters are to short

Author's Response: sorry I kept the chapters short. I promise I'll make them longer and better the next time onwards. It's just that in MS Word, they seemed so long, around 6 pages. Maybe it's in a different setting, I'll take care of it.

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This is a pretty good start and very canon

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Lil' tip, you said " as he glanced at his clock it read 4 o' clock". it doesn't sound that good, 2 clocks in one sentence. Rather, as i would say, "as he glanced at his clock, it read only 4 in the morning". Doesn't that sound alittle better? It doesn't have that feeling of going on and on with no stop.

Now that was only a little tip by me, just a reader of your story, but I would love it if you gave it some thought, ok, thanks

~lions_heart

Author's Response: I didn't notice it. I would have changed it myself if I had. I won't change it now. Too big a process to change it and getting it revalidated and all. Thanks for pointing it out though.

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I think that this is a great start. The begining Paragraphs in chapter one were a bit big, and hard on the eyes, but you totatlly made up for it with your story line. Im adding you to my Fav. list, and ill check by weekly to see if you've updated.
-Amanda-

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I love this story!!!!!11/10 PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!! I'm really happy that you
have adopted J.K. Rowling's style of writing!!! KEEP IT UP!!!!!!! I promise I will review!! I know this is random, but do you know a new hairstyle for me? I have dark hazel eyes, a fair complexion, and my black, wawvy hair is dowm to my waist.

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I must say it was a brilliant read. The characters were very accurate, and the plot line very well constructed. Can't wait to read the rest!

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