I should have done this ages ago.
I very much liked the first chapter. I think calling these chapter '1' and '2' is unfair to both stories. They are really two short stories in a series, aren't they?
I love the idea of someone 'behind the scenes' working hard to manipulate the future in a certain direction. And having Flammel involved is lovely. I have ONE picky thing, and perhaps it's merely the problem with being over-educated. The woman's name is Cassandra. Wasn't she cursed? She sees the future but no one ever believes her. Why does Flammel? Why is he immune?
Okay, I realise this is probably a different Cassandra, but the association is so clear I'm fretting about it.
Chapter One was lovely. Such gorgeous images. I loved the idea of sitting down to have tea in a battle zone. How surreal. How... touching, I think is how I want to describe it. Have you ever read 'Otherland' by Tad Williams? One of his characters is a soldier in WWI, and the beginning of your story made me think of that part in his book.Author's Response: I am glad that you liked the first chapter so much, it was really the one that I put the most effort into. I have been trying to figure out how to revise the second chapter and eventually will. It needs something, I know what it is, I just can't seem to do it LOL.
No matter how crazy you are, how cursed you are, how ridiculous your ideas are, there is always someone out there who is willing to take a leap of faith and believe one time. If you are right that one time, you have made a believer out of them. Perhaps that is the ultimate point of the whole story. Dumbledore says often that it is our choices that define us, perhaps that's something he picked up from Flammel.
I agree, I think I will put some thought into naming the chapters.
I have not read 'Otherland' but will look into it, I am always looking for something to read. Report Review
Hi screaming madman
Dat was an absolute brilliant piece of writing! Seriously, ur ide was awesome.. i admit i was a bit skeptical about reading it at first 'cause the summary isn't very intriguing, its rather confusing but, am glad i did read it 'cause it was awesome!
Norammly, dumbledore is d one getting all d glory in the war but, ur idea of making Nicholas Flamel a hero was very nice and it certainly flared well. Your chappies kept me guessing as to who that man could be but, in the second chappie i eventually figured out dat it was Nicholas Flamel when Cassandra mentioned about his wife and the will of not living. Anyways, well written and good job!
-AashnaAuthor's Response: I'm thrilled that you liked it. The first chapter was a one shot that I wrote several years ago and I decided recently to go back and write the second chapter. Thanks for the kind words. Report Review
bravo. This is such a great story.Author's Response: I am pleased that you both found and enjoyed it. It was my first story and it holds a special place for me. Thank you for taking the time to review it. Report Review
Fantastic job! I love that you took this a different way, and it's nice to see prophecies being argued and given a true nature...It's quite refreshing! I am proud to say that this story will be added to my favorites, and also i wanted to say thank you for your service to our country. I myself am particularly attached to a Navy Petty Officer, so my thoughts and prayers also go out to your family! Thank you for thsi wonderful story, and God bless!Author's Response: I am very pleased that you liked it and honored that it is going in your favorites. I also thank you for your service because being the loved one of a service member is often just as tough as being in the military itself. Take care. Report Review
It had some minor grammar things and such, but I thought it was a very nice story. Never seen a fic with Lily's grandparents, either, so that's a first. Overall, good fic.Author's Response: Glad you liked it, it's my favorite of my stories. Thanks for the review and hope that you check out my other stories! Report Review
This was spectacular. You have encorporated choice brilliantly, haven't you? [: I was incredibly touched by this story and the fact that you ARE a soldier. You are, I'm guessing, drawing from your own experiences, which is always a plus in my book. I am intrigued by the wizard, too.. hm. This is a wonderful one-shot; I enjoyed it very much. Author's Response: I'm very pleased that you liked it, it's my favorite of my stories. Not only was it my first story but it is a theme that is near to my heart. Thanks for the review and I hope you find your way to my other stories. Report Review
Great story! I love it! It could actually be something that could've happened. It was most certainly a hard choice for the soldier to make; it would be hard for anyone. It's all thanks to this one man that Harry has his chance to defeat the evil Voldemort! This would be a perfect chapter in one of JKR's books!!! 10/10!!
~ASHLEY~Author's Response: Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Oh man, how totally different was this!?! A really great idea! I'm always looking for novel ideas and this was rather good I must say! Never thought of a prophecy that might have been done years before already! How neat. And was that the young Dumbledore speaking with the soldier? Well done you!
~Mona :)Author's Response: I am very glad that you liked it. Thank you for the review. Report Review
Excellent. Believable, too. At first I thought that, when you mentioned that Major Evan's granddaughter would team up with her husband to defy the Dark Lord, I thought it was going to be Hermione, but I realized it was going to be Lily's grandfather. Thanks for the opportunity to read this story!
I was going to suggest that you come visit us on Betas R Us, but I see you've already found us! Hope to see you there in the future!
KathrynAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it, it's my favorite story. Report Review
Definitely a soldiers story. My other half was a soldier for many years and he said you have the details down well. anyway quite a tale, I think it is the first time I read anything about Harry's Muggle side of the family. keep up the good workAuthor's Response: I have been a soldier for about 13 years now and when I sat down to write my first story I knew it had to be about a soldier. I am truly honored that you enjoyed it. Tell your other half, from one soldier to another, that I said hello. Report Review
Oh My Gawd. You were a soldier? Oh, this really touched me, that you can relate to the first few paragraphs...
Well, I liked how you began the story, and everything flows very nicely throughout it. I think that for some sentences, you could have left some words out, because it added too much and made it sound weird. Like, "You see, when you trap a wounded animal in a corner it gets real vicious. His enemy was no different." You can leave out the 'you see,' put a comma after corner, and instead of real, put 'really.' When you have a sentence like, “Why are you telling me this?” Asked the Sergeant Major rather forcefully. you don't capitalize 'asked.' And when it's not a question or exclamation, you put a comma, and not a period.
Very, very good story. Your language was wonderful and it really touched me, him being a soldier and leaving his men and all. When the wizard was talking, I would have liked to hear more about how the soldier reacted phsyically and how he was feeling. Just a bit more of that would have been good. Otherwise, great job!
GinnyWeasleyPotterAuthor's Response: I am a soldier. I'm glad it touched you and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the gramatical advice. I think I may have to go back and take a look at these things. Report Review
Really, really good. This is nice and different. I like the idea of there being more to the prophecies and this is so well written. Good job with the inner struggle inside him.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. This is my favorite of the stories I have written. Report Review
So uniquely different...I loved it! I have never seen a fanfic like this before, it's very interesting to think of it all like this, with Dumbledore (assuming it was him) going back to WWI (assuming it was then) to search out Sergeant Major Evans.So good! If this was your first fic your others must be just as great!Author's Response: Well I am very pleased that you liked it. The period would have to be WW1 but rather or not it is Dumbledore is intentionally left unsaid. Thanks for the review. Report Review
I loved it. Good insights. It was excellent. It's deep and it gets a 10/10.
I'm amazed, It's going on my favourites after I finished this.
I don't have much corrections or criticism as it is brilliant by it's self. Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I am so glad that you liked it and it is quite a compliment that you are putting it in your favorites. Report Review
good work! interesting!Author's Response: Thank you I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Wow :] I really, really liked this story. You did an amazing job.
The first part was as a very nice introduction. I loved the description of the day to come as well as the soldier's experience throughout the war so far.
I was going to compliment you on your knowledge of soldiers' ranks & how realistic you made this sound, but I guess the fact that you're a soldier helps a bit, lol.
Overall this was just really unique. I mean, I have never read anything even remotely similar to this fic. I loved your idea & it is a powerful story about destiny.
The only things I would correct are a few minor spelling mistakes, & just remember that when you write something like this:
"...a matter of some importance to discuss.” The newcomer said.
You should put a comma at the end of the quote, like this:
"...a matter of some importance to discuss,” the newcomer said.
But that's it! :] I loved it, & I'm going to add it to my list of favorites. Well done!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. So far it is my favorite out of the stories I have written. I wish more people would find it, it has received ver few reads, it finally topped 100. I appreciate the advice on grammar, I have never been any good at that. Report Review
Great story. Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
First of all, let me tell you that I loved it. It is not only a good story, but you did good writing it (no, it's not one and the same thing - some people have good stories but are unable to write them, others are able to write and have no imagination). You gave your reader a good insight into the thoughts and feelings of a soldier. And into the life of the man wearing the uniform when you wrote about his wife and his past. You really did a good job at characterization, seeing it's a one-shot.
From realistic, your story becomes fantastic. You took your reader back to the Potterverse. I guess the wizard is Albus Dumbledore? Anyway, you made a good use of the idea of choice so dear to Albus (can you tell I love that character? lol). At first, the choice seemed easy to make: life or death. But it is never that easy when you're an honorable man. You made that clear.
Your OC remained rather calm when the wizard appeared, but you had given a good reason for his reaction (there were things he couldn't explain), which is more than most people do when they write such encounters, especially in a one-shot.
Well, good job!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing. When I wrote it I wasn't sure if I was throwing in too much information about the character but you have aleviated that fear. I am glad that you liked it and after reading some of your work I am flattered that you do. Report Review
I completely wasn't expecting this at all. When I was reading about the war, naturally my mind wandered to the present wizard war, and I wondered why you were giving it all these Muggle terms and ect. And I thought it was Ron, because you talked of him not admitting his feeling for his wife and such. But then... I realized about half-way through, that this is a GREAT story!
I don't think people give it a chance, because they think it will just be a typical war-angst story, but if the summary is changed a bit, then maybe.
Actually, if the summary changes, then the effects will change too... and then, well, let's just leave it where it is.
Ok, now, excuse my rambling. You depicted the actions of war accurately, and that comes from being there yourself and I honor you for that. But that's not all it takes to make a story great. You have such a great, original plot that makes me smile. It surprised me, and shocked me, and made me type a million words an hour ;) So, I conclude this with saying that I can't think of anything else to say because this is just so great!
Well, I'm sorry I haven't given the most helpful review, but I hope you get what I was going for. :) Author's Response: Well I am extremely flattered by this review. I am glad you enjoyed it so much. I will consider changing the summary a bit but keeping it from being too specific. Something to think on. I am extremely flattered by your praise and thank you. Report Review
This is very different, but pretty deep. The choices this soldier has to make are very profound. The reason it is so deep is that you wrote it somewhat from your own experiences.
I knew it wasn't Dumbldedore, he doesn't believe in prophecy. This wizard has to be a friend of Cassandra (who must be the old women you mentioned.) There is prob some obscure wizard mentioned in canon who would qualify. My vote would be for Dedalus Diggle he seems about Dumbldedore's age or a little younger and was with him in VWI and is still around in VWII. Although stranely never at Grimmauld place that I remember. He also seems very mysterious and somewhat powerful.
He also seems to kind to believe in prophecy, it would make sense for him to be a friend of Cassandra and his costume is about right and it would explain his obsession with Harry.
There are a few minor typos and mis-spelling though. If you can print it out and look it over.
Author's Response: I appreciate that you saw that depth of the character. He is a little bit of every fellow soldier that I have ever admired so he is a special one for me. I have considered doing a follow up piece surrounding him and how he deals with the aftermath of the decision he does not recall making but do not know if I could do it justice, it might just be better to let it go with this.
I had actually never considered printing it out to check for typos but that is an excellent idea. Thank you for both the suggestion and the kind review. Report Review
Oh my god. That was your first? That was brilliant. I realized who he was as soon as Dumbledore (that's who it was, right?!) mentioned his granddaughter and the whole wizard thing. I can't get over how amazing this story is. Wonderful job! 20/10!!!!!Author's Response: Thank you! It may have been Dumbledore, I intentionally left the wizard nameless to let your imagination roam. I will say that I did not intend it to be Dumbledore, he would have been busy fighting Grindewald during this time frame. Report Review
This was written beatifully and was very unique. I haven't read this kind of fanfiction before, but I just loved it! I thought it might be someone in the Evans' family but I wasn't sure. I'm glad you kept that until the very end. Great job!Author's Response: That was the first thing I wrote and I really like it so I am so pleased when someone finds it and likes it as well. I originally intended to make the character known from the start but changed it just before I posted, I'm glad I did. Report Review
I liked it. I haven't seen many one shots taking this approach but I think you pulled it off rather well.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. This is the first story I wrote and it's still my favorite. Report Review
Humm...in all honesty i am very impressed with your writing! u should be very proud of yourself! i find that this is one of the most unique fics ive read in a long time so i would like to congradulate u on its uniqueness...(if thats a word). i rate this story 10 for its unique quality, boldness nd element of suprise which not many authors have been willing to include in one fic including myself mind you...im also adding this in my faves nd u as a fave author! i look forward to readin more of ur work. again, flawless excellence! luv wired2damoon xxx:o)Author's Response: That's very kind of you. This was my first attempt at writing and not to sound pompous but I am rather proud of it. Being a soldier myself I wanted to start out writing about something I had a feel for and this period is my favorite in history. Thanks again for the kind review. Report Review
A very unique moment in time from a unique point of view and it seems plausiible that if he really trusted what he heard that he would do what was necessary in the long run. I was actually surprised by who the soldier turned out to be! (Just to let you know there are a couple errors that you might want to correct.) NatashaAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. This was my first shot at the whole writing thing. I appreciate it. Report Review
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