Reading Reviews for Five’s a Convention
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by keyty A Surprise for Draco

19th April 2014:
Hello! Back again!

I can see why you may have struggled with this chapter. Usually you have a shorter format, and you tried to cram in a lot of information here. I would suggest just writing more here, showing us time passing instead of just jumping from point to point. It seems a little rushed right now. What you could do is instead of saying "they went here," show us how they went there. How did they feel when going there? Was there any anticipation? Any expectation of what was going to happen? Where they worried? Scared? Instead of saying "he was angry," have him show us his emotions through actions. Is his face turning red? Is he clenching his fists? Is he gritting his teeth? Are his eyes bulging? Remember: show, don't tell. I think you could benefit from that topic I mentioned in my last review.

Right now all you really need to do is just give us more, more information to fill in between the major points. I found this chapter hilarious, to be frank. I would like to see it split into two chapters perhaps. If you make it longer, you could end the first half with Draco 'falling' for Harry, and continue on from there. I loved reading the bit with Draco, that's something I think you could add more of. Again, show us how he's feeling, how he's dazed, how Harry all of a sudden is the most perfect person in the world. Show us how the twins feel through all of this. There's a lot more where you could pull from and I think that you can definitely make this chapter even funnier by adding all of these things.

I liking this story, it seems to be pretty lighthearted and funny so far. Feel free to PM me if you make changes, and don't hesitate to rerequest when you update! :) Hope these were helpful!

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Review #2, by keyty Cho’s Choice

19th April 2014:
Hello again!

This was also a very interesting chapter. There was a lot going on, but you did a pretty good job of transitioning between characters. I like the idea of the RoR having a pensieve, that would be really useful for students that felt overwhelmed.

I found a fair bit of errors so I would consider proofreading this one more time. They weren't major but there were enough for me to say something :)

Something I thought was a bit off was when the trio was transitioning from place to place to place. I feel like if they were putting off that conversation it might have been a bit awkward between the three of them. You could definitely add this feeling in through their body language. I actually posted a topic in the Help Needed section that has a chart with body language and such that you can take a look at if you're not sure where to start. (You can PM me for the link if you'd like).

This is very minor, but I would consider leaving a blank line in between different character's dialogue. Right now everything's a bit clumped together which at some points makes it a tad confusing.

As for the plot I'm very intrigued! You've got several things going on at once: Harry and Hermione dating, trying to include Ron. Ron realizing he likes Hermione (I knew it!), Cho's mischievous plan. I wonder how Luna fits in to all of this. And I'm also very curious to see how Draco will react. He certainly won't be happy to lose his girlfriend to Ron, so it'll be fun to read what he does to get back at him.

Overall I think you've got some interesting story lines which definitely make me want to read more. With just a quick edit I think you can make this chapter a lot stronger. Feel free to PM me if you make any changes :)

Moving on to Chapter 3!

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Review #3, by keyty Where’s Ron?

19th April 2014:
Hello there, here with your requested review!

Hmmm. This is interesting. I'm not sure if I'm missing anything since this is a sequel, but you seem to have explained enough information to keep a new reader up to date. I understand why Ron is feeling this way because you've told me what happened before the story takes place. Even so, it seems kind of odd (this might just be because I'm not used to these pairings though!). But right now Ron seems spot on. He's always felt left out, shunned from the spotlight. And if Harry and Hermione were to date, I'm sure that would only amplify these sentiments. Does he like Hermione? Maybe that's something that will be revealed later on...

Even though it's short, I got a lot of information out of this chapter. Ron was in the Hospital Wing for two weeks, and is now feeling alienated from his friends. He was ill and his new appearance seems like it might bother him. Harry and Hermione are now dating which only adds to this. And even though he realizes they still love him, this all makes perfect sense. And then you've got the little twist at the end with Cho and, I'm assuming, Malfoy.

I'm interested to read more! On to the next one! :)

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Review #4, by adluvshp Where’s Ron?

4th May 2013:
Hey! Here for review tag!

When I read your one-shot, I wanted to come and read the sequel so I am glad I got the opportunity to do so!

This seems like a great start to the story. I liked how you focused on Ron and the way he was feeling. It was quite realistic. I hope Harry and Hermione can talk some sense into him now though. I wonder how the whole thing will play out for Cho and Draco though. You left this at a cliffhanger and have me curious as to how the plot unfolds further.

You seem to have improved in your writing compared to the one-shot as this flowed way better, and the descriptions were nicer. I quite liked it over all. I hope you continue writing!


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Review #5, by Elphaba and Boyfriends A Surprise for Draco

11th April 2013:
Hello, Elphaba here! I had actually typed up a review last night on my phone, and then the battery died, so I apologize for not posting it earlier.

There's a lot I like in this chapter, but I'm completely sold on Harry's angry outburst at Cho. He does get angry a lot, especially when Draco is involved, but I also think he may still feel guilty over Cedric. He might be more likely to seethe in silence and act coldly toward Cho, rather than grab her arm. That's just my opinion, though. :)

I think you nailed Hermione and the twins 100%, here: "Before Hermione could say anything about how this was cruel, especially to Eloise Midgen, the twins had already left." I think she'd definitely be the only one of the group to think of Eloise Midgen.

You asked specifically about the humor in this chapter, so I'm going to focus on that. The dialog is great! However, I think the scene where the twins execute their plan against Draco feels rushed.

I think your humor will have more impact if you add some breathing room with punctuation and paragraph breaks. For instance, I would add breaks to the following section:
"Harry saw Fred and George try to creep away quietly, but he was having none of it. (BREAK) 'Come back here and sort this out. It's your fault after all,' Harry yelled, but the twins had darted off in the direction of the kitchens. (BREAK) Now Harry was left to deal with Draco alone."

The humor could also be heightened by describing more of the characters' reactions to each other. Like here:
"'Let go of me,' Harry shouted. He yanked his arm away and as he did so saw Fred and George hiding behind a suit of armour." You could describe the twins peeking out from behind the armour. Do they grin or wink?
And then here:
"Harry realised what must have happened from the dreamy look Draco had in his eyes. He had to think up a plan and fast." You could say "Draco gazed at Harry dreamily" and then describe how Harry reacts (would his eyes bug out, or would he blush?) I think little things like that will help with flow as well as the humor.

As I mentioned earlier, there's a lot of great dialog in this chapter! I think the dialog is my favorite aspect part of this story so far. Ggetting the dialog right is hard, so congrats! :)

I especially like this line: "Isn't Harry the best?" I also really like Harry and Luna's interaction at the end. I hope my comments have been helpful, good luck as you continue writing! :)

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba, thanks for all your reviews and sorry I have been slow to reply to this last one.

I really appreciate you taking the time to help me improve my story, particularly on aspects of humour. I can definitely see how I can extend some of the scenes with the twins and add in some of their thoughts and reactions to scenes that feel rushed. After all they are a great source of humour in JKR's books :)

I'm glad you like Harry's angry outburst at the start. It was difficult to get the balance right, but I wanted to show that he is not very tolerant with Cho, mainly because of her relationship with Draco.

I've got quite a few selfish characters in this story, so I've tried to show another side to Hermione's character, because I think she is a very caring person.

I am so very pleased that you liked my dialogue, and I think Draco's line "Isn't Harry the best?" was my favourite line to write.

I think this chapter was difficult because it was kind of a turning point. But the plan for the next chapter is to focus a bit more on Draco, because I hope to add some humour by going a bit more in depth to his thoughts under the effects of the love potion.

Thanks again for all your comments, especially since there were so many lovely ones, yay :D

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Review #6, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Cho’s Choice

11th April 2013:
Hi, Elphaba back again!

I like Draco's initial reaction to Ron at the lake: "Well, looks like Weasley tried to drown himself. Unfortunately for us Potter rescued him," he spat. This seems totally in-character. :) I don't know if he would call Cho "babe" though, as it seems a little too informal for him ... Maybe he might use "love" or "sweet" as a term of endearment? I'm not sure. :)

I noticed a misspelling that I thought I should point out: "By her feet was a pensive, which belonged only to the Room of Requirement."
"Pensive" should be "Pensieve" -- that one may have been perpetrated by spellcheck. :)

My favorite part of this chapter is the conversation between Harry, Hermione and Ron. I loved this moment of revelation: "She suddenly felt Harry's hand brush against her knee; she took it and held it in hers. At that moment Ron felt a bubble of anger swell up inside him."

Another interesting thing about this chapter is that Cho is interested in Ron, and Harry is suspicious of Cho. I think it makes sense for Harry to be leery of her because she's dating Draco. I haven't read your earlier stories, but Im guessing that the roots of the characters' current feelings can be found there?

As for the shifting viewpoints and how it relates to the story flow, I think this is fine. Some authors use an * between lines to marinate place where they change viewpoints, but I haven't had any trouble picking up on your shifts or following the story without them.

Okay, on to chapter 3, as promised!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like how I've portrayed Draco in this chapter. I really wanted to emphasise his nasty side and more of this will be seen in the next chapter.

Thanks for the note on Pensieve, I will definitely have to remember that one when I'm editing because I'm sure my spellchecker changes it.

When I was looking over this story I was concerned I hadn't shown enough of Harry and Hermione's relationship, but I don't see them as the type to be snogging every second. I'm glad you like the little scene of Hermione taking hold of Harry's hand and Ron's jealousy towards them.

As for Cho, I see her as a very fickle person when it comes to relationships and I think this is partly because she is so overly emotional and crying all the time. The prequel was just a little one-shot, but it reveals some of the similarities between Cho and Draco, and how they end up together.

I really wanted to show what happens to all five characters in this story and I don't think I could have done it justice without switching viewpoints, so I am really happy that you're ok with it. I might add in the * when I edit it, but I haven't decided yet.

Thanks so much for the lovely comments and for reviewing again, I really appreciate it.

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Review #7, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Where’s Ron?

10th April 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I like that you feature some unusual relationships in this story. I haven't read any Draco/Cho stories before, and I especially like that Draco appears to be in character.

You asked about the story flow, and I did notice some things with punctuation that I think make it a little harder to follow the action/emotions. For instance:
"He knew they hadn't purposefully made him feel that way, in fact they were trying to do just the opposite; make sure he wasn't left out and still felt included, after everything, they were all still friends."
I find if there are too many thoughts in one sentence, then its hard to keep up with everything that's going on. Breaking this sentence into two or three separate ones would actually help the story to flow better, and make more of an emotional impact.

The only other critique I have has to do with Ron's injuries: "...there was the huge bruise from the Bludger..." Wouldn't Madam Pomfrey heal this? He could still be an emotional mess without the lingering physical injuries, as well as thin from not eating (I think this physical problem works well, because it can't be easily healed by magic).

I really like the part where Ron walks into the lake. You make it crystal clear that he is having trouble dealing with Harry & Hermione, but is not ready to admit his feelings. Instead, he literally submerges his problems.

This line made me chuckle: "'Ron you idiot, get back here!' screamed Hermione." I really like the dialog you write between the three of them!

Okay, I'm now moving on to the next chapter! I know you asked about chapter 3, but I want to read chapter 2 first so I understand everything that is going on. :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the fact that I have chosen unusual shipping. That's just part of my personality and I like to just do things a bit differently. Thanks for the advice on making the characters thoughts flow more smoothly and the bit you have highlighted will be the first thing I change. In fact I have been playing on doing some editing to the first two chapters when I get a chance. I think at the time that I originally wrote this, I thought long sentences were the best thing ever, but now I really hate seeing so many semi-colons in my work. I had not considered that Madam Pomfrey could heal Ron's bruised head. I think I had just thought I had a nice contrast between the physical and emotional. I will have to have a bit more of a think on that one... Thank you so much for reviewing the first chapter, I really wasn't expecting it.

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Review #8, by kenden Cho’s Choice

2nd September 2009:
Very nice story, are you planning on continuing it? Please do so!

Author's Response: Chapter 3 is now available

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Review #9, by Vera_Black_Potter Cho’s Choice

15th July 2007:
Jeez - Harry and Hermione

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Review #10, by Vera_Black_Potter Where’s Ron?

15th July 2007:
Why? It's not that unbelievable... oh, and his hair is white/platinum blond. Just a note. :) 10/10


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Review #11, by searching17 Cho’s Choice

4th July 2007:
wow - Cho is really messed up. ok im putting this on my favourites so i can keep an eye on you ok? *glues eyes to comp. monitor* amazing, really amazing. plot line looks terrific and ron's mind seems perfect. you got all the character traits down, especially cho crying. but luna seems a bit, well, too clear and sane when she's talking. try making her personality a bit more unique. other than that, excellent! the description is great although a longer chapter would be awesome! superb start! 10/10!


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Review #12, by searching17 Where’s Ron?

4th July 2007:
sounds very interesting with the whole cho and draco thing! im sorry i cant write much cause i want to read the 2nd chapter badly! great job though!

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Review #13, by Lassy_Luna Cho’s Choice

4th July 2007:
Firstly, I feel this chapters opening is a little rushed compared to the first; I like the way it carries on from the previous chapter but you might just want to fill it out a little bit more. Or maybe add the first paragraph to the previous chapter and start from Cho. Secondly, -whoots- Luna! My favourite character; I loved the way she kept talking about Draco, *stupid blonde*. I kept giggling about that. For some reason, Cho's growing on me, even though I don't like her in the novels-- you must be doing something right! And finally, just a pointer about the paragraph seperation again. :) Luna

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Review #14, by Lassy_Luna Where’s Ron?

4th July 2007:
Oh, I feel so bad for Ron-- he appears slightly out of character but I don't have a problem with that; I like it when an author makes a character their own and it's often essential for a plot! I wondered how he'd be feeling about Harry and Hermione, in 'Circus', so I like the way you're carrying on in this way. I like the fact that Cho and Draco were silently watching; so totally them not to help. :P You might just want to sepertae you lines out when you have speaking. :) I noticed that there was some feeling that your opening paragraph wasnt strong; I like the contrast between the good weather and Ron's feelings. Luna

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Review #15, by HrXd Cho’s Choice

1st July 2007:
Hmm I hated the fact that Draco would date Cho, that really annoyed me, and I think that Draco was Oc-ish. I also think that the beginning wasn't that great. I would ask help from friends to get some interesting beginnings.

Author's Response: Sorry that you did not enjoy your experience with this chapter and I would like to offer you a complimentary sandwich

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Review #16, by HrXd Where’s Ron?

1st July 2007:
I don't like the way that you began the story, when you begin a new story you always need a very powerful beginning, it helps to set the mood, and this will determine who will read the story. Hmm I liked the whole having Draco in the chapters ending. I would say redo the beginning and you have a good first chapter.

Author's Response: Sorry that you did not enjoy your experience with this chapter and I would like to offer you a complimentary sandwich

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Review #17, by Might Have Ben Hur Cho’s Choice

22nd June 2007:
What a twist! I guess I don't know if it really is, since there was a prequel, but a nice plot turn none-the-less. There were still quite a few typos and nobody's really in character. I understand it's fanfic, not canon, but I don't think their personalities should change too. Feel free to put this back on my list when a couple more chapters come out. I'll gladly read it. Pretty good work so far.

Author's Response: I like to keep my readers on their toes with my weird shipping and situations, I get the crazy ideas before I get the plot turns, so they’re not really planned. Darn those typos, I usually don’t have a problem with them. I know my characters are a bit OOC but the plot of my fic is very different and it’s original. Thanks for another review and I hope to update soon.

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Review #18, by Might Have Ben Hur Where’s Ron?

22nd June 2007:
Hm... an interesting beginning. The way you changed POV could have been pulled off better. Maybe start off completely Ron until just before Harry pulls him up. Then switch to Harry and Hermione and Ron's rescue. It would have been more dramatic. Not having read the previous story, I'm really curious as to what's happening. Despite quite a few typos and reoccuring phrases, I think it's pretty darn good.

Author's Response: Thanks for the advice about POVs, I will take into consideration when writing the next chapters. I guess you right that it would have been more dramatic, but at the time I thought that the reader might get confused about what’s going on. You don’t have to read the prequel to understand this fic, but it does set up the shipping. People might be wondering what’s going on with Cho and Draco. Sorry about the typos, I’ll go sort that out. Thanks for a positive and constructive review.

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Review #19, by dracoslover1 Cho’s Choice

30th May 2007:
This is going to be interesting. I wonder if it will work.

No grammatical or spelling errors as far as I can tell.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I love reviews. I always check my work for errors, but its easy to miss them. I hope you liked it even though the shipping is unusual, what can I say, I like writing weird ships! Twinkleflower ;oD

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Review #20, by dracoslover1 Where’s Ron?

30th May 2007:
Good chapter. It will be good to see what their conversation will be about. it will also be good to see what Cho Chang and Draco Malfoy are going to do.

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Review #21, by planetsmoothie Cho’s Choice

9th January 2007:
i like these first two chapters a lot...great job!

this is really good and it is a lot more descriptive than three's a crowd; four's a circus. i like it!

keep writing, you are really good at it!

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Review #22, by liandhte Where’s Ron?

10th August 2006:

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed reading this chapter.

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Review #23, by ........... Where’s Ron?

26th July 2006:
I love it! you must continue writing this story! if you don't i will be very upset. You are getting better and better. and i am happy with the pair. It is very unique. Please continue! i am almost begging. XOX

Author's Response: Wow, what a fantastic review :) thanks so much

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Review #24, by Opal_Unita Where’s Ron?

15th July 2006:
Update soon please

Author's Response: Chapter 2 now available

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Review #25, by H_Hshipper Where’s Ron?

9th June 2006:
Why? Nice. Update soon please.

Author's Response: Work on the second chapter is under way, hopefully I will be ready to post it here soon. Thanks for your comment.

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