60 Reviews Found

Review #1, by D i a The Singing Sensation of Azkaban

15th November 2007:
Hi!

D i a from the forums, you requested a review long ago, and since then I’ve tried several times to get started on you story, but something else always came in the way.

I’ll warn you; you might not like what I have to say about it.

I’ll try to be honest here: The first long part of this chapter I found boring, all the scenes that took place at the prison meant nothing to me at all, and I really had to drag myself through them. I don’t mean to insult you or your story, but that part was really just bland.
There was too much history about Hera’s past, it was like a summary of her life and all that in one or two paragraphs is simply too much information at one time, and I’ve already forgotten half of it even though I’ writing this review as I read. The only thing I remember was her foster family being murdered and that’s because I read that sentence twice.

The next part where Minerva writes the letters are a good choice of scene but also here it’s too heavy and information filled for a first chapter, it’s simply difficult getting though it because there’s so much information.
Dumbledore seemed very Dumbledore-like here and Minerva too, but that doesn’t help much if the reader can’t see them for all the descriptions. You have a large vocabulary and your sentences are well-constructed, but if this doesn’t lighten up a bit I’m not sure I can read very much of this story.

/D i a

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Review #2, by Wingnut1974 The Letter

13th August 2007:
No you can't stop there I need to know more

Please Update soon

10/10

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Review #3, by seraphis The Letter

28th January 2007:
wonderful story, though it's very unnerving how many bad things are happening all the time Y_Y i hope things get better soon...
and btw, one mistake you might want to look out for in the future: you tend to write "finely" instead of "finally" ;)

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Review #4, by Lysandria The Letter

23rd January 2007:
A wonderful story, love to see Hera's progression and the interaction between characters.. Well done!!

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Review #5, by allison10235 Mail Order Bride

4th December 2006:
It's sooo awesome! There's only one negative comment I have: Katie Bell is a year older than Harry so she wouldn't be there in his 7th year. Other than that it's great! Can't wait for it to be finished!

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Review #6, by k2_vet Mail Order Bride

24th September 2006:
vet good! I love this story! the plot is amazing! looking forward to seeing where you take it!

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Review #7, by monoxide_dreams Mail Order Bride

13th September 2006:
oh, please hurry with anoth. I just love this.

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Review #8, by Arithmancy_wiz (NSI) As the World Falls Down

7th September 2006:
Okay, all of a sudden it seemed like this story started moving REALLY fast. Not only do the chapters jump through really quickly, but the plot is moving at lightening speed. For the most part it isn’t a huge deal for me except in chapter 13. One minute Hera is off to see Voldemort and the next she is “rescued” and we are off at Quidditch practice. What happened to the actually rescue itself? How did the trio get inside? Was it because of Snape? Is there some reason it is all being kept a secret? It left me scratching my head a bit…

Switching gears completely…I think it is very neat how you keep pulling in more and more familiar faces as we move along. Bella (who just happens to be my favorite character), Scrimgeour, and then, of course, Percy! I didn’t see that coming at all. What an interesting twist his presence adds to the story, as does the addition of Bella. His line about the dirt in the house was just despicable! You have a lot of different things all going on at once, and while it can get potentially confusing, if pulled of right, it can also be very exciting.

I still think that some canon facts are getting trampled on to serve the plot (ie, I don’t think Dementors can disguise themselves), but the importance of that varies with everyone. Me personally, I like things as canon as possible, but others don’t care either way. Regardless, I think a good rule to remember is if it is too easy to get characters out of a difficult situation then the solution may not be really well fleshed out and/or believable.

Okay, well, eight chapters to go…*ducks back out of sight* :)


Author's Response: No the trio did not get inside. Reread, they all were outside... :)

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Review #9, by Arithmancy_wiz (NSI) Yew Visions and Ebony Dreams

6th September 2006:
I must say I am quite taken aback at how far you have traveled in just five chapters. The innocence we saw at the beginning of chapter six is long gone now. By the time I hit chapter eight it almost felt as if I was in a different story altogether! While this isn’t the type of story I would normally seek out, I can still very much appreciate the detail you put into developing this. You seem to have some really interesting concepts about dark magic floating around in your brain and have done well painting some of those images for your readers.

Getting a bit more specific, I loved the opening of chapter six. While the whole scene was cute, I thought it very clever how you interpreted the serene picture you were creating at the very start with the “flight of the snowball!” The thought of McGonagall getting in on the action made me giggle.

As I progress through each chapter, I can’t help but notice a steady improvement in your vivid use of language. It may seem small but the detail you added in chapter seven, about the upholstered chair and the gold cords holding back the drapes, just all came of really well in my opinion, as did the scene in the bath. I don’t know if a great deal of time has passed since you started this or if you just had more detailed mental images of these later scenes, but it all comes to the same thing.

Other than that you have spelled Voldemort incorrectly, my major critique is that I still think some things are a bit too convenient, rendering them just a little out of the realm of believable (I know, Harry Potter isn’t supposed to be real, but still…). For example, I thought the parallel with the Marauders was very interesting, but the power it gives the “trio” in finding Hera feels a little too much. Does that make sense? Oh, and when were Snape and Remus friends? I didn’t understand that reference.

Well, that’s it for the moment. Oh, but do allow me to correct myself from my earlier review. I see know exactly why Voldemort cared about the marriage so intently. While at the time I was confused, it is all clear now!


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Review #10, by Arithmancy_wiz (NSI) Looking into the Abyss

5th September 2006:
As there are a lot of chapters to get through, I am going to group my reviews together a bit. So, here we go, chapters 1-5:



I really enjoyed your take on Azkaban in chapter one. It was almost comical, in a dark, twisted sort of way. I really wasn’t sure exactly where you were going with it all, but as I read on through the next few chapters, I found this to be a really interesting way to start the story. Instead of starting in immediately with Hera, you found an interesting way to introduce her in to the piece. I wish the opening had been expanded a bit more. You had some unique concepts of life in Azkaban and a bit more detail here might have made the irony of the scene all that more impressive.



I’ll admit, when Hera arrived at the Weasley’s I was worried about her. You have to admit she makes for an “out there” character that may send cannon fans running for the hills. But you have made choices for her and stuck to them and fleshed them out, which is commendable regardless. Yes, she has a tragic past and an abundance of oddities and quirks but you are also working on giving her a strong personality and making all her traits work well for you. I particularly like her unappreciated humor and her general lack of enthusiasm for things that get others all bothered. I particularly liked her attitude in potions. It is interesting to see the world of Hogwarts through such cynical eyes.



My main bit of CC here is that while you are uncompromising with Hera, some of the other characters seem to act a bit out of character, perhaps to better help serve the plot. For example, I don’t understand why Voldemort would care if Hera marries Draco or not, even if he is interested in her for some other reason. Also, why is Harry still having visions/dreams about Voldemort? That seemed to stop altogether in HBP. And in general, the trio (and Ginny) have been relatively overly accepting of Hera, oddities and all. They are a close-nit group, and it is a bit hard to imagine them embracing someone else so easily.



Well, off to read a few more chapters…I’ll be back with more comments soon!



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Review #11, by Jessi_C Mail Order Bride

22nd August 2006:
Wow this is mmazing. I cannot wait to keep reading. Update soon. -Jessi

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Review #12, by RogerDaviesBangedFluer The Velvet Chair

2nd August 2006:
This is a good story so far but I am pretty sure you can't take Care of Magical Creatures until third year; Because Harry, Ron, and Hermione chose it as one of their new classes.

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Review #13, by jena Mail Order Bride

1st August 2006:
that was so good i cant wait for the next chapter!

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Review #14, by ronfanatic13 The Conversion, Part 1

30th July 2006:
oo....that is a little bit freaky, but awesomely written!

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Review #15, by ronfanatic13 Family Reunions and Potion Ponderings

30th July 2006:
really good, the plot is thickening

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Review #16, by ronfanatic13 The Snowball Battle

30th July 2006:
ooo....it gets intence...me likey

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Review #17, by ronfanatic13 Looking into the Abyss

30th July 2006:
This is really good! Intreging, and a really original peice! I like it!

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Review #18, by ronfanatic13 The Velvet Chair

29th July 2006:
super good!

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Review #19, by ronfanatic13 Spotted *What*?

29th July 2006:
I, quite honestly, feel bad for Hera, she has to live with a bunch of people who are SO much younger than her....*makes face* really good though! No mistakes! I'm impressed!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. I hope to keep the story as enthralling from start to finish.

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Review #20, by ronfanatic13 The Dinner Guest

29th July 2006:
super good!

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Review #21, by ronfanatic13 The Singing Sensation of Azkaban

29th July 2006:
really good! Awesome way to gove background to your (clearly) main charicters! Good job!
(I am also known as **EnglishMuffin**)

Author's Response: I figured that Lucius would be more concerned with blood purity than the welfare of his son or neice,

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Review #22, by hermionerox101 The Singing Sensation of Azkaban

29th July 2006:
This was... a wierd chapter, for me... It's just this wierd thing, and I expected this to be much better... Well, I guess that I've still got some other things to look at, since there are 22 chapters! But I don't know if I will continue if I keep seeing chapters like this... I think a 7 would be appropriate, I don't think you deserve any higher for this chapter...

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Review #23, by Blue Moon The Velvet Chair

29th July 2006:
Do the first years get to choose classes like 'Care of Magical Creatures"? The earliest I can remember the books have classes like that available to students was in 3rd year. Oh well, it's your story. Anyways, it's interesting so far and I'll read some more later.

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Review #24, by Angel of Darkness Tempus Resto

28th July 2006:
Wait, Remus isn't dead? I'm slightly confused again...one suggestion about this story is to let the readers take a breather--there's too much happening at once and too much information to grasp. I suggest finding a beta to help you out.

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Review #25, by Angel of Darkness The Lockett and the Prophesy

28th July 2006:
He, at first, tried to plead with his one time friend, but it was not to be.

When had Snape been Remus' friend?

Interesting chapter though.

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