good long chapters
that lastline about being dead im like WHAT!
After the wedding harry and ron and hermione left... good job so far Report Review
please update soon.
i just read all the chapters. :]]Author's Response: Awww, thank you!
I am so happy that you like it.
I shall try and update.
I'll look over the next chapter now.
=] Report Review
That was a good chapter. I like the part about the kiss and how they dealt with it. Everything was well-written, I only have one CC: she squealed, but then said in a more serious (Sirius ;__;) voice. The part in bracket threw off the mood a bit. Other than that, it was really good. Great work!Author's Response: Oi! That whole thing in the bracket my friend put as a joke. Thanks, I really liked writing this chapter, twas probably my favorite. Thanks so much for reading and all your many complements! Report Review
Good chapter again. I like the trip to Diagon Alley and how she met Malfoy, but Ginny’s rollercoaster emotion is a bit off for me. She was mad, then she was okay with it, and then back to mad again. It’s just weird, but apart from that this was a good chapter. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Yeah, the whole Ginny thing was a little weird, but I wasn't sure how else to put it. Thanks, I'm oh so very happy that you liked this chapter, too. It makes me feel like this storie is worth writing. Report Review
Great chapter! I love the tension and the Minister’s part in it. Parker’s emotion is conveyed really well and I could feel for her. It was hard enough being alone, but when you realized that didn’t even have a family to count on, it was so hard that you could barely breathe. I really like that line. And Evangelist doesn’t seem to fit with Parker’s personality, but I like the name. ^_^ I love the way you ended it. I sort of suspected it, but it was still nice. Good job!Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad that you liked it!! And thanks for the complement on her emotions. I feel like i can never get them just right. I like that line, too. I don't know that I thought about that name. I mean, they didn't know how she would turn out when she was named, so I guess that really all it is is a name. But yes, thank you so much! I'm glad that you liked the ending, too. ^__^ Report Review
I take the time to read your story, and you leave me like THAT?!?
Okay, if I just finished that review right there, I wouldn't be on your luffers list anymore, so I'll explain myself.
Ka-cha. I never give my readers a cliffhanger like that without updating likethisfast.
God, you're talented. YOU CAN PULL THAT OFF.
Now for the question- uh, Smexeh? Why did she die? WHy do you do this to me?
By the way, I just proposed to your friend InsanelyLoserish. Isn't that awesome?
Anyway- 10/10, babeh!Author's Response: OMG!
I know! Ain't I just the worst!? I'm sorry that I just left you there, but I had no other choice! Writers block and it would have been so long!
I know I'm taking forever to update, but, like I said, writes block really doesn't help!
And thank you so much! I'm not that talented, I like your writing so much, too! And I don't know how I'm able to pull it off.
"Will she die?" You can't expect me to really answer that. I'm sorry but I can't! And I already told you why I left it at the spot.
And yay for Insanely! I love her! She is the best, and so are you! That is so awesome! I love her story!
Thank you for the 10/10 I feel so proud that this is my story!
Thank you once more for the overall review! It's people like you that making writing worth wild! Report Review
interesting, keep writing!!!
Author's Response: Thanks, I most definitly shall! I will try and post ten, but now I have writtes block on that, too! It's horrid! Anyways, thank you so much once again! Report Review
You and your cursed cliffhangers... ;_________________; GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
PS It was pretty much amazing. I loved it XD A few typos, but we can discuss that tomorrow. Woooooo! Author's Response: Thanks! I feel so happy now! I can't wait for working on that (even though we didn't today...) I'm very glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Okay, I am really confused now. Author's Response: Okay. It wil make a lot more sense next chapter! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hmm, I had thought Hermione would try to talk her out of it, but I guess I was wrong. Anyway, I really like the chapter. You conveyed the feelings very well, though Ginny is sort of OOC. I don’t think she’s going to burst in tears just because Harry complimented Parker, but it’s your story anyway. ^_^ Keep up the good work! Author's Response: Thanks! I shall keep up the good work! I guess that Ginny is OOC, but I don't know, I've always thought that Ginny was a little cryer, but that might just be me!
I love you reviews! Thanks so much! Report Review
OMG, she’s not serious, right? That’s a tad dramatic for her to say that, but anyway… I still like the story. It’s growing better by each chapter. Author's Response: Thanks! I think that it's getting better by the chapter, too. And yeah, she thinks she's serious, but is she really? *strokes beard!*
Thanks for reviewing again! Report Review
Nice chapter. I love the clumsiness and a little bit of sarcasm there. You got a little typos here and there, but nothing really bothers the flow. I blinked 182 more times then they stayed shut. This line reminded me of the band Blink 182. :PAuthor's Response: Thanks, again! I love reviews!!! ^____^
That line was inspired by Blink 182, which I was listening to at the time! Report Review
That was a good chapter. I like how you portray her confusion. For me it’s a tad OOC for Hermione to be upset like that, but hey, it’s your story. ^_^ Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, Hermione is a little OOC, and I've changed that, I just haven't posted the changed-ness! Report Review
Oooh. What a mean little Hermy. Tsk Tsk. Lmfao. I can understand where she is coming from though. *shrugs* Well, I love this chapter too. I can't wait to see what drama goes on between Hermy and Parker. Yaay! *goes off to read the rest*Author's Response: WOOT! I hope you're having fun with that! Thanks for reviewing! I love hearing from you! Report Review
Daryl, I just simply love your writing. Simply amazing. And I can't wait to see what happens later in this chapter. Woosha. *goes to read the rest*Author's Response: WOOT! I love you, you know that? I'm so glad you like it, it sure makes me happy!
Thanks for reviewing! It always makes my day!~ Daryl! Report Review
pretty good... make sure you keep it in past tense, that kind of drove me nuts :P I'm really picky about stuff like that.Author's Response: Okay, will do! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hm... that doesn't really seem like something Hermione would say... Oh, and Weasley's spelled Weasley, just so you know. Sorry I didn't get to review the first chapter, parents and all :PAuthor's Response: It's okay. And I know, I just keep forgeting to change some of those things... Report Review
loves it keep it up!!Author's Response: Will do! Thanks for the review! Report Review
I just started reading this story and I love it! But are Parker and Harry going to get together? I hope so! Update soon!Author's Response: Well, about that.... I don't think that it would be good to tell you. But if you really want to know you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for the review. And I'll try to update soon, but writers block is trying to stop me. Report Review
This is all constructive critism. Even if you don't take this revies contents to heart, please take the time to read it, since I spent the time to write it and evaluate your writing.
First off, there were quite a few typos in here, and you mispelled Weasley.
Another thing that I found odd, is Scrimgeour's character. He seemed completely and utterly OOC. The Scrimgeour we see in your story is kind and oh so concerned that Harry knows. Personally, I wouldn't think that that would even register with Scrimgeour.
Another bit of OCCness was in Hermione. Harry, yes, I could see him overreacting at first. The daughter of the horrid wench that killed his godfather, but Hermione, no. I can't see her screeching on and on about having to teach her. I could instead see her thinking of this as a wonderful experience. A chance to teach another who will most likely not neglect their studies like Harry and Ron.
Another thing. I found it odd that she didn't think her birthmark was odd. Sure, I suppose that Harry could get away with not thinking anything of his scar, I have seen lightning bolt shaped scars before. But a skull with a snake protruding from it's mouth? Well, I find it a bit odd that it didn't scare her. And wouldn't she have been worried in Harry's forth year when all the Dark Marks changed color. And why would she have the Dark Mark anyway? I doubt that Voldemort would make a baby a Death Eater.
Harry. Actually, when I read the first chapter, I wasn’t quite sure on why Harry was being so horrible to Parker. Yes, he smashed the cake, and interrupted the wedding, but I don’t think that Harry would mind too terribly much. I’m also not quite sure why he spat on/at her. The way he treats her makes the reader think that he already knows she’s a Death Eater. If he had seen her Dark Mark, I would doubt that he would have let the wedding keep going. He probably would have jumped from his seat and hexed her.
One more thing. Your style of writing is a bit unorganized and naive. Your dialogue and grammar is fairly good, but you seem to not know that right place to put things in.
A few examples-
"Do you mind? We're having a wedding here. Who are you?" he spat at me (literally).
The fact that you added the word ‘literally’ in there, throws off the flow a bit. Besides it not being necessary and OCC of Harry to spit on anyone besides a Death Eater, it makes the sentence sound choppy and not very thought out.
He thought over everything, wondering if it was really a good idea. He was looking around the room, thinking about probably something completely off topic (spam).
The second like, is, like you said, Spam. It was unnecessary, but the fact that you put in parenthesis that it was spam, just made it seem more so.
Also, the fact that there is no detail, mostly only dialogue and Parker's thoughts, I had to invent my own ideas for the scenes. I didn't know whether the sky was green and the grass blue, or what Parker looks like for that matter. (Unless I missed it, if I did, I apologize.)
Remember, this is all Constructive Critism. I'm telling you, this story could be bloody amazing! The idea (from what I've seen) is totally original and if you gave it justice could beone of the best stories on this site.Author's Response: Well, thank you for the review. I will try to go over somethings and edit them. Please remeber that that was just my first writting of it. I'll go over and edit those things that you mentioned. Thank you, again, for spending your time on leaving a review. I hope you wont judge the whole story just from those mistakes. Thank you, and enjoy your reading time-ness! Report Review
Blinked 182. I got that. At first I was like, why does that sound so familiar? then i got it. I wish I would have seen Wedding Crashers..... anyway. I luv this story. keep it up.Author's Response: Thanks. I will try my hardest to keep it up. Although, I am on vacation and can't right now. Report Review
OMG! That was mean for Hermione to judge Parker even before she knew her, but i do like the story. I will add it to my favorites. Keep writingAuthor's Response: I shall. And you keep on reading. Thanks for the review. Report Review
I couldn't bring myself to stop reading the chapters to review; I know, terrible. Oh how I wish these chapters were longer.
I really like how you show the relationships grow and change, for better or worse, slowly and in a belivable way. I also like how the characters interact with each other. Thats really all I have to say, but I have a question. Will Parker learn to apparate? Keep up the good work!Author's Response: I think she will. It'll make everything a lot easier. Although, I'm sure she likes holding Harry's hand! And I shall keep up the good work! Report Review
I m rachel and wondering if this takes place after HBP or replaces it email me backAuthor's Response: It takes place after. Report Review
That had to been embarrising, landing in the cake. I'd want to disappear into it. She's a Lestrange? I'm very interested now. This chapter was an excellent start and I can't wait to read the other chapters.Author's Response: Thanks, go read... NOW!!! Lol, thanks. Report Review
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