Wow. That was... wow. Wow wow wow.
I loved the Sorting Hat song.
One criticism: There's a bit where Sirius says "That’s so last years model." He sounds WAY too much like a girl there.
Okay, that's all.
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Wonderful! You did an awesome job!Author's Response: Thanks... even though we now know that it wasn't this way at all! Report Review
awww man that was good Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
Hi there ginnyp,
I'm reviewing this, as you posted a while back in the Gryffindor Common Room on the forums for someone to review.
It's funny in a way. I don't read Marauder fics that often, yet this week alone I've read 2 stories about Sirius' ride on the Hogwarts Express. Kinda weird eh?
But in all honesty: I absolutely loved this story. It's so great that you woven so many parts to such a short fic. It's really great, really!
The beginning, I liked the emphasis on Sirius and not wanting to let his partents, especially his father down. I loved how you had him letting us know about all his family and even that touch of Regulus; really well done!
Of course, I sort of dislike having Sirius meet all his Marauder friends right away on the Hogwarts express, but I mean, it does work.
I liked how you introduced James and the others. Of course it's great you have Sirius all up on his family name. I dislike it when I read fics with young Sirius, and they make him amazingly different than his family. It was at Hogwarts I think he changed the most, so I think it's great you still have him doing some pureblood traits.
Their talking in the cabin was nice too. That extra about Lupin's like for rare meats was a good addition. The talk about broomsticks was a good idea, 'cause it added more of that pureblood thing with the makers of the Nimbus. Of course the Potters being famous for Quidditch was an interesting touch. One thing though, I think you might consider changing the line: “That’s so last years model.” Sounds a bit too teenage girl from the 90's, not a young boy in the 70's. Just an idea though.
Of course it's great you have Sirius trying to move away from James and the rest, knowing his fate lies with Slytherin. Meeting Snape: glorious! Instantly hated him! Awesome!
Of course going into the Great Hall, still very good you have him trying to stay away from the others. Perhaps a bit too precise saying there were 39 people there including himself. It might be better just to say about 40 or 50.
That's not a bad Sorting Hat Song. Did you write it? The beginning is great, but the ending sort of goes off the rhyming pattern. It's still very good though. I know the trials of trying to write a Sorting Hat Song (I wrote one for my novel fic, HPOL, and it took a while to do it).
The hall staying quiet after hearing Sirius' sorting was well done. I liked how the Hat had to really think about Sirius, going through his traits. "very loyal, but with a penchant for mischief." A penchant is an understatement. :)
So of course, I liked your fic a lot! It was really well done, and the writing was done well! It was a good idea at Sirius' first train ride on the Hogwarts Express. Good job!
10 / 10Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
I know what you mean about reading fics that you don't ordinarily read. I'm dead set against Draco/Hermione, and within a week of writing a huge post about how it's not feasible, I read two really good ones with a day of each other!
Yes, I wrote that song. That was probably the hardest part of this piece. I know it gets a little fuzzy at the end, but my inspiration was wearing down quickly! Now I know why JKR has only had the songs in a few of the books.
I'll definitely make the changes you suggested. I haven't looked at this for a while, and I'm glad you mentioned the problem points! I don't like it when people aren't specific.
Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
This was really nice! What does the title mean?Author's Response: It means "Always Pure." It's the Black family motto. I'm glad you liked the story! Report Review
Wow! Did you make up the song? That's so awesome!
I love this fic. It's, what's the word, bittersweet. I like the way you made Sirius.Author's Response: Yeah, I made up the song. It took a long time!
I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Omg. I love this. You write young Sirius so well, you should really concider doing a sequeal. Man, I'm not even joking, this was BRILLANT!Author's Response: Wow. Thanks so much! I actually am working on the sequel right now. Report Review
I enjoyed this. And the idea is perfect, that may be the way how Sirius turned from Black`s. I love how you portraited characters, although I think that James was a little bit too silent in the train. And Pettergrew maybe a little bit too self-confidence, as I think that he should be shy. Anyway, good work and keep it up!
BTW- this could be a perfect short-story. Or even NovellAuthor's Response: I'm doing a sequel, and the character's personalities are going to be a bit more developed. They were only eleven in this story- and the youngest we've seen them in canon is fifteen-sixteen. Report Review
What an excellent story! The fact that Sirius has been raised as a Black is skipped over in most stories, so the way you wrote his POV is fantastic! Nice disclaimer too, I had a laugh at that lol.Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it- and I try to write creative disclaimers. It breaks the monotony- everyone writes the same disclaimers. Report Review
I really liked this story! I like your style of writing, the story was very interesting. I really have nothing else to say than I really liked it!
GinnyWeasleyPotterAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Report Review
This is such a lovely story. I like how you didn't have him hating his family right from the start, but we can kind of see him starting to slowly drift away from his family's ways. And his conection with Remus was wonderfully done. Excellent job =)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you saw the little things I put in there- I was afraid they were a bit too subtle, but you caught them! Report Review
Wow...that was really good and different from so many Sirius stories. Great job. 10000000000/10 for you!Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad it ended up so differently from other Sirius stories, as I hadn't read any and I wasn't sure if this take on Sirius was overdone or not. Report Review
Aw, that was heart-wrenching. Great story though. Very well-written and i think you got the characters perfectly. That`d be a 10/10! :O)Author's Response: Thanks so much! This one took me a while to write, and I wasn't sure if people would like it or not. I'm glad that people did. Report Review
So freaking good. This sounds exactly the way Sirius would react after living his life with pureblood crazy people for eleven years, thinking he'd be put in Slytherin and suddenly ended up in Gryffindor.
You're a fantastic writer.
This is going on my Favorite ListAuthor's Response: Thank you! Thank you so much! I just wanted to add some depth to Sirius. Report Review
Beautiful! I love your stories so much! This was very touching. I never really thought about it, but of course Sirius wouldn't hate his family from the start.Author's Response: Thanks! This story took me a while to write, and I'm glad to know it turned out well. Report Review
wow this is good.I am a big Sirius fan and i like the way in which you have portrayed him. I have always thought it was unrealistic that so many other writers show him as hating his family from the off. He is only 11 here and obviously would still love his family and want them to be proud. Also, it is good the way you have showed his conflicting beliefs rather than him being totally against non- purebloods, which would like Malfoy see him going into slytherin, or being totally against the way in which he was brought up. Keep up the good work and i will look out for updatesAuthor's Response: Thank you! Yes, I got this idea after reading a fic about his first day at Hogwarts, and he was thrilled to be leaving his parents, because he hated them. I personally didn't think that was right. Report Review
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