This is a great first chapter! The story moves quickly without feeling rushed and we get some insight into what has happened in the recent past. The opening, with Hermione and Mrs. Weasley was good, although the change of emotion were a little abrupt without enough previous tension to really create the crackle needed for that.
Harry killing Lucius while Aurors restrained Draco is a little far-fetched. There would have been some recrimination for that, even if the Ministry had dropped charges due to Harry's fame. That whole section about Draco being alone because of what happened to his parents felt awkward. So did the section on Harry's loss and loneliness.
On the other hand, you really built up some good suspense. I really want to know what happened to Ron (the use of the clock was clever) and what's about to go down with Draco and Hermione. 7/10
siriusgirl1 Report Review
ur story uptill here is really good..but i hope the chapters were a bit long..Author's Response: Thanks. :) Report Review
it was a good story, but it seemed a bit .. i dont know, unrealistic that draco and hermione would fall back in love and forget everything he done to her in 2 chappies.. and that harry would just forgive him too. I think especially with Dramione's you have to be really gradual with the way you manipulate their feelings and it didnt quite work for me. but i admire you all the same, because you have the talent and perseverance to write one of these stories, something i can only hope to do. so keep writing :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
I guess that is true but I'm a sucker for Draco/Hermione so what can I say. I did feel like it was too much too soon but I tried to make sure that they weren't drooling all over each other by the second chapter.
But thank you very much! :) Report Review
That chapter was very good. I thought for a minute you were gonna make Draco a total softie. That wouldn't be very good. I'm impressed with the detailing in this story. From what I can remember there was only one speling error (you spelled "stupefy" wrong).
I'm glad that you're showing a less cliche and a deeper side to Draco than the typical playboy arrogant character in most Dramione stories.
I'm not sure how this story will turn out in the end but I hope it doesn't turn into a typical "hermione is kidnapped. shes defiant. she caves in. they fall in love. "
Please dont let that happen.Author's Response: Thank you very much. And yes, I would be revolted if I made Draco some ickle baby. *gag* I'm glad you liked the detailing too! Yay! And thanks for bring that typo to my attention.
Oh, good. I tried to do that because, yeah, the typical leather pants Draco with Quidditch muscles and a drawling voice...ew...*creepy nightmares*
And it doesn't go quite like that.
I think you might like it. :) Report Review
Really, Draco and Hermione together. Oh that will happen.. in a million years. Hermione would never love Draco because of horrid he was to her for seven whole years. Come on!Author's Response: Thanks, sis. I appriecate your heartfelt review and encouragement. I'll be sure to leave such lovely reviews on your story (whenever it's validated, of course). Love you. Report Review
I don't know why she didn't grab the wand instead of just knocking it out of his hand... if he still has the manor and such, why is he in a threadbare cloak... he should be able to afford better...
sherellynAuthor's Response: Well, I wanted to make it look like he had just come back after being in hiding for a while. He was angry and heartbroken and ran off, not taking care of his father's money. However, he still owns the manor, even though it has been abandoned for quoite a while. Report Review
I'm a little lost with this chapter, so Harry and Ron weren't really missing? Or they were, and Draco really is bad, not misunderstood. This is gonna be hard work to put together this story... good luck!
Can't wait to see what happens next.
SherellynAuthor's Response: No, Draco tricked them so he could find Hermione and threaten her...but they were in danger. I hope you are able to understand the rest of the chapters better! Feel free to ask about anything you don't understand. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Very interesting so far, you did a good job of drawing me in and at the same time giving me background information and hints to current conflict. Can't wait to see where it's all going...
sherellynAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, I'm thrilled that you liked it. Please enjoy the rest! Report Review
I'm hooked already!!!Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you are. Thanks for the review. :] Report Review
I don't know if it's just me or not, but I think that you were having Ron talking to himself for a little while aobut secret passageways...It was kinda confusing...I think it had happened in an earlier chapter too. Oh, also, in the previous chapter Ron said something about him being a bad boyfriend...but I thought that Hermione and Ron were married already, at least that's what the 2nd chapter said. Anyway, it's an okay storyline, but there's a lot minor things that cause a little confusion.Author's Response: Um...secret passageways? Which chapter is this in? I'm going to read it through to find it because if there is something that bizzare I accidentally added in I want to take it out right away...and thanks for bringing that to my attention!
And I'm rewritting the story, so until I'm finished, their will be some inconsistancies throughout the story...I'll try to fix it. Thanks for the review, I appreicate it. Report Review
I really like this story. The kick is so perfect. It just screams that she touched him and, he felt betrayed. Can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm thrilled that you like it. :) Report Review
good stuffAuthor's Response: Thanks. :) Report Review
Nice story, and great plot. I love how Harry and Draco put away their differences at the end. Seriously, great.
But still, was the ending a little rushed? I don't know why but it seemed to end really abruptly...
But other than that, great job. Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I changed th ending a few times but I finally decided on this one.
Hmmmm...no, the ending wasn't exactly rushed, I just have the hardest times with endings. So yeah, the story didn't exactly go out with a bang...more with a *pop*. Haha. But if you would like to find out more about the story please check out the sequel, Pretense. :) Report Review
omg i loved it...the ending kinda confused me tho
it was still good tho
la dulce maríaAuthor's Response: Really? I'm sorry! Maybe if you read the sequel it will help explain things! Thanks for the review. :) Report Review
this was the BEST harry potter fanfiction story!Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
=(your story is so beautifully written...it made me cry =(Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
Ron could barely see anything in the dark behind him, but slowly caught sight of a head of bright red hair, and knew who it was. Author's Response: Um...what? Report Review
hermione should tell him ginny's dead.that's harry's loved one...but whatever good story =DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the ideas. =] Report Review
omg.this is an amazing story.also very original which is hard to do with H/D. im very impressed and give you top marksAuthor's Response: Thanks very much. =]
And you were my 200th reviewer, which makes me very happy! Report Review
aw you've finished well that is sad "snif" im glad that they all came together in the end but i have a question are you going to so a sequel? catch yah later
NadsAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. I am thinking about a sequel. However, it all depends on how my next story, a Regulus/OC story goes. =] Report Review
OMG! It's finally finished! This beautiful story has finally come to an end. It was amazing...from the first chapter, to the end. I can't say enough how much I loved and enjoyed this fic. For a first story, it was your best, in my opinion, anyway. I think you have a real talent for writing and I encourage you to continue writing stories. ^_^ Please do us all a favor and continue your writing. I'm postivtely sure that your next fic will be just as terrific as this one.
*Samhria*Author's Response: Well, thank you so much! I wasn't sure where I was going with the story when I started, and the fact that so many people have actually taken their time to read and review has really thrilled me so much. I hope the ending wasn't too shaky...it was hard parting with the story for good! I am working on a story with Regulus/OC that I really am excited about, so I hope you will read it. Hopefully it will be up very soon. Thank you so, so very much for all the encouragment. =] Report Review
great ending! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
It was absoulutley GREAT and BRILLANT but what happens after Harry and Draco forgive? Maybe I'm just wanting more out the story. Anywho if you did a sequel it would make it even better.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm working on a story which is a little more canon called Beautiful Minds at the moment, but a sequel of not out of the question! I'll have to brainstorm but I would love to write more about Draco/Hermione. Thanks for the idea and review. =) Report Review
wow...that didnt rly make sense..but it was still rly good chappieee! update soon!!!Author's Response: Oh? How so? And thanks for the review. Report Review
wow that was cool so they finally get together what will happen next please update soon and i'll be back thenAuthor's Response: Yeah, I was pretty excited about writing that part. You'll find out!
Thanks for the review. Report Review
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