Okay, you really really really need to reread through this and work on spelling and grammer. Like, take the word privilaged for instance. If you are going to repeat it over and over, which I don't think that you should, because there are other words you could use, needs to be spelled correctly. Honestly, I don't think that I'm even going to read the next chapter. This is already too predictable and will make me go insane from all of the mistakes. But if you do revise it feel free to tell me and I will consider reading it. Report Review
I think Draco's weakness will deffinitly come in handy later on for Hermione to put him under her spell. when Ginny listed the things they needed to get at Hogsmeade i laughed when she said bras. i can't wait to read the next chappie, and i hope its coming along nicely.
~Slytherin_SlaveAuthor's Response: Thank you its nice that you havnt said anything about my spelling mistakes i mean i DO accept come peoples words but i kind of would lyk encourgment instead of other stuff cause its kinda annoying. But thank you 4 ur love :) Report Review
Great first chapter!, i noticed on how much people were critizing your work on your grammer and such instead of actually taking the story to heart. i think this story could and will prgress into a very sexy and tempting story. Hermione and Draco are probablly my favorite pair to read about, i noticed your review on my story "Favorable Slavery" and i just wanted to say thank you for that. Well i am off to read the chappie!
~Slytherin_Slave Report Review
oookkkaayyy..that was a bit full on but good! im adding u 2 my faves...ok!? *use microsoft word for ya spelling mistakes!* Report Review
This was okay, if a little short. Next chapter please put in a lot of detail about the clothes Hermione is getting. Bye the way the chapter was almost a nine. And if this rating feels a little low don't be dissapointed sometimes I can be a little tough. Report Review
luuuuuuv this chappie 2! plz update soon. xxxxxAuthor's Response: Thanx sooooo much i havnt been able to actually write any fanfiction rite now sorry bout that. I will write it though soon :) Report Review
i think i should stop here b4 reading the next chappie: its very good 4 ur 1st chap ever. 8/10! plz update soon i cant wait if i had a account ill add u 2 my favs. xxxAuthor's Response: awww thanx SOO much its just that i havn't gotten a chance to write a story lately i can hardly remember all the details of my story. Thanx 4 being supportive of me and encouraging me thats really nice of u Report Review
ya awsome Author's Response: thanx SO much Report Review
Yeah, my PIC (partner in crime), Grammar Goddess dropped by, and as the custom, I'm here to pick up the stuff she misses, and correct her corrections along the way. Hopefully, the program won't cut off MY review, I hate it when that happens. First thing I noticed was the title: Seduct, unfortunately, is not a word. I think you meant to say "seduce" because "seduct" is part of the word "seduction" which is the act of "seducing". Confusing, yet? I hope not. Oh, and GG, sorry, but you misspelled "stell", it's supposed to be "steel" like the author originally spelled it. Oh, the Draco Malfoy sentence could be even shorter. Like "Draco Malfoy has changed as well. His light blonde hair fell slightly over his steel gray eyes." You can use "grey" as well; both are correct, although "gray" is more proper. I, myself, use "grey", but that's just me. See how it's less complicated? Even though, I'm not quite sure what you meant by "change". Like in personality rather than appearance, perhaps, because well, um, Draco's always had steel gray eyes and light blonde hair, although I think it was slicked back before, so THAT could possibly be a change: his hairstyle. Commas, spelling, spaces, etc. And argh, GG, you stole my "potential" line! Well, it was growing old anyway. Okay, here's my new line: You have the general gist of writing, but you need to perfect your tools, like grammar and spelling, God's gift to earth. Oh, and "carmly" is "calmly", and well, "the Mcgonagal" isn't quite proper. She's not a thing, and I think Professor McGonagall would be more fitting, unless you're writing from Malfoy's perspective of course. I really wish I could spend a lot more time correcting every little bit of your grammar and spelling, but I've gotta do my HW, hmph evil English teachers!
Grammar God Author's Response: Can I just ask why people like to pick up on mistakes. It's kind of strange. Thanks for ur review. But could you try to not correct my work and to give me some ideas and stuff (sorry is that was rude) Report Review
haaaa i luv it pls update soon!Author's Response: Thanks. People that make reveiws like this are great. You don't look for mistakes (i don't think) you just read the story. Thank you SO much. Report Review
You might want to change your title to Seduce Draco Malfoy. A seduction would be the result, but it's 'seduce', not 'seduct'. Also lots more spaces would make it much easier to read. This is the place to learn...keep on going. (and try using spell-check) Good Luck ;-)Author's Response: Thanks for the tip. Atleast you don't look at EVERY little mistake. I'll change my story title now. Report Review
Oh! One more thing. This: (agian) is spelled, again. :) 'Confuesed' is 'Confused'. And please, don't make Hermione say, 'Oh my golly gosh!' It sounds a bit too Bo Beep. Everything else is good!
GGAuthor's Response: Um okay. Thanks. Report Review
Don't worry, I will not flame lol.
1. Spelling: Mcgonagle, 'McGonagall'. And 'Iv'e'. It's 'I've.' K hun? And some other errors, but I'm lazy right now.
2. Sentences are a bit choppy. Here: ' Draco Malfoy. Draco had changed as well. His light blonde hair fell slightly over his steel grey eyes.'
It should be. 'Draco Malfoy---he had changed as well, his light blonde hair falling slightly over his stell, gray eyes.'
3. You should space this whole chapter, it's a bittoo hard for me to read. I get lost, a lot.
4. So yes, the characters are a bit OOC, but it's your story, so hey! Go for it! I mean it's fan fiction, right? lol
I think you've got a lot of potential, and you just need to polish a few things here and there.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Author's Response: Yeah I'm not a very good grammer person. Thank you Report Review
hey, heres a banner for you, tell me what you think, and contact me if you want the code or if you want any changes on the banner, (my real penname is also ferretluvr)
http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c318/ferretluvr/sprinbanner.jpgAuthor's Response: OMG this is great. Its cute and i luv it thank you SO much. Thanx ferretluvr U really helped. Report Review
Very good start!! Keep going!!Author's Response: Thank you SO much. Its my first story and Its GREAT to get fedback. Report Review
hurry!!! next chapter please!
u r a v good writer
10 for you!!! Author's Response: Thanx for ur fedback. It really helps. I just posted my second chappie so if it gets through I'll get going on the third. Report Review
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