Oh my goddess!!! It's so good!!! What a wonderful way to wrap up the story! Keep up the great writing! 100/10! Report Review
I loved this story. It was a nice subtle way of Lily finding out, because she does seem smart enough and observant enough to figure it out on her own. Poor Jame's antler lol. And wow, a surprise ending!Author's Response: thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I just couldn't leave James's glasses out of it :P Report Review
Wait-- are Sirius and Lupin gay? Cuz I've never kissed my best friend, and I'm not sure I buy it...Author's Response: They're gay when I write them. Report Review
Me again, and I'm trying not to let the drowsiness to overcome me; but since that is the case, I'll try to keep it brief and give an over-all review. Hope you don't mind.
You started of your story excellently: giving us some background information a bit discreetely and letting us readers now the issue. The way you showed Sirius's stubborness and pride was exceedingly brilliant. It's exactly the way I imagined Sirius to be. We've been shown in the books some of these characteriztics in him; some stubborness, though in OotP he was mostly bitter and sulked. His pride on the other hand could not and cannot be rubbed off from him (and that's one of the things I love about him.)
The chess moment when James tried to be clever was funny; I especially loved these lines, Feeling mildly victorious, he looks up at his competitor, whose expression is mingled with sympathy for his friend for two reasons; James thought he was being clever, but Peter knows he was being an idiot. and I couldn't help but laugh. I really could picture James sitting in fort of a chessboard, trying to look smart, though not managing. Shortly afterwards, Sirius and James get into a fight; even more interesting! In some ways, Sirius annoys me for being too thick to understand that he did wrong and not Remus; or he's just too proud to confess it. And I love James for throwing the fact in his face. Anyway, the inner struggle in Sirius the first chapter is pictured excellently.
The events of the second chapter shocked me! Remus frightened me in some ways, yet it was heart-wrenching when you described his pain, his disappointment. Also when he turned into the werewolf and had no idea he was hurting James. He turned mad there for a moment, but who's to blame him? His friend basically betrayed him. I loved the scenery in the chapter; at some points it got a bit confusing, since all happened so fast. But in time, I'd follow once again. All in all, I really liked the chapter and the descriptions of it. Good job!
The third chapter wasn't as eventful as the second, but a good one, considering one wanted to know the health of James, Peter and Remus after what'd happened. James flirting with a young Poppy is something that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Madam Rosmerta, Poppy - I bet they even tried to soften McGonagall. Not that that would've worked out so well. Anyway, back to the story (I tend to get carried away sometimes - sorry.) The moment between Sirius and Lily was enjoyable to read as well; I love Lily's cheeky comments and nonchalant demeanour. Deep down, I bet she has tiny, tiny bit of affection for the Marauders. They irritate her, yes, but they can also make her smile, right? Or can they? Anyway, Sirius seemed to pull it off, briefly. Nice chapter!
Ah, and the longest chapter of the four. A stark contrast. I thought I was hallucinating. I'm usually a slow reader, especially when I read from the computer, but it didn't take long to get through it. It was easy to follow and you kept it interesting at all times. The conversation between Sirius and Lily was heart-warming to tell the truth, and I liked it when Sirius suddenly realized he had made a new friend. I'm glad they managed to cooporate, but I guess it was easier to do since they had the same goal; to help Remus. Yes, I liked it very, very much.
The characterization of Remus and Sirius was flawless. You showed the disappointment in both, whether they were disapponted in each other or themselves, it didn't matter. You pulled it off brilliantly either way. The somewhat inner struggles, the cold ice between them when they spoke again after two months, the awkwardness when they kissed and the warmth that they felt. So many emotions shown greatly (it feels as though I've used the same word though its meaning hidden behind the facade known as synonyms all the time in this and the other reviews. Sorry if it bugs you, but I'm too tired to vary my language at the moment,) and all being extremely heart-felt. It felt so real, so incredibly real; a fact, a feeling you could not possibly deny. Wonderful.
Loved the closing sentece, They love one another, despite their differences, their obvious defected personalities, their many, innumerable flaws. It just warms me.
Anyway, I know I said I'd keep it brief, but the words does not seem to be included in my lexicon. At least not today. Thanks for the great read - this and its sequel have gone straight to my favourites. You're an admirable writer, you truly are. Amazing job trixy!
- StephanieAuthor's Response: You again! yay ^^
Let's see - the chess moment. I wanted to give Peter a strength, something that he could hold over the other's heads. I think chess would suit him too, since he probably fancied himself as quite the strategist when he became a double agent, but was probably so thrown by his own defeat that it unseated him. I sort of planted that game of chess to see if people would notice its significance, that Peter and James are playing a strategic game together, but James doesn't really know the volume of his actions.
I felt SO bad for Remus. I always seem to end up writing him, and I always seem to make horrible things happen to him. The purpose of this story was to give him some glimmer of hope, but before I could do that, I had to beat him up a bit again. The guilt at what he did to James is going to eat away at him quite a bit, and I think it'll probably contribute to his actions in the distant future.
With Lily, I think she doesn't want to like the Marauders, but she can't help herself from being amused by them. They're just a bunch of silly boys in school being funny and sharing their jokes, so it would probably be very difficult to hate them. Besides, they hold a certain soft spot for her, especially James, so it's sort of agiven that they would have some silent bond. I like them ^^
Honestly, I thought my hand was about to fall off when I wrote chapter 4, but you have to realise that it was MONTHS in the making. I tried a million times to find a way of making it work - my first draft had Hagrid and centaurs in it, to be honest, but no Lily... it wasn't as fluid, and there were a lot more questions to be answered and a lot more trouble, so I knew that logically, I needed a way that Remus wouldn't get in trouble for what happened to James. So, I rewrote it only about a month or so ago. That's about a six month wait. I'm r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s.
I really am so thrilled that you found their kiss believable. I was having the most trouble with that. I didn't know whether they should speak, or how it might happen, because I was very wary of the fact that they had a strong friendship at first, however bruised it may be. So, it really does mean a lot that you found it believable, so thank you so much for that.
And lady, I don't want 'brief' to be in your vocabulary. those are some of the most wonderful reviews I've ever gotten, and I've definitely gotten some amazing ones while I've been here. I'm just so happy that you enjoy my writing, and I do hope you'll be around again =] thank you so much! Report Review
i read ur reply to the other review, and see that yes it was firefly. good choice xoxoAuthor's Response: lol, I do love firefly =] Report Review
just started reading this story. i like it, havent read one yet that goes into a lot of detail about that night. jst out of curiosity was "curse you and your sudden but inevitable betrayel" insppired by Wash in firefly? lol xoxoAuthor's Response: Wash is my absolute favourite character in Firefly! I haven't seen many fics about this either, and I love Marauder Era, so I decided to try my hand at it. So glad you like it so far! Report Review
beautiful. sorry i didn't review sooner, i just found the last chapter. and i love it. could you maybe write a sequel? please... i'll give chocolate if you do. tempted?Author's Response: mmm chocolate! well, I'm already writing something. not quite a sequel, but a spin-off lily/james fic called "Give me Moments". It'll be taking up from where this one left off but more L/J centric, though there will be S/R there too to a lesser extent. I hope you'll stop by and read it! thanks for the review Report Review
oh! what a slinky last line against Peter. Author's Response: XD it's actually from Firefly... I couldn't resist! first episode when Wash is playing with dinosaurs, it's excellent. I recommend it Report Review
brilliantly written. i am adding this to my favoritesAuthor's Response: excellent! thank you so much ^__^ Report Review
Thank you for not writing Peter as a snivelling idiot. :) It's cliche and it gets annoying. Also, it makes your story that much better because it's more realistic (can fan-fictional characters be realistic?)Author's Response: Realism was exactly what I was going for, so yeah, I think fan-fic characters can be realistic ;) I made the mistake in the past of writing Peter the cliché way, but when someone pointed it out to me, I never did it again. Why would they have been friends with him, if he had been a total snivelling git? I'm glad you find it realistic, thank you for the kind compliment ^__^ Report Review
Ok, great story. You're description is great and the plot is good. I always wondered what happened after the "Snape incident", and you've made it so canon and brilliant.
:)Author's Response: aw thank you so much. I hope to update this one soon, so I can wrap it up Report Review
please update this story is so great and i love it Author's Response: thank you ^^ Report Review
Wow, great job! I love it! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter so please update soon!Author's Response: thank you! I swear, I am working on it, but it's taking me so long because I have zero time. it will come though! Report Review
I'm so glad you updated! I've been looking forward to it. I really loved all the stuff James was saying to Madame Pomfry. It was really funny. Only thing is, i think she might be older than we think so it would be a bit weird if James was hitting on someone too old. We can't be sure though... actually, now that im thinking about it, she might not be THAT old. No matter.
About James not knowing if he's a wereworlf and stuff... I dont' think thats very accurate. Look what happened in HBP with Bill. He was bit and he was obviously quite damaged from it. He showed signs. And, yes, he was injured more but, either way, i think that there would definetely be ways of knowing if he was bit or not.
What else... Very good, overall. I like Lily's attitude and how the mirrors were in here. I always forget about them and then they randomly pop up in fanfictions. :D PLEASE update as soon as you can. :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) As for Pomfrey... she could quite possibly be old, but I'm not bothered enough to look up Lexicon and check. I reckon that James would flirt with anything with a pulse, just for the sake of fun. As for the Werewolf part, I am taking a bit of a creative avenue here. It was in the 70s, who knows how far the medical developments had gone then? I've read plenty of other books where it only takes a scratch to change a person into a Wolf. Also, the way I imagine it in my head, James's chest is so badly cut up that it's hard to tell if he's been bitten or just scratched. Either way, it's fun for me XP Honestly, I think Lily is a bit random in there, but I like writing little exchanges between Lily and Sirius, just for funsies :) I'm writing as quick as I can, I promise! thanks for reviewing Report Review
Very good chapter. had me almost fightened. lol (I'm not having a good revireing day.) Could you please PM me when you update? my name on there is also WickedWitch25. :-)Author's Response: lol, thank you. Consider it done :) Report Review
oh, this story is good! it has interested me now, so you have to put up more chapters! hehe, and i have to ask when is there some romance action? haha. cant wait for more!
-dyzz-Author's Response: Chapter 4, I promise you, there will be something of the romantic variety. I can't put it off any longer! Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
I liked the imagery of trying to stop the flow of the river, that was inspired. The verb-changes from past to present tense were a little confusing. Remus' reactions at James' calm answers were excellent! I found myself sympathizing with both of them. You hate it when you're angry and everyone around you is being calm and reasonable, just as you hate trying to be reasonable when your friend is extremely emotional. Excellent job on Peter, too. He's obviously brave and intelligent, befitting a Gryffindor, even if he does have a tendency to ramble on farther than he should. A very exciting chapter.
Yes, please do PM me when Chapter 3 is up. Thank you!Author's Response: Thank you :) it came out of nowhere, that river bit. I think people make Remus too calm in fan fictions. No one, no matter how centred, could be that calm all the time. It's just not possible, especially in this context. I'm glad you liked the chapter, and thanks for the review. Report Review
Excellent. I am not necessarily a big fan of present-tense verbs in prose--most people are careless and slip into past tense, but you have handled it very well. Also, very angsty, very realistic. The Maurauders of Harry's time remember that it was fun and rebellious, but I imagine they forgot this side of it, or just buried that kind of memory. There had to be times like this, especially after the Snape incident. (In fact, I have trouble imagining that Sirius and Remus were able to remain friends after that. I don't know if I could be that forgiving, or ever trust Sirius again.) Well done, I say again.Author's Response: Thanks Jen :) The present tense thing was so difficult. I'm kicking myself for it now, and it's such a struggle to remember what I'm doing. Anyway, I'm glad it's working! I'm with you - if I were Remus, I'd have a very hard time getting over that sort of betrayal. I just hope I can do it justice in chapter 4, that it's believable. Thanks so much for the review ^_^ Report Review
Haha I find it funny that I've not reviewed this. Ever. I think it's my way of getting revenge for all those times you never reviewed me. It's a metavendetta review. A review that reviews in turn for something that was never reviewed. Makes SO much sense.
On to the story. I know you were a bit worried about Peter in this chapter, but I think you pulled him off very well. He is still overeager, and doesn't quite know when to stop. A very Peter quality. I like the realism of them having to get undressed in order to morph, it makes so much sense but no one ever thinks about it. Maybe I just like nudity.
I like where you're going and the way Remus is upset Sirius isn't there. ZOMGSLASH. Yes, Slash. Guns and Roses/HP crossover fic. I love it, absolutely inspired. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Aww Ghizzly butt, I do loff you. I wrote the nudity especially for your benefit. Wait until chapter 4 - I'm going to make you drool. Oh yes, it's my purpose in life. Or maybe just in this fic. I was wary about Peter, but I'm glad to know that he's working out. The next chapter will be songific, Welcome to the Jungle. Fer Sirius. Report Review
I'm so sorry that I haven't read this sooner, Trix, but I read the brilliant reviews and couldn't resist :)
As someone else said (crystal_allan, was it?), the beginning was flawless. Flawless. What color is ice... relating it to Sirius... I'm in utter shock and am green with envy.
Also as melihobbit said, I am so glad Peter has a role here, not as a bystander but as a person, as a Marauder. I am also glad that it was he, not Remus, that was beating James at chess. It shows how good a thinker he is, if not a good strategist. An excellent viewpoint.
I loved the present-tense style as well, it gives an extra feel to the story that I really couldn't describe. Most stories have it in past tense, the reader sort of looking into the past. Here, you are actually *there*. Actually watching the events unfold. I love it.
I love it, I really do. James siding with Remus, going head-to-head with Sirius, it was another side that is rarely seen. I'm in awe at your work... seeing as how it's been so long since your last update, I had almost forgotten your clear, artistic style. The lines, the clear and swift lines, just blew me out of the water and left me gasping for air. I'm in shock. Utter, utter shock.Author's Response: Thank you, really. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for the kind review. You're too kind ^_^ Report Review
Once again, you show how writing is truly artwork rather than just slinging words together. The first paragraph is truly inspired and speaks depths for the character and tone of the first chapter. I could picture it as a movie scene in my head, a close up of the eye, then gradually panning back until we see the boy's face through the rain-drenched window, then a new camera angle inside when he turns from the sill with the first line of dialogue. Beautifully done.
You write men parts really well. You managed to show the friendship between the three boys despite the current state of that friendship, and you captured all the male ego and stubbornness and refusing to admit when you're wrong and the whole "why can't blame be shared" thought process really well. You hit it just enough to show the feelings without over-doing it and making it look like a girl wrote this. ;-) Sirius especially behaves like the kind of men I've always found myself associated with, especially with the "not thinking things completely through" part. :-/ James and Peter were also great in the way they supported Sirius without exonerating him (my $2 word of the day). In the end, you really had (and have) me eager to see what will happen when Remus enters the picture.
Really amazing stuff again, trixytonks. It's good to read your stuff again. Welcome back! :-)Author's Response: Thanks Steve, for the lovely review. I'm really glad you think the boys are believable, it's important to me that they are in character without being cliched. Next chapter should be up soon :) Report Review
I've been waiting for this story forever! I'd check your page and see the coming soon sign for it and wondered if and when you'd post it. I understand your business or whatever it was. It was worth it. The beginning paragraph was amazing. I don't know how you came up with that but it was engenius. Cocky, wannabe smart James was a interesting phase, but funny and Sirius is being his usual stubborn self.
This is a really wonderful story so far and i can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm sorry it took me so long to post the story but I'm being very particular about it as I don't want to mess it up at all. Hopefully the next chapter should be up this week or next, as I'm finishing my exams tomorrow, woot! Report Review
I like it very much. (Sorry I haven't left a review before; Mac doesn't like the upgrades to the site, and my particular Mac hasn't liked Firefox up until yesterday. I haven't been able to see your story until now.) Sirius' dedication to his own righteousness, which is non-existant, his refusal to see how he hurt someone else--in keeping with his character. Good work.Author's Response: Jen! Oh hon, haven't talked to you in forever. We need to have a good catch-up! ^_^ Thanks so much for the review, I really appreciate that you took time to write! Report Review
I can't wait till the next part of the story.Author's Response: Well, you're gonna have to ;) Report Review
Yee! This is the second time I'm reading this :) I'm so happy I can finally tell you what I think, 'cos I've been dying to (but I'm always scared that what I say won't do you justice).
I've read a lot of books in my life but I don't think I've ever read any with an opening as good as that single first paragraph of yours. I think it's beautiful, but much more than that -- it transcends words, it just goes straight to my heart. To begin with something so poetic and sublime makes me know that what I'm reading is special, and that it's going to stay with me (and possibly haunt my dreams 0_0). Bless you and your magic with words, trixy.
I loved the chess game; how it's a way for us to eavesdrop on their conversation which is so natural while it also introduces the Marauders who are beautifully in-character as always :) It's very understated the way each of them play off each other, but at the same time I feel like I know these characters [i]without[/i] having seen them do this a hundred times before in other fanfic; I know them because you introduce us to each of their personalities in the space of only a few lines.
No Remus in this chapter! :(:( Ah well, I suppose I'll have to be patient, eh? This is a wonderful beginning. You're my idol now, I hope you know that.Author's Response: Jeeez lady, that review gave me goosebumps. I've been reading it since you posted and have not known how to respond, but these are the sort of reviews that keep me writing! Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm truly touched that you think so much of my writing. As for being your idol, it's the other way around ladybird! You inspire me, dagnammit! And I'll have a Remus-filled chapter for you soonish, rest assured! Thanks so much for the wonderful review, it brightens up my day everytime I read it ^_^ Report Review
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