Hm, very short. But on the other hand, very cute!
Putting all cuteness aside, I feel your punctuation needs serious editing. Double spacing between paragraphs is preferred by most readers, who in turn will give reviews! (:
Other than that, very cute story with great dialogue and good characters! Report Review
That was really good. please post the new chapters soon. i want to find out what happens. i give you a 9/10!Author's Response: Thx
That was a great start! I'm really interested to know what happens next!! I think the writing is excellent and the plot compels me to read more. The kiss with Ron and Hermione was just sheer fluffness (which I love) so thanks for that!! Please update soon I'm dying to know what happens next!! Ahh!! The supense is too much!! haha!! Seriously though I rate it 10/10 and its going in my faves and you are going in my fave authors!! Well done on this fic! I'll leave you with one word UPDATE!! ~wired2damoon~Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my stories. Most people just read them. Report Review
Ron should be sweet like that all the time. I guess since we've no help from Rowling, us fan fic writers will just have to make do.Author's Response: Yea I definetly think that Ron and Hermione should get together. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.
Hi. I like it. I like it when Hermione said " Ron, I love you and don't ever think that I don't! No matter what happens in next few weeks, years even, I will love you!" 10-10 ^.^ ^.^Author's Response: Thanks SOOOOOOOOOOO Much! Report Review
Well, alright, you asked me to come by, and so I have.
Now, firstly, I must say you just dive right into the thick of things, and bring up really big things way too casually. Harry finding a horcrux is a big thing. Just having him say "um, yeah, I found one, it's here. We'll go later" would never happen I think. Just in general, all of the characters kind of act way too immature.
Also, try to lose some of the exclamation points at the beginning. It seems everyone is speaking with ! Using ! all the time makes them sound like their hyperactive or something, hence leading to immaturity.
Ron and Hermione getting together . . . well, it's sort of hollow in a sense. Ron doesn't even tell her face to face, and writes a letter instead. Ron's in Gryffindor, he should be brave enough to face Hermione at tell her, not write a letter. Writing a letter sounds more Grade 6, 11 yr old kind of thing to do, not 17 yr old.
So, my honest opinion, is it just reads a bit immature. Don't be so rash with the characters, let things spread out more, and try to get the characters more actually in character. I can tell you want to write what you want to happen, but you don't have to be so direct with it. Take your time, let things flow better, and your story will become better for it.
My score, 5 / 10Author's Response: Thank you so much! I have never had anyone write a reveiw that long. Thanks for the constructive criticism because I really needed. I will try to update soon and I will definitely add those tips to my story. Now I know what to do to make my story better and I thank you for that. And the ! thing, my sister read over my story and she said the same thing, I don't know why I did that but I will definitely fix it. Thanks again! Report Review
Yeah. I hope Jk goig to pit that in the 7th book. I went Ron and Hermione together and Harry and Gin back together. @_@Author's Response: Hey thanks for reveiwing, not too many people do that. I appreciate it, and I really do hope that JK puts Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny together because its just so obvious that its gonna have to happen sooner or later. Report Review
I like it! Don't worry about making it so much like J.K.'s, you can make it your own. Please update soon, I would love to see what happens.Author's Response: Thx so much, barely anyone reveiws, I appreciate it a lot. I'll try and update soon! Report Review
This is an interesting idea and a good start. ---Ydnas Odell aka DA JonesAuthor's Response: Thx
hey good begining but it was really short, update soon ! Author's Response: Thx so much Report Review
I like that you chose to have Ron tell Hermione of his feelings for her by note. He's brave enough to communicate his love to her, but too chicken to tell her face to face: very Ron!Author's Response: I'm trying to keep it the way that J.K. Rowling writes it, but I know that I'm not that good, but at least I try. Do you have any suggestions on how to make it better? Oh, and thanks for reading and reveiwing!
A good, solid introductory chapter. Do you think Ron would be that forward (or that eloquent) when confessing his love for hermione? I'm not sure. Good, though.Author's Response: Should I rewrite that chapter or what because I want to have it the best I can!
Awww! Write more! It was really sweet and, dare I say it, almost..., fluffy to me...
Write more!Author's Response: What does fluffy mean??? I don't think I know!
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